Happiness is a gift that only you can give to yourself
[A sannyasin married couple bring their one-year-old daughter for sannyas.]
Deva tara... It means divine star. Tar means star, mm? - the english word 'star' comes from the sanskrit root 'tara'. In sanskrit it is 'sitara'; from sitara it has become tara in Hindi and star in English.
But tara is also the name of a tantra goddess.
There are two traditions of tantra - one is Hindu, another is Buddhist. In the Buddhist tradition tara is the name of the tantra goddess. And every Buddhist tantrika has to practise the idea of the goddess with the beloved.
When a tantra worshipper is making love to his woman, first, for months he has to visualise the woman as being the goddess Tara. By and by the visualisation becomes settled; by and by he completely forgets that she is a human being. When she is no more a human being, only then is love allowed, not before it. The master goes on watching, the master has to observe, and until the moment that the master allows them to move into love-making they are to remain celibates because before that moment it will not be love; it will be simply lust.
So every day for hours the practitioner will sit in front of the woman. The woman will be on a high pedestal, sitting naked, nude, and he will simply sit and look at her for hours together and imagine - in the beginning it is imagination, visualisation - that she is divine, that she is not his woman, that she is the mother-goddess Tara.
And by and by, months, sometimes years pass, by and by the body is no more human - it is no more made of bones and skin and blood; it starts becoming golden.
In fact it is so; the visualisation does not create a projection - it simply helps you to see the reality as it is. It simply helps you to drop the concept, the hypnotic concept, that the body consists only of the physical. Once you are helped through imagination this body no more really seems relevant; there is another body hidden behind it that starts being realised.
And this happens not only to the man: the woman is also continuously meditating on the same phenomenon - that she is no more a human being, that she is no more a woman and the man in front of her is no more a lover but a child and she a mother-goddess.
They both go on creating this harmony; one day it happens and it happens together - to both of them. That's the beauty of it, it synchronises: when it happens, it happens to both. And then there is no doubt about it. It is not that the man is still uncertain as to whether it is his imagination - if he is uncertain, it has not happened. When it really happens there is no uncertainty, no doubt - it is one hundred percent so. And suddenly both become divine; it is a transfiguration. In that moment one can see their auras meeting, and the master then allows them: now they can move in love. Now there will really be love, no lust, it is no more sex. It is something divine, something of samadhi.
So that too, is the name Tara, mm....
[The couple as about their marriage. They're both feeling fond of each other but there is no sexual attraction now. Osho says this is perfectly natural and understandable. Sex is the desire to explore the other; once his or her territory is known sex is finished. Then one looks around for the new, the unfamiliar, the uncharted. Osho suggests that at this stage in their relationship a new element can arise - of friendship. He advises the two remain together as friends, allowing each other the freedom to have lovers if they want.... ]
Deva means divine and sugatta is one of the names of Buddha; it means well-gone. 'Gatta' means gone, 'su' means well. The english word 'go' comes from the same 'gatta'.
And it means one who has gone so perfectly that he will not be coming back again - that's the meaning: so well gone that he has not left any roots in the world... no desires left, no clinging left, no mind left, so there is no possibility of his coming back.
Hence Buddha has been called sugatta, and everybody has to become that. Because this world is misery - it is 'dukkha' - it is pain, it is suffering, and it is a vicious circle. One suffering creates another and that creates still another: it goes on moving like a wheel and we are caught in the wheel .
You can change from one spoke to another, that will not make any difference because the wheel is the same and it goes on moving. One has to jump out of the wheel then one becomes sugatta - well-gone; one will not be coming back. The day Buddha became enlightened he looked at the sky, laughed loudly and said, 'Builder of the houses, now you will not need to build any more houses for me - I am finished!' That was his first statement: 'Builder of the houses, you will not need to build any more houses for me. I am finished with the world, I am not coming any more.'
These bodies are our houses into which we come and Buddha is saying that now there will be no need to create any more bodies for him - he has destroyed all his desire to live; the lust for life has disappeared utterly.
That is the meaning of sugatta - so get into tune with it!
[A sannyasin couple have returned from running a centre in the West. They say that they learned a lot from the experience: We became very unaware and we can see it now. A lot of things dropped once we came here... so it has been a teaching.]
Living is always a teaching, and living together with somebody in love is a great teaching. The greatest teacher you can find in the world is love: it teaches you sometimes very painfully and sometimes very pleasantly. Sometimes the journey is just beautiful and sometimes very rough, but it teaches you all the same in all the ways, and both ways are needed.
But it is good - you are back; now many more things will happen.
[The woman says: I don't want to leave you again!]
There is no need! You wanted to go so you went, mm? If you had asked me I would have said don't go but you wanted to go. But it was needed, otherwise it would have remained in the mind to go.
Now it is good... there is no need to go.
[She then says that she and her partner have decided to live separately but she cannot imagine not having a sexual relationship with him.]
Mm, there is no need to imagine it right now - when it happens it happens! Right now there is no need even to imagine it and there is no need to create it; when it happens, it happens. Wherever you are, in whatsoever space, be happy there. It is very good....
If you can be very very independent of each other there will be more possibility of love, because when you are independent, when you are no more in any need of being dependent and keeping the other dependent, then all diplomacy drops.
And really only two independent persons can love. Dependent persons hate each other; how can they love? You can never love somebody you are dependent upon. If you think your happiness is dependent on him you will never be able to forgive him because he is exploiting you: he is the master and your happiness depends on him. And if he feels that you keep the key of his happiness how can he forgive you? It is impossible to.
When both are independent and happy on their own and out of happiness both sometimes meet and are together, then love really flowers. Then it has no smoke around it, no jealousy, nothing of that kind of poison; the flame is pure.
So this is the space right now - you need not imagine anything else, mm ? That will also happen some day when there is no need to imagine it. And one should not jump ahead, never, because that creates problems. Move slowly, move with your pace, and never make any ideals. Never be afraid of anything because there is nothing to be afraid of. Life belongs only to those who are utterly unafraid to accept whatsoever it brings.
Take it as a gift, be thankful, enjoy it, celebrate it, and when some other gift comes enjoy that too.
Sometimes you may not be even able to understand that this is a gift, sometimes it looks like a curse, but life never gives anything except gifts. It is your misunderstanding.
Life always gives you blessings; how can it curse you? We belong to it, we are part of it: in being cursed, life will be cursed. It is impossible for life to curse anybody, it always comes as a blessing, but our understandings are tiny, our expectations are many, and if it goes against our expectations we think it is a curse. But all your expectations are not good for you, so who knows?
Finally, when one becomes more and more mature, one starts looking back-wards, looks retrospectively, and then one is simply surprised that everything was as it should be: there had never been any curse... all was a blessing.
Much more is going to happen, mm? Good!
[A sannyasin says she thinks it is time to go inside and stop depending on external things to make her happy. She asks what she can do to help this.]
This is a great insight that has happened to you - now keep to it! Don't forget it the moment you go out of Lao Tzu house, mm?
Just one thing - don't forget it; just remember, that's all. It is such a simple phenomenon if you can remember one thing - that in life nobody else can make you happy or comfortable or anything; it is not possible. That gift can be given only by yourself to you, nobody can give it to you. And because people go on begging from others, they suffer, because....
And those others are not really doing any harm. They cannot give and you cannot receive it, that is not the way to get it. You go on begging and they go on pretending that they are going to give.
They cannot give and you cannot get; then there is frustration and anger, rage, madness and then things.... Then you start again begging somewhere else with somebody else but you do the same thing again.
Again the same thing will be repeated; it is the same story played on different stages with different people... but it is the same story, not an iota is different. Again you will have the same illusion - that [your partner], has failed, now [another lover] will give you happiness; now the right man has come.
If you want to learn this illusion you can go and make Divya your master. Every week she finds a man and she writes a letter, 'Osho, this time I have found the real man! Incredible! It has never happened before and it is happening now!'
She forgets that she writes every week, and every week it is a different man. Again, within three, four days, it is gone, and then she forgets about that man, that incredible man. Again it is happening and it has never happened like this before and this time she would like to remain with this man forever and forever... and she forgets! The miracle is that she forgets that it is the same letter she writes once or twice every week. You can ask her if you want to create this illusion - then she is the master, Divya.
Then drop it and just remember: don't ask for any happiness from anybody - nobody can give it.
Only you can give that gift to yourself, it is a self-gift.
So give that gift to yourself and be happy! When you are happy... I am not saying not to relate with people but now you relate from a totally different dimension: you relate from happiness. Now you relate from unhappiness, you relate like a beggar. Begin to relate like an empress or emperor: you are not seeking anything from anybody, you are sharing.
When love is not a seeking and not a need but a sharing, it has tremendous beauty. Then nobody is worried about whether it is going to last forever or not - why? If it is there only for this moment it is perfectly good - one shares. If tomorrow you meet again with the man and he is ready to meet you, you share again, otherwise good-bye! You thank him because there was a moment when you shared and it was a happy moment; you don't want to make it a permanent thing. The idea of making something permanent arises only because you are in need. You are afraid: this man has given you happiness; tomorrow, if he says no - then you will be again unhappy. So make arrangements that tomorrow he cannot escape: lock the door! Once the door is locked that energy is no more there, even in this moment, because love happens only in freedom.
Once the door is locked, once the man starts feeling that he has been caught, once the woman starts feeling she has been caught, finished! Now, it may take years for them to recognise the fact, but it is finished right now! It depends: if you are very stupid it will take many years; if you are intelligent a few months; if you are very very intelligent a few days. If you are really alert this very moment you will be able to see that you have killed it. The child is no more alive, it is a corpse, because you tried to possess it.
And why does one want to possess? The reason is because you think: 'Who is going to provide for me tomorrow? This man has provided happiness for me today.' The moment you recognise that this man has not done anything, you have given a gift to yourself. Then there is no fear; tomorrow again you can give it to yourself. Sometimes you can give it together with somebody, sometimes you can give it when you are alone. Nobody is giving it to you, it is only you giving it to yourself.
Sometimes we give indirectly: we give the gift to the person and then he gives it back to you. He gives a gift which is really for himself, to you and you give it back to him. This is just via the other but it is your gift that you give yourself.
Once this is understood then there is no need to go such a long route - a short circuit. You can simply give the gift from one hand to the other hand and you are as happy as you are with anybody else: alone you are happy.
So just remember it; nothing else has to be done. When you next start creating the illusion again, remember about Divya... and relax! I am not saying to become a nun, I am not saying that. I am saying to become an individual, not a nun. Become an individual. Love out of joy but not out of need.
Love not as a beggar, love because you have too much and you would like to share with somebody.
Don't try to hold anybody and don't try to cling, otherwise this will happen again and again. Then you will have many loves in your life and many lovers.
Sometimes such an individual person, such a free person who is capable of giving happiness to himself, such a person can love the same person for many years but each time it is a new love affair because he does not connect it in time; he does not think of the morrow. Today he is finished with today.
Such a person goes to bed and he has finished with this world, this world of today. Tomorrow morning he will rise again into another world. Even if the person is the same, for such an individual she is not the same. So maybe the person is the same or maybe the person is not the same, it doesn't make any difference: a man who is happy goes on loving; a woman who is happy goes on loving.
And don't ask anything out of love. It is good that one loves... in loving, one is blissful. Thank the other that he accepted; thank the other that he danced with you for a moment, sang with you for a moment, and then be finished. No need to prolong it, no need to say 'What about tomorrow? What about the day after tomorrow?'
Don't bring in the future - remain free. Tomorrow is going to bring its own joys. Why make a repetition of today? Who knows? - better joys are waiting for you tomorrow.
So be thrilled with the future but without any expectation... with no hope, with no demand, just a thrill. The new is going to happen, the new is bound to happen!
Very good... the insight is good, but I am afraid - will you be able to keep it? That's the problem. Try to keep it. Whenever you start slipping out of it you Can just ask for a silent darshan, mm? and sit here. The moment you see me you will remember, mm? Good!
[A sannyasin says: I've become a sannyasin... after fifteen months!]
That's very good! It is early - people take fifteen lives! Fifteen months is fast.... Very good!
Whenever you really become a sannyasin it is always early, mm? because sometimes it happens after thousands of lives. One never becomes mature enough to understand what life is, mature enough to rejoice in it... mature enough to go with it whole-heartedly wherever it leads, and strong enough to surrender!
It is not the weak who surrender, the weak cannot surrender: they are so afraid of their weakness.
They protect themselves, how can they surrender? They defend themselves, how can they surrender? It is only the very very strong people who are capable of surrendering - because they are not afraid!
And when one surrenders one becomes a sannyasin. It is a surrender, an utter surrender ro life, and a trust... a trust which needs and knows no conditions, an unconditional trust. Good.