Everybody is carrying a sun within him
[Anand suriya. Anand means bliss, suriya, the source of light: the sun, blissful source of light... ]
And everybody is carrying a sun within him. If we are living in darkness it is not because we don't have light; it is because we never look at the light. The light is in and we look out, hence the darkness. The light is behind the eyes; unless we turn our eyes to the inner source we remain in darkness. The outer light cannot help: unless the inner being is bathed in light, life remains a groping, a stumbling... meaningless, inconsistent, sort of mad.
Once the inner light is known, felt, lived, life starts becoming a consistency. There arises a subtle poetry in it; it is no more a jumble of words; it starts falling into a rhythm, starts becoming a song.
And that's what sannyas is all about: creating meaning in a meaningless, accidental life, bringing a subtle consistency into the inconsistent events of the outer life, creating an inner source of light so wherever one is, one is never in darkness.
And that source already exists, it just has to be tapped. Because we have not looked at it for many lives, our eyes have forgotten how to turn backwards: they have become fixed, they have lost the capacity to move backwards. It is almost like paralysis: you have the limb but it is paralysed; you cannot move it. The eyes are there, the source is there, but the eyes cannot move towards the source.
The whole process that goes on here is nothing but loosening your eyes, losing your fixation, making your eyes more fluid, more liquid, so they can easily turn backwards. That is the whole secret: once you can see within then nothing is missing.
That's what jesus goes on saying again and again - 'The kingdom of god is within!'
[A sannyasin, recently returned from the West, says he'd like to work in the ashram. Last time he was here he was a guard in the Vrindavan juice bar, and would like to do that again.]
Guarding can be very very useful - it can become a great meditation if you do it rightly, because all that is needed for the meditation is a requirement for being a good guard. For example you have to be alert, very alert, you have to be watchful about who is passing and what is happening all around...
and that's what meditation is!
There is a hassidic parable.... A hassidic rabbi could not sleep one night, so in the middle of the night he came out of his house and walked on the road. There he met another man who was guarding a rich man's house, so they walked together, and the rabbi asked him, 'What kind of work do you do?'
And he said, 'I am a watchman.' The watchman asked, 'What kind of work do you do?'
And the rabbi laughed - he said, 'I am also a watchman hut not as good as you! I fall asleep many times. My alertness is not perfect - I miss. There are gaps in my watchfulness.'
Meditation is a kind of watchfulness and a sitting, just looking around with no purpose - because there is no purpose. If anybody passes by you have to look without any purpose, without any judgement; you have just to see. That is another quality of meditation: to look at things without any kind of prejudice - good or bad - without any judgement. And then sitting there the whole day doing nothing the energy settles - it is not hectic; it rests.
That is another quality of meditation. That's why zen people call their meditation 'zazen'; zazen means sitting and doing nothing. The very word zazen, means sitting doing nothing. The work of a guard can become zazen.
That's very good.... If you liked it, try it here. Mm? that will be of great importance. And anything basically can be transformed into meditation, one just has to look deep into things and find some ways to transform it into a meditation. A gardener can become a meditator, a farmer can become a meditator - it doesn't matter what kind of job one chooses, but the job can be transformed into meditation. You just have to contemplate a little and you will find keys, because from every door one can enter god.
[A sannyasin therapist says, I'm very insecure still. You have to learn what my groupleaders are doing here, says Osho: let me be the guide. Just become my vehicle and you will never be afraid.
Whenever you feel you are stuck close your eyes, take the locket in your hand and remember me.
Just a single minute of remembrance and you will suddenly find that the key is in your hands.
Osho goes on to say that it is not that he will actually come and do something, but through trusting in and surrendering to the thought of Osho, one's worries and tensions dissolve and one is open.
Through that opening the unconscious can immediately share its wisdom with one.... ]
That is the whole secret of the guru, of the master: he simply helps you to relax. Your love for him, your trust in him, helps you to become unselfconscious... and when you are unselfconscious everything is available to you. Everything that is available to me is available to you when you are unselfconscious.
Even if I say that I come it is the same thing. I can say 'Yes, I will be coming' - and I am not lying! It is the same because my deepest core is available to me. Even if I come and make my vision available to you it will not be better than your own inner core can reveal; it will be the same! Our conscious minds are different, our unconscious mind is not different - it is one.
When I use the word, unconscious, I am not using it in the freudian sense - the freudian unconscious is pathological. It is a very very small part of the conscious mind, repressed; it is not really unconscious. It is the conscious mind, the basement of the conscious mind, where we go on throwing things - rejected, denied, parts of our being.
The unconscious is exactly what god means; it is better to call it the super-conscious. But with the super-conscious another problem arises: you again become conscious and the self enters; that's why I continue to call it the unconscious. It does not function as a conscious entity, it has no self in it. It is what Buddha calls 'anatta', no-self. It is what Lao Tzu calls the void, the emptiness, inner emptiness.
So try here, start here: whenever you feel, just remember me. Relax, and you will be surprised how much great wisdom everybody is carrying in him and how one never allows it to function in one's life....
[A sannyasin, who is deaf, cannot lip-read what Osho says because of his moustache and beard - so he writes down his questions and answers for her. She says she came to Poona with someone, who was unable to come to darshan because of perfume. The sannyasin says her friend is afraid of Osho. Osho writes: Tell him I am not going to make him a sannyasin... he will come once he knows I'm not going to seduce him into sannyas, he will come!]
[Another sannyasin says his wife is resistant to Osho and to sannyas. Osho says, People who are against me are going to become sannyasins! They have already taken some emotional attitude:
they are already in a love/hate relationship. They start with hate - that doesn't matter! If she is against it, I will see: she will become a sannyasin!]
[A sannyasin says she is not feeling happy, she is judgemental towards herself; feels scared and stupid.]
No, no, nothing to be worried about. Mm? just being okay is not enough. Just being okay is just tolerable. Unless one is ecstatic, one is not living rightly; something is wrong.
Ecstasy is just natural; to be okay is to live below nature. To be okay means just pulling somehow, dragging hopelessly... but there is no need. and being close to me if you only remain okay, then where are you going to be happy?
But small things are disturbing. You have a very very subtle ego that is creating trouble. And it is a choice - you choose the ego rather than ecstasy - so nobody is at fault. It is your choice - you can drop the ego and choose ecstasy - but one has to be conscious of why it is happening.
For one month live without the ego, don't allow the ego any support from your side. Wherever you feel the ego is arising, drop it immediately - immediately drop it. Just live as if you don't have any ego and the ecstasy will happen... it will start happening right now!
And where are you working?
[She answers: In the canteen.]
That's the perfect place to drop the ego - if Deeksha (who is in charge of the kitchen) cannot help you to drop it, nobody can! So just surrender to Deeksha, mm? Deeksha is the dragon-master!
When I don't succeed with somebody, I send them to Deeksha!
Just go and surrender to Deeksha, mm? And just utterly, unconditionally - whatsoever she says - do it, right or wrong. No reasoning, no logic has to be allowed; all reasoning, all logic comes from the ego. Don't ask why. Even if sometimes you see it is absolutely wrong, then too, you are not to interfere. That will be a great discipline... and that's all that is needed.
You need just a little hammering on your ego, and once it is dropped [you are] perfect.
[A sannyasin says: I feel very hard inside and very untrusting, and at the same time very fragile.
Sometimes I drop that completely and I feel that I come to a deeper being, but very often I find myself back in the first thing. It is as if there is a big load of misery that I'm carrying. I know I make it, I create situations for it to be there.... ]
You make it and you make it perfectly well. You are very skillful, efficient - you do a good job of it - and you will have to unlearn it. You are really skillful at it, so unlearning is going to be difficult, because when one becomes very very skillful in anything - even if it is creating misery - one becomes attached to it; that becomes one's knowledge, one's art. That becomes one's ego.
When you do something very perfectly you don't want to lose that art - and that's the trouble. It is as if a painter has become famous and he is doing perfectly well, and then you say to him, 'Drop your painting and start writing poetry'. He will hesitate; it will be very difficult for him because he is already famous and he is doing well. And the same happens with misery: by and by one becomes so knowledgeable about how to create it, so perfect in doing it; then it becomes difficult to unlearn it.
And it is not only a question of unlearning it; one has to learn how to be blissful - another art, totally different, diametrically opposite.
But if you see the point then there is no problem. The sooner you do, the better, because the more you remain in it, the more skillful you become. It goes on accumulating - every day you are becoming a better hand at it. One day passes, and in that twenty-four hours you have learned the trick more.
So the moment you see it, don't postpone - drop it then and there. And it is good to be ignorant, it is better to be without any art than to be very very artful in creating misery. You see it and there is no problem in it: you see how you do it, you see that you do it.
[The sannyasin answers: Oh, I see that I do it, but... I don't see how I do it.]
Yes, I understand... because you are so skillful you cannot see the how: you do it so fast.
When a person is learning something he goes slow, his movements are slow. If a person is learning to drive you can see what he is doing, all his actions are very slow movements. It is like a film being moved on the screen very slowly, you can see every movement. But then one becomes skillful, one becomes unconscious - it becomes automatic: one goes on doing but not consciously, that's why you cannot see it.
So just do one thing for a few days: whenever you feel you are becoming miserable, go slowly into it, don't go fast; make slow movements, T'ai Chi movements.
If you are feeling sad, then close your eyes and let the film move very slowly. Go slowly, slowly into it, having the vision all around, looking, watching what is happening. Go very slowly so that you can see each act separately, each fibre separately. If you are getting angry - go very slowly into it.
For just a few days do slow movements, and in other things also, you slow down. For example, if you walk, walk more slowly than you have been walking up to now. From this moment when you leave here, lag behind. All the sannyasins will be going their normal pace - you lag behind; just go slowly. Eating, eat slowly... chew more. If you take twenty minutes, take forty minutes; slow it down fifty percent. If you open your eyes fast, slow down. Take your shower in double the time that you usually do; slow down everything.
When you slow down everything, automatically your whole mechanism slows down. The mechanism is one - it is the same mechanism you walk with, it is the same mechanism you talk with, it is the same mechanism you become angry with. There are no different mechanisms; it is only one organic mechanism. So if you slow down everything, you will be surprised: your sadness, your misery, your anger, your violence - all are slowed down.
Buddha used this very very deeply for his disciples, for himself. He told them to walk slowly, to talk slowly, go into each movement so slowly... as if you have no energy. And that creates a tremendous experience: your thoughts slow down, your desires slow down, your old habits all slow down.
For example if you smoke cigarettes, then your hand moves very slowly... goes into the pocket...
takes the cigarette out... puts the cigarette in the mouth... takes the matchbox. And you go slowly - it takes almost half an hour for one cigarette!... You will be surprised... and you will be able to see how you are doing things.
Just slow down for three weeks... but slow down. For three weeks simply slow down and then report to me how things are. This has to be broken - it can be broken. You know that it is you who creates, now you have to know how you create... and once you know the how, it is for you... If you want to, you can create in a better way; if you don't want to create, you can stop! It will go, mm? Good.
[An indian sannyasin, who is a filmstar, says she is miserable. Osho tells her that she is happy by nature but she uses sadness to get sympathy when she cannot find love. This morning (in the discourse) I was watching you: half the time you were sad, then half the time you were perfectly good. You forget, it seems! When you forget, you smile; when you remember, you are sad!
Osho continues that because she is not getting love, she uses sadness to get sympathy, but people are only attracted to happiness and if she drops being miserable, she will get as much love as she wants... more than she needs. I don't see that there is anything barring the path, Osho says, the door is open, and you miss the opportunity - that this is possible. You can miss the possibility, you can miss the opportunity that I am for you....
Osho had suggested groups for her including Encounter, but she said she ran away because she was afraid she would snap, go mad.]
You will have to go into a few groups, and once you have done one or two groups you will be surprised at how simple it is to get through things and how simple it is to take yourself out of your old patterns. It is so simple and people are so easily growing.
And that's what I mean that you can miss this opportunity.
There is one parable....
One man asked Jesus, 'You always talk about the kingdom of god - what is this kingdom of god?'
Jesus said that the kingdom of god is like the feast that was given by a rich man to celebrate his daughter's wedding. A rich man invited a few people for a feast, but one invited person said, 'I am too busy. Some guests have come and I cannot come.' Another said, 'Tomorrow I am leaving for a far-away journey. Sorry - I would have liked to come - but I am preparing for the journey and I cannot come.' A third said, 'Tomorrow there is a case in the court and I am so much puzzled and so worried, that this is not the right time for me to come to a feast'... and so on, so forth: nobody turned up.
When the messengers came back and the rich man said, 'Where are the guests? - because the feast is ready and we are waiting,' the messenger said that somebody had said this, somebody had said that. They all had excuses so nobody is coming.
So the rich man laughed and he said, 'Now go into the streets and find anybody - whosoever is willing. Find anybody, even beggars will do, but the feast is ready, the food is ready and it cannot be wasted...'
Jesus said that the kingdom of god is like this rich man's feast: god goes on inviting people and they go on finding excuses. They say 'Tomorrow I am going for a journey.' 'The guest has come and I am too busy.' 'I have purchased land' or 'Tomorrow there is a case in the court'... and they find excuses.
You are one of those people who go on finding excuses... and later on you will repent....
When I send you into a group, there is meaning in it. Ordinarily I am not sending Indians into the groups, you know. Very rarely do I send Indians to the groups. You may be the third or fourth person I have sent to the groups. I am not sending them because they are repressed people and they will not be able even to understand the language of the group.
You can understand the language; you have been brought up in a western way... and there is some problem. Your mind is western but your unconscious remains eastern, and there is a conflict.
Consciously you seem to be of this century - unconsciously you are not... and I would like to bridge that gap. Once that gap is bridged you will feel very very easy, relaxed; a let-go will happen. And that is possible only through groups, otherwise it is not possible. A group can do within a few days that which you cannot do in many months work on your own self. And who will work?
You will be working and again you will find the same excuses; today you are tired you cannot meditate, and tomorrow something else: you are working and you are going somewhere else. You have to take hold of your life if you really want to do something with it, otherwise it will be a wastage.
So even if it looks hard you have to go to at least two groups, to go through two groups, and then if you don't want any more I will not tell you to do more, but two groups you have to go through. So let it be a torture but go through it; let it be a punishment, but go through it.
And my feeling is that you will come out, and once you are out you will be a totally different person.
But you decide... whatever you feel like.
And you become so afraid of the group, that you have even stopped coming here. You must be afraid that whenever you come, I will say 'Go to the groups!'...
Something has to change within you - then you will be able to see things in a clearer way....