Because of christmas eve I am giving you this name: christo prem.
Prem means love; love of christ. And christ is not a person. When the personality disappears, when the ego disappears, when the sense of 'I' disappears, christ is born.
Every time somebody reaches into his innermost core, christ is born again. It is not a historical thing that happened once and then stopped. Krishna is also a Christ and Buddha too.
Christ is a state. It has nothing to do with Jesus in particular - Jesus is one of the Christs. There have been many before him, there have been many after, and there will continue to be many more.
So think of christ as a state - the state of no-mind, the state when thinking stops and you are simply aware. Not aware of something in particular, but simply aware. Not aware of any object... your awareness is not focused on anything. You cannot say of what you are aware; you can simply say, 'I am aware.' That is the state of christ.
And it is ugly to become a Christian, it is ugly to become a Hindu, ugly to become a Mohammedan - but it is beautiful to become a Christ, to become a Mohammed, to become a Krishna. These are states. They arc not confined to persons, territories, geography, climate, creed; they are not confined to anything.
That is the entry of the beyond within you: when suddenly your drop disappears and the ocean is there... infinite... when the unbounded has descended in you.
When you cannot separate yourself from existence, when the marriage has happened, when you are wed to existence, that is the state of being a christ.
Christo prem will mean the love for the state of no-mind; the search for the state of no-mind.
So this night, let christ be born to you; let the drama be enacted again. It has to be enacted in every consciousness. Every consciousness is a stage, and christ has to be born into every consciousness.
Unless it happens, one remains unfulfilled, miserable, in agony.
Unless you come to a state where you completely disappear and only god exists, you will remain in misery. Misery is not caused by something outside you; it is caused because you have not been able to be that which you are meant to be. Misery is not caused by anybody else; misery is an inner turmoil to be that which is your destiny.
A seed is in misery because the plant wants to sprout. The seed is in agony. It cannot rest how can it rest? If the seed starts resting, there will be no possibility of the tree being born at all. The rest of the seed will be death to the tree. The seed cannot rest; the seed has to go through sufferings.
The seed has to be restless, until it finds the right soil where it can be born, lose itself, be in a let-go, and allow that which is hidden inside it to unfold. The seed disappears and the plant is born. You disappear and god is born.
Man is a seed. And as seed, man is bound to remain in misery... and he should remain in misery - otherwise god will never be born.
So the agony is a must - one should not avoid it. One should not take tranquillisers to avoid it. One should not create false consolations to avoid it. As a human being you have to remain in anguish - only that anguish will create the fire in you so that one day you explode... and thence is ecstasy.
Ecstasy simply means that you have come to be that which you were meant to be... you have flowered. Nothing is hidden behind you now - the song has come out. You have burst forth in song!
[The new sannyasin says: I have read your book about the hundred and twelve methods of Shiva, and I would like to know whether you can suggest a method for me to let my heart grow.... For three years I have been doing a mantra meditation.]
In the morning do the dynamic, in the evening do the mantra. Go on reading 'The Book of the Secrets', and if sometimes something attracts you, try it for seven days. If it fits, go on. Many methods can fit, but if it doesn't fit, forget all about it. And if mantra is fitting you, then you can very easily find which methods will fit you. But these two are enough; even if you don't do anything, these two will do.
And start helping people for me. In germany, help people to meditate, because there is nothing more creative than meditation. Each art and each creativity can be tremendously enhanced by meditation. If somebody is a painter and he starts meditating, his painting will have a sudden jump, it will become tremendously profound - because whatsoever you paint reflects your mind. If the mind goes deeper, your painting will go deeper. You paint your mind. What else can you paint? You paint yourself.
So if something deep happens in you, your painting will immediately start moving in a deeper dimension. Or if you sing, with meditation your song will have a totally different quality to it. It will not be superficial; it will start moving vertically - in depth and in height. If you dance, your dance will be different, because if you meditate you will come to know a dance in which the dancer disappears and only the dance remains. Then even the audience will suddenly feel a new breeze, a new ray of light. The dancer will become a vehicle of the divine.
So whatsoever you are teaching, make it a point to add meditation to each effort. Meditation is the greatest source of creativity. It releases tremendous energy, because tensions are less, anxieties are less, so the energy that was involved in tension and anxiety is no more involved there. It is available. You can create better.
And your art will become more objective - what Gurdjieff means by objective. It will become more real. It will not be just a dreamy thing that you are doing not knowing why, that you are doing not knowing what, that you are doing because you feel restless, so you need to do something.
Once you become settled, centred, then art is not like an obsession; it is not an occupation. You do it for a clear-cut purpose... it becomes purposive. It has a direction, it has a message to deliver. And when somebody looks at the painting, or listens to the song, or looks at the dance or the sculpture, he will have a glimpse of what you wanted to convey to him.
Much of the modern art is very very non-objective, nightmarish in that way. It seems that only troubled people are painting. It seems as if only insane people - who have lost all sense of direction - are painting.
So help people to meditate, and that will be the greatest contribution to their creativity.
Somewhere creativity and meditation have to meet, otherwise both can be dangerous. It has happened in the east. Meditation took a very different route to creativity - it moved away from creativity. It lost all track of creativity. It became escapist.
If meditation loses track of creativity, it becomes escapist. One starts renouncing the world - it becomes suicidal. And if creativity is without meditation - as it is happening in the West - then the creativity goes insane. Both are not good alternatives - suicide and insanity. Many great painters, at sometime or other in their life, were put into the mad asylum. Or even if they were not put, they were insane, people tolerated them. Their painting and their work are enough proof that they were not in their senses. They were possessed, as if by some evil force, or by many forces together, and they were torn apart.
In the West, creativity has taken a route totally different to meditation; in the east, meditation took a route absolutely negating creativity - both have failed. Both had to fail - and it is good that both have failed. Now a totally new world, where creativity and meditation meet together and go hand in hand, is possible in the future. That will be the greatest synthesis between the east and the west, between the active mind and the passive mind, between male and female, Yin and Yang.
Meditation is Yin, creativity is Yang. Meditation is passive, creativity is active. Meditation is female, creativity is male. They both have to meet. And when they both meet, something beautiful happens.
So work on those lines... help people.
[A sannyasin who is leaving says: Several times in the past, and for the past few nights, I wake up and just find a sort of consciousness there - no identity, not knowing where I am, who I am... just a very lost feeling. It may last for a number of minutes... I guess I identify that space somewhat with what you speak of as dropping the ego.]
Yes, yes, it is... it is so. You have understood it exactly.
[The sannyasin continues: But I find it so terrifying. Going back to life now has no meaning because there's just something that I have to do, and going back is a way of postponing it, and is relatively meaningless. But this huge thing is sort of looming in front of me - something that I find fearful...
going mad and.... ]
That too is true. When you start tasting something of the inner, suddenly the outer seems to be meaningless, irrelevant. But I would like you to go and be in the outer and yet remain alert about the inner. I don't want to create any separation between the outer and the inner.
This tendency arises because when you start tasting something of the inner, suddenly you say, 'What is the point of rushing and doing this and that?' Now it seems meaningless - the old motivation is gone, the old greed is not there, the old ego is not there, so why?
But I would like you to go and do it without any ego, without any motivation - do it just as an actor.
And it will help your inner journey more. It will give you the contrast. It will make you more aware rather than less, and it will be helpful to your meditation.
One day I will tell you to forget all about the world, but not right now. Right now go into the world, carry whatsoever you are feeling inside.
And there is fear that it may be lost. That fear has to be faced - it will not be lost. Many times you will feel that it is lost - catch hold of it again. That will be a training, a discipline. And that will make you more confident about the inner space that you are becoming aware of.
My whole effort is that no separation arises, and that one day you can come to feel that the inner and outer are one. Whether you do something or you don't do anything - both are good... and there is no need to choose. If it happens that something has to be done, you do it. If it happens that nothing has to be done, sit silently. When you sit silently, there is no hankering to do anything. When you do something, there is no hankering to sit silently. Then you have arrived home, then you are at ease, then there is no problem.
And it is frightening too, because whenever you lose the contact of the ego - even for a single moment - you are lost in a vacuum. Of course you don't know who you are then, because all that you know about yourself is the ego. Once the ego is not functioning - even for a single second - suddenly you are in a chaos; you have lost all track of yourself. It is almost like death, so it is terrifying.
But by and by you see that the terrifying is the terrifically beautiful too. By and by you will see that that which was looking like death is the reality of life. It is more alive than what you call life... but it will take a little time. Gradually you will have to become acquainted with it. It will be coming more and more, and seconds will turn into minutes, and minutes will turn into hours, and hours will turn into days - and then you will see that even death is not death.
Death, too, is a new life, a beginning of a new life... a beginning of a greater life than you have known before. Nothing dies - nothing can die. In the very nature of things death is impossible. Things only change form. The journey is eternal.
Something of very great significance is just by the corner, just around you. It will be terrifying, scary.
You have to know it and yet you have to go into it. It will say to you, 'What is the point of going to the west? What is the point of going to the job - why bother?' - but still you have to go and do it, otherwise you will be stuck.
I have seen many sannyasins who have escaped from the world, gone to the himalayas, and they are stuck, because the very situation where challenge is, has been lost. Things grow in a challenge - and challenge is the meaning of the world.
You cannot find a better challenge than america. It is maddeningly challenging! And one has to keep alert and silent there. If you can be alert and silent in america, then you have found your himalaya - that is the right place. The marketplace is the right place to meditate. So I suggest you go.
One day I will tell you to forget all about it... to now just be here, dance and sing, and let this be your world. But right now, it is worth going. I know the fear, and I know the meaninglessness of it, mm?
[The sannyasin adds: I did a Gurdjieff group where I studied with one of the Gurdjieff people - should I continue with this?]
You continue, mm? It is one of the most beautiful things available. Continue - and it is in tune with me, so there is no conflict. Continue, and convert the Gurdjieff group people, because now Gurdjieff is dead, and then work is just so-so. It cannot be of much depth.
These things remain alive only with the master. These things are so fragile. It is almost as if the bush is dead and you have gathered a few roses, and you go on protecting them. They are dead!
Memories of good old days - but they are no more alive!
And spiritual work is such a fragile rose that when the master is gone, it is gone. You can carry on a little bit here and there, mm? a few things - words and theories and some techniques - but that is just peripheral. Good! better than not doing anything... and they are good people to associate with. Wherever people gather together for any inner inquiry, it is good to be there... the very milieu is good. So you continue, and you will help them to come to me.
All Gurdjieff people have to come sooner or later, because only dead techniques are in their hands, and they too, not in totality... just fragments. But don't try very directly to convert them - no!
Otherwise any type of people become afraid in different ways. You just be there, mm? and by and by just tell them very indirectly - they will be helped.
Keep this box with you, mm? And at least when you go to meet the Gurdjieff group, keep the box in the pocket, mm? (laughter) Good!
[A visitor says: I feel I've got some problems with negative feelings... Aggressive feelings - which I'm getting especially in this place... Here, especially strong.]
Here things become strong. Everything that you have been carrying for your whole life will become strong. And that has to be so, so you have to face your problems. In the presence of a master, whatsoever is your problem will bubble up and will come to the surface. The greedy person will become very greedy, the sexual will become very sexual, the aggressive will become very aggressive.
And that is the problem to be solved. In fact, it is one of the oldest techniques - to go to the master and to just be in his presence, and to see what happens to you. Suddenly your chief problem will come up. So aggression is your problem - that can be solved.
Once the problem is known, almost fifty percent is solved. The real problem is not to solve a problem, the real problem is to know what it is. The diagnosis is more important than the medicine.
The treatment is very easy - once it is diagnosed, then the chemist can supply it; it is not very difficult.
How long can you be here?
[The visitor answers: I think I depart on monday.]
You are going on monday? Aggression won't go that fast. You can go, but aggression won't go that fast. You will have to come and be here for at least a few weeks. Aggression can go, but it has to be brought out... it has to be vomited.
[The visitor enquires: What other practical ways can I deal with that?]
I will not talk to you - you will have to come and be here for a few days. You will not be able to do it alone, no. It can be dangerous. You need a group situation. You have to be provoked first - provoked to your very extreme so you almost go mad - and only then it will explode. If you yourself are trying. you will remain in control. If you do some techniques to bring aggression out, you remain in control. You allow only so far, and then you become afraid. Then you say it is dangerous.
It needs a group situation where others can provoke you. And in a moment of unconsciousness, the provocation goes so deep that you suddenly forget yourself and you are simply aggression. That is the moment when you flare up... and it goes! But that has to be done only in a group situation, never otherwise. Alone, and if something goes wrong, there will be nobody to look after you - that's not right.
Whenever you can make it possible, come back. At least for six, seven weeks be here, go through a few groups, and it will be solved.
Aggression is one of the simplest problems. There are deeper problems which are more difficult - greed, for example, is more difficult. Aggression is very simple because it is a very unnatural problem. Nobody is naturally aggressive. Aggression is a problem created by the society. Because you have never been allowed to be angry, it has accumulated. It is anger accumulated.
From your very childhood, many things have accumulated. Now the reservoir is too much. If you are allowed anger every day, within a few days the reservoir will be exhausted. It is not a big problem.
[The visitor answers: I spent two years in primal therapy.]
It has not worked. No, it has not worked. Something must have gone wrong. And primal therapy is not a panacea, it works only for a few people. So this is a difficulty: no technique can work on all people. But whenever a technique works on a few people, the originator of the technique thinks that now he has found the panacea. He goes on prescribing it to everybody, and he doesn't bother about the person. It may not work, because your aggression may not be connected with the primal scream.
If it is connected with the primal scream, then it will work, but it may be completely disconnected with it. It may have another source.
Primal therapy works only if, when the child was born, he had a trauma. For example, the child wanted to cry, and he was not allowed to cry. A sedative was given, or the mother's breast was given immediately so he could not cry. The cry has remained... and is still there. If something like that has happened, and that is the root cause of your aggression, primal therapy will help. Then one day when the cry comes, suddenly you will see that everything has disappeared, exploded, gone.
But I don't see that that is the problem. Your anger has gathered day by day. The whole of your life, you have been controlling and gathering. You are a very controlled man.
And that happens to germans. The whole race is very controlled, and the culture is such that children have been brought up to be disciplined and controlled - that is part of their upbringing. You cannot cry easily, you cannot weep easily... tears will be difficult. It will not look masculine; it will look feminine. Mm? it won't appeal to your ego. Day by day, down the years you have accumulated.
A primal scream won't help. You will need a totally different methodology. But you can come, whenever.
... If you want to stay, then I will plan for you. Then a few groups I will give you... if you want to stay.
First you have to join the african dance and karate; these are the two basic things. Then you have to go through rolfing. Simultaneously you can do karate, african dance, rolfing. These are the beginning things. They will bring your body to a point where things will start happening - this will be the physical part. One has to go slowly. Then one group, tathata - from the twentieth to the twenty-second of january. The second will be encounter, and the third will be hypnotherapy. Book for these three groups - if you want to stay. These three things will do. Mm? Good!
[A sannyasin says: I feel that I don't accept my negative feelings and that I'm fighting with them all the time.]
Mm mm. If you enjoy something.... But this is not going to help. You have to accept the negative too.
When you walk in the sun, you have to accept your shadow too. If you don't accept your shadow and you start fighting with it, you will never reach anywhere - you will be fighting with the shadow.
Whenever you move, the shadow will be there, so you jump again on the shadow... and a shadow is a shadow.
Each positive has its shadow - the negative. If you want to love people, the shadow will be there - the shadow will be of hate. If you really want to destroy hate, you will have to destroy love too. And that will not be a game, it will not be worthwhile. If you want to destroy the shadow, you will have to run inside and close your room, and hide there - no sun, no shadow. But what is the point of losing the sunshine? You will be losing life itself.
But I can understand where the problem comes from. We have been brought up, we have been conditioned in such a way, that we cannot think that the negative belongs to us. That's why we always try to make the other responsible for the negative. If you become angry, you simply say 'The other was behaving in such a way - that's why I'm angry.' You don't take the responsibility; you make the other responsible. And by making the others responsible, you are losing your freedom. Now you will never be free, because what can you do? If the other creates anger, he can create. And there are millions of others - how will you manage?
But if you accept your anger and you don't throw the responsibility on anybody else... you say, 'Yes, this is part of life - anger is in me,' you become free. Now if you want to be angry, you can be angry; if you don't want to be angry, nobody can make you angry. This is freedom, this is independence.
Now you are no more a mechanical thing, nobody can push your button. But the first thing is to accept it - that it is yours. Just as the right hand is yours, the left is yours too.
Once you accept, you can find a way to use the left also. Then there can be a positive use of the negativity itself. And that is the whole science of religion: how to change the poisonous into the sweet, how to change the bitter into honey, how to make the poison function as nectar. That is the whole inner alchemy - to transform the baser metal into gold.
It is there, but it can be transformed into gold. Hate, through deep acceptance, can be transformed into love. It is raw love, nothing else. It is raw energy; defined, it becomes love. Anger can become compassion - anger is raw compassion. Don't throw it - it is a diamond! Cut it, polish it, and it can become a kohinoor.
So the negative has nothing wrong in it. It still has to be worked on, refined, transformed. It has to go through a few processes, that's all. It is crude. Once refined, it will become very very valuable.
But you can transform anything only if you accept it. If you deny it from the very beginning, how can you transform it? And that's what you are doing.
Start working, and totally accept yourself there. Then the work will become your meditation. Never reject. If you don't reject, you will not throw on anybody else, you will absorb it.
What particular negative emotion comes to you?
[She answers: Jealousy of other people... ambition, and envy also. It is difficult to accept those things when I want to be good.]
Mm mm. I declare you good! (laughter) Why bother? I can give you a written certificate! (she laughs) There is no need to become good - one is simply good. Everybody is good. We bring goodness with our birth; it is born in us... nothing to be worried about. You are good with all your jealousies, possessiveness, ambition - still you are good. A rose is a rose even if there are so many thorns - that makes no difference. You start accepting yourself, mm? Soon things will change. Good!