Darshan 8 March 1978

The message is to never think about yourself in any way which condemns. One has to learn to respect oneself; that is the beginning of a great change. We have been taught to condemn, to despise, to hate. We have been told to love others but we have not been told to love ourselves, so we don't have a good image of ourselves. And without a good image of yourself, you will never be able to know who you are.

One does not want to look at oneself if one is condemned as a sinner. One can enter into oneself only when one feels that one is going into something beautiful. The beginning of love is to love oneself. The beginning of god is to think of oneself as divine. Nobody is a sinner, but if you believe you are a sinner you remain a sinner; it is only a question of belief.

Swayam means self, bhu means existent - self-existent. There are things which are not self-existent; they depend on others' existence. For example, water is not self-existent, it depends on hydrogen and oxygen; it is a combination. If hydrogen and oxygen disappear from existence, water will disappear. It is a secondary phenomenon, not primary.

Consciousness is a primary phenomenon. It is not a combination of anything else; it is itself. That is the meaning of swayambhu. You cannot disappear from existence. There is no way to destroy you; no death can kill you, no poison can touch you. The innermost core of your being is eternal. It has been always and it will be always. And it cannot be destroyed because it is not a composition, it cannot be destroyed because it is not caused by anything else.

Sam means right, buddho means awareness - right awareness. Awareness can also be wrong. It is wrong when it is cultivated, practised, forced, somehow managed by effort. Then it is wrong. It creates a tension in your being; rather than relaxing you it makes you more tense, it creates stress.

Awareness is right when it is spontaneous, when it is not forced, when it arises not out of effort but out of understanding. Sambuddho means right awareness. Don't practise it; a practised thing is always false. And when we start practising something we close the doors for the spontaneous; then the spontaneous cannot happen. You become so full of the practised that your very practice hinders it.

If somebody practises love, his love will be false; it will be a practised phenomenon, it will be rehearsed. He will be simply doing an act. He may perform it perfectly but the real will not be in it, the real cannot be in it. The real can never exist in the performed. It can be skilful, the false can be very skilful, very efficient; it can deceive the whole world but it cannot deceive you. You will know all the time that you were just making it, that it was an empty gesture, that you were not behind it, that it was not supported by you, that it had no roots in your being, that it was just a plastic flower.

Allow the spontaneous to happen, and the spontaneous happens just by living life intensely.

Whenever you live anything intensely there arises a kind of awareness which is totally different from the practised one. If you are running, are intensely in it, you will find a floating awareness around you. You need not make it, it is there. You are looking at a sunset: you are thrilled and you come to a peak of experience; suddenly there is awareness. It is always there when the peak comes. Just as at the peak it is always sunlit and the darkness disappears, so at any peak moment you are aware, and that awareness arises on its own accord. That is called sambuddho.

So live life intensely, totally; live life at the optimum. Put yourself utterly into each and everything that you do; don't hold.

Then love becomes awareness, walking becomes awareness; then even sleep becomes awareness, because at each peak awareness automatically happens and then it has a beauty of its own. The practised is a poor thing, a poor substitute.

[A sannyasin says: I sometimes think I can t open myself enough to your help because I have this feeling of total aloneness inside myself which I've had since ever I can remember. I would like you to help me, if you can, to open myself more to you. When I dance, when I do the Dynamic, which I've been doing every day, something marvellous happens to me. I feel so happy, happier than any time in my life. Then I close up again.]

No, don't be worried about closing up, mm? - because you can contain only so much; more than that can be destructive to the system. Slowly slowly, it will open. It is opening, that is the thing to be taken note of. If it is not opening then something has to be done; but it opens in your meditations, so perfectly good, you need not worry about it. Later on it has to close. If it doesn't close you will not be able to take in so much of existence, mm? - that will be a kind of bombardment and it will shatter your nerves. If you can be open only once in twenty-four hours that's more than enough; don't bother.... Later on one has to close up.

It is just as if you look at the sun your eyes will close immediately, mm? because your eyes have to protect themselves. You can take only a little bit of the sun; more than that will be difficult. The existence has so much and it is all pouring on you; the heart can open only in some moments. But the heart is opening so there is no problem; slowly slowly, it will open more and more.

And remember another thing: the length of the opening is not important, the depth is important.

Whether you remain open for one hour or two hours or six hours doesn't matter much. If you remain open only for a single moment, but you open up totally to the very core, that's enough. Length is not material, depth is what matters. And you are going perfectly well.

[A sannyasin returning to the west says there is some frustration in meditation. His legs seem disconnected from the flow of the rest of his body, and it is particularly uncomfortable during the first stage of Kundalini... from the knees down to the feet, which are burning a lot.

Osho checks his energy.]

Nothing to be worried about mm? The legs are not in tune with the body, that's true, but there is no need to be very worried about them. You can do just one thing every day that will help to make the energy flow. Before you take a bath, rub both your feet and legs below the knee with a dry towel; make them hot and then take a cold shower. Within three, four months the disparity will disappear.

It is not much of a problem to be worried about; even if it doesn't disappear, it is not going to harm your growth. But it will be good if it disappears, so just massage them.

Sometimes when you have time, put both your legs into hot water, just the legs; let them heat up, and then take a cold shower. First, heat them up and then take a cold shower, that will settle the energy. In just two, three months that problem will disappear. But it has nothing to do with your meditation, mm? you need not feel worried.

[A couple are returning to the West. The woman says she has an energy problem and has never experienced orgasm.]

You will need a few groups: Primal and Tantra will be of immense help. So when you come next time, mm? this problem will be solved. Don't be worried about it; it will be solved. It is simple, it is very simple.

You must have lived in a very very inhibiting family where sex was taboo, so it has gone deep into your system; your body has become afraid of sex. It goes into it, but reluctantly; it does not go welcoming it. Your mind is ready to go into it but the body keeps itself cool; the body keeps itself aloof, it does not co-operate. So sex has to be released from the body. Just do Primal and Tantra and the orgasm will be there.

Orgasm is something very essential. Without orgasm, many things will never happen to you.

Orgasm is almost a door to the divine. If orgasm becomes easy then prayer is easy, meditation is easy, everything becomes easy - one is in a flowing energy. Without orgasm the body becomes dull, insensitive, dead. It loses sensitivity, and because of that, many things become impossible. So orgasm is something very essential - it has to be solved. But just wait....

[Osho tells her to remember a couple of points: to be completely abandoned in love-making and to be the male, the active partner. If that doesn't remedy things, the situation can be reviewed when she comes next time.]

[Osho gives a name for a centre in the West.]

Mukta. It means ultimate freedom, freedom from the self. There are two possibilities of freedom.

The lower kind of freedom is freedom for the self: the self remains but becomes free. The higher freedom is freedom from the self itself: the self disappears, there is only freedom; there is nobody who is free, but there is freedom itself.

That is so in everything when it reaches to the ultimate peak. The lover disappears, only love remains; or it will be better to say: only loving remains. The dancer disappears, only dance remains; or it will be better to say: only dancing remains. So everything when it reaches to its ultimate peak has that transformation: the self disappears.

That is the meaning of the Buddhist word 'nirvana'; it means cessation of the self. One is and one is not; the presence is but it is a kind of absence. Those old polarities of positive and negative make no sense any more; they have dissolved into each other. Yin and yang are no more separate, man and woman are no more separate. This is unison. In fact this is what ordinarily we call god. God is an orgasmic experience in which the experiencer has disappeared. That's the meaning of mukta.

Start this centre and help people to be free from themselves... and come back!

[The sannyasin, who is a doctor specialising in chest disease, had previously written to Osho about a research scheme into the use of relaxation and visualisation exercises for inoperable lung cases.]

It's perfectly beautiful; continue. It is of immense significance. Let it be your meditation, work it out.

And when you are here permanently, through it you will have many people to help, so get ready.

Finally you have to be here, and everything will support your coming. There will be no problem...

not even from your wife. I will take care of things!

[A sannyasin says that he is fed up with his mind. I feel I'm never here and I never see anything at all. I try everything: I try meditation, I try to be aware, But often I don't feel it.

Osho checks his energy.]

Two things to be remembered.... One: don't try to stop it. That's how you are creating the whole problem; don't try to stop it. It is very natural to you; you will go crazy if you try to stop it. It will be like a tree trying to stop its leaves; the tree will go mad. The leaves are very natural to it.

You are a mind person. If you try to become a heart person you will create so much trouble for yourself, and unnecessarily, because there is a way which goes from the mind itself. There is no need to change yourself into a heart person, mm? That will be against your intrinsic nature. Always listen to your nature, follow your nature. To be natural is to be religious, and to be utterly in tune with your nature is all that is needed. So the first thing: don't try to stop your thinking; it's perfectly good.

The second thing: just not stopping will not be enough; the second is to enjoy it. Play with it! It is a beautiful game. Playing with it, enjoying it, welcoming it, you will start becoming more alert of it, more aware of it. But that awareness will come very very indirectly; it will not be an effort to become aware. That's what you have been doing: you are trying to become aware. Then the mind distracts you and you become angry with it. You feel that this is an ugly mind and it is constantly chattering; you want to be silent and it doesn't allow you. So you start feeling inimical towards the mind. That's

not good; that is dividing yourself into two. Then you and the mind become two and conflict and friction start. All friction is suicidal because it is your energy being wasted unnecessarily. We don't have that much energy to waste in fighting with ourselves. The same energy has to be used in joy.

So forget about being aware: rather, start enjoying the thought process. Just see the nuances of thoughts: how they take turns, how one thing leads to another, how they get hooked with each other.

It is really a miracle to watch. Just a small thought can take you to the farthest end, and if you look you don't see any connection. A dog starts barking and your thought process is triggered. The dog is forgotten; you remember a friend who had a beautiful dog. Now you are off! Then the friend is forgotten; you remember the friend's wife who was beautiful, and so you go on, and then other women.... Where you will end, nobody knows; and it all started with a dog barking!

Just watch and see the association of thought - how thoughts are linked, chained with each other - and enjoy it, let it be a game. Play it deliberately, and you will be surprised: sometimes just enjoying it, you will find those beautiful pauses I talk about. Suddenly you will find that the dog is barking and nothing is arising in your mind, no chain starts. The dog goes on barking and you go on listening; no thought arises. Small gaps will arise, but they are not to be produced. They come on their own, and when they come, they are beautiful. In those small gaps you will start watching the watcher; but that will be natural. Again thoughts will start and you will enjoy it. Go on easily, take it easy. Awareness will come to you but it will come indirectly.

Watching, enjoying seeing thoughts taking their turn is as beautiful as seeing the sea with millions of waves. This too is a sea, and thoughts are waves. But people go and enjoy the waves in the ocean and they don't enjoy the waves in their consciousness. I teach you to enjoy everything, otherwise we go on finding something or other to fight with. Mm? somebody is fighting with sex and somebody is fighting with anger, and somebody starts fighting with thinking, and somebody starts fighting with emotions and somebody with the body. But one thing is the same: they all fight. And to fight is to destroy yourself. There is no need to fight - love! All fighting energy has to be transformed into love energy.

So in the time you are here, forget about it. Even if I go on talking against the mind, remember: I am not talking to you! Otherwise you will collect clues.... And every day I go on talking against the mind. Allow me to talk but don't get caught in it. Just enjoy it, and soon things will start changing.

[A sannyasin says she wants Osho to tell her where to go, what to do?]

Mm mm! You mean a spiritual journey?...

That's what you want!...

No need to go anywhere. Just be here and enjoy!...

Mm, that's all. It is simple: just enjoy. What are you doing right now?

[She answers: I m working in the kitchen.]

That's great! Work there. Just work there and be in the herenow. There is nowhere to go, mm?

Good!

[A sannyasin says: Things seem to flow. I don't know if I am lazy and if I should push myself; I don't know what to do. I'm just confused about whether there's something to do.]

No, no need. Just remain relaxed; it is not laziness. It is your pace, it is your way of doing things; it is natural. Go slowly, go lazily; no need to be worried.

[She adds: Also I am extremely emotional all the time... strongly.]

No, allow that too, allow that too, mm? And sometimes this miracle happens too, that lazy people sometimes reach faster. So don't be worried. And emotions are also to be accepted, all has to be accepted. Somehow we go on carrying the idea of dropping this, getting that, changing this, this is not good, this has to be cancelled from your being, that thing is very beautiful, that has to be in your being.... Somehow we go on with this neurotic process.

Whatsoever is, is good and has to be accepted; and not accepted in a kind of defeatism but joyously.

Emotions are good, mm? - without emotions you will just be a rock. And that's what your so-called saints have been doing down the ages, and they become rocks. Their hearts become frozen and they become stony.

Sometimes it happens that those stupid saints become capable of talking with birds, with trees, but become almost unrelated to human beings. They cannot commune with human beings, because with human beings they suddenly become afraid that their emotions will come up. Those stupid saints will go on searching for lepers to kiss, but they cannot kiss a woman. What is the fear? The fear is that emotion may come again and somehow they are sitting on top of it. It is good to kiss a leper, mm? because how can any emotion come? - it is so repulsive. It is such a thing that one closes one's eyes and does it like a duty and then escapes. But those saints who will kiss a leper won't touch a woman. Now what kind of saintliness is this? With a woman the fear arises: the emotions may burst forth again.

Emotions are good. They are the highest things that have evolved through evolution; they are higher flowers than flowers. Welcome them, accept them, enjoy them. Sometimes they bring misery, that's true, because they bring ecstasy. Whatsoever brings ecstasy will sometimes bring agony too.

Sometimes they bring great misery; it is natural. Once you accept, then the agony and the ecstasy both are good. One simply swings from one to another, without choosing, without any preference.

That is freedom....