The mirror reflecting nothing

Question 1:

Prem Padmani, there is no problem at all. One simply does not talk about it. It is almost an impossibility. You can talk around and around, but you cannot talk directly about it. There is every possibility that you will be misunderstood.

You can say what is happening to you; you can express in your actions, in your behavior, in your postures, in your gestures, what is happening to you. Because a man or a woman of meditation has a grace which does not come in any other way, has a beauty which is not physical, has a spontaneity which people have almost forgotten. They only go on repeating their past experiences, rarely are they spontaneous - just right in the moment, like a mirror reflecting the situation and allowing the response to arise in oneself on its own.

You can live meditation - that is the only way to convey some fragrance of it and some fragmentary indications about it. But talking about it ... the words are too small.

And words are meant for the marketplace, not for the temple. The temple knows only the language of silence, and when you try to convert silence into sound, everything that was living in it disappears and what is left in your hands is a dead word. And the difficulty is multiple. First, you cannot bring your experience into words; secondly, the person who hears them hears according to his own conditioning.

A Japanese scholar had come to see me a few years ago, and I told him that all his problems needed only one solution, and that is meditation. If you try to solve each single problem separately it will be like pruning the leaves of a tree - you go on pruning, and new leaves will go on coming up.

Meditation is like uprooting a tree; the very foundation is demolished. This much he understood, but the word "meditation" created a problem. Immediately he asked, "I am ready to meditate, but tell me, on what?"

That is our whole mind"s approach - objective. Even meditation has to be on something - a name, a form, a god, a chanting, a mantra, but something has to be there. Otherwise how are you going to meditate? On what?

The reality is, English has no word to translate exactly the Sanskrit word dhyana. English has three words: concentration, contemplation, meditation. But they are all objective. In concentration you put your whole mind energy on one subject. It is a useful technique for all scientific research. No science can grow without concentration.

Contemplation is thinking about a subject but not going astray. If you are thinking about beauty then you go on thinking about beauty, of its different aspects, heights and depths, but you confine yourself to one object. In concentration you are static; in contemplation you move but you move almost the way a train moves, on the same track; it does not go on running into fields and streets.

Out of contemplation was born all philosophy. Without contemplation there would be no philosophy at all.

And meditation, in the Western world, is a special kind of concentration, or a special kind of contemplation. When you concentrate or contemplate about ordinary, worldly things it is not meditation. When you contemplate about the other world - God, heaven and hell, the existence of the soul - then it becomes meditation. It is a particular specialization of contemplation and concentration. But there is no word which can convey the meaning of dhyana.

And it is not a new phenomenon. When Buddha spoke, he was not speaking in Sanskrit he was speaking in the living language of his people. The language was Pali, but he had to take the word dhyana, from Sanskrit; Pali had no word for it of its own. But it changed its form. Instead of dhyana, in Pali it became zana. And when Bodhidharma took the message to China, in Chinese there was no word with a parallel meaning to zana, so they took the word itself, and in Chinese it became ch"an - but it is dhyan.

When from China it went to Japan, again there was the same problem. They figured it out, what was more suitable for them as far as pronunciation was concerned. But the word dhyan continued - in zana, in ch"an, and in Japanese it became zen. It is a very interesting history of a word which has never been found in any other language - for the simple reason that nowhere else has it been developed. And unless you develop something, you cannot have a word for it. It was always exported: from India to China, from China to Japan.

In English they thought the word "meditation" will do; it was a wrong decision. The translators have been using "meditation" and now it has become established, but the meaning has to be changed. If you are not going to change the word, you will have to change the meaning.

Meditation means no object, no concentration, no contemplation, but an absolute silence ... nothing on the screen of the mind, just a tabula rasa.

In this situation - only when you are neither thinking, nor concentrating, nor contemplating - the energy of your awareness has no involvement with any object. And energy has an intrinsic quality.

It cannot remain static, it is basically dynamic; it moves, it is movement. When it cannot find any object ... and you have to understand the meaning of the word "object": that which hinders, that which prevents. It is an objection, it is a wall. Awareness goes and is objected by the wall; it shows the wall, it shows the details of the wall. But meditation is when there is no object, the energy goes on moving.

The second fundamental about energy is that it moves in circles. All energies in existence move in circles. The earth moves in a circle around the sun, and the scientists say the sun is moving around the center of the universe, though we have not been able yet to decide where this center is. All the stars are also moving around the same center.

But everything is moving, so when there is no object your awareness starts moving in a circle and comes back upon itself. Rather than being involved in an object, it falls back to the source, as if an old man has moved again back to his childhood.

Meditation simply means awareness being aware of itself, the mirror reflecting nothing but just being itself. It is one of the most difficult subjects to talk about. It is better not to talk about it. Even if you can manage to say something it will be misunderstood. In life there are things which cannot be talked about, and meditation is one of those great experiences which can be expressed, but through different means, not words - through your eyes ....

The eyes of a meditator have a different quality, a different depth, a certain compassion. The face of the meditator has something of the quality of a marble statue. The gestures of the meditator are so peaceful and so cool that if you can watch them, even watching them will bring coolness and silence and calmness to you.

The meditator walks differently; he has a grace in every one of his actions. He also speaks differently.

He does not bother about linguistics or grammar, his whole concern is to expose his heart, as far as is possible, through his speaking or through his non-speaking. His presence has a tremendous vitality, a freshness, a youthfulness. Even at the last moment of his life ... his body may have become old, but he is young.

So rather than thinking about how to talk about it, be it, and let people feel it. The experience that you are going through is immensely beautiful, but by talking about it you may create a disturbance in your own experience. If you are not understood, or misunderstood, you will start suspecting that perhaps you are hallucinating or perhaps you are daydreaming, because nobody seems to understand what you say.

It is better not to say until you are in a situation where even if the whole world misunderstands you, it cannot create a doubt in your being. Your experience has become so crystallized that there is no possibility of raising a question. Then you can talk - whether people understand or not, that is their problem. But right now, in the beginning of your experience, things are very fragile, very delicate, just like the petals of a roseflower. You have to be aware of the fragility of your experience.

It is not always right to talk about things. Sometimes the right thing is to be silent, and perhaps your silence will say much more than you can say. And one thing is good about silence: it cannot be misunderstood.

The husband had arrived home unexpectedly, and was staring suspiciously at a cigar smoldering in the ashtray. "Where did that cigar come from?" he thundered at his wife, so loud that she hid under the bed covers. There was a heavy silence, then from the closet a shaky voice answered, "Cuba."

There are moments when one should remain silent.

A well-endowed woman was waiting to go in for a job interview. She was warned by the receptionist, "Listen, honey, I don't want to upset you right before your interview but the boss has a bad reputation with women. I have heard from other girls that when he gets you alone in his office, he practically rips the dress right off your back."

"Thanks for the warning," replied the girl, "I will change into an old one."

It is not necessarily true that what you say will reach the other person. The moment you have said something it is beyond your control. Now it is in the control of the person who has heard it. The person has absolute freedom about the kind of interpretation he is going to give it. And things like meditation should not be allowed to be misinterpreted because it is dangerous. If the person gets things wrong once, he will carry the wrong impression his whole life.

Just out of compassion for others, don't say things which can be misinterpreted, which are bound to be misinterpreted because the other person has no experience parallel to it. Then he will carry that misinterpretation his whole life. You have prevented him from finding the right source and the right feel for a meditative state.

I can understand why you are asking, "How to talk about it?" It is intrinsic to meditation that the moment you feel the joy and the bliss, it wants to be shared. And you know only one way of sharing, and that is talking. You will have to learn new ways of sharing.

Meditation is a new way of being, it needs a new way of sharing. Words belong to the mind; meditation is a state of no-mind. Don't make the effort to bring it into words.

One Zen master was sitting on the beach and a very curious person came and said, "I am in a hurry so I don't want a long explanation. Just say to me in short, what is this meditation that you all go on bragging about?"

The Zen master remained silent, as if he had not heard it. The man said, "What is the matter? Are you deaf?"

He said, "No, I am not deaf, but you are not in a position to understand what meditation is. Neither do you have time, nor do you have any longing. The way you have proposed your question is so humiliating, insulting; I am not obliged to satisfy your curiosity. Meditation never happens to people who are only curious. Are you thirsty for it?"

The man said, "I have never thought about it."

So the master said, "Just seeing me, a curiosity has arisen in you. By coincidence you will be passing by my side, why not ask about meditation?"

The man felt that he had done something wrong. He said, "Forgive me, it was out of curiosity, but now I am sincerely asking. Seeing you, seeing your beauty, a small longing is arising in me too."

Still the master remained silent. He said, "Now what is the matter? I am ready to wait, I will drop the project I was on."

The Master said, "I have answered it. Silence is the answer."

The man said, "My God, if silence is the answer I can get it from the trees, from the mountains, from the rivers. What is the need to come to a master?"

The master said, "Their silence is meaningless. The silence of a master has immense meaning because it is conscious silence."

The man said, "These are difficult words, and I don't know anything about consciousness. Why can"t you write in the sand with your hand a sentence that explains it to me."

The master said, "Very reluctantly, I am writing, because the moment it is written it is no more the same thing that I wanted to write." And he wrote simply "Dhyan". The man said, "But that does not explain anything to me. I don't understand, please explain it in a little more detail."

The master wrote the same word in bigger letters, "DHYAN." The man said, "I am asking for some more detail."

The master tried a third time. He stood up and wrote a very big word, "D-H-Y-A-N" in the sand.

The man said, "Small "dhyan", big "DHYAN", or even bigger, but I am in the same situation."

The master said, "You will remain in the same situation because you want to be satisfied by simple words, and meditation is not a word. It is not even a part of the mind. If your longing is great, if your thirst is so much that you cannot live without knowing meditation, then perhaps there is some possibility.

"I can show you my whole being in different ways so that you can have a little feeling of what meditation is, how it transforms the man, but forget words, forget explanations, forget language."

It is perfectly right to feel compassion, to talk about it, but it is not the right time for you. Only after enlightenment, when meditation has reached to its ultimate flowering, is one allowed to talk about it - because then he knows the subtle nuances of words, and the gaps between the words, and the gaps between the lines, and he can be articulate. Something can transpire, even through his words.

But before enlightenment nobody is qualified to talk about meditation. Your whole energy should be to go deeper into meditation, so that you can know its whole territory, all the joys and all the songs and all the dances. Once you have known it from every nook and corner, once you have known its very heartbeat, perhaps. Awakened, liberated, enlightened you may be able to talk about it - then too it is not certain that you will be understood. But one thing is certain: misunderstanding will not disturb you.

Otherwise, if everybody misunderstands you there is every possibility that you will start suspecting your own sanity. In this insane world, to be a meditator is almost to become an outsider, a stranger, coming from another planet. So it is better to keep your mouth closed. Let meditation grow and fill your whole being. Then perhaps you may be able to sing, or play music, or dance, or talk - in whatever way you feel yourself to be articulate.

One of the great mystics of India, Chaitanya Maha Prabhu, never spoke. And it was not that he was not articulate ... just the opposite. Before his enlightenment he was the most proficient logician of his day, even the greatest scholars used to tremble before him. His arguments were like swords; they would penetrate you and demolish you completely. But when he became enlightened, he became utterly silent. His only expression after that was simply dancing with his small drum.

You were asking about meditation, you were asking about God, and this was his answer. And he was such a beautiful dancer that slowly, slowly many gathered around him. It became a big group of dancers. Meditation was not talked about, but those dancers started feeling all the joys, slowly - which he had not told them. But his dance was so infectious that whoever had seen him dancing and whoever had the guts to join him soon became part of his being.

His disciples knew nothing about meditation, as far as mind is concerned, but they knew everything about meditation as an experience.

Mike was exhausted when he arrived home from work very late one night. In order not to disturb his wife, he decided to undress in the dark. He took off his shorts and was just about to climb into bed when his wife sat up and said in a sleepy voice, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drugstore and get me a box of aspirin? I have a splitting headache."

"Certainly, sweetheart," said the husband, and feeling his way across the room he crawled back into his clothes and stumbled out of the house and down the street to the store.

"Hey, Bill, a box of aspirin for the misses," he said wearily to the pharmacist.

"Sure, sure," said the pharmacist, "but tell me, where did you get that great fire chief"s uniform? It"s a scream."

People are living in darkness. And in darkness you cannot rely on your understanding. A light is needed within you. If you can see inside of yourself, your whole being lighted, perhaps you will become able in some way to communicate your ecstasy, your experience of godliness, but not before that.

My concern is not that others will misunderstand you, my concern is that you are right now very fragile, you need all kinds of protection. You should not bother to enlighten others - first become enlightened.

This is one of the functions of the master: to see whether the disciple is ripe enough to be sent to the masses; or his experience is so new, just like a small plant which can be destroyed very easily, even by a child. I would like you first to become as strong as a cedar of Lebanon. Then you can raise your head, even to the stars, and communicate your experiences.

You can learn much from my own life. I have been talking about things which people cannot understand, and because they cannot understand they feel, in their unconscious, humiliated. And the only way they find to respond is to condemn me, without any evidence, without any proof, without any argument. But the masses are with them, because the masses also feel the same as they are feeling.

But to me it is a hilarious phenomenon, seeing the whole world in such a mess, in such a deep insanity that no intelligent communication is possible.

I was talking to the pilot of the U.S. Marshal"s plane, because that plane was taking me from one jail to another jail, and the pilots and the air hostess became deeply interested in me. They started feeling that injustice was being done to me.

They said to me, "We are in the service of the government, but still we cannot see any justice. It is absolutely pointless - a six hour journey from North Carolina to Oregon was enough and they are taking you from one city to another city, for no reason at all." They took twelve days while the journey was only of six hours. And even the pilot, who was a well-educated man, started seeing the ugly strategy, that they wanted simply to harass me. They would bring me to the airport ... At five o"clock in the morning they would wake me up in the jail, saying, "Your plane is ready," and the plane would leave at five o"clock in the evening. And the plane was ready.

The pilot said, "This seems to be absolutely absurd. The plane is ready. I am ready, I am waiting; you are ready, you are waiting, and they are simply delaying for twelve hours, for the simple reason that you can reach the next jail in the middle of the night. And orders are given to us: "Go as slow as possible, there is no hurry.""

But they saw me on all these twelve days handcuffed, my feet chained, on my waist another chain.

And because all over there was media, to prevent me from waving my hand to the media they put another chain on my handcuffs, a small chain, and joined it with my waist chain so I could not move even my hands.

The pilot said to me, "This has never happened ... and particularly in the plane you cannot escape.

Even criminals, even murderers are allowed to take their chains off, their handcuffs off, but they are not allowing you to take your handcuffs, your chains off. This is sheer revenge. But you look so calm and so quiet, almost enjoying the whole trip."

And finally they started asking me, "What is the secret of your calmness? You are not angry, you are not criticizing, although everything that is being done is illegal."

I said, "This is an opportunity. I have never before in my life had a twelve-day holiday! They are very understanding people."

Finally the air hostess said, "We have been asking, "What crime can this silent man commit?" And they all said - the marshals, the jailors - "He has not committed any crime. His only crime is that he was teaching people to be silent and to be rejoicing.""

The day they left me in Oregon they had tears in their eyes - the pilot, the air hostess, the co-pilot.

They said, "Whenever we can get a holiday from our jobs, we are going to come to your commune, because you have made us, without saying anything, aware that we are missing something. We don't know what it is, but we are missing and we want to learn. We have gathered information from others that you call it meditation; we want to learn meditation."

Every jailor had promised me that he will be coming with his whole family to the commune, just to learn meditation ... "Because we can see that we have everything, but inside we are hollow."

You can start talking only when you are absolutely clear. You will be criticized and you will not be able to support yourself with arguments. You will not be able to produce any evidence, unless you have become so capable that your whole life becomes the argument, your whole being becomes the evidence; that even without saying anything, even strangers who are not connected with you start feeling something within their being, as if a snake is uncoiling. A suppressed longing, perhaps for lives, is raising its head again.

Meditation is something that you can keep repressed for as long as you want, but you cannot kill it.

The seed will remain there, and one day you will have to stop repressing it. One day that same seed that you have been repressing for lives will become your savior.

Question 2:

Premdipa, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but the truth is, you are still blind. There are many kinds of people who have come to me. Most of them are accidental; they had not come with a definite vision of what they were coming here for, and when they came here they got involved in meditations, they got involved with my presence, with my love. They stayed, but deep in their unconscious their old desires were still alive. So on the surface they were feeling very good, but the surface is very thin.

Any small incident can open up the Pandora"s box, and all their desires they were thinking had gone are there, more forceful than ever before. That"s what is happening to you.

You say, "Sometimes I have a feeling that now I am ripe for the world." Please don't deceive yourself.

The day you are ripe for the world, I will tell you. You cannot have a certificate for yourself. You are not ripe for the world.

But this is how mind is cunning. The mind wants to go into the world not because you are ripe, but because all those repressed feelings want their fulfillment: "Now I can go and do things." And what are the things? "What a woman has to do, a woman has to do."

And very strange things a woman has to do. "To go out into the big, wide world, make lots of money, impress everybody, and go down in history."

The end is not very interesting - go down in history? Or go down the drain? Going down in history means going to your graveyard. History is only a chronicle of those who are dead. Strange idea you have ... "What a woman has to do, a woman has to do." I have never thought about it. Whatever a woman has to do she can do here. Why go into the wide world?

"Make lots of money." What will you do with the money? Create a charitable trust? You cannot eat the money, and you cannot live by money alone - and not just money to survive but lots of money.

Have you ever thought about what you mean by "lots of money"? Is there a limit to it? Because "lots of money" can mean anything. And how are you going to earn lots of money? Just by doing "what a woman has to do"?

Don't be stupid. There are many stupid women outside and they are doing their job, earning lots of money, and getting ready to go down in history. A strange desire in you ... You will go to the grave, only your name may be in history. But that too is a very difficult thing. How many women have gone into history? And how many women have lived on this planet? And the women who have gone into history are not worth imitating.

For example, Cleopatra. She went down in history because she was one of the most beautiful women, and she sold her body to any conqueror that came to conquer Egypt - Caesar or Anthony or anybody else. Her only defense force was, she would sell her body. She must have been the greatest prostitute of the world. Do you think she blossomed, came to her individuality? She was simply a football between the generals. One general would come and she was offering her body, and another general would come and she was ready to offer her body. Certainly she remained the empress of Egypt, with lots of money, and did everything that a woman has to do.

But these kind of ugly creatures are not to be imitated. Only her physical body was beautiful, but her spirit must have been mean, utterly mean. In love, you can give everything - your body, your mind, your soul - and it is a great experience. But for money or for power, selling your body is the meanest kind of thing in the world.

And what will you gain by impressing everybody? Here I can tell everybody, "Be impressed by this Premdipa," and they all will be impressed by you. Everybody will come to you and will say, "Premdipa, you are really great! Cleopatra was nothing."

Outside in society, how are you going to impress? What genius have you to impress the world?

Poetry, sculpture, painting, and all those fields are very competitive. Here things are very simple.

You just stand up and tell people, "A great desire to impress you all has arisen in me. Please be kind enough and be impressed" - that"s all! And everybody will be impressed. And you don't have to do anything that a woman has to do.

"All these fantasies of fame and fortune are emerging. Why can I not just sit down, be at peace with the here and now, and soak up the love you shower upon me every day? Am I really so blind?"

Your blindness consists of your repressed desires. You have not cleaned your heart. You have come here and you have put a layer around yourself, but underneath the layer are all the scorpions and all the snakes and all the spiders and all the cockroaches.

The first thing for every sannyasin is to clean all these things. And with a clean ground start growing roses; otherwise one day or other these scorpions and these snakes and these cockroaches are going to assert themselves, and they will destroy your whole beautiful garden of roses. Still, nothing is lost - start cleaning.

A meditator is neither a man nor a woman, because meditation has nothing to do with your body; neither does it have anything to do with your mind. In meditation you are simply and purely consciousness. And consciousness is neither male nor female.

The moment you understand your consciousness, all desires for money, fame, power, impressing people and going down the drain into history, simply disappear. You have not cleaned the weeds from the ground and started growing roses. Now those weeds are hiding your roses, those weeds have grown up. You were watering the roses but the weeds were exploiting all that watering, all that manure, all that care.

And remember the weeds, wild weeds, are far stronger than beautiful roses. They will slowly cripple your roses, destroy your roses, and the whole garden will be full of dead roses and dancing wild weeds. Every gardener understands it, that first the ground has to be cleaned, all roots have to be removed. All grass, weeds have to be removed from the very roots so they can"t come back again.

Only then can delicate flowers be grown.

Meditation is the most delicate flower in existence. You started growing it without bothering about all the rats and cockroaches and scorpions. They remained there and now they are raising their heads in protest. They are all political beings - and very strong fellows.

Scientists say that there has never been any time in the history ... wherever man has been there have been cockroaches. Or vice versa - wherever there are cockroaches you can infer that nearby there must be human beings. Cockroaches are in such a deep love with human beings; there seems to be no way to get rid of them. I have heard that even on the rocket that went to the moon, the passengers who were going to the moon suddenly found cockroaches. And every care was taken, but somehow cockroaches made their way and went with the people to the moon.

Still, it is not too late. Start cleaning your ground. And you have every capacity, capability, and you have had experiences of beautiful silences of the heart. You have been joyous, in spite of this underlying conspiracy. And this underlying conspiracy of your mind is now convincing you that you are ripe: "Now there is no need to be worried about the world, you can go into the world." For what?

A person who is ripe in meditation cannot even think of having lots of money, going down in history, and "what a woman has to do, a woman has to do." This is a strange idea. From where did you get it? Seems to be your own contribution.

Premdipa ... everybody has heard her name, now be impressed with her! You will enjoy, she will enjoy. There is no harm, just find her, bow down, and tell her, wherever you see her, "I am so much impressed. My God, why do people talk about Cleopatra when Premdipa is still here?" Why go down in history? Just go around the ashram!

It was the late night news broadcast on CBS, at the height of the hostage problem in Iran. The newscaster announced, "And here is the latest flash. There is some good news and some bad news. First the good news: Racquel Welch has offered to give herself in exchange for the hostages and the Ayatollah Khomeini has accepted. Now the bad news: Teddy Kennedy is driving her to the airport."

Avoid these Ayatollah Khomeinis and Teddy Kennedys. All your desires can be fulfilled by my people.

Just ask her, "What a woman has to do, a woman has to do - what is that?" Why not do it here? If you want to impress people, impress - my people are compassionate enough. Even if you are not beautiful they will say you are, just a unique quality of beauty.

And as far as history is concerned, you can start writing a history of the world in which you make yourself the greatest heroine who has ever lived. Why wait for other historians, whether they will write about you or not? And here we have many very articulate people who can write. They will start writing a history for you. It will be a great joy to have Premdipa, who is still alive, go down in history.

We can make our own history books; there is no need for anybody else to do our job.

Beautiful history books, raw-silk bound, with your great pictures in it. There is no need for many copies, just a few copies, circulated to sannyasins all over the world, sent to every center, every commune: "It is a must for every meditator to read this history." We can manage these things very easily.

Outside in the world I am worried that you will be alone. And perhaps you may succeed, you may not succeed. Here success is absolutely certain and guaranteed.

Okay, Maneesha?

Yes, Osho.