Darshan 19 April 1976
[A sannyasin commented that he was very surprised to read in the Rajneesh newsletter that Osho had said that about half of the Westerners who come here are homosexual.
He seemed unclear as to whether he should try to change his own homosexual relationships or remain as he was.
Osho said that these kinds of issues are not serious problems. He told him to simply accept his homosexuality, and said that for him, it was perfectly okay. He said that this must be the way God wanted him to be, and that one should never distrust life by condemning or rejecting any aspect of oneself.
Osho went on to say that formerly homosexuals tried to have heterosexual relationships because of the pressure from society, but this has changed... ]
The coming century will have another problem to face, and that will be that people who are not really homosexuals will be trying to become homosexuals. They will be just trying to prove that they are avantgarde, progressive, liberated, uninhibited and they have no taboos; that they are more liquid and not fixed in one form of sexuality; that they are bisexual and this and that.
When I see that somebody is rationalising about his homosexuality, when I look into him and see that his being will flow easily, naturally, towards heterosexual relationships, then I say to him to drop his homosexuality. If sometimes I see a person whose heterosexuality is not. natural to him, then I am perfectly happy for him to be homosexual.
My statements are made to individuals in particular contexts, so never get worried about them, otherwise it will create problems.
For example, I am saying to you to accept it. Somebody else may read this and say 'perfectly okay', and he may not be the right person. He may not be able to be helped by this attitude. This attitude may become poison to him.
But for you I feel it is perfectly good. Simply accept it and just float with it.
[A sannyasin says: I feel more alive now but my mind is still with me. And before I always used to have trouble with my body - I was afraid of falling, but now I don't care. I like to go really mad in meditations.]
Don't disturb your feelings because of the mind. The mind is going to remain there. All that can happen is that you start feeling separate from it by and by.
When you are separate from it, the mind continues its work but it is no more a distraction to you, no more a disturbance. It is just as if you are driving a car and the engine goes on making a certain noise. There is nothing to worry about; no need to be concerned.
Once the concern is dropped much of the trouble disappears. The trouble is not in the mind. The trouble is in the attitude towards the mind - that you want to put it right and change it: make it peaceful, this and that. There is no need. Just accept it. Enjoy the meditations more. The mind drops not by effort but by more enjoyment. It disappears if you become really celebrating.
If you have now become capable of being more and more available to your inner madness, the mind will drop because the mind cannot win against madness. That's why I insist for mad methods. The mind can only be defeated if you are ready to go mad, because that is the last thing that the mind cannot conceive, cannot comprehend and cannot absorb. If you are ready to do that, the mind remains and goes on working in the comer. It is good as a slave... but a very bad master. So put him in his right place, that's all.
If it creates trouble sometimes, that too is not a big problem. If you have a slave, sometimes the slave is bound to create a little trouble. Sometimes the slave is ill and not feeling good. Sometimes the slave goes on its own and does something; that's natural.
[The sannyasin said he was unclear about whether to be with people or alone.
Osho said such an issue couldn't be resolved by choosing one alternative, as both are valid needs.
It is like trying to decide between eating and sleeping - both have to be integrated. He said that to do either to excess is foolish and that one has to learn a balance - this is the art of living.... ]
I have heard about one sufi mystic, Byazid. He came back home one day and he was very hungry, so he asked for food. The friend and disciple who was looking after him said, 'There is nothing in the house, and I have no money sol couldn't purchase anything.'
Byazid said nothing. He simply sat there, prayed to God and thanked him. The disciple couldn't believe what he was doing, for what he was thanking God. That was his master's usual habit - to thank God after he had eaten, but today he had not eaten and he was still hungry!
So the disciple asked, 'For what are you thanking God?'
Byazid said, I am thanking him that at least I have a good appetite! Food will be coming tomorrow, but I have a good appetite. Think of those people who have food and no appetite. Are they, or I, more miserable?'
So always remember: two valid needs are not to be chosen in opposition And life has many valid needs. They are not contradictory to each other, but if you try to fix them in one time, they are contradictory.
Spread them and make your life more rich. Move with people... love people. Friendship is good, love is good - but in proportion. Never take too much of anything. Be alone for a few hours and together with people for a few hours.
[A sannyasin says: I have been doing the camp, and there's a lot of irritation and intolerance coming up. It comes when people are standing very close to me - I feel a wave of anger.
I have a boyfriend, but it's very difficult for me to open myself.]
Basically it is not a question of people. If you can love one person, you will love all. If you cannot love one then you cannot love anybody. Loving one person opens a door. Seeing one person - the mystery of his being, the grandeur, the depth - suddenly you become aware of the mystery of everybody else. Just a few days before, this person was also a very closed thing. Then you loved him and he opened. Now you can see how much depth and how much beauty he has... how much grace is hidden inside him.
Depth upon depth and doors upon doors go on opening, and you never come to an end. The discovery remains continuous. Then suddenly you become aware that every other person is the same. You don't know that, that's why the irritation. Because you don't know, you felt anger. My suggestion is that you need a deep love relationship.
And the problem is that you can't open or you can't get too much involved. For that I will suggest a few groups here. You may have done them in Germany, but now you are in a totally different state, more fragile. When one is more fragile much can happen.
[Osho checks her energy and suggests some groups and Rolfing.]
When you have lived with a certain problem for too long, the problem is not only of the mind; it becomes part of the body. So you can change the mind - in a group you can feel a certain change coming - but out of the group again everything disappears and you are back. The body is very persistent and a group can only change your mind, not your body.
It can give you a new attitude with which to look at things, a new vision, a new glimpse. It can open a new window, but after the group it will be closed again unless your body also changes in the same way so there becomes a permanent base. If the body goes on behaving in the same way and the mind starts thinking something new, it is not going to last very long. The body always wins finally over the mind, because the body is very very strong. The mind is just a minute part of the body.
In Rolfing the work is done on the body, not on the mind. These two groups will work on your mind in a certain way. They will help you to be more aware of the block, and will make it more emphasised.
You will almost start feeling where it is in the body. Rolfing will relax the musculature, and once that is relaxed, problems are solved very easily.
It is almost as if you spill water here on the floor and it moves in a particular line and goes out into the garden. Then everything dries and nothing can be seen, but a dry line remains there. If you pour the water again, it will fall into that same dry line, and move along that path.
That's how, if the mind has been moving in a certain way for many years, a dry line, a channel in the body, is created. Then whenever you have energy, the energy will move through that channel again and again and again. You can understand what is happening but you feel almost helpless.
So book for these groups and for Rolfing. You are going to change completely, mm? I will not send you back without your changing!
[Another sannyasin says that, like the previous sannyasin, he also feels irritation with people getting too close. I've never allowed myself any deep commitment... it's intensified here because there's such a loving atmosphere. That creates a kind of pressure. In the past I tended to run away to escape from these situations... ]
This time don't escape!...
This time it has to be resolved.
And the case is different.... When people don't like other people, there are two possibilities why.
One: they may not have loved anybody in their life, or may not have loved very deeply; their love has remained an almost superficial thing. Another possibility - which I see in you - is that you have not loved yourself.
If you have not loved yourself, how can you love others? Impossible. So your problem is deeper than hers. Her problem is a little on the surface; your problem is more at the centre. She loves herself but she has not been able to love somebody else. You have not loved yourself, so your problem is more deep-rooted. In a way it can be easier to solve because your problem is totally with yourself.
Her problem has something to do with others, so she will have to find somebody whom she can love and who can love her.
You need not go anywhere. You can become your own laboratory because your problem is confined to you. You have to learn how to love yourself. You have always been a disciplinarian... trying to discipline and control. You never allowed yourself freedom, never allowed yourself spontaneity.
Once you become controlled too much, deep down you hate yourself. How can you love anybody then? You hate everybody. Your hatred becomes a projection, and you go on projecting on others.
[Osho suggested that he do the Primal group because that would help the deep self-hatred come up to the surface... ]
Once something is exposed, it evaporates. Hide a thing and it remains with you. Expose it, it evaporates. It is just like taking the roots of the tree out of the earth. Once you have exposed the roots to the air and to the sun, the tree is dead. If the roots remain deep down in the earth, you can go on cutting the tree again and again, but again it will sprout.
Never fight with branches. The whole effort in these groups is to make you alert not to fight with branches and leaves. It is futile. Bring the roots up and see exactly where the problem is. Your problem is with yourself. So in Primal bring it out.
If you hate yourself, then hate. Don't avoid it, and don't be polite. Accept that you hate... let it be there and function. Let it be active so that you can see how it functions, how it possesses you, how it manipulates you. The very understanding of how it functions, becomes a freedom.
Truth liberates, but the truth has to be brought up and out of the dark comers of your being.
Sannyas is not life-negative - my sannyas is not. It is a simple inner trust. It is a gesture of surrender - that you love me and will allow me to love you... that if I shower my love on you, you will receive it in gratefulness.
Two piece robes divide the body into upper and lower. Below the belt is sex, above the belt is acceptable. When you wear a one piece robe, your body is one - nothing higher or lower. When your body flows as one, you will feel a certain aura of energy around you. The orange protects and seals this in.
One can meditate and can become enlightened in any colour. I am giving you something irrational just to test whether you are ready to go with me.
I put a mala around your neck just to make a fool of you. People laugh at you - they think you have gone crazy. That's what I want because if you can go with me, even while I am making you almost mad, then I know that when the real crisis comes, you will have trust. These are crises artificially created around you. They are tremendously significant, with no reason. Their significance is deeper than reason.
My meditations are not just techniques. Joy is more basic. So while doing them, don't carry any seriousness in the mind; don't carry the idea that you are doing great religious work. No - you are enjoying them like a dance, a song.