Darshan 7 August 1976

[To a visitor who is a primal therapist.]

And can you remember yourself as a small cell in the womb?

[She answers: Yes.]

Just close your eyes and feel that you are becoming smaller and smaller, so I can feel where you are going and what more can be done. If something happens in the body, allow it....

Very good... come back - the energy is really moving. It is not just a memory - you can relive it.

Many times it happens that people start imagining, but you are not - it is really happening. Much more can be done: you can go even further back. That means you can remember your past life and can move into it easily - just a little effort is needed. The energy is already moving towards the source, towards the seed, so start helping it a little more.

When you meditate and you feel that you have become just a small seed, then just allow and try to find out all that is happening around you. Then you may be able to see your father and mother making love. Because that is the first thing that life starts with. When a child enters the womb, the first experience is of two persons making love. The child encircles them, moves around, feels whether to enter or not, hesitates, takes one step forwards and one step backwards and then takes the plunge and moves into the womb.

And when you can remember it, even vaguely - just like two shadows making love.... It will not be very clear, because it cannot be. It will be just a very vague feeling of two shadows making love, and you are hesitating.... Then you can remember even further back - the death that happened before this life. And then there will be another scream which is even more primal than the primal scream.

That is the death cry. What janov calls 'the primal scream' is a birth cry. It is nothing compared to that.

It will come... it is there. The primal scream simply opens the door to the death scream. So don't stop there - go ahead. Go more deeply into it. And once you have come to see the death scream and it has come out, you will be completely released, you will be completely cleaned. Then there will be no hindrance for your energy. For the first time you will become really alive - alive moment to moment.

[A sannyasin says: I want to stop running.]

Mm, that will happen. Are you tired of running? Really?

... Then there is no problem. People say that they want to stop, but they are not yet tired - so they say one thing and they do just the opposite. Because to stop running means to stop ambition. To stop running means to stop desire. To stop running means to drop the future completely - to live here and now. Then there is no running. If there is a then and there, one runs; one has to run.

To stop running means to stop the goal-oriented mind. It is the greatest renunciation there is - not to desire any goal and just to be here and now, no improvement, no progress, no reaching... just to enjoy oneself as one is. No 'should', no 'ought'... just to be like an animal, or like a tree or like a rock.

So if you are really tired there is no problem. You can stop from this very moment. But you have to understand, otherwise just trying to stop it is not going to help, because even the effort to stop it can become a running. That's the whole problem with the mind. Mm? You can start running to stop running. You can start jumping and jogging because you have to stop running and you have to do this and that. You can create desire and you can create a goal saying, 'Unless I stop running, I am not going to be happy.' Again you have created a goal - in the name of no-goal.

It is a question of simple understanding. It has nothing to do with any action. Action cannot be stopped by another action. Action can only be stopped in a non-active understanding, in a passive understanding. So just see the point - that there is nowhere to go. Just see the point that for the whole of your life you have been running and you are reaching nowhere. You are simply wasting the time that is available to you to enjoy and delight in. You go on sacrificing the present for the future, and the future never comes.

You go on killing today for tomorrow, and tomorrow is just illusory, a mirage. And when tomorrow comes, it is today. It always comes as today. Then again you sacrifice it for some tomorrow that never comes. So just see it. And there is nothing to do. What else is there to do? One has seen the point - one starts living.

So delight in small things: eat and enjoy, love and enjoy. Go for a morning walk and enjoy. Sit while it is raining and enjoy. Lie down and enjoy. Each moment, small things, tiny things, of no importance for the ego, but very very important for life.... Enjoy gossiping, chit-chatting, singing, dancing, whatsoever. Whatsoever you feel to do, do it and enjoy it. Don't make it a means to some other end. Let it be the very end itself.... It will happen.

And do a few groups here. Don't think that they are going to give something; they are something.

The value is intrinsic. So don't look for any results out of them; there is none. In fact, life has no meaning - meaning as a result - there is none. Life is tremendously meaningful, but not as a result...

as activity, as process, not as a goal.

So do the enlightenment intensive as a process. Enjoy doing it. Don't wait for something to come out of it. There is nothing. You will come out of it (a chuckle). So simply enjoy it, and then you enjoy soma. Your whole work here this time is to enjoy, mm? Good.

The soma group is present. The group leader says: It was a beautiful group... couldn't have been better.

There's a question inside me to do with the mind, with thinking or being thought through, discerning action or non-action, being one with the meditations and being very separate and distant, understanding in a new way and not understanding.]

Mm mm, don't make a problem out of it. In fact it is a solution, not a problem. Whenever a new way of understanding arises, in a sense one starts feeling that one understands no more, because all the old patterns of understanding disappear. And that's what you were always thinking was your understanding. So when the whole edifice collapses you feel that you understand no more; you don't know what is any more. And yet a subtle feeling arises that a new way of looking at things is happening. These both come together, they are bound to come together; they cannot come separately.

If the old style of thinking and the old patterns of the mind continue then the new cannot arise, because the new arises only out of the death of the old. When the old ceases, only then the new arises. So this is a transitory period - where the old has collapsed and the new is so new and unfamiliar that you have not yet settled with it. It is just like changing a house. One is taking all one's things away in a truck. The old is left and the truck is just on the way and the new has not arrived. A transitory period... but good, beautiful. Something is growing.

Whenever something new arises one feels as if all understanding is lost, because the past pattern no more functions. So be happy about it, and don't make a problem out of it, If you make a problem out of it there is every possibility that you may again start pulling out of the old, clinging to the old, bringing it back home. It's good. A new understanding is always a sort of non-understanding.

The real beginning of knowledge is always a beginning of feeling oneself to be ignorant. The upanishads say, 'Those who think they know, know not,' because the very idea that you know does not allow you to know. The very idea that one is ignorant makes you vulnerable, open. Like a child, your eyes are full of wonder. Then it is difficult to decide whether the thoughts are yours or they are entering you from the outside, because one has lost all moorings. And there is no way to judge, no criterion to judge whether these thoughts that are arising in you are yours or somebody else's thoughts entering you. But there is no need to be worried because basically the mind is only one, it is the universal mind - call it god or call it in jungian terms 'the collective unconscious'.

We are separate only on the surface, deep down we are not separate. Just the visible part is separate, the invisible part is still one. So when you relax and you become silent and you become

more humble, more childlike, more innocent, then it will be difficult in the beginning to see whether these thoughts are ours, are coming out of the blue, or somebody else is sending his messages and you are just a receiving end. But they are coming from nowhere. They are coming from the deepest core of your being - but that is the core of everybody else also.

So a really original thought is nobody's. . . it carries nobody's signature. It is simply there out of the collective, out of the universal, out of the one mind - mind with a capital 'M'. So when the individual mind, the ego mind relaxes, the universal mind starts over-flooding you. That's what's happening.

Allow it, enjoy it. Become as perfect a receiver as possible, and don't be bothered by the anxiety of whether this is yours or not. Nothing is yours or everything is yours. So decide either way. Both are right. Either say 'everything is mine' then there is no problem, or say 'nothing is mine'; then too there is no problem. But don't create a problem out of it, otherwise the beauty of it, the innocence will be disturbed. Good.

[A group member said that during the astral projection exercises he tried to contact Osho, but only got a blank. and how can he relate to Osho.]

That blank is me - you relate with that blank. You are trying to relate with some idea of yourself.

I am not your idea. That emptiness is me. If you relate with that emptiness you will be relating with me. You are trying to project something. Your mind is playing games with you. Simply forget me.

Just see that emptiness; that is me. Forget the form... just look deeper. And that is the miracle of miracles. It has happened to you but you missed it because you have some ideas of what should happen.

Next time you start feeling blank, feel blessed. Let it sink in you and be drowned in it. You are in contact - it Is just that you are not being able to interpret it rightly, that's all. I am showering on you but you have not been able to understand it, that's all.

So next time it happens, just drop all ideas. Don't expect anything, because your very expectation will be a disturbance. And whatsoever happens, just accept it. That's what is. Blank, then blank.

emptiness, then emptiness. Nothing happens, then nothing is happening. That's what is. Relax into it and soon you will feel surrounded by me. Try it.