Transcendence - the true therapy

The first question:

Question 1:

Amitabh, Sigmund Freud introduced psychoanalysis into the world. It is rooted in analyzing the mind. It is confined to the mind. It does not step out of the mind, not even an inch. On the contrary, it goes deeper into the mind, into the hidden layers of the mind, into the unconscious, to find out ways and means so that the mind of man can at least be normal. The goal of Freudian psychoanalysis is not very great.

The goal is to keep people normal. But normality is not enough. Just to be normal is not of any significance. It means the normal routine of life and your capacity to cope with it.

It does not give you meaning, it does not give you significance. It does not give you insight into the reality of things. It does not take you beyond time, beyond death. It is at the most a helpful device for those who have gone so abnormal that they have become incapable of coping with their daily life - they cannot live with people, they cannot work, they have become shattered. Psychotherapy provides them a certain togetherness - not integrity, mind you, but only a certain togetherness. It binds them into a bundle.

They remain still fragmentary. Nothing becomes crystallized in them, no soul is born.

They don't become blissful, they are only less unhappy, less miserable.

Psychology helps them to accept the misery. It helps them to accept that this is all that life can give to you, so don't ask for more. In a way, it is dangerous to their inner growth, because the inner growth happens only when there is a divine discontent.

When you are absolutely unsatisfied with things as they are, only then do you go in the search, only then do you start rising higher, only then do you make efforts to pull yourself out of the mud.

Jung went a little further into the unconscious. He went into the collective unconscious.

This is getting more and more into muddy water, and this is not going to help.

Assagioli moved to the other extreme. Seeing the failure of psychoanalysis he invented psychosynthesis. But it is rooted in the same idea. Instead of analysis he emphasizes synthesis.

The psychology of the buddhas is neither analysis nor synthesis; it is transcendence, it is going beyond the mind. It is not work within the mind, it is work that takes you outside the mind. That's exactly the meaning of the English word 'ecstasy' - to stand out.

When you are capable of standing out of your own mind, when you are capable of creating a distance between your mind and your being, then you have taken the first step of the psychology of the buddhas. And a miracle happens: when you are standing out of the mind all the problems of the mind disappear, because mind itself disappears; it loses its grip over you.

Psychoanalysis is like pruning leaves of the tree, but new leaves will be coming up. It is not cutting off the roots. And psychosynthesis is sticking the fallen leaves back onto the tree again - gluing them back to the tree. That is not going to give them life either. They will look simply ugly; they will not be alive, they will not be green, they will not be part of the tree - but glued, somehow.

The psychology of the buddhas cuts the very roots of the tree which create all kinds of neuroses, psychoses, which create the fragmentary man, the mechanical man, the robotlike man. And the way is simple....

Psychoanalysis takes years, and still the man remains the same. It is renovating the old structure, patching up here and there, whitewashing the old house. But it is the same house, nothing has radically changed. It has not transformed the consciousness of the man.

The psychology of the buddhas does not work within the mind. It has no interest in analyzing or synthesizing. It simply helps you to get out of the mind so that you can have a look from the outside. And that very look is a transformation. The moment you can look at your mind as an object you become detached from it, you become disidentified from it; a distance is created, and roots are cut.

Why are roots cut in this way? - because it is you who goes on feeding the mind. If you are identified you feed the mind; if you are not identified you stop feeding it. It drops dead on its own accord.

There is a beautiful story. I love it very much....

One day Buddha is passing by a forest. It is a hot summer day and he is feeling very thirsty. He says to Ananda, his chief disciple, "Ananda, you go back. Just three, four miles back we passed a small stream of water. You bring a little water - take my begging bowl. I am feeling very thirsty and tired." He had become old.

Ananda goes back, but by the time he reaches the stream, a few bullock carts have just passed through the stream and they have made the whole stream muddy. Dead leaves which had settled into the bed have risen up; it is no longer possible to drink this water - it is too dirty. He comes back empty-handed, and he says, "You will have to wait a little. I will go ahead. I have heard that just two, three miles ahead there is a big river. I will bring water from there."

But Buddha insists. He says, "You go back and bring water from the same stream."

Ananda could not understand the insistence, but if the master says so, the disciple has to follow. Seeing the absurdity of it - that again he will have to walk three, four miles, and he knows that water is not worth drinking - he goes.

When he is going, Buddha says, "And don't come back if the water is still dirty. If it is dirty, you simply sit on the bank silently. Don't do anything, don't get into the stream.

Sit on the bank silently and watch. Sooner or later the water will be clear again, and then you fill the bowl and come back."

Ananda goes there. Buddha is right: the water is almost clear, the leaves have moved, the dust has settled. But it is not absolutely clear yet, so he sits on the bank just watching the river flow by. Slowly slowly, it becomes crystal-clear. Then he comes dancing. Then he understands why Buddha was so insistent. There was a certain message in it for him, and he understood the message. He gave the water to Buddha, and he thanked Buddha, touched his feet.

Buddha says, "What are you doing? I should thank you that you have brought water for me."

Ananda says, "Now I can understand. First I was angry; I didn't show it, but I was angry because it was absurd to go back. But now I understand the message. This is what I actually needed in this moment. The same is the case with my mind - sitting on the bank of that small stream, I became aware that the same is the case with my mind. If I jump into the stream I will make it dirty again. If I jump into the mind more noise is created, more problems start coming up, surfacing. Sitting by the side I learned the technique.

"Now I will be sitting by the side of my mind too, watching it with all its dirtiness and problems and old leaves and hurts and wounds, memories, desires. Unconcerned I will sit on the bank and wait for the moment when everything is clear."

And it happens on its own accord, because the moment you sit on the bank of your mind you are no longer giving energy to it. This is real meditation. Meditation is the art of transcendence.

Freud talks about analysis, Assagioli about synthesis. Buddhas have always talked about meditation, awareness.

You ask me, Amitabh, "What is the uniqueness of this third psychology?"

Meditation, awareness, watchfulness, witnessing - that is the uniqueness. No psychoanalyst is needed. You can do it on your own; in fact, you have to do it on your own. No guidelines are needed, it is such a simple process - simple if you do it; if you don't do it, it looks very complicated. Even the word 'meditation' scares many people.

They think it something very difficult, arduous. Yes, if you don't do it it is difficult and arduous. It is like swimming. It is very difficult if you don't know how to swim, but if you know, you know it is so simple a process. Nothing can be more simple than swimming. It is not an art at all; it is so spontaneous and so natural.

Be more aware of your mind. And in being aware of your mind you will become aware of the fact that you are not the mind, and that is the beginning of the revolution. You have started flowing higher and higher. You are no longer tethered to the mind. Mind functions like a rock and keeps you. It keeps you within the field of gravitation. The moment you are no longer attached to the mind, you enter the buddhafield. When gravitation loses its power over you, you enter into the buddhafield. Entering the buddhafield means entering into the world of levitation. You start floating upwards.

Mind goes on dragging you downwards.

So it is not a question of analyzing or synthesizing. It is simply a question of becoming aware. That's why in the East we have not developed any psychotherapy like Freudian or Jungian or Adlerian - and there are so many in the market now. We have not developed a single psychotherapy because we know psychotherapies can't heal. They may help you to accept your wounds, but they can't heal. Healing comes when you are no longer attached to the mind. When you are disconnected from the mind, unidentified, absolutely untethered, when the bondage is finished, then healing happens.

Transcendence is true therapy, and it is not only psychotherapy. It is not only a phenomenon limited to your psychology, it is far more than that. It is spiritual. It heals you in your very being. Mind is only your circumference, not your center.

The second question:

Question 2:

My whole effort here is to help you drown, because the moment you disappear, God appears. To be drowned is to reach the other shore.

Yes, you are right, Mradula. If I was trying to take everybody to the other shore, it would be really difficult: one lifeguard and one hundred thousand people to be taken to the other shore. It will be really tiring and almost impossible, unmanageable. Then every possibility is that you will drown the lifeguard!

But the beauty of my work is that it is not a question of going to the other shore. If you are drowned, in that very drowning you have reached the other shore. So I need not remember everybody, his name, face - there is no need for me to be bothered with all that. My whole concern is to push you into the water, and then the water takes care.

And really it is a deep ocean, and there is no possibility of anybody ever crossing it - so whether you are a terrible swimmer or not does not matter. If you are a terrible swimmer that is better, you will drown sooner than others! Those who can swim a little longer will remain a little longer in misery because they will be saving themselves.

There are people here who are good swimmers, but they are the unfortunate ones. The really fortunate ones are those who don't know even the ABC of swimming, so the moment I push them in the water they are gone down! And that is the way to reach the other shore - because only your ego drowns; you cannot. Only your ego dies; you cannot. You were never born and you will never die. No ocean can destroy you. No power can destroy you. No fire can consume you. That's why I go on pushing you without any worry about you - whether you know swimming or not, whether you will be able to reach the other shore or not. I talk about the other shore so that I can persuade you to jump into the ocean. Once you have jumped I forget all about you! I have to persuade others too!

So, Mradula, don't be worried. You are fortunate that you are not a good swimmer.

Soon you will be drowned. And the moment you are gone, that is the greatest moment of your life, because in that very death is resurrection.

The third question:

Question 3:

Nigel, meditation and understanding are synonymous. So when I say "understand in meditation," I am simply saying to be silent, quiet, cool, and see. You are not to do anything else, you have to be just silent, cool and calm, and see. And understanding arises on its own accord. It is the fragrance of being silent.

Misunderstanding arises because your mind is very cloudy, noisy. Your mind never allows you to see that which is, never allows you to hear that which is said to you.

Buddhas come and go but you remain the same. Yes, you become Christians and you become Buddhists, and you become Hindus, but you don't change. These are your strategies to escape change, to avoid the awakened ones.

You ask me, "What do you mean by understanding something in meditation?"

It is not a great problem. Meditation IS understanding. You are trying to figure it out intellectually, and that is not possible. You are trying to think about it, what it is all about. Whatsoever conclusion you arrive at will be wrong.

It is not a question of thinking what is meant by it. Meditate, and experience. It is something to be experienced.

You say, "How does one go about it...?"

One does not go at all about it, otherwise you will go about and about. The word 'about' means around, and you will go around and around in circles. Don't make it an intellectual question; it is an existential approach. But the very word 'understanding' has misled you, because by 'understanding' we always think 'intellectual understanding'. That is not so. There is nothing like intellectual understanding.

Intellectual understanding is pseudo. It is misunderstanding pretending to be understanding. The word 'understand' is beautiful.

When you are in meditation everything stands under you, you are so above it. That's the meaning of understanding. Everything is there far below you, so you can see... like a bird's-eye view. You can see the whole from your altitude. Intellect cannot see it; it is on the same plane. Understanding happens only when the problem is on one plane and you are on a higher plane. If you are also on the same plane, understanding is not possible. You will misunderstand only. And that is one of the greatest problems to be encountered by every seeker.

Jesus says again and again to his disciples, "If you have ears, hear; if you have eyes, see." He was not talking to blind people or deaf people, he was just talking to people like you. But why does he go on insisting? - for the simple reason that hearing is not listening, and seeing is not true seeing. You see one thing and you understand something else. Your mind immediately distorts it. Your mind is upside down. It makes a mess of everything. It is in confusion, and you look through that confusion, so the whole world looks confused.

Old Nugent loved his cat, Tommy, so dearly he tried to teach it to talk.

"If I can get Tommy to converse with me," he reasoned, "I won't have to bother with ordinary humans at all."

First he tried a diet of canned salmon, then one of canaries. Tommy liked both - but he didn't learn to talk. Then one day Nugent had two extremely talkative parrots cooked in butter and served to Tommy with asparagus and french fries. Tommy licked the plate clean, and then - wonder of wonders - suddenly turned to his master and shouted, "Look out!"

Nugent didn't move. The ceiling caved in and buried the old man under a mass of debris. Tommy shook his head and said, "Eight years he spends getting me to talk, and then the dummy doesn't listen!"

You go thousands of miles to listen to a master and then "... the dummy doesn't listen."

The mind cannot, it is impossible for the mind to listen; it is not in a state of receptivity.

The mind is aggressive, it jumps to conclusions so fast, so quickly that it misses the whole point. In fact, it has already concluded, it is simply waiting for its conclusion to be proved right.

Nigel, please don't try to understand; rather try to meditate. You must be new here.

Dance, sing, meditate, let the mind settle a little bit. Let this stream of the mind, which is full of dead leaves and dirt, settle down a little. Let it become clean and clear, transparently clear; only then will you be able to understand what I am saying. Then it is so simple. I am not talking very complicated philosophy - it is not philosophy at all - I am simply indicating towards certain truths which I have experienced, and you can experience any moment you decide to experience. But it has to be a journey.

You say, "How does one go about it, and what part of oneself is involved in the understanding?"

It is not a question of any part being involved in it. Your totality is involved.

Meditation is not of the body, not of the mind, not of the soul. Meditation simply means your body, your mind, your soul, all functioning in such a harmony, in such wholeness, humming beautifully; they are in a melody... one. Your whole being - body, mind, soul, are all involved in meditation. That's why my effort here is to start every meditation with the body. That is something new.

In the ancient days people tried to start meditation directly in your innermost core. That is a difficult process. You don't know anything about your inner center; how can you start your journey from somewhere where you have never been? You can start your journey only from where you already are. You are in the body, hence my emphasis is on dancing, singing, breathing - so you can start from the body. When the body starts becoming meditative.... And don't be puzzled by my use of the word 'meditative' for the body. Yes, the body becomes meditative. When it is in a deep dance, when it is functioning perfectly, undividedly, as a whole, it has a meditative quality about it, a certain grace, a beauty.

Then move inwards, then start watching the mind. Then the mind starts settling down.

And when the mind has also settled, has become one with the body, then turn towards the center - a one-hundred-and-eighty degree turn - and a great peace will descend on you. It will pulsate from your soul to the body, from the body to the soul. In that pulsation you will be one.

So don't ask what part of oneself is involved in the understanding. Your totality is involved. And only when your totality is involved, there is understanding. Your body knows about it, your mind knows about it, your soul knows about it. Then you start functioning in unison, in unity. Otherwise the body says one thing, the mind says another, and the soul goes on in its own way. And you are always moving into different directions simultaneously. Your body is hungry, your mind is full of lust, and you are trying to be meditative. That's why I am not in favor of fasting - unless it is done purely for health purposes, as a dieting for reducing weight, or maybe once in a while just for purifying, so the whole stomach is left for one day to rest, so the whole digestive system can sometimes get a holiday. Otherwise, it is continuously working and working and working - it too gets tired.

Now scientists say even machines get tired. They call it metal-fatigue, just like mental fatigue. Even metal needs rest, and your stomach is not made of metal, remember. It is not even made of plastic. It is made of fragile material, very fragile material. But it works your whole life. It is good sometimes to give it a holiday. Even God had to rest one day - after six days work he rested for one day. Even God gets tired.

So sometimes, just out of kindness for the poor stomach, who works for you continuously, fasting is okay. But I don't suggest it - that it is going to be helpful in meditation. When you are hungry your body wants you to go to the fridge.

I am against repressing your sex, because if you repress sex, whenever you will sit silently your mind will start fantasizing about sex. When you are occupied with other things the mind goes on fantasizing like an undercurrent, but when you are not doing anything it comes into the light. It starts demanding, it creates beautiful fantasies: alluring beauties surround you. How can you meditate?

In fact, the old traditions have created all kinds of barriers to meditation, and then they say, "Meditation is very difficult." Meditation is not difficult; meditation is a simple process, a natural process. But if you create unnecessary hindrances, then you make it something like a hurdle race. You create barriers: you put rocks on the way... you hang rocks around your neck, you keep yourself chained, imprisoned, locked from within and the key thrown out.... Then of course it becomes more and more difficult, more and more impossible.

My effort here is to make meditation a natural phenomenon. Give to the body what is the body's need, and give to the mind what is the mind's need. And then you will be surprised, they become very friendly. And when you tell the body, "Now for one hour allow me to sit silently," the body says, "Okay. You have been doing so much for me, you have been so respectful towards me, I can do at least this much for you."

And when you say to the mind, "Please, keep yourself silent for a few minutes. Let me have a little rest," the mind will understand you. If you have not been repressing, if you have honored the mind, respected the mind, if you have not condemned it, then the mind will also become silent.

I am saying this from my own experience. Respect the body, respect the mind, so that they respect you. Create a friendliness. They are yours; don't be antagonistic. All the old traditions teach you to be antagonistic to the body and the mind; they create enmity, and through enmity you cannot move into meditation. Then the mind will disturb you more when you are meditating than at any other time. Then the body will become restless - more in meditation than at any other time. It will take revenge, it won't allow you to sit silently. It will create so many problems for you.

If you have tried to sit silently for a few minutes you will know. Imaginary things will start happening. You will think that some ant is creeping on your leg, and when you look there is no ant. Strange.... When you were sitting with closed eyes you felt absolutely that it was there, creeping, coming, coming, coming... and when you open your eyes there is no ant, nothing. It was just the body playing tricks with you. You have been playing tricks with the body. You have been deceiving the body in many ways, so now the body is deceiving you. When the body wants to go to sleep you force it to sit in a cinema hall. The body says, "Okay. When the right opportunity arises I will see to it." So when you sit in meditation the body starts creating problems for you.

Suddenly you start feeling your back needs scratching... and you are surprised because it never happens ordinarily.

One woman brought for me a plastic hand with a battery attached to it, to scratch your back. I said, "But why have you brought this to me?"

She said, "You must be sitting in meditation.... Whenever I sit in meditation the only problem is my back starts... I feel so much like I have to scratch it, and I cannot reach it.

So I have purchased this hand. This is very handy! You put it on and it can scratch anywhere. So I was just thinking that you must be sitting in meditation... you will need this!"

I said, "I never sit in meditation. I AM in meditation, so I don't need to sit. Whatsoever I am doing I am in meditation. If my back needs scratching I will scratch it meditatively.

What is wrong in scratching your own back? You are not scratching somebody else's back."

Just take care of the body and the body will repay you tremendously. Take care of your mind and the mind will be helpful. Create friendship, and meditation comes easily.

Rather than trying to understand... because understanding is not possible before meditation, only MISunderstanding.

A man walked into a pub one night and sat down at the bar to drink a beer.

While he was engaged in conversation with the man on the stool beside him, a monkey clambered down one of the bar posts, stopped at his glass and pissed in his beer.

The man noticed it too late.

"Hey!" he exclaimed. "Did you see that? That monkey just pissed in my beer!"

"Well, no use tellin' me about it," said his neighbor. "Tell the barkeeper - he owns this place."

The man called the barkeeper over.

"Hey!" he said. "Do you know that while I was talking with this gentleman a monkey came over and pissed in my beer?"

"Nothin' to do with me," said the landlord. "Go and have a word with the pianist over there - it is his monkey!"

The man walked over with his pint mug, tapped the pianist on the shoulder and said, "Hey, do you know your monkey has just pissed in my beer?"

"No," said the pianist, "but if you sing the words, I will play it."

The fourth question:

Question 4:

Vedant Bharti... so please don't drop it!

The venerable old rabbi, known throughout the land for his wisdom, lay in a coma, very near death. On either side of his bed hovered his most worshipful disciples.

"Rebbenyu," pleaded the spokesman for the grieving congregants, "please do not leave us without a final word of wisdom. Speak to us for the last time, dear Rabbi." For a few moments there was no response, and the weeping visitors feared he had passed on to his well-earned reward. But suddenly the rabbi's lips moved ever so slightly. They bent over him to hear his final words.

"Life is a cup of tea," he whispered in a faint voice.

The disciples looked at each other in perplexity. What did he mean? What great secret of life was hidden in that mystic statement? For the better part of an hour they exchanged opinions, analyzing the sentence from every conceivable standpoint, but they could not decipher the deeper meaning.

"We must ask him before it is too late," said the leader. Once again, he leaned over the still figure of the revered sage. "Rabbi, Rabbi," he called out urgently, "we implore you to explain. Why is life a cup of tea?"

With his last spark of energy, the rabbi lifted his palms and croaked, "Alright, so life is not a cup of tea."

Vedant Bharti, you say, "Is not ego a part of divine play? Who am I to drop it?"

If you are enjoying the divine play, please don't drop it. And there is one fear also:

somebody may pick it up. It is better you keep yours. One to one is more than enough; somebody will have two if you drop it.

And do you understand what is meant by divine play? If you understand it, then where is the ego? If you understand it is all divine play, the ego has disappeared. The ego exists only when you take life seriously. Ego is a very serious phenomenon - false, but serious. If life is a divine play, if you have come to this great wisdom, then where is the ego? Then you are just playing a part, you need not be identified with it. You are acting only. You need not become your acting. Ego simply means you become identified with your part, so much so that you forget that you are separate, you forget that you are consciousness. You become lost in the acting itself, you become it - that's what ego is.

Ego is not something that you have to drop. Ego is only a misunderstanding. You don't drop misunderstandings, you simply understand and the misunderstanding is no more there. You don't drop darkness, you simply bring light in and it is not found at all. Not that first you bring light in, then you catch hold of darkness and throw it out of the house - there is no need. If you are really aware that it is a divine play, that means light has been brought in. Then you cannot ask the second thing.

If it is your understanding that life is a divine play, then you cannot ask, "Who am I to drop it?" Then you are not, you disappear. There is no dropper and nothing to be dropped.

But the first part of your question is not your understanding. So please, if you have dropped it, put it back, because there are so many foolish people, somebody may pick it up.

An angry mother dragged her nine-year-old son to the doctor's office and asked, "Is a nine-year-old boy able to perform an appendix operation?"

The doctor barked impatiently, "Of course not!"

The mother said to the kid, "So, was I right? Put it back!"

The fifth question:

Question 5:

Prem Sunderam, if listening to me a desire arises for awareness, then you have missed the point. Listening to me you will become aware. If you are rightly listening, then awareness will happen through listening. If you are not listening, then a desire will arise to be aware. Desire means tomorrow you will be aware - you want to be aware tomorrow. And if you are really listening to me, who bothers about tomorrow? This moment is all that is - you ARE aware.

See right now....

This is awareness: the birds chirping, the silence, three thousand people lost into one organic, oceanic unity, as if there is nobody. This is awareness, and the taste of it will transform you. And then wherever you want to be aware you can be aware. It is something that is happening in you. Listening to me is only a device.

I am not here preaching to you; this is only a meditative device. Just as you are doing other meditations, this is also a meditation in which I participate with you so that your minds can become engaged with me, and your hearts can slip deep into your very core.

Sunderam, if a desire arises for meditation, for awareness, then you have missed the whole point, because desire is a barrier. Either be aware right now - either now or never! You can't say "Tomorrow...." The moment you say tomorrow you have postponed it forever.

Yes, a desire is antithetical to awareness. Listening to me, understand that a desire is antithetical to awareness. Desirelessness is awareness. Seeing that desirelessness is awareness, how can you desire awareness? When, sitting with me each morning, you become silent, what is happening? There is no desire to be silent - that's what is happening. Because there is no desire to be silent you are simply silent, and then that silence will go on surrounding you for the whole day.

And if you see the point then there is no need for any special situation for you to be aware in. You can be aware anywhere. In the very marketplace you can suddenly become aware. It is not a question of desiring; it is becoming aware suddenly. Any moment shake yourself a little, wake yourself a little.

Two drunks were riding a roller coaster when one turned to the other and said, "We may be making good time, but I've a feeling that we're on the wrong bus."

If you are postponing for tomorrow you are on the wrong bus; you are drunk; you are unconscious.

A policeman appeared in court as a witness against Max Loeb, arrested for being drunk in public.

"How do you know the defendant was intoxicated?" inquired the magistrate.

"No doubt about it at all," said the officer. "When I saw him, he was dropping a penny in a parking meter. Then he looked up at the big clock on the City Hall building and moaned, 'My God, I have gained eleven pounds!'" Just a little consciousness.... And it can happen only now. God knows only one time, now, and only one place - here. He knows no past, no future, he knows only the present. If you want to have any communion with reality you have to be aware right now.

Wife: "How did you happen to hit a telephone pole?"

Drunk: "I hit it in self-defense."

Just watch your life, what you are doing to yourself.

The fireman was pulling the drunk out of the burning bed. "You fool," he shouted, "that will teach you to smoke in bed!"

The drunk answered, "I was not smoking in bed - it was on fire when I lay down."

So shake yourself. Don't say tomorrow. Whenever you remember, whenever you remember me, whenever you remember Buddha, whenever you remember Jesus, just shake yourself. Wake up! See all around - the people, the trees, the birds. Be silent, available to existence, in a deep deep let-go... and awareness, slowly slowly, will go on penetrating deeper and deeper into you.

Mulla Nasruddin was saying to me:

"I am the sensitive type - a poet. When I see a beautiful woman I want to cry... or write a poem... or jump on her!

"I was at a party in my hotel and I met this really great girl, and we drank champagne. I managed to get her up to my room. I locked the door and took off my glasses - showed her no mercy! And I winked... and she winked. And I took off my shirt... and she took off her shirt. I took off my pants... and she took off her pants - and I lunged at her. Then I realized I had been looking into a mirror. I was taking glass out of my legs for weeks. I must say I was the best I ever had!"

The last question:

Question 6:

Levin, me? An anti-Semite? You must be crazy!

Louie Feldman - a traveling salesman - caught the last train out of Grand Central Station, but in his haste he forgot to pack his toiletry set.

The following morning he arose bright and early and made his way to the lavatory at the end of the car. Inside he walked up to a washbasin that was not in use.

"Excuse me," said Louie to a man who was bent over the basin next to his, "I forgot to pack all my stuff last night. Mind if I use your soap?"

The stranger gave him a searching look, hesitated momentarily, and then shrugged.

"Okay, help yourself."

Louie murmured his thanks, washed, and again turned to the man. "Mind if I borrow your towel?"

"No, I guess not."

Louie dried himself, dropped the wet towel to the floor and inspected his face in the mirror. "I could use a shave," he commented. "Would it be alright with you if I use your razor?"

"Certainly," agreed the man in a courteous voice.

"How you fixed for shaving cream?"

Wordlessly, the man handed Louie his tube of shaving cream.

"You got a fresh blade? I hate to use one that somebody else already used. Can't be too careful, you know."

Louie was given a fresh blade. His shave completed, he turned to the stranger once more. "You wouldn't happen to have a comb handy, would you?"

The man's patience had stretched dangerously near the breaking point, but he managed a wan smile and gave Louie his comb.

Louie inspected it closely. "You should really keep this comb a little cleaner," he admonished as he proceeded to wash it. He then combed his hair and again addressed his benefactor whose mouth was now drawn in a thin, tight line.

"Now, if you don't mind, I will have a little talcum powder, some after-shave lotion, some toothpaste and a toothbrush."

"By God, I never heard of such damn nerve in my life!" snarled the outraged stranger.

"Hell, no! Nobody in the whole world can use my toothbrush."

He slammed his belongings into their leather case and stalked to the door, muttering, "I gotta draw the line some place!"

"Anti-Semite!" yelled Louie.

Enough for today.