One needs the courage to be oneself
[Osho explains the meaning of prem veeresh. Prem means love and veeresh means courage, and you have to imbibe the spirit of love and courage. Love is the basic quality of the religious man, and out of love, courage grows.]
When I was a small child at school there was a wrestling competition for the whole district; I have never been able to forget that incident.
There was a wrestler, the most famous wrestler in those parts, who was defeated. He was going to be the champion, the district champion or something, and he was defeated by a totally unknown man! The whole crowd laughed in ridicule, people enjoyed it like anything! And I was surprised, everybody was surprised; in a second everybody fell silent, because he also clapped and laughed...
the man who had been defeated! He laughed so uproariously that the whole crowd fell silent in embarrassment; what was the matter with this man? And when they fell silent he laughed even more!
Later on I went to him; he was staying just in front of my house in a temple. And I said, 'This is strange - and I loved it! It was very unexpected!'
He said, 'It was so unexpected, that's why I also laughed! It was really unexpected. I had never expected that I would be defeated by an ordinary man of whom nobody has ever heard! The whole thing was ridiculous, that's why I laughed!'
But I have never been able to forget his face, the way he laughed and the way he clapped and the way the whole crowd fell silent. This man defeated the whole crowd and their ridicule... he participated! But great courage is needed!
To me he was the winner, and I told him, 'I am a small child and I cannot say much, but to me you are the winner and I will remember you.' After twenty years I visited his town and he came to see me.
He was a very old man now, and he said 'Do you remember me? I have not been able to forget your face either - a small child coming to me and saying "You are the real winner; the other is defeated.
You have defeated the whole crowd." I have not been able,' he said, 'to forget your face either.'
A great courage is needed in life to be yourself, in failure, in success, in appreciation, in condemnation, when you are going very high and when you are going very low... and all climates come.
[A sannyasin has recently separated from her lover, and said she still feels very sad. She has tried to make new friends, but feels lonely and sad.
Osho checks her energy.]
A few things, mm? The energy is in a perfectly good space. I can understand why you are feeling lonely but my suggestion is, don't stuff it with anything too fast; let it have its time. You need it - this is a very necessary gap, otherwise what happens is that one relationship is there and it ends.
You start feeling lonely; you jump into another relationship. All the rubbish of the first goes on being carried into the second. There has never been a space to clean: one guest has left, another has come in the house, and you had no time to clean. And that is very bad - it will destroy the other relationship That's how it goes on happening with people.
When you say good-bye to one relationship it takes a little time. It is not so easy to really say good-bye, mm? It goes slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly; slowly, slowly, again you become an individual.
When you are in a relationship you lose your individuality, you become part of a dyad. Then [you and your lover] are really one individual; that's the meaning of the couple. They suffer together, they are happy together; they are involved in every way with each other. They penetrate each other, they become members of each other. A few parts of his life will get into your parts, a few parts of your life will get into his parts. Mm? it is just as if you have one suitcase his clothes and your clothes are all in it together: everything is mixed up and in a mess.
When you get out of one relationship it is wiser to come out of it completely - slowly, slowly, you again emerge as an individual, because all relationship is against individuality. Hence, for thousands of years, people have left the world of relationship and gone into loneliness, because all relationship is basically against the individual. The relationship encroaches on you, the other starts overlapping you, and then you don't know who you are. Everything becomes coloured with the other... even small things start becoming coloured with the other.
If you are sitting in a room and there is a chair and [your lover] used to sit on the chair, suddenly, [he] is there. [He] is no more there, just the chair, but [he] has got involved with the chair. You have always seen him sitting on the chair; that chair was special and he loved it very much. Now that chair is no ordinary chair; for you at least, it has a psychological vibe. So to get out of these vibes it takes time... and you are coming out perfectly well.
When you start becoming an individual you start feeling lonely, you feel lonely. This is not tripping; this is therapeutic... it is not bad.
First, really become lonely! That means that the appetite has arisen again. There are two types of people: one person eats exactly at the time he always eats, he does not wait for the appetite. His lunchtime is there so he eats; he has forgotten what appetite is. All rich people forget what appetite is - before the appetite arises, they eat. A better way of eating is to wait for the appetite. It may not come at twelve - it may come at two or three or it may not come for one day. Next day it will come; it cannot remain not-coming forever.
When the appetite comes food is joy. When the appetite comes, when you have become individual and you start feeling really lonely, you are virgin again. That's what I mean by being individual. Again all that was your past has disappeared - those dead leaves have fallen. It is no more part of you:
you are out of it as a snake moves out of the dead skin, the old skin.
Then it will be easier to find a person You will have better eyes and a better perspective and a better flow. And it will be easier for somebody else to find you: your very appetite will attract somebody.
Right now you will be searching out of misery, not out of appetite - and these are different things.
Right now you will be simply searching for a substitute for [your lover]. [He] is missing; you want another [lover]. Let [him] go completely, be clean of him, and then you will be looking for somebody new. Somebody new is better because you have lived with [your lover], and if you get [him] again that will be miserable. Mm? again the same thing, the same trip will come in.
Wait. My feeling is that the energy is perfectly good. You are just coming out of the relationship; you are emerging: the flood is going, receding. Soon you will become an individual again, as you were before you ever fell in love with anybody.
A person becomes a virgin many times in his life if he can simply wait. Virginity has nothing to do with your body; that is a foolish attitude about virginity: virginity is the purity of the soul. One again becomes virgin in the sense that one is completely finished with the past. You are as fresh as you were when you fell in love for the first time.
Each love is for the first time - remember! And if the love is not for the first time then you are seeking a substitute. You are just missing somebody and you want to put somebody else in his place so that the chair is not empty... but that will not happen. lust wait.
And become happy with your loneliness - because this is good... I was waiting for it. The best thing in life is to attain to your individuality again and again and again; then by and by one becomes capable of a great art. One can fall in love, one can be in love, and remain intact in one's individuality - that is the lesson! Mm? then love is just joy, it is never pain; then it never brings any hell.
You are always in it and yet out of it; you never get too overwhelmed. You go into it, you go dancing into it. You enjoy it as much as possible but you remain capable of getting out of it any moment if the climate changes. If something goes wrong you can get out of it with no scar.
So wait a few weeks. Go on meeting people, be friendly, but don't be hankering - hankering is wrong.