You have known me, heard me - you cannot go back
Deva avigan - divine harmony... and that's what has to be attained....
That's what is missing everywhere in every human being: people are in discord, in conflict, in division. Man is not one, man is a crowd, and that is the problem. So one part of you is going north, another part going south, and there is constant friction. That friction destroys your energy:
you go on losing, wasting energy. And that energy is precious; that energy is life, that energy is god.
Through conflict one never reaches anywhere, one cannot. It is only through accord, harmony - when your whole being pulsates in one rhythm, when all your parts function like an orchestra, in total unity, unison; only when the hand is not against the eye and the eye is not against the ear, the heart is not against the head and the head is not against the belly, when they are all in a deep friendship, in a great love and there is no higher, no lower, and you don't have any preference for any part of your being, not a special liking, a meaning, a prejudice, when you are absolutely impartial, all parts are accepted joyously, each part is given the same value and no part is more important than the other - that one can reach.
But down the ages just the opposite has been taught to people, mm? - that there are higher parts and lower parts; the lower has to be condemned and repressed and the higher has to control the lower. There is no higher, no lower: the body is not divided anywhere. It is the same blood that circulates all over. There is an inner unity... but ideas have corrupted the human mind.
There are many parts which are not accepted: the genitals are not accepted. When you think about yourself you only think of your face, you don't think about your whole body. There are millions of people who don't know how their body looks, they have never looked at their own body. The naked body is not accepted: just the face they can recognise. If you cut off their head, their head will not be able to recognise their own body. And a few parts are completely disowned; naturally one loses all song, all accord, and becomes discordant. When you are in discord you are in misery: misery is nothing but discord in being.
Out of accord, harmony, bliss is born. Bliss is not a goal waiting for you somewhere, it can be achieved right now. Just all your parts have to sing a chorus together - altogether together. Nobody is a master and nobody is a slave: they are all tremendously valuable and they are all equal.
Once this equality is understood, and condemnation dropped, judgement thrown away, you start falling into unity. A great silence arises and a great bliss and a great benediction; that is the meaning of avigan.
'Gan' means song, 'avi' means in organic unity - a song in organic unity - and once the song of your life is an organic unity it becomes divine. Then you have learned to read life rightly.
Just the other day I was reading somebody's article and I liked it.... The person says that if you read 'evil' backwards it becomes 'live'. If you read 'live' backwards, it becomes 'evil'. So if you live wrongly life becomes evil: devil is nothing but god upside-down. Once things are put rightly, nothing is evil: even evil becomes pure love once rightly understood, managed rightly... and to be in accord is to manage life rightly.
[A visitor says, between sobs: think I am already a sannyasin but there's something in me that is resisting too... ]
It is very small resistance, there is nothing much, mm? You can become a sannyasin; that resistance will go.
It is very bogus, this resistance is very small - nothing important, mm?
Become a sannyasin! Raise your hands and close your eyes and if something happens allow it.
[The visitor is shaking with tears and laughter.]
You cannot deceive me by your resistance! Come here! I have taken that resistance, don't worry!
Prem Manoj. Prem means love and manoj means born out of the mind, mind born. The whole name will mean 'born out of the love-mind'. And there are two minds: one is the logic, the logical, the rational, the masculine, the aggressive mind, argumentative; another is the love-mind - the heart, the emotional mind, the receptive, the feminine. and your growth is going to happen from the love- mind... mm? your sannyas is coming from your love-mind. Resistance is from the head, and that is not your mind; that's why I say it is small, it is nothing to be worried about.
There are head people; if they have resistance in the head then I tell them to wait, otherwise that will be forcing something on them. They have only their head, they don't have any heart pulsating, so their idea of sannyas is from the head and their resistance is also from the head. Both are on the same level; it is going to be a great conflict in them.
But when the heart is ready and only the head resists, it is nothing to be worried about because all energy comes from the heart. Once it is functioning then the head can be put aside. The head has no power: the head has power only when the heart is not functioning. Then it becomes tremendously powerful, immensely powerful; it exploits the whole energy of the being. But your heart is pulsating perfectly.
Your sannyas is through the heart and resistance through the head - that I will take care of. Don't worry, mm?
[A sannyasin who has just done the Leela group says: yesterday... I felt that I was a totally new person.
Today everything... It is as if walls closed and again I am grabbing for what has been.]
It happens, mm? But whenever it happens, this next thing also happens: whenever you feel the door is open, great greed arises in the being. Whenever you have a new lease of energy you desire more of it. It is human and natural to desire more of it - it is so tremendously beautiful; how can one manage not to desire?
But the moment you desire, the doors will not open. They never open through your desire: they open only without any desire on your part. They open suddenly, they open unexpectedly... it always takes you unawares.
You relaxed in the leela group, you were not expecting anything, you simply relaxed: you were playing and relaxing and playing and suddenly it opened. There was no desire, there was no expectation, there was no demand, and you were not even waiting for it - hence it happened!
But when it happens, naturally the desire arises, and the moment desire arises desire becomes the wall. When it is closed, naturally you struggle hard to open the door. You know that the door exists, you know it has happened and you struggle and you fight... but you are fighting in vain: the more you fight, the more impossible it will become for the door to open.
It opens only when you are not fighting... it opens only when you are not! So don't fight, accept it.
For that much be thankful to god, that for a few days it opened... that's all! And start working again, start moving again; one day again you will find that it has opened, and you were not waiting for it.
Suddenly walking on the road not even thinking about it, it is there, again it is there... and next time it will be more intense, more deep, and wider will be the impact of it. Next time be a little more alert; when it happens take it very very easily, don't grab it. Don't start hoping that now this will remain with you, now you will gain it again. Don't try to possess it, that is the point.
We destroy many things in life through possession. We destroy love, we destroy meditation; we destroy all that is beautiful and true through possessiveness. Once it is there, we grab. We grab out of the fear that if we don't grab it may be lost... but in grabbing it is destroyed. It is so fragile, you cannot grab it. You have to remain like an open hand; you are not to become a fist. If you become a fist you will lose it.
So next time take it more easy... as if nothing much is happening, it's okay. You will lose it next time also. By the third time you will be able to take it very very unselfconsciously... just as a natural thing.
The breeze has come, mm? you take it, you don't even think about it. It is beautiful, suddenly the breeze is there, but you don't become very self-conscious about it.
You know that there is nothing that you can do about it: it comes when it comes. It rains when it rains; what can you do about it? When you know that you can't do anything about it then why be in any way possessive? When the door opens you will enjoy; when it does not open you will enjoy that too - that should be the attitude.... But it has been good!
[A sannyasin says that since he planned to leave he's been having horrible nightmares about Osho and the ashram. He feels he's trying to create a distance between his heart and Osho's so that he can actually get himself together to leave. He says he wants to make money while away and to stay here longer next time.... ]
Things are going perfectly well and because things are going perfectly well there is this trouble.
When somebody is really becoming very close to me it becomes difficult to go, very difficult, so your feeling is right that you have to create a kind of distance, otherwise how will you be able to go?
There are only two possibilities: either you become completely one with me - then you can go, then there is no problem; or you have to be very distant from me, then you can go.... And you are just in the middle: you are neither very distant nor one with me yet. You are on the way to being one with me, but on the way; that's why your mind is creating horrible nightmares and things.
You have judged it rightly, that it is to create a sort of distance. You can go back, that is easier, and create the distance; then you can go easily; or you can come closer to me and drop the distance completely. Again you can go, but I am coming with you so there is nowhere to go away and no problem. Now it depends on you - both are the possibilities.
You have chosen the easier possibility but it looks easier only in the beginning. It is impossible: it appears easy but it is impossible. If you have come two steps towards me there is no way to go backwards. It looks easier because the old situation is known to you, familiar: you know where you can move in the old, but you cannot move in the past; it is no more there. That place, that space, exists not. You cannot go anywhere now; that bridge is broken.
It feels to the mind that you can go back and create the same distance as there was: you can again become a stranger to me as you were before. That's how the mind and the logic works: it says 'You were a stranger one day - you had not heard about this man, you had not known this man. You can again move into that same space'.... But how can you move into that space?
You have known me, you have heard me, you have loved me - something has grown in you... you cannot go back. It looks easy but is impossible. It appears easy but that is a false appearance; don't be deceived by the appearance! The other looks harder and impossible but it is not.
Come closer, then those nightmares will disappear. Because you are trying the impossible those nightmares are there; it is creating a great stress on your mind. And these are the only two alternatives: one is an impossible alternative but appears easy; the other is not impossible but appears difficult.
Basically it is not a question of choice: you cannot choose, you can only delay, but you will have to choose .the second thing. So rather than wasting time in nightmares and horrible dreams and ideas, in the few weeks you are here just get into things more totally. Before you go move totally into me. Then you will be going, in a way, and in another sense you will not be going anywhere. Only outwardly you will be going; inwardly you will remain here... and that's the right way to do it.
And this time work hard there so you can come for a longer period or even if you can manage to be here permanently, you can come.
Just try to come closer to me rather than fighting and going far away, mm? When you want to go physically far away, come spiritually close - that is the way, mm? And see me when you go! Nothing to be worried about.