Live in the is!

The first question:

Question 1:

Abhiyana,

IT'S natural, because that which descends has nothing to do with your effort. It is a grace, it is a gift from God. And the gift is so big, so huge, so enormous... it is natural to be overwhelmed. It is like a flood, as if the ocean has descended into the dewdrop.

How can one feel worthy? You have not earned it. It has nothing to do with your effort, your doing, your practising. It has simply come to you for no reason at all. Hence one feels dumb,. lost, in such an awe that breathing stops, that the heart beats no more. The whole world stops.

Whenever it happens to anybody, the same is the experience - the feeling of great unworthiness.

But it is beautiful! It will give you a depth in humbleness; slowly, slowly the ego will be eroded. And sooner or later you will find that with your effort, with your worth, only small things are possible. All great things HAPPEN, they cannot be done - and they happen for no reason at all, remember it.

The beauty of the sunset, the song of a bird, a small lonely flower, the moon... there is no reason for it at all. Nobody can answer why it is there: why the rose is so beautiful, and why this existence

exists at all, and why the universe moves with such tremendous grace, harmony. There is no reason at all!

Hence I say it is a mystery, and it remains a mystery even for those who have gone deeply into it, who have become dissolved into it. It is never demystified.

But you are fortunate, Abhiyana, that those moments have started happening. Don't be shy to receive them, don't be embarrassed. It is natural in the beginning to feel unworthy. Slowly, slowly that grace will transform you. Those moments will come more and more; they will become natural.

They will become a shadow to you: where you will be, they will be there. Waking, asleep, you will find that grace surrounding you. That grace will be without and within. That grace will become a luminous point within your heart, and the flame will go on burning.

But remember, don't become too much worried about your unworthiness. If you become too much worried about your unworthiness those moments will start disappearing, because your focus has changed. Rather than feeling unworthy and becoming focused on it, feel the compassion of God and become focused on it. Remember, these are two different gestalts; both are possible.

The unintelligent will become too much concerned about his unworthiness and will start denying those moments: "How can those moments happen when I am so unworthy? It must be my imagination, it must be a trick of the mind. I must be going crazy!" And you will become convinced by your own logic that those moments are not true. You have to prove them untrue because you are so focused on your unworthiness. If they are true, then you are not unworthy.

And your society has been teaching you that you are unworthy. You have been told that you are of no use, you are utterly worthless. You are nothing but dust - dust unto dust. You are more worthless than dirt: that's what has been told to you in so many ways; it has become a deeprooted idea in you.

If you pay too much attention to it, the only possibility is that you will deny those moments.

And I know many people who have denied when the mysterious has knocked on their doors, just because they cannot leave the idea of their unworthiness. Then the only possibility is to deny those moments, call them imaginary, hallucinations, dreams, deceptions; something must have gone wrong in your head, you are going berserk; forget all about them because they remind you of your unworthiness. Don't become focused on it, be focused on the compassion of God.

That's why all the religions emphasize: God is compassionate - RAHIM, RAHMAN! - God is compassion. This is just to give you an alternative gestalt so you become focused on His compassion, not on your unworthiness. You may be unworthy - that is irrelevant - but God is compassionate. You may be a sinner - that is irrelevant - God is compassionate. He gives for no reason at all; He is simply a giver, He knows only giving. And He does not give conditionally, He gives unconditionally.

Jesus tells a parable again and again.

A rich man called forth a few laborers to work in his garden in the morning. The fruits were becoming ripe and they had to be collected soon. But by the afternoon it was felt that the laborers were not enough; more were needed, so more laborers were called. By the evening it was felt that even those

laborers were not enough; a few more were needed, and they were called. And when the third group of laborers went the sun was almost setting.

Then it was night, all the laborers were called, and the rich man gave exactly the same amount to everybody. Those who had come in the morning and those who had come in the afternoon and those who had just come and had not worked at all were also given the same amount of money.

Naturally, the people who had been working the whole day in the hot sun complained; they were angry. They said, "This is unjust! These people have just come! They have not done anything at all, and they receive the same amount of money? And a few people have come in the middle of the day, they have done only half the work, and they also receive the same amount of money as we have received? This is unfair!"

The wealthy man laughed and he said, "Answer me one question: is what I have given to you not enough for the labor that you have done?"

They said, "It is more than enough, but what about the others?"

And the rich man said, "You need not worry about others. I give them not because they have worked, I give them because I have too much to give. I am burdened! Can't I give my money to anybody, to whomsoever I want to give? Can't I throw my money to the winds? You have received your worth.

You have received because you worked, they are receiving because I have so much to give."

This is a very strange parable; except for Jesus, nobody has told such a thing. Jesus is saying that those who are working hard, those who are cultivating culture, virtue, character, those who are practising austerities, the doers, they will receive: they will receive according to what they have done. But lovers will also receive, who have not cultivated any virtue, who have not cultivated any austerity, who have simply lived and rejoiced, who have simply prayed, who are not great saints, who may even be known as sinners in the world. They will also receive, and the SAME amount, because God is compassion.

This is something of immense value that Jesus has said. He has opened the doors of grace for people.

That's what is happening to you, Abhiyana - not because you have done anything special to attain it, but because God has so much He goes on showering on anybody who is receptive.

And my work here is to help you to become receptive. My function here is not to teach you how to attain to God, but to teach you how to receive god when He comes. And He comes... and He comes every day, and He comes every moment. You are just not in a receptive mood, hence you go on missing. It is not according to your saintliness that you will receive Him; it is according to your emptiness, receptivity, humbleness.

You cannot earn God. It is always a gift, and whenever it comes you will feel unworthy. And it is good to feel unworthy; don't become focused on it, don't become obsessed by it. Feeling unworthy, emphasize God's compassion. Feeling unworthy, see the beauty: that the gift is unconditional, that you cannot claim it yet it has been given to you.

You have heard Jesus' famous statement: Knock, and the doors shall be opened unto you. Ask, and it shall be given. Seek, and ye shall find.

Once Rabiya, a woman Sufi mystic, was passing, and she saw Hassan, another Sufi, praying in the mosque with great fervor, tears rolling down his cheeks, hands raised to the sky. He was crying and weeping and saying to God, "Come, open the door! Let me in!"

This was very usual with Hassan, almost an everyday ritual, five times a day. And he was doing it very sincerely. It was not just a ritual, not a mere ritual; his heart was in it. He was a man of great qualities. And Rabiya had heard him many times, and whenever she heard him she smiled, laughed, and went on her way.

But that day she went close to Hassan and shook him. Hassan looked at her, and Rabiya said, "How long are you going to do it? I tell you, the doors are open! You need not ask Him again and again, 'When will you open the doors?' Don't be foolish! Enough is enough! I have heard enough of all this nonsense! The doors are open - just open your eyes and see!"

Rabiya's statement goes far deeper than Jesus' statement. Jesus says, "Knock, and the doors shall be opened." Rabiya says, "Open your eyes - the doors are already open!"

And I am saying to you: God is already coming, God HAS come. He is standing at your doors. Open your doors, open your eyes, just open your heart!

And certainly, when God's energy showers on you, how can you feel you are worthy? Impossible!

The gift is so big, as if somebody has given a Kohinoor diamond to a beggar. He cannot believe it; he will think it must be an artificial thing, or maybe somebody is kidding: "I am a beggar! Who can give me the Kohinoor diamond? Impossible! Maybe I am dreaming, maybe I have gone mad. This is an ordinary stone - I am projecting!"

That's what happens to everybody when God comes in. But don't become focused on it, become focused on God's overflowing energy.

God IS overflowing energy, God is overflowing joy! God is SATCHITANANDA - overflowing truth, overflowing consciousness, overflowing bliss. Just whenever you are ready, receptive, it is going to happen. It could have happened at any time; no time was the wrong time, no time was an unripe time. It could not happen for just one single reason: because you were not open. And if you become obsessed with your unworthiness you will become closed again.

It is natural, Abhiyana - but look at the compassion, look at the friendliness of existence. Look at its acceptance of you, whoever you are, wherever you are. It makes no difference between the saints and the sinners. God is available to everybody.

The second question:

Question 2:

Gyan Deva,

IT IS an ancient habit; for many, many lives you have practised it. You have put so much energy into it, into forgetting yourself. You remember money, you remember others, you remember the world. To remember all these things - all these things which Taoists call 'the ten thousand and one things'.... If you want to remember these ten thousand and one things, you will have to forget yourself, because your eyes will be focused on things, on people, on the world, and of course you will fall in the shadow.

It is a long, long habit - just a habit. You are there; you can turn in. But turning in seems to be difficult because your neck has become paralyzed. For how many lives have you remained in this forgetfulness? Now suddenly, you want to remember.

At the most, for one or two seconds you can remember; again you will forget. But those one or two seconds open the doors of hope. Don't be worried: if you can remember only for a single moment, that's enough, the key is with you. You are never given more than a single moment at a single time; you are never given two moments together. If you can remember for a single moment, that's enough, the key is there; now you can work it out. After this moment is gone another moment will be given to you, and you know how to be alert, aware, in a single moment - be alert and aware in that.

Remember, you will forget many times, but don't feel repentant. Otherwise one starts feeling guilty and creating complexities which don't help, which in reality hinder. If you forget, so what! For millions of lives you have been forgetting - accept it. And the moment you remember that you have forgotten, it is good that you have remembered again. Remember, you will forget again. When you forget, forget, when you remember, remember, but don't make much of a problem out of it. Slowly, remembering more and more, by and by, gradually, the forgetfulness, the habit, will be broken.

Mrs. McMahon went berserk one afternoon. She broke every dish and cup and reduced her usually spotless kitchen to shambles. The police arrived and took her to the city's mental institution.

The head psychiatrist sent for her husband.

"Do you know any reason," asked the shrink, "why your wife should suddenly lose her mind?"

"I am just as surprised as you are," answered Mr. McMahon. "I can't imagine what got into her. She has always been such a quiet, hard-working woman. Why, she has not been out of the kitchen in twenty years!"

How many lives have you not been out of the kitchen? How many lives have you remained in a state of forgetfulness, in a state of unconsciousness? Now suddenly you try to be aware - the weight of the past is too much, the chains of the past are too heavy. But they WILL be broken; all that is needed is perseverance and patience.

And you have to be very, very intelligent about it. Otherwise, my observation is, people try to remember and when they cannot they start feeling very guilty. That too is part of your habit: if you cannot do something you immediately start feeling guilty. And if you feel guilty it will be more difficult to remember. If you feel frustrated; sooner or later you will stop the very effort of remembering.

Be intelligent. Seeing that for many lives you have not remembered yourself, it is natural that you forget. Even if you can remember for a few moments, feel grateful, feel thankful - you are.doing the impossible!

A little intelligence is needed. Otherwise rather than the so-called religious people becoming religious, they become simply guilt-ridden, they become repentant, they start feeling about themselves as if they are condemned, as if they are not the chosen ones; as if God has thrown them into the dark night and has forgotten them; as if it may have happened to a Buddha or a Kabir or a Krishna or a Zarathustra, but it is not going to happen to them. "They were special people; that's why it happened to them. They were already born enlightened; that's why it happened to them: it can't happen to me, I am an ordinary person."

Just to avoid remembering, people have created all kinds of theories. Hindus say Krishna is an incarnation of God. Christians say Jesus is the only-begotten son of God - mind you, the only- begotten. And all others are bastards? The Jains say Mahavir is a TEERTHANKARA, very special, not an ordinary soul, not even an ordinary body. Mahavir does not perspire, he is not an ordinary human being. He does not defecate or urinate, no; he is not an ordinary being, he is very special, his body is special. Jesus is born out of a virgin mother - he is not an ordinary mortal, even his birth is special, and so on, so forth.

Every religion has created these theories, and on the surface it looks as if you are paying great respects to Mahavir, Krishna, Buddha. You are not! In fact you are simply trying to avoid remembering yourself. You are saying, "They are special and we are not, so they can remember, they can realize, they can become enlightened. We cannot!" This is a very political strategy, but very unintelligent. This is how you are preventing yourself from becoming enlightened.

Nobody is special, or everybody is special. Nobody is an incarnation of God, or everybody is an incarnation of God. Choose either, but don't make a few people special. That is the trick, and that is a very stupid trick. Because of it you have not remembered yet who you are. Be a little more intelligent. You have not remembered up to now because you have not decided to remember, that's all. Now decide to remember.

Gyan Deva, this decision to remember is going to create many, many problems for you.

Forgetfulness is easy, habitual, has become second nature. Now you are going against your habits; the habits will create every kind of hindrance, obstacle. Only for moments will you be able to pull yourself out of your habits, and they will drag you back again into the old mire. But don't be worried:

if it is possible to remember even for a single moment, it is possible to remember; that one moment is enough proof. And that one moment will give you such joy and such freedom that you cannot relapse back into forgetfulness forever.

But don't make much fuss about it. If you forget, it is natural, accept it. If you remember, that is something great to rejoice in. Rather than repenting for forgetfulness, rejoice in being able to remember. Just a little intelligence... The Irish paratroop trainees were flying out for their first parachute jump after several weeks' training.

"Remember, lads," said the instructor. "Yell 'Geronimo', jump out, count to eight, and then pull your ripcord."

The door opened at 1O,OOO feet, all the lads jumped out one by one, and Paddy went last. The instructor shut the door, and the plane flew down and landed. The instructor got out and saw Paddy, frantically clutching the plane's wing.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" yelled the instructor.

"Sorry, sir," said Paddy, "but I forgot the name of that bleeding Indian!"

That Geronimo! It is not the name of any 'bloody Indian'; it is just an exclamation...'alleluia!' And it is irrelevant too. The whole point is that after counting to eight you pull your ripcord. And counting to eight is also not to be followed literally - you can count to ten, you can count to six; that will do.

Don't become too unintelligent in what you are doing, particularly when you are moving towards inward consciousness. Remember, everything is just a formal support; anything can be of help.

For example, you are sitting here. You can just remember, and you can use these words: 'I am here'... and feel it 'I am here'; not just the words, but the existential feel...'I am here'... and a sudden remembering, a witnessing. Repeat it whenever you want to remember: 'I am here'. And then slowly slowly, when you are capable of remembering 'I am here' and it has become a feel in you - not just words in.the head, but in the guts you can feel 'I am here' - then drop the word 'here'. Then simply say, 'I am', and that will do - and that will do far better. Just 'I am', and a great remembrance, and a great light, and a great rooted feeling in existence. But don't become attached to the words.

When you have become capable of remembering 'I am', drop the 'I'. Then simply use the word 'am'.

Whenever you want to remember, just say 'am' - but that too has to be dropped finally. These are not mantras to be repeated, these are just simple devices. Then drop 'am' too, then simply remember without using any word. You can give just a small shrug, a nudge, and remember. Then even the nudge should be dropped.

ALL devices have to be dropped, because the human tendency is to become more attached to the device than to the purpose.

You say, Gyan Deva, "WHY DO I GO ON FORGETTING MYSELF?"

Because you have been living in forgetfulness for many lives. This may be your first chance to remember. There are people who have tried to remember in their past lives; when they come it is easier for them, because nothing is ever lost. If you have meditated in the past lives, all that you have done in those meditations will remain part of your being,.and whenever you meditate again that energy will become available.

But a few people are meditating for the first time; then it is a little more difficult, but not impossible.

Take the challenge! Never feel repentant. Just rejoice in the positive that happens to you and never be worried about the negative. Accept the negative as it is and rejoice in the positive, and the positive will go on growing and the negative will be reduced of its own accord.

The third question:

Question 3:

Bhagawati,

ONE can be secure only in an illusion, because security is the greatest illusion there is. Life is insecure. Love is insecure. To be is to be in insecurity. To be is to be in constant danger. Only the dead are secure because they cannot die any more; nothing can ever happen to them now.

The more alive you are the more insecure you are. Hence many people have decided not to be alive, because a kind of deadness gives security, protection, armor. Many people have decided not to look into reality, because reality IS insecure. I cannot do anything, you cannot do anything about it - it is how it is. Reality is insecure; one never knows what is going to happen in the next moment. I may be here, I may not be here; you may be here, you may not be here. The next breath may come in, may not come. The person who loves you may simply forget all about you tomorrow. That's how life is.

So we have created illusions to hide ourselves behind the illusions, so we need not see the insecurity of life. Marriage is an illusion, love is a reality. Love is insecure! Nobody knows whether it is going to be there tomorrow or not. It is like a breeze: when it comes it comes, when it is gone it is gone.

You cannot manipulate it, you cannot control it, you cannot predict it.

But the mind is very much afraid: if tomorrow your woman leaves you, what are you going to do?

How will you ever be able to live without her? You have become so dependent on her, you cannot conceive of yourself without her. So you make some arrangements: close the doors, close the windows, lock everything, so she cannot escape. That's what marriage is: making legal locks so you cannot easily escape. You can go to the police, you can go to the court, you can harass the woman to come back.

But when you close all the doors and all the windows, the woman is no longer the same as she was when she was under the sky, under the stars; she is no longer the same. The bird on the wing is a totally different phenomenon from the bird in the cage. The bird in the cage is no more the same bird, because it no longer has the same sky, the same freedom. It is imprisoned, its soul is killed. It only appears alive - its wings are cut. It only appears that it is; now it will only vegetate.

Without freedom there is no life. But one thing is good about the cage: it has security. Now the bird need not be worried about food; tomorrow morning he is going to be fed as usual. He need not worry about enemies, predators; nobody can attack him. The bird may think he is not caged but protected.

He may think these iron bars are not enemies but friends; he may start loving them. Even if one day you want to make him free, he may not like the very idea; he may resist. He may not go even if you open the door. He will say, "I am not going. How can I leave my security?" He has forgotten all the joy of freedom; now he only remembers the comfort and the convenience of security.

Marriage is a cage, love is the open sky. We have destroyed love and created the illusion of marriage.

It is ugly. Two persons together out of love is one thing, and two persons together because of the law is totally different. Their souls are no more together, only their bodies are tethered together.

Because they cannot escape, because the escape seems to be costly - and the children are there, and all the comforts of family life and the home - they decide to remain slaves. They decide NOT to live but just to exist. And then, of course, people have many kinds of illusions of the past, of the future.

Bhagawati, you are not alone in it; every human being is in the same boat. Because we cannot live in the present...

It is dangerous to live in the present because to live in the present means to be authentic. We live in the past, we live in the future. Past and future are very easy, comfortable, no danger. You can manipulate your past, you can control it. You can order your past, your past is very obedient. It is non-existential, it exists only in your memory; you can arrange it again and again.

Hence one of the greatest psychological insights is that up to now no autobiography has been written. Millions have been written, but they are all untrue. To write an autobiography seems to be almost impossible, because you always go on arranging your memories. When you look back, it is not the real past that you are looking at. It is no longer there, just your memory of it.

And in the memory also you choose. First you choose while you are experiencing something; a thousand and one things are happening every day, but you choose only a few, scientists say only two percent. Ninety-eight percent is not chosen, only two percent. All that feels good to you, ego- enhancing, gratifying, you choose. All that seems like suffering, pain, all that hurts, you don't choose.

Your memory is a choice first, and then each time you remember it your experiences are growing, and your experiences go on being reflected in your memories. You go on giving them new colors, you go on painting them again and again, so many coats that by the time you write your autobiography...

and people write autobiographies only when they know that they arc dead. When they know that now nothing more is going to happen, then they write autobiographies.

When a person is alive, how can he write his autobiography? When he thinks that everything is finished: "I have lived, the full point has come; now there is nothing else to happen," then he writes.

Now he looks back, paints all the memories as he wants them to be. All autobiographies are fiction.

My suggestion to the librarians is: all autobiographies should be counted as fiction and should be categorized as fiction. They are fiction and nothing else. You magnify things which you would like, and unconsciously you add many things which have never happened. And I am not saying that you are cheating knowingly, no; you may believe. Just start telling a lie, and after ten years you will be suspicious about whether it was a lie or a truth.

A journalist died; he knocked on the doors of heaven. Saint Peter opened the door and said, "Sorry, are you a journalist?" - because it is very difficult to miss a journalist: he looks like one from his very face, from his eyes.

And the man said, "Yes, but how did you recognize it?"

He said, "It is very difficult to miss a journalist. But I am sorry, we don't have any place for journalists any more in heaven, the quota is full. We have only one dozen journalists; even those are just useless because nothing ever happens in heaven, nothing worth reporting, nothing like news."

You know the definition of news that George Bernard Shaw has given? "When a man bites a dog it is news, not when a dog bites a man." That is not news, that is nothing!

"In heaven news does not happen; no newspaper is published. Even those twelve journalists are just useless, so what do we need you for? You go to hell! - and there is news and news and news.

Nothing else ever happens there, everything is news. And there are many, many papers, and great is their circulation. You go there, you will have a good job."

But the journalist said, "No, I cannot go. Can't you manage in some way? If you give me twenty-four hours' time I can convince some other journalist to go to hell, and in his vacant place you can allow me in."

Peter said, "That's okay - twenty-four hours are given. You go in."

The journalist entered with all his journalistic acumen, skill. He started a rumor; to whomsoever he came across he said, "Have you heard? A big newspaper is going to be started in hell and all the posts are vacant - the chief editor and the assistant chief editor, and other assistants," and this and that, whomsoever he met he told that. After twenty-four hours, when he got back, Saint Peter would not open the door. He said, "You cannot go out, you have to stay in "

He said, "But what is the matter?"

Saint Peter said, "All the twelve have left. Now at least just for the name's sake we should have one journalist. You be in!"

The journalist said, "I can't stay now any more. Let me go! There must be something in the news.

How can twelve persons believe if there is nothing in it? It can't be just a rumor! There must be some truth in it - maybe a fragment, but there must be some truth in it. I cannot remain any longer.

Open the door, let me go!"

If you start a lie, sooner or later you will believe in it. In fact before others believe in it you will believe in it, and after ten years it will be difficult to tell whether it was a lie. After ten years it will be difficult to tell whether you had dreamed about it or you had really lived the thing. Your dreams and your life will become mixed into each other.

It is very difficult to write an autobiography. It has not yet been done, and I don't think it can ever be done. Those who can write, they don't write. A Buddha can write, but he says he has no autobiography to write. He says, "I was never born." He says, "I have never uttered a single word."

He says, "I never became enlightened because I was never unenlightened." He says, "I never died because nothing ever dies. So what autobiography? There is no self, so what AUTObiography?

There is no ego, there is no center, so what about the circumference? No circumference is possible."

A Buddha can write but he will not write, and others who write are bound to write fictions.

You go on living in the past; it is very comfortable. You are the master - about your past you are the master; you can do anything you want to do with the past. And about the future also you are the master: you can become the President of America, of India - in the future. You can do anything that you want, and everybody does something.

Just sitting silently, you start imagining that passing by the side of the road you have found a bag full of money. And not only that, you start planning how to use that money; you start purchasing things.

You are the master.

The past and the future give you the idea that you are a king. The present takes all illusions away, the present simply reveals your naked truth. And the present reveals the insecurity that life is, because life implies death. And everything that is implies that it cannot be forever, everything that is is going to be non-existential sooner or later. The flower that has bloomed in the morning is beautiful; by the evening it will be gone, the petals will wither away and tomorrow you will not find even a trace of it.

That's how real life is: changing, moving, dynamic, nothing static, nothing permanent, always in a flux.

Bhagawati, that's why not only you but everybody starts living in the past and the future: to avoid the present and its danger.

Friedrich Nietzsche is right: he says, "Live dangerously." In fact there is no other way to live; one can only live dangerously. The other way is of avoiding life, not of living.

And that's what sannyas is all about. It is to accept the insecurity of life, it is to accept death, it is to accept that everything can disappear at any moment. Your love, your friendship, you, everything is only for the moment. The next moment the petals will wither away, all will be gone.

Knowing this and yet rejoicing, knowing this and yet dancing, knowing this and yet having a song on your lips, knowing this and yet having joy in your eyes - that's what sannyas is all about. In fact, this insecurity is beautiful. This insecurity has a blessing in it, because if everything were secure there would be no life at all. If everything were secure there would be rocks and rocks - no flowers, no birds, no people. If everything were secure there might be notes, mathematics, science, but no poetry, no music, no dance. The world would be a dead world, phony, plastic.

The real world has to be in a constant danger. That danger adds to its beauty, that danger gives a depth, that danger makes it challenging.

Bhagawati, come out of your security and your illusions.

You say, "I LIVE IN THE WORLD OF THE CONDITIONAL."

The world of the conditional is the world of the mind. The true world is unconditional. You cannot make any conditions on the truth, and truth never makes any conditions on you. Neither can you make conditions on God, nor does God ever make any conditions on you. All is given unconditionally.

You say, "I LIVE IN THE WORLD OF THE CONDITIONAL."

That means you don't live, you only pretend.

You say, "I LIVE IN COULD, SHOULD, WOULD, MAY, MIGHT AND IF."

These are the words which belong to the world of death, not to the world of life. Life simply is, it knows nothing of should, could, would. Life simply is, it knows nothing of may, might. Life simply is, it knows nothing of ifs and buts.

Live that which is, and WHATSOEVER it is. Yes, sometimes it hurts, and hurts very much.

Sometimes it brings great agonies, but those agonies are the stepping stones to ecstasies, and those hurts are nothing but birth pain. You have to accept the day and the night, birth and death, summer and winter. You have to accept all that life is. You cannot reject anything, you cannot make conditions on it. Your conditions won't make any difference, they will only drown you in your own illusions.

Live in the is! The word 'ought' is a mind construction, avoid it.

You say, " WHY AM I SO SECURE IN THIS ILLUSION?"

One can be secure only in illusions; there is no question of why. If you find somebody who is secure, you can be certain he must be living in illusions.

But insecurity has tremendous beauty; you have not tasted of it. You have become too much accustomed to the dirty pool of water, stagnant, stinking. You have forgotten the beauty of a river, constantly flowing from the known to the unknown, from the limited to the unlimited. I have to revive your memory of it. It is a remembering, because one day you knew it.

When the child is born he knows nothing of security; he knows nothing of the past, nothing of the future. He simply lives in the is; we drive him out of the is. That's what we call the process of civilizing a child, that's what we call education: driving him out of the is, taking him out of life's naturalness and making him arbitrary and artificial. By the age of three or four a child becomes part of society; he loses all contact with God and reality.

So you knew once what it means to be in insecurity. All that I need is to remind you, to provoke that remembrance in you. And once you have again tasted it you will drop all your illusions and you will start moving into the unknown with all its insecurity.

And not that you will feel frightened - you will feel thrilled! You will feel that insecurity is not something wrong but is the root of all adventure. Insecurity is not something against you but is the very possibility of your existence. It sharpens your intelligence, it keeps you alive, alert. It keeps you always mystified, it keeps you in a state of constant surprise.

Insecurity is beautiful. And the day you know insecurity is beautiful, you have known the wisdom of insecurity, and you have understood the very core of sannyas.

The fourth question:

Question 4:

Alexander,

YOU have fallen in wrong company! Escape from here as fast as possible, because you are already shaken.

A belief has no roots; it is just an imposed phenomenon. Howsoever staunchly you believe in it, it makes no difference. In fact, the more you are afraid of losing it, the more staunchly you believe in it. Whenever somebody says, "This is my strong belief", know well that he is afraid. Otherwise what does it mean? Why should he brag about his staunchness? If he knows, he knows.

You know that the sun has risen, that it is day. You don't say, "I strongly believe that this is sunrise,"

you simply say, "I know this is sunrise." You don't say, "I strongly believe, nobody can shake my belief." If you say it people will think you are crazy. If you say it people will think you must be blind; you are not seeing the sun, you have only heard about it. Others must have told you and you are saying, "I believe strongly." Just to protect yourself you create a great armor around yourself.

But a real experience needs no protection. The real experience needs no bragging about being staunch. One simply knows or one knows not; things are very simple.

You say, "I AM A STAUNCH CATHOLIC."

It is just accidental that you were born in a Catholic house. If you were born and brought up by a Hindu you would have been a staunch Hindu. And if you were born in Soviet Russia and you were brought up by a communist you would have been a staunch communist. Staunchness would have remained the same, otherwise everything would have been different. That staunchness simply shows that you are not intelligent.

An intelligent person does not believe; he tries to know, he enquires. An intelligent person is neither Catholic nor Protestant; an intelligent person is neither Hindu nor Mohammedan. An intelligent person says, "I don't know yet, so how can I claim what is right and what is wrong? How can I say that the Bible is right and the Koran is wrong, or vice versa?" The intelligent person is bound to say only one thing, that "I don't know, and I cannot carry any prejudice if I really want to know." He remains unprejudiced, open.

By being a Catholic you are closed, by being a Jain you are closed, by being a Buddhist you are closed. You are not an enquirer, you are not a seeker. You don't love truth, you love security. Belief gives you security.

And if you want to know the truth you have to begin with agnosticism, you have to begin from the state of not knowing. Every true enquiry starts only in not-knowing. One has to be clearly aware that "I don't know. But I have to seek, I have to search, I have to find, and I should start without any a priori conception."

That's why you are becoming a little afraid, frightened. You may not have landed in such a society before - these people are dangerous! Don't tell me later on that I didn't give you the warning!

Alexander, please escape You don't seem to be much of an Alexander either, and certainly you are not in good company.

Have you heard this story about Ferrara the Flyer during World War II?

He'd never shot down a British plane and everybody in the squadron kidded him about it.

One day while on patrol Ferrara spotted five British transport planes. He zipped into their formation and shot down all five. Now he couldn't wait to tell his fellow pilots. Ferrara landed quickly, jumped out of his plane and rushed over to a colonel standing beside a map table. "I just-a shoot down five-a British-a transports!" shouted the proud Italian.

"I say, bad luck, old chap!" replied the officer.

You are in a wrong place, old chap. You should not have landed here!

You say, "NOBODY CAN SHAKE MY BELIEFS."

But why do you say it? Why in the first place does the idea come to your mind? I have not asked, nobody has asked. "Nobody can shake my beliefs..." You are already shaking inside, I can see you trembling! And it is natural, because you know that you don't know, that those beliefs are just borrowed by you from others. The priests have told you and you have believed. You have believed because you were not really interested in truth, so you said, "Okay." You were not really caring enough about truth so you said okay.

People are so uncaring about truth that they say, "Whatsoever you say, it must be right. Who cares?

I am not interested enough to bother."

That's the situation in the world: a few are Christians, a few are Hindus, a few are Mohammedans. If you look deeply into them you will see that they don't care whether God is or is not, they don't care what truth is. They have simply accepted the belief that the people around them believe. It is formal, a social security. It feels good to be part of the crowd, it feels good that others think that you are religious. You are not religious!

It is not easy to be religious. It is one of the most dangerous adventures of life, to be religious. It means dropping all the beliefs and going into the unknown without any maps.

It is good if you allow us to destroy your beliefs. It is good and will be healthy for you if you don't cling to your beliefs. And something seems to have started.

You say, "BUT WHY DO I FEEL A LITTLE FRIGHTENED HERE?"

You have started becoming alert that your Catholicism is phony. There has been only one Christian, and he was crucified on the cross. Since then there have not been any Christians.

In fact, be a Christ, don't be a Christian. Don't disrespect yourself by being a Christian. You are meant to be a Christ! You are meant to be a Buddha, not to be a Buddhist. What is a Buddhist compared to being a Buddha? - just a believer, not a seeker, not an enquirer. Go on the voyage...

the sea is calling you. Go alone, and go without maps and without scriptures. And if you can drop all your scriptures and maps and ideologies on THIS bank, the other bank is not far away.

The man who is utterly empty of knowledge is immediately worthy of receiving from God the ultimate gift of knowing. Only those who renounce knowledge become capable of knowing.

The seventh question:

Question 5:

Veetgyan,

WHEN I say meditate over it, I don't mean think it over, I don't mean concentrate on it, I don't mean contemplate it. When I say meditate over it, I mean watch, be a witness. Whatsoever the problem - anger, sexuality, jealousy, greed, ego - whatsoever the problem is, the medicine is the same.

If you suffer from jealousy, just watch how it arises in you, how it grabs you, how it surrounds you, clouds you, how it tries to manipulate you, how it drags you into paths where you never wanted to go in the first place, how finally it creates great frustration in you, how it destroys your energy, dissipates your energy and leaves you very negatively depressed, frustrated. Just watch the whole thing.

And remember not to condemn, because if you condemn you have started thinking. I am not saying condemn it. Just see the facticity of it, without condemnation, without appreciation, without any judgement for or against. Just watch, aloof, distant, as if you have nothing to do with it. Be very scientific in watching.

One of the most important scientific contributions to the world is non-judgemental observation. When a scientist is experimenting he simply experiments without any judgement, without any conclusion. If he has a conclusion already in his mind, that means he is not a scientist; his conclusion will influence the experiment.

One man has written a book.... In America people are very superstitious and afraid of the number thirteen. Even in the hotels you will not find room number thirteen. After twelve comes fourteen, because nobody stays, nobody wants to stay, in the thirteenth room. You will not even find the thirteenth floor - the whole floor is missing! After the twelfth, they have the fourteenth, because who will want to stay on the thirteenth floor?

One man has written a book, has collected thousands of facts - that this is not a superstition, this is a truth. He has collected information about all the people who have committed suicide on the date the thirteenth. Of course millions of people murder, commit suicide, on the thirteenth, as much as on the twelfth, as much as on the fourteenth, but he collects only about the thirteenth. And many people commit suicide from the thirteenth floor, and many people commit suicide in room number thirteen. And many things happen - in the world things are continuously happening. This man had brought his thesis to show me, and I told him, "You have really done a great job!"

He said, "I have been working at it for almost five years." He has gathered millions of facts! He said, "Now who can say that this is superstition?"

I said, "You do one thing more - it will take five years again - now you try to find out about number twelve!"

He already had a conclusion: the thirteenth number was wrong, something was evil about it; with that idea he had chosen.

And I said, "Do one thing more - after you are finished with number twelve, then for five years more you will have to do another experiment: find out how many good things happen on number thirteen.

Room number thirteen, the thirteenth storey of the hotel, the thirteenth day of the month - find out how many good things happen. Only then can your conclusion be of any scientific value. You are already prejudiced."

A Hindu psychologist, Doctor Banaji, came to see me once. He said, "I am trying to scientifically prove that rebirth is a fact and not a hypothesis."

I asked him, "Doctor Banaji, you say you are trying to scientifically prove it?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "But if you are trying to prove something scientifically, you should not have any conclusion beforehand. You have already accepted the Hindu idea of rebirth. You are working as a Hindu, not as a scientist."

He was so angry, because he had come to me for support for his belief. I said, "I am not saying anything against your belief; I am not saying whether rebirth is a fact or not. All I am saying is this:

don't bring science into it. If you bring science into it, then the fundamental law of science is: be an unprejudiced, non-judgemental observer, without any a priori conclusion."

A priori conclusions make you believers, not scientists.

When I say meditate over it, I mean watch. Be a scientist in your inner world. Let your mind be your lab, and you observe - with no condemnation, remember. Don't say, "Jealousy is bad." Who knows? Don't say, "Anger is bad." Who knows? Yes, you have heard, you have been told, but that is what others say, this is not your experience. And you have to be very existential, experiential:

unless your experiment proves it, you are not to say yes or no to anything. You have to be utterly non-judgemental. And then watching jealousy or anger or sex is a miracle.

What happens when you watch without any judgement? You start seeing through and through.

Jealousy becomes transparent: you see the stupidity of it, you see the foolishness of it. Not that you have already decided that it is stupid; if you have decided you will miss the whole point. Remember it: I am not saying decide it is stupid, it is foolish. If you decide, you miss the whole point.

You simply go without any decision, just to see what exactly it is. What is this jealousy? What is this energy called jealousy? And watch it as you watch a rose flower - just look into it. When there is no conclusion your eyes are clear; the clarity is attained only by those who have no conclusions.

Watch, look into it, and it will become transparent, and you WILL come to know that it is stupid. And knowing its stupidity, it drops of its own accord. You don't need to drop it.

Mrs. Weissman had her portrait painted. When it was finished, the artist presented it to her. "How do you like it?" he asked.

"It's nice," answered Mrs. Weissman, "but I want you should add a gold bracelet on each wrist; a pearl necklace, ruby earrings, an emerald tiara, and on each finger I want you to put a twenty-carat diamond ring!"

"But," said the bewildered artist, "why do you want to ruin a good picture with all those gaudy trinkets?"

"My husband is running around with a young chippie," explained Mrs. Weissman, "and when I die, I want her to go crazy looking for the jewelry."

Just look into your jealousy and you will see how it drives you crazy! Seeing it, sanity arises - just seeing it!

I am not saying renounce jealousy. Those who say renounce jealousy don't understand a thing. I am saying: look, watch, meditate, and if it is stupid it will drop - because how can you carry anything stupid with yourself? But its stupidity has to be your own experience. If it is not your own, then you will only repress, you will condemn. You will not look into it. You will throw it into the basement of your unconscious and there it will boil, and there it will grow. And the growth is more dangerous because it will be growing underground. It will become a cancerous growth, it will spread all over your life. And you will wait simply for the opportunity: it will explode sooner or later. Any day it will explode, and it will destroy you.

Paddy and his two friends, an Englishman and a Scotsman, got sentenced to five years in jail, but were told that they could have one thing with them that they badly wanted. The Englishman had a big blonde, the Scotsman had bottles of whisky, and Paddy chose packets and packets of cigarettes.

Five years came and they were all let out, one by one. The Englishman came out with his blonde, looking absolutely knackered, the Scotsman came out staggering all over, and hiccupping. And last of all out came Paddy, of course, looking very frustrated. And do you know what his first words were? "Have you got a light, anybody?"