Ruined and homeless

Maneesha, Joshu is a very rare case. Joshu had become a priest when he was still a child and experienced his first satori when he was seventeen. He said of this experience: "Suddenly, I was ruined and homeless."

This statement, after having the first glimpse of enlightenment, is of tremendous significance. He says, "Suddenly I was ruined. Whatever I was before, is all ruined. I was not that. I had cultivated a personality, a mind, a heart - nothing of that was me. The satori left me suddenly ruined and homeless. The home that I had made for myself according to the rules of the society, amongst the crowd, a cozy place... enlightenment, just the first glimpse of it, has taken away all. I am standing alone, homeless, shattered, ruined."

But this is only one part of the experience. The other part, he is not saying. The other part cannot be said. Only those who enter the experience know the other part.

The first part can be said: that the old is gone. We all know the old, but the new we don't know.

So when the new comes, it brings a problem: you can say what has been ruined, what has been shattered, what has been taken away, but you cannot say what have you got. On that point there is utter silence.

That's why he is talking about only one part of it, the first part. The second part has to be experienced. The second part is finding your real home. The second part is finding your original face. The second part is finding your eternity. But these are mere words if not experienced.

Experienced, they are the only true realities.

Everything depends on experience. Zen is experiential. It is not a talk about great things, it is not a philosophy. It is a very simple and obvious phenomenon - just to look in. What can be more simple?

As you look in, a totally new world opens its doors and your old language becomes irrelevant. All that you can say is, the old is finished.

The new is discontinuous with the old. Neither the language nor any gesture, nothing can manage the new in the form that the old allows.

The new brings its own language.

The new brings its own home.

The new brings your ultimate reality.

I said that Joshu was a rare case.... Maneesha has brought one anecdote:

Symbolically, this is the situation of everyone. You live in fire and you die in fire. Your heart is always on fire, burning with all kinds of jealousies and anger and greed - a psychological fire that goes on creating new anxieties, new wounds, and it never heals on its own. Joshu's effort, his first effort in the commune of Nansen, was to create a great fire and close all the doors of the kitchen. And when there was only smoke, and there was danger of his being burned, he shouted, "FIRE! FIRE! COME TO MY RESCUE!"

A seeker, whether he says it or not, really feels it: "FIRE! FIRE! COME TO MY RESCUE!"

WHEN THE WHOLE COMMUNITY HAD FLOCKED TO THE DOOR, HE SAID... This is how he shows his tremendous insight in Zen. In childhood he became a priest, at the age of seventeen he became almost enlightened, and meeting Nansen he became fully enlightened.

WHEN THE WHOLE COMMUNITY HAD FLOCKED TO THE DOOR, HE SAID, "I WILL NOT OPEN THE DOOR UNLESS YOU CAN SAY THE RIGHT WORD."

Now, how can you say the right word? What can be the right word? And his life is at stake! Soon the flames will grow bigger, the wooden temple will be on fire, and the man is asking about the right word!

That has also to be understood. There are thousands of cases on record when masters have asked, "Say the right word! If you say it I will hit you. If you don't say it I will hit you anyway." What is asked for is a response, spontaneous. The master has not asked an examination question. He has created a situation in which you cannot say a word from your past memory. If you say it, he will hit; if you don't say anything, anyway you are going to be hit. Don't think that not saying anything means silence.

Now it depends on different disciples, how they react. Sometimes the situation becomes very crucial.

In one monastery there were two wings, a right wing and a left wing, and one thousand sannyasins were living there.

The master had a cat. Because it was the master's, a tremendous respect and love was shown to the cat and both sides wanted to take it to their wing. There was a continuous fight between monks about the cat.

Finally one day the master gathered the whole assembly. Only one monk was missing; he had gone for some work, down to the plains. So nine hundred ninety-nine monks were present. And the master took a sword at the cat and he said, "Say the right word! If you don't say it, I will cut the cat in two parts and divide it for you, so this fight, this continuous fight, is finished! Say the right word quickly; otherwise the cat will lose her life."

Those nine hundred ninety-nine people just looked at each other: "What can be the right word?"

The master cut the cat and gave it, half and half, to both wings. Sad, carrying the dead cat, with blood flowing... And then came the monk who had gone down to the village. He came in and hit the master with a good slap! The master said, "Good! If you had been here, the poor cat would have been saved."

This was the right word. "What nonsense you are talking - cutting the cat! A living being cannot be divided that way." The master said, "This was the right thing, but those nine hundred ninety-nine monks had not the courage to come to me and hit me. I had given the opportunity... they could have saved the cat, but the very idea did not arise in their minds."

The idea can arise only in a mind who is coming very close to enlightenment. It is a spontaneous response. Otherwise, hitting the master is very rare. The master hits, that's okay; but the disciple hitting the master... There are a few instances, and they are always right. The disciple has shown a great insight, that the master is asking an absurdity.

In fact, Joshu could not open the door without the key. That was the right word. He was closed in, he needed a key. Nobody thought of it, that the door was closed.

The "right word" simply means a spontaneous response, with clarity and intelligence, to the situation. There are two kinds of possibilities. One is a reaction. In a reaction you start thinking - what can be the right word? You have missed the point. Now you can go on thinking and consulting encyclopedias, you will not find the right word. The second is responsibility, not reaction.

Responsibility means you don't go into your memory storage. You look directly at the situation: the door is closed, the flames are growing bigger and bigger. Any man of clarity will think of how to help him to open the door. That will be the right word, the right response.

Gido wrote:

First I have to tell you a small story.

Mulla Nasruddin had gone fishing... His wife had been insisting continuously, "Some day you take me with you." He said, "I will not have time for you. I will be so concentrated on fishing, and you don't know how to keep your mouth shut."

But she promised that she would not speak, so he took the wife. Strangely enough he found a place in the river where there were so many fish... he had never been so fortunate! Obviously it was the fortune of the wife. He thanked her. He said, "Strange! I have been searching and searching - a few fish here and there. But this place is full of all kinds of fish and so easily catchable! I should mark this place so I don't forget; otherwise how to find this place again?"

So he took a piece of chalk - he was a schoolmaster - and made a cross on the side of the boat to remember, that "this is the place where there are so many fish." But marking on the boat won't help in any way.

Gido says: TOWARD DAWN - always remember, these poems are visualized. TOWARD DAWN, as the morning sun is rising, THE SAME BRIGHT STARS RETURN, NIGHT AFTER NIGHT ON THE MOUNTAIN RANGES.

He is saying that seeing all this change, it is almost silly to think that the Buddha is in any particular place -

All your marks are on the boat. And they don't in any way help you to find the place in the river, because in the river you cannot make a mark. The moment you make it, it disappears.

You will laugh at Nasruddin, but all his anecdotes are very indicative. What are your statues of Gautam Buddha? Just marks on the side of the boat. Buddha has disappeared in the universal; he has not left any footprints. Just as a bird flying into the blue sky leaves no footprints - where are you going to find him?

So you make a temple, you put up a statue, but do you think this is marking the place? You cannot catch hold of Buddha. You cannot make a cross on eternity, on universality. Whatever you will do - your scriptures, your images, your temples, are as irrelevant as marking the boat to find the same place in the river.

Question 1:

Maneesha has asked:

Maneesha, in the first place your question has come neither from mind nor from no-mind, but from migraine. I would have given you a good hit, but I don't hit people. My representative, Stonehead Niskriya, is hitting people in Germany. I have heard that he hits people, strangers, sits on their chests and asks, "Got it?" And obviously, to get rid of this fellow they have to say, "Yes!" But what is it? Niskriya says, "I don't know myself; I am just spreading the message." Fortunately he is not here; otherwise he would have given you a good hit.

"Special treatment" does not mean a special job. "Special treatment" means: Be careful of this man; his flowering is very close. Don't neglect him in any way, because there are thousands of monks...

Whatever job you give him, that is not the point. But just be careful: it is a precious time for him, he is ripening. And any moment, suddenly he will explode into enlightenment. He already had a satori....

Satori is the Japanese word for Samadhi. I have explained to you that samadhi and enlightenment ordinarily are thought to be synonymous. That is not true. Satori is equivalent to samadhi. That's how Patanjali defines it in his sutras, the only authority on Yoga - he says that samadhi is a deep sleep, with the innermost center awake. All around there is deep sleep, darkness, unconsciousness, but just at the center a small candle of light. So Patanjali has said it is no different from sleep; the only difference is that sleep is without any light in it, it is a house without any light. And samadhi is a house with a candle.

But enlightenment is prajna. To understand it more accurately you have to think of a ladder. We are exactly in the middle of the ladder. Underneath us there is the subconscious, unconscious, collective unconscious and cosmic unconscious. If you dive deep into your depth, from the cosmic unconscious you can get out into the universal. Samadhi's way is moving into the depths.

And just as there are steps going deeper in you, there are steps moving above you. Just as there is a subconscious, there is a superconscious, collective superconscious, cosmic superconscious. And when you take a jump from that point, it is enlightenment. Both experience the same; both enter into no-mind. But one enters through the dark path and one enters through the lighted path.

The dark path is dangerous because there is no certainty where you are. Very few people have reached enlightenment through the dark path. Ramakrishna seems to be the only one. Many have tried, but it is obvious that only accidentally can you reach the ultimate depth.

When you are moving towards heights you are moving in full light, and as you go above, you have more light and more light. At the highest peak everything is pure light. The path is very beautiful - not accidental but very intentional, very conscious.

But this discrimination has not been made, so the misunderstanding continues that Ramakrishna and Buddha are the same. They are the same at the last point, but the paths they follow are very contrary. And Ramakrishna is accidental - just by chance he has moved in the right direction in darkness. There are more chances of getting lost than of reaching to the point.

Gautam Buddha takes the safer course, more scientific: go beyond your conscious mind, make it more conscious - superconscious. And you will always be entering a higher and more lighted space.

There is no danger of getting lost; your enlightenment is absolutely certain if you continue. It is not accidental, it is a scientific conclusion.

Satori is the translation of Samadhi. That's why even Joshu had a satori. Coming to Nansen, he said, "Now I am fulfilled," because with Nansen he saw for the first time a lighted path where one does not become accidentally enlightened. Every step is very calculated, very conscious, very alert.

So when the head monk was told by Nansen to give Joshu special treatment, that did not mean to give him special comforts. That did not mean to give him no job, that did not mean that he had to be thought of as superior to others. Give him any job - that is the function of the head monk in a monastery - but keep an eye out, don't forget him. There are thousands of people you have to take care of. Keep an eye out, because this man is not going to stay unenlightened long. He is going to become a buddha very soon.

So it is not a question Maneesha, that special treatment means "moving into Lao Tzu and having private, daily chats with the master." If you are aware of what you are asking... do you see your jealousy? Do you see your woman? How do you know that the people who are allowed to come to me are chitchatting? They have their work; they need instructions, they are called because of their work. It is not that they have the right to come to me to chitchat. What will I chitchat about?

They have their work just as you have your work. Others are jealous of you. You are also in Lao Tzu and you have the special work of collecting my words, of editing my words. When we are all gone, Maneesha's collections will be remembered for centuries. But it is very difficult to get rid of our jealousies....

The first commune was destroyed because of women's jealousies. They were fighting continuously.

The second commune was destroyed because of women's jealousies. And this is the third commune - and the last, because I am getting tired. Once in a while I think perhaps Buddha was right not to allow any women in his commune for twenty years. I am not in favor of him: I am the first who has allowed men and women the same, equal opportunity for enlightenment. But I have burnt my fingers twice, and it has always been the jealousy of the women.

Still, I am a stubborn person. After two communes, immense effort wasted, I have started a third commune, but I have not created any difference - women are still running it. I want women here in this commune not to behave like women. But small jealousies... Now, somebody has to bring my food - the whole commune cannot do that. Somebody has to make my room clean, my bathroom clean - the whole community is not needed there; otherwise the result will be the opposite!

I call Anando every morning while I am eating, every evening while I am eating, just to give her instructions so that nothing goes wrong. Things go wrong so easily... and because Anando has been in all three communes, and is a law graduate, she understands very clearly why these two communes, created with such great effort, with so much money poured into them, got destroyed.

She has a very clear conception. And whatever I say, she manages to do it. I have not heard her saying a single time that, "I have forgotten." She immediately takes notes and reports the next day what the situation is. Otherwise, very easily things can go wrong.

I had talked to Neelam - she is my secretary. I had told her that I was thinking to make Anand Swabhav an ambassador, going around the country, because I am not moving. And he has been doing very good work, conducting camps, giving talks, approaching different institutions in different places. So most of the time he is going to be out. He has been in charge of the ashram, and I had told Neelam that it would be good to talk to him and ask if he would like to be an ambassador, because now we are appointing ambassadors in every country - somebody who represents me to the news media, conducts camps, takes care of what is going on in those countries, against me or for me, and informs me.

She must have asked him, and he was happy. There was a question of putting someone else as the ashram in-charge. I had one idea in my mind and I told Neelam, "You ask a beautiful woman, perfectly capable - Zareen." She has been doing so well with her job at the gate with the visitors, with the receptionists, taking people around the ashram. I thought perhaps she would be good as the in-charge of the ashram. Neelam talked to her, and Zareen went to Hasya, who is the international secretary. Zareen told Hasya that she is not a "puppet type." She will do whatever she wants to do; nobody can dictate to her. It is perfectly good, but in a commune it will immediately create conflicts.

I had to drop the idea.

Without Anando, I would have not known and things would have gone wrong. Anando informed me - she is my legal secretary. She informed me that Zareen is good, but she has this spoiled mind from her very childhood. Whatever she wants to do, she will do. That's perfectly good, but not good in commune life. And she is doing so perfectly we - that work would be disturbed if she becomes ashram in-charge.

Zareen even immediately changed the word, in her unconscious. She told Hasya, "I have been asked to become the president of the ashram." Ashram in-charge is a different thing. It is a rough job. Mainly it is concerned with the police, courts, cases. And knowing that Neelam is soft, there is going to be trouble... Neelam is doing her work perfectly well, but if Zareen starts thinking she is the president and Neelam is only a secretary, then there is going to be trouble. So I had to change.

I had to put Tathagata as ashram in-charge. And he is already doing that job without any title. He is continuously fighting in the courts, and dealing with the police and the government officers. He is taking care of that side and he has been here with Swabhav for years, in deep friendship. So I thought it would be better - he should be named as ashram in-charge.

Now I would not have known, because I don't go anywhere. I don't know where the office of my secretary is, where the office of my president is, where the office of the ashram in-charge is. I know only three places: my bedroom, my bathroom, and Buddha Hall. If anybody asks me any question about the ashram, I am absolutely ignorant. Somebody needs to inform me - and somebody who has a comprehensive insight. So only Anando comes, and she comes only because I ask her to come. Just while I am taking food, she gives me information about publications, the books, how many books are in publication, how many are going into publication... how we should manage exhibitions around the world, how we should find publishers. And just in five or ten minutes - she is very accurate, not a gossipy type.

Now Maneesha's question is full of jealousy. Not only I am saying it; Nirvano brings the sutras and the questions to show me - she wanted to change it. I said, "Don't change it, let it be as it is,"

because in commune life we should expose ourselves without fear. Love knows no fear. If something is arising in your mind, you should tell it.

And remember one thing: everybody is doing his work. Nobody is to dominate anybody. Yes, everybody is allowed to suggest, to help, but to suggest and to help does not mean that you are being made a puppet. Nobody is a puppet here. It is a gathering of absolutely independent individuals.

But just because it is a gathering of independent individuals there has to be much more responsibility, much more awareness, much more remembrance. Outside in the world you have learned jealousy, you have learned domination, you have learned stubbornness. You have learned that "I will do things according to my own mind; whether it is right or wrong does not matter." It is perfectly okay outside in the world, where there is so much mess that you cannot make it worse. But at least in this small commune don't bring in the outside world and the outside world's tendencies.

We are trying a great experiment, that independent individuals can live together without enslaving anyone. Here everybody is equal. It does not matter what job he is doing. He may be editing, he may be cleaning, he may be cooking, it does not matter. What matters is that you should cook with awareness, as if a buddha is cooking. And you are cooking for other buddhas; your cooking has to be done with great awareness and love. It is not a duty; it is your contribution, your share, to the commune. It is as valuable as anybody else's work. If you are cleaning bathrooms, it is as respectable as being the president of the commune or the secretary of the commune. There is no question of jealousy at all, because nobody is superior to anybody else.

This is what I call authentic communism. The Soviet communism has failed - failed because of dictatorship, failed because it tries to dominate people, and the people who loved freedom were killed. One million people were killed by Stalin alone. He could not tolerate any difference of ideas.

But the same was the situation after Stalin died and Khrushchev came into power. He had been in the same presidium, the highest committee of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union - and there are no other parties. Khrushchev had been with Stalin for decades, and he was one of the most intimate to him amongst the other twenty-one members of the presidium. He succeeded Stalin. The day after Stalin died, he spoke on his death to the Communist Party and said, "Stalin has killed almost one million people and he has made the whole country a slave camp." Somebody from the back seats asked, "You were with Stalin all these years. Why did you not object?"

Khrushchev's answer is very significant. He said, "Please stand up, and you will know. Who has asked the question? Stand up!" Nobody stood, because to stand up means... finished! And he said, "That is the reason I was silent. Why are you not standing up? If I had opposed anything, if even a question was in Stalin's mind that 'Khrushchev is not totally with me,' I would have been finished.

And what was the need to become unnecessarily finished? You can see it yourself. You are silent now, you are not standing up. Because if you stand up, you are gone; nobody will ever hear of you again."

Communism has been completely destroyed by the dictatorial ideology.

I am basically a communist, an anarchist, and something more - all kinds of dangerous ideas and something more!

Here we are trying on a small scale an experiment of living equally. Your job does not make any difference to your individuality. Nobody is a puppet because nobody is here who is a puppeteer. I don't come out, I have no post, I am not even member of the sannyas movement. I am just a guest, absolutely at your mercy.

I hate the idea that anybody should dominate anybody. And nobody is doing that, things are flowing beautifully. But your question must be the question of many people. That's why I told Nirvano "Don't change it, let it remain as it is."

Maneesha is intelligent enough not to ask a stupid question. But she suffers from migraines. And today she has a migraine, I can say it without any doubt; otherwise she would not have asked such a question. With a migraine, strange ideas arise and you cannot do anything. The whole world seems to be hell. One feels like doing something nasty. It is a chemical, hormonal matter. One wants to be nasty, one wants to behave in a way that is insulting, humiliating; but the person is not doing it, it is the chemistry.

Now Maneesha needs Amrito's injection, not my answer.

Now it is Sardar Gurudayal time, and he is sitting first in the row. He enjoys his place. Once in a while he gets there, but then he sits like an emperor, because his time is bound to come!

Boris Babblebrain, the prosecuting attorney, is striding up and down the courtroom in front of the glamorous blonde witness, Gorgeous Gloria.

"Is it true," rants Babblebrain, "that on the tenth of July you committed adultery in a snowstorm, while lying across the top of a motorbike being driven by a one-legged dwarf who was also waving the Polish national flag?"

Gloria looks unblinking into Babblebrain's eyes, and calmly says, "What was the date again?"

Pope the Polack is getting forgetful. One morning he is sitting on the toilet in Cardinal Catsass' place, reading the newspaper, when he looks at his watch and notices the time. He is nearly late for one of his famous addresses to the people from his balcony.

He leaps up and runs toward his apartment, muttering a prayer to himself as he goes - "Please, God, don't let me be late." And again, "Please, God, don't let me be late," and yet again... when suddenly he trips and falls flat on his face!

Getting up hurriedly and straightening his robes, he shakes his fist at the sky and shouts, "Jesus Christ - don't push!"

Ronald Reagan goes to see Doctor Bones for a complete check-up. He is very depressed and says to Bones, "Doctor, it's terrible, I get up in the morning and look in the mirror and I'm just a mess!"

"Really?" says Bones, raising his eyebrows, "tell me about it."

"Yes, Doc," continues Reagan, "I look in the mirror and my cheeks are sagging and I have blotches all over my face, my hair is falling out, and I look so ugly. What is it?"

"I have no idea what it is," replies Bones, "but your eyesight is perfect!"

Little Albert's Uncle Tony owns a sex shop and every day after school, Little Albert drops by to visit him.

One afternoon, Albert walks through the door and Uncle Tony says, "Hi, kid. Can you look after the store for a few minutes while I run out to the post office?"

"Sure, Uncle," replies Albert, and sets his school things on the counter. Tony leaves and a few minutes later, three nuns walk in.

The nuns are a little embarrassed to see a kid running the store, but they are desperate.

"How much for that big, pink dildo?" whispers the first nun.

"Ten dollars," replies Little Albert, confidently. "Batteries not included."

"I will take it," says the nun, as she is pushed aside by the next nun.

"How much for that huge, bright purple one?" whispers the second nun.

"Twenty dollars," replies Albert. "Batteries not included."

"I will take it sonny," snaps the second nun. "And put it in a plain brown wrapper."

Then the third nun looks around nervously and says, "Sonny, how much for that big black and red plaid one?"

"That one is not for sale," says Albert.

"Come on kid!" snaps the nun. "I will pay any price for that big one."

"Okay, lady," says Albert. "Fifty dollars!"

"I will take it," says the nun, and the three of them leave the shop.

A few minutes later, Uncle Tony comes back from the post office.

"How did it go?" he asks. "Any business?"

"Sure, Uncle Tony," says Little Albert. "Three nuns came in and I sold the first one a dildo for ten dollars. The second nun bought one for twenty dollars. And you won't believe this," continues Albert.

"The last nun paid fifty dollars for my thermos bottle!"

Nivedano...

(Drumbeat)

(Gibberish)

Nivedano...

(Drumbeat)

Be silent. Close your eyes.

Feel your body to be completely frozen.

Now look inwards, with your total consciousness arrowed towards the center... with an urgency, as if this is your last moment of life.

As you go deeper, it becomes more and more light. As you go deeper, it becomes more and more fragrant.

The moment you reach to your center you are only a witness. Not only a witness of your body and mind, but also a witness of great blissfulness, silence, peace, a great joy arising in you.

At the center everyone is a buddha.

That is the only equality I know of.

To make it more clear, Nivedano...

(Drumbeat)

Just be a witness.

The body is lying there, the mind is there, but you are neither the body nor the mind - just a pure mirror, reflecting. The moment you become a pure mirror, thousands of stars start reflecting in you.

You are at the very gate of the kingdom of God.

This night was beautiful in itself. But the silent of ten thousand buddhas, merging their consciousness into an oceanic reality, have made it a historic event.

Whatever you feel in this space, you have to carry out in your twenty-four hours' ordinary life.

A buddha has no holiday.

Once a buddha, forever a buddha.

Just look how thousands of flowers have blossomed. Suddenly the spring has come. The old is gone and the new is born.

Every moment the old has to be left, and the new has to arise. Moment-to-moment dying and living is the very style of a buddha. He has no yesterdays, no tomorrows, just this moment. Thisness, suchness.

Before Nivedano calls you back, gather as many flowers and as much fragrance as possible to bring with you from the center to the circumference. The whole discipline is to bring the center and circumference into a deep synchronicity, so whatever is at the center also blossoms on the circumference - in your activities, in your gestures, in your words, in your silences. Unless the buddha becomes active on the surface, the realization is not complete.

Nivedano...

(Drumbeat)

Now all the buddhas, come back - with the same gesture, with the same grace and silence.

Remember you are a buddha. Sit for a few moments, recollecting, remembering the path you have followed, the center that you have touched, the flowers, invisible, that you have brought with you, and the fragrance that is surrounding you.

Every day it has to become deeper and deeper and deeper. One day suddenly there is an explosion.

That explosion is the ultimate experience of life; there is nothing more valuable than that.

Okay Maneesha?

Yes, Osho.