Darshan 18 April 1977

Deva means divine and shravaka means 'who has heard' - one who has heard the call of the divine.

And always remember that we start looking for god only when he has called us. It is not otherwise, that we start looking first. It is always he who takes the initiative. We may not be even aware of it, but unless he calls, nobody moves towards him. Unless he has chosen you already, you cannot choose him.

[A sannyasin, who is returning to teach six-seven year-olds at school, said she did not want to force them any more, for example, to be silent.]

So, one thing: every day, at least twice, give them fifteen or twenty minutes to go berserk, to go completely mad and do whatsoever they want to do - to jump and scream and shout... just twenty minutes in the morning before you start your class. You also participate, then they will enjoy it very much - also shout and jump and participate, then they will be really into it. The moment they see that their teacher is into it, they will simply enjoy the whole trip. Just fifteen minutes will do: just for fifteen minutes tell them to be as noisy as they can be and do whatsoever they want to do. Then just tell them to stop and for five minutes remain silent; this will be a great meditation to them.

And if you feel it works, then once more, somewhere in the afternoon before they leave, do it again.

And within two or three months you will see such a change coming to the children... unbelievable.

Their pent-up energy has to be released. In fact they have so much energy and we are forcing them to sit and they cannot, so they are boiling! They find any chance and they will start doing mischief. Just allow them... try, mm? It will be a great help, and you will see: their intelligence will become better, their concentration will become better, their hearing capacity will become better, their understanding will become better, because they will be no more burdened. Their love and their

respect for you will increase tremendously, and then they will listen to you - and there will be no need to force them: just your saying will be enough.

You can say to them, 'Wait! Soon your period for being mischievous is coming. Just wait one hour more!' They will understand that the time is coming and then they can do it, and that you are not prohibiting them forever. They will soon learn the rule - that there are times when they can be mischievous, noisy and do whatsoever they want, and then of course there is time to read and study.

If some problem arises with the school authorities, talk to them, and by and by tell them. They will also be very much helped; other classes will also be helped. Just tell them that this is an experiment, and to allow you to do it for six months. Then they can come and see what has happened to the children - whether their reports are better, whether their intelligence has grown, whether their understanding is deeper. Tell them to watch, and then if they feel it is good this can become the thing for the whole school. The whole school can gather for twenty minutes twice each day. And it will be great joy - you try!

[A sannyasin says: My main emotions seem to be pain and sadness, and I feel difficulty in expressing love and joy.... I'm fighting to keep my ego or something... I don't know.]

Nobody can kill the ego, because the ego is not. If it were there you could have killed it. It is a shadow - you cannot kill a shadow. Even to fight with the shadow is foolish, you will be defeated - and not because the shadow is very powerful but because the shadow is not! If you start fighting with a shadow, how can you win? It is non-existential; and so is the ego.

The ego is the shadow of the self. Just as the body creates a shadow, the self also creates a shadow. You cannot fight with it and you cannot kill it; in fact the one who wants to kill it is the ego.

One can only understand.

If you want to kill the shadow, bring light in and the shadow will disappear; bring in more awareness and the ego will disappear.

And the second thing: if you are imprisoned in sadness there is no way directly out of it. First the sadness has to be turned into anger. Sadness is negative anger: you are angry with the world, but negatively - that's why you are angry with yourself. Just try to understand. There are two types of anger. The positive anger is against somebody else; the positive anger becomes sadistic - you start torturing the other. The negative anger turns upon yourself; it becomes masochistic - you start torturing yourself. But both are anger; what you are calling sadness is nothing but anger.

If you think about it as sadness your diagnosis is wrong, and then you will try to solve a problem which is not there. The problem is anger; you have turned it upon yourself, then it becomes self-pain.

You wanted to hurt everybody but you became afraid, so you started hurting yourself.

The destructive energy has moved upon yourself, it has become suicidal. So, the first thing: it is not sadness, it is anger - negative anger. So the first thing is to turn it into positive anger, because only the positive can be released - the negative cannot be released.

[She answers: But in positive anger I want to hurt people, I want to kill.]

Nothing to be worried about. That is better, that's far better.

[She says: I'm afraid of it.]

That's why you have turned it upon yourself. That is far better, and there is no fear - because if your anger turns outwards it can be thrown even on a pillow, but if it turns inwards you cannot throw it.

Then any object will do, that is not a problem; we can find objects and it can be done.

When you want to shout, you can shout. But if you want to shout inside, how can you? So the shout remains unexpressed and goes on revolving inside your being. You want to shout - but how to? You are alone.

So the first thing is to make it positive; and it is very easy to make it positive, it is not a problem. And once it is positive, to release it is so simple. It is just a child's game to release the anger once it is positive. If it is negative, it is very difficult. Then it goes on hiding inside: you cannot bring it out, it goes into the innermost cave of your heart.

First: positive anger is better than negative. Second: positive anger can be very easily released.

You can hit the wall and the pillow, you can just take a stone and throw it to the other bank of the river and that will do; you will suddenly feel a release. You can go into the jungle and shout and scream .

Just a few days ago I was reading a man's autobiography. He had ulcers and the doctors failed to find any physical cause. One psychoanalyst suggested beating the pillow. The man laughed - because he is a politician, a well-known politician, so he laughed. He said, 'Are you kidding? That won't help! A pillow is a pillow!'

The politician was against Richard Nixon, so he said. 'Really, I want to kill Richard Nixon himself, and the pillow won't do! I am against Nixon!'

So the psychoanalyst said 'Go into the forest and chop wood.'

The politician laughed and said, 'This is all nonsense. This is not going to help.'

Then the whole thing dropped. After three months this politician went to the hills to visit a friend and suddenly something went wrong and the electricity was not available for one week, so they had to chop wood.

Now he had completely forgotten about the psychoanalyst and his suggestion. They had to chop wood for the food, kitchen, heating; the whole day they were chopping wood. After two weeks when he went back and went to the doctor, the doctor was surprised: the ulcers had disappeared! Then suddenly the politician remembered that that psychoanalyst had said chopping wood would be good!

Now, he wanted to kill Nixon - but the energy is not worried about whether you kill Nixon or kill a tree! The energy has nothing to do with Nixon or a tree!

You will be surprised that woodcutters never suffer from many diseases, hunters never suffer from many diseases. Those are the diseases from which people suffer because they are angry and

they cannot throw it out. They go on swallowing it down, they go on stomaching anger, and then it becomes too heavy in the stomach. Then ulcers or stomach cancer or things like that start happening.

I will suggest that you do a few groups.

Primal therapy will bring the negative to the positive, and Tantra will help to make you a little more loving. Just book for two, mm? and then I will tell you to do a few more groups. Things will change.

Good!

[A sannyasin had reportedly 'freaked out' one day when working in the canteen and was called to darshan.... ]

[She says: All this comes at a time when things were going really well... I know my negativity and my resistance.]

Those have to be dropped, for certain reasons. Now a second phase of my work will start soon and I would like only people who are really surrendered, and no negativity.

Otherwise others will have to go, I will by and by send them. Now my work will take another shape; everybody will not be allowed. Up to now I was allowing everybody. If I have to work deeply then many people will have to go, and your number is in them.

So either you change... and I am not saying to try to change - simply drop it, it is nothing to be bothered about. Then you are part of the family. But this way you cannot continue any more.

You have continued to be negative, continuously; every month you create something or other. I am not asking for explanations; you are simply to drop those negativities. And not before me - simply surrender to Laxmi, so no problem comes to me. Whatsoever you say, listen to her, and no more anger and no more fight - because we want to create a greater harmony here. Just one person can disturb the harmony.

And people who are negative.... There are two or three people more - you are the first, number one.

You can be happy about that, that you are the topmost. But those two or three people, once you are settled, their number will be coming. You can spread the news that there are two or three more people.

I am not saying to go - I would always love you to be here - but I would like you to change now.

Mm? it is time enough. And I will not give you more time, that you have to change in two or three months - no! Simply change tonight: tomorrow morning simply go and surrender to Laxmi.

And this is going to be the pattern of the work: whoever is working under someone has to surrender to that person. If somebody is working under you, he will surrender to you. The immediate person in charge of the work has to be surrendered to, because soon I will be settling for a different kind of work.

Mm? now the time is arising and so many people are here; I will have to choose. If you want to become part of the inner circle, drop all this nonsense! This is just to bring things to a climax - that's why I told you to leave. Either leave or change.

So what do you want to do?

[She says: I feel very much a part of the sannyas family but I have naturally a very social energy, a very out-going energy... and some people here are very quiet and introverted.]

No, no, that is not a problem. Go, be out-going, use your energy - that is not the problem. Just don't become negative. Your negativity is not allowing you to drop completely into the family. You are a sannyasin, in that way you are part of the family, but your negativity is keeping you away, unbridged.

Remain out-going; that is not a problem: whatsoever is natural to you is good! You are not supposed to become silent and in-going, no.

[She says: Sometimes I like to dance, to go out.]

Mm, that is not a problem. Dance as much as you want but don't dance negatively! Sometimes you go in the office and you dance negatively - that has to be stopped, mm? completely, in toto. So just do that. Good.