Vasant means spring and prem means love, mm?
Remember always that love is going to be your path. So become a spring of love inside, more and more. Just be one, make it part of your being. If you look, look with deep love in your eyes. If you touch, touch with deep love, with great sensitivity. Listening to somebody, listen with deep love, sympathy, compassion. Move in such a way that love becomes your milieu, surrounds you like an aura - and soon you will feel great changes coming to you.
[Vasant said she had been doing psychotherapy... she had 'disintegrated a lot'.]
Now you will have to be integrated! One has to be disintegrated many times to be integrated again on a higher plane. One disappears from one plane to appear on another. The disappearances are needed, because unless you disappear from one plane you cannot appear on another; you have to die on one plane to be reborn on another. But again, one is not to rest there, be stuck there. One has to be disintegrated again to be integrated once more - and this goes on and on ad infinitum.
There is no final goal to life. Life is goal-less... and that is the beauty of it! If there were a goal, things would not be so beautiful, because one day you would come to the very end, and then everything after that would be just boring. There would be repetition, repetition, repetition; the same monotonous state would continue - and life abhors monotony. It goes on creating new goals - because it has none. Once you attain to a certain state then life gives you another goal. The horizon goes on and on running in front of you; you never reach it, you are always on the way - always reaching, just reaching. And if you understand that, then the whole tension of the mind disappears, because the tension is to seek a goal, to arrive somewhere.
Mind is continuously hankering for arrival, and life is a continuous departure and arrival again - but arriving just to depart once more. There is no finality to it. It is never perfect, and that's its perfection.
It is a dynamic process, not a dead, static thing. Life is not stagnant - it is flowing and flowing... and there is no other shore. Once you understand this you start enjoying the journey itself. Each step is a goal, and there is no goal. This understanding, once it settles deep into your inner core, relaxes you. Then there is no tension because there is nowhere to go, so you cannot go astray.
If there is a goal, there is the fear of going astray. If there is a goal, there is the fear of failure. You cannot be a failure! Life does not allow any failure. And because there is no goal you cannot be frustrated. If you feel frustrated it is because of your mental goal that you have imposed on life. By the time you have reached your goa!, the life has left it... just a dead shell of the ideals and the goals remain - and you are frustrated again. The frustration is created by you.
Once you understand that life is never going to be goal-confined, goal-oriented, then you flow in all directions with no fear. Because there is no failure, there is no success either - and then there is no frustration. Then each moment becomes an intrinsic moment in itself; not that it is leading somewhere, not that it has to be used as a means to some end - it has intrinsic value. Each moment is a diamond, and you go from one diamond to another - but there is no finality to anything.
Life remains alive... there is no death. Finality means death, perfection means death, goal means death. Life knows no death - it goes on changing its forms, shapes. It is an infinity, but to no purpose.
So just be in the moment... and be loving - because that is the only way to enjoy the moment.
People who are goal-oriented are always against love, remember. Mind is always against love because love seems to delay the goal. Love says to enjoy this moment, herenow... rejoice in it, dance in it, dance to orgasm! Love gives you momentary goals, and the mind says that this is a disturbance, a distraction; you are going away from your goal. The mind says persist in one direction, go like an arrow, one-pointed, moving towards the target. And love says there is nowhere to go... in fact there is no motivation to go anywhere... just to be here, just to be here, just to be here.
So I give you this name Prem Vasant, spring of love, with this significance, this poetry, which has to be remembered: that life is goal-less, and that you are free, unconfined. There is no fear of failure...
you cannot disappoint me. Whatsoever you do, I will say, 'Good, perfectly good!' And that is what the whole of life is saying: whatsoever you do, perfectly good! It goes on saying good! to the trees, beautiful! to the animals... even to the rocks, life goes on saying perfectly good!
In the bible, in the old testament, it says that God created the world, and He looked at it and He said, 'It is good.' That's beautiful... that must have been so. If God someday created the world, if there is a God, He must have said it's good! Mm?
[The Tathata group which was present at darshan. The group leader said he had enjoyed the group very much. He felt spent now, having put himself into the group as much as he could. He was following Osho's suggestion of being silent and having a diet of just fruit juices for the two days following each group, and he felt it was perfect for him.]
Always make it a point while working in the group to put yourself into it totally, not to hold anything - as if this is going to be your last group.
One should always work that way... that is the only way to be creative. If you are painting a picture, paint as if you are going to die, and this will be the last picture you do. Gather together all your energies, all that you know, all that you have experienced, all that you have loved and lived. Put it together in essence, because this will be a testament. This painting will be a testament of your whole life's judgement.
And this is so with small things too. If you are drinking a cup of tea, drink it as though it is going to be the last. Taste it totally... in deep reverence and silence and prayer.
When you paint you are working on canvas, you are working with a dead thing. But when you are working with people you are working on God. You are in a temple; you are with the holiest, the highest evolution that has happened. In man, earth has become unearthly, the miracle has happened. Man is just dust, but something of the divine has happened into the earth... dust and yet not just dust.
So treat each human being as a god, not less than that; more is good, but not less than that. Bring your total energy to it, and then each experience will be a total explosion for you.
After the group, for two days have a good rest, remain silent and don't talk. Be on juice, very light things. Touch one polarity through activity. Go as far as you can go, as far as human limits allow, the furthest possible. Then relax and let the energy move inwards. The farther you go, the farther in you will be able to come in your silence; it will always be proportionate. These are the two polarities - between them is the whole rhythm of life, the whole song, the whole dance.
And while you are passive, watch what is happening: silence... more silence... more silence. A point comes where you almost disappear - only silence remains, becomes even heavy. There are moments it even becomes unbearable, too much - but allow it.
By and by you will become capable of bearing more. And the more capable you become, the more will be happening; it always happens according to your capacity. And never complain - life always gives you whatsoever you have earned. There is no injustice in existence; it is absolutely just.
[A group participant said that he was always in control even when doing dynamic meditation or making love to his girlfriend.]
Doing won't help, because it will be under your control but something not like doing is needed; something totally different - like being possessed.
Next time you make love do humming together, or dance, shriek, go wild, jump around, jog in the room, do absurd things. Do anything that has no pattern and no past. Don't take the same posture that you have been taking before - change it. If you have been on top, don't be; let your lady be on top. If you are always making love in darkness, then make love in the day. Just change the whole pattern topsy-turvy, a chaos, and then suddenly the mind is out of... the mind cannot understand what is happening. The mind is incapable of dealing with anything new. It will say this is foolish and what stupid things you are doing.
Don't listen to the mind - because this mind is in control. You have to do something that is diametrically opposite to it. Start making faces, and tell your lady to close her eyes, (a chuckle) she may get scared!
While making love breathe as deeply as possible... because if you want to control yourself, the basic control is the breath, and through breath, sex is controlled. Breathe deeply like an animal - shriek, utter sounds, go wild - and the control will be lost.
Once the control is lost you are in a totally different dimension. A totally different world suddenly opens its doors, is available to you. If it happens in love then it will be very easy in meditation. If it happens in meditation then it will be easy in love - they are related.
So whenever it happens, it helps. You try, mm?
[Another group participant says: I feel very good, but I felt uncomfortable during the group. I think I had a delayed reaction to it, and it crystallised some things that were happening in meditation. I was feeling in a kind of negative mood when it finished.]
A reaction can be delayed, sometimes by days or even weeks, because we have a very complex being.
There is the body which functions on its own. It doesn't care about your mind; it is not very aware of it, and cannot be. It goes on its own autonomous system. It works on its own, and it has to, because if it listens to the mind then everything will be disturbed. You eat - then the body goes on digesting.
Whether you sleep, walk, talk; whether you are happy or unhappy, the body goes on digesting. It has to work: blood has to circulate, breathing has to come and go, a thousand and one chemical things continue.
Then there is your mind. It has its own autonomous world, it moves in its own circles. Even when you are meditating it goes on doing things. Then there is your heart, the emotive centre. So these are the three basic centres - the heart, the emotive centre, the mind, the thinking centre, and your body, the centre for all motion, all activity.
When you work on your body and something happens there, it may take days for the mind to take note of it, because its first tendency is not to take note. It may be just a passing thing, so why worry... but if it insists, if it goes on knocking on the head, the mind starts taking note of it. If something happens in the mind, the body will not take note of it - it may be just a mood, it may not be anything essential - but if the mind goes on deepening and deepening it, then one day the body takes note of it; then suddenly there is a bridge and the recognition arises. The same is with the heart - and when all three meet on one point there is recognition. Sometimes the meeting may not happen for months. I have seen people who have lived for years before they become aware that something has happened, but by that time they have forgotten the cause of it - so much time has passed.
So there are delayed results, and the discomfort may be because you are trying to correlate, to adjust between these three angles of your being so a centre arises. An integrated feeling arises which is of the heart and the body and the mind, to which all contribute, and which is something which doesn't belong to anyone; it belongs to all. It surrounds your whole being like a glow. It takes time... but it has been good.
Whatsoever you are feeling, nourish it, cherish it, and help it to continue in you.
[Another group participant said he had enjoyed it and had liked being alone after it had finished.]
After intense activity one needs to be completely in solitude; not doing anything, just being. If you miss that opportunity then the whole point of the group is lost, because the group simply creates a situation, brings a climax. It is just like sexual orgasm: it brings you to a climax, to a tense state, to the very ultimate possibility in you. Then everything relaxes; then you come back and settle again.
This coming back, this returning home, is the most beautiful process.
But this is possible only if you have been really in the active part. The problem arises if while people are doing it they start thinking of rest, start thinking that activity is useless and that they would like to be alone - then everything is disturbed. But if you have done the process truly and authentically it will have led you to a peak. Then you will come back; you will fall in the valley like a dry leaf... just falling slowly... and then you will settle and go into sleep.
[The participant replies: I feel I have to take it on trust that I am doing things totally, because I am always doubtful about that.]
No, you just trust, because that doubt is useless. Do whatsoever you can - whether it is total or not, who knows? You just go on doing - and the more you do, the more total it will become. It is never total in a sense because more is always possible. You could have done more - but don't make it a problem.
[A sannyasin said that all her friends seem so surrendered and: I feel so rebellious! After the last darshan when you told me what to do, I just spent the whole time saying, 'No, I'm not going to do any of that.'...
Also... with the meditations in the camp, I like the dynamic a lot, it's very powerful for me, but I hate it early in the morning, getting up that early. It just wipes me out for the rest of the day.]
It always happens that you hate the same thing that you love. The morning is not the question...
whenever you love something, you hate it too. You will find excuses as to why you hate, but they are not relevant, mm?
For every love we have to pay. If you love it, you have to continue in the morning...
And never let your hate decide anything. Knowing well there is hate, always let love decide. I'm not saying suppress, no; but never let it decide. Let it be there, let it have a secondary place. Accept it, but never let it be decisive.
Neglect it and it dies of its own accord. Pay more attention to love, and just let love decide. Sooner or later, love will take possession of your whole being, and there will be no place left for hate.
There is an anecdote about one mystic woman's life, Rabiya-el-Adavia.
She was a mohammedan mystic and one of the greatest women ever. In the koran there is a sentence saying hate the devil and love God. Rabiya crossed it out, corrected the koran - which no mohammedan can even think of; it would be a sacrilege.
Another mystic once came to stay with Rabiya. He asked for a copy of the koran for his morning prayers, and Rabiya gave him her own copy. When he came across the correction he was mad. He said, 'Who has destroyed your koran. Haven't you looked inside it? Somebody has corrected it! This is not possible; Mohammed's word cannot be corrected!' Mohammedans believe Mohammed is the last prophet. They call him the seal of the prophets: now there is no longer a possibility of any new prophecy, he is the last of the prophets. There have been others before him, but there will be no more after him - the last message from God has arrived.
Rabiya said, 'Nobody has corrected it. It is me. I corrected it because it became impossible to tolerate that passage. I love God, and I love Him so much that in the beginning the hate for the devil continued to hang around like a shadow, just on the fringe. But as my love grew, as it became more and more intense, just like intense sunlight, the shadow disappeared.
'In my whole being there is no possibility of hating. Even if the devil comes I will have to offer my love, because I cannot offer anything else... there is nothing left. How can you see through the eyes of love if someone is a devil? He will be a god to me, because only God exists for love. So I had to correct the sentence, because it became intolerable; it didn't fit with my experience. I followed the koran in loving God, but then I have to correct it in not hating the devil.' Just let it hang around you - not only about meditation, but about anything. Mind always has the opposite hidden behind it. You love the same person you hate. You respect the same person that you rebel against. The moment you say no to me, you have already said yes - otherwise a no is meaningless. When you say yes, no becomes meaningful. That is why no by itself becomes impotent; it carries its meaning only through yes. But don't pay any attention to no. Let it hang there - there is nothing to worry about. It has no power, it has only borrowed light.
Just pay attention to yes. If I say a hundred things to you and to ninety-nine you want to say no, forget about those ninety-nine. The one you want to say yes to, remember. From the back door you will see that those ninety-nine are coming; because they are related, and if one enters, they all enter.
But everybody feels like that in the beginning, and in fact it should be so - but don't pay much attention to it. Don't make it a trip, otherwise it can become a destructive thing.
[A sannyasin asks: When I was ten years old... I was laughing uncontrollably, and my father hit me for it. Now I feel I cant laugh totally... Can you teach me how to laugh properly?...
I've done a lot of crying since I've been with you.... It tears me apart sometimes.]
You do one thing. In the morning, early, before you have eaten anything, drink almost a bucketful of water - lukewarm with salt in it. Go on drinking it and do it fast, otherwise you will not be able to drink much. (much laughter from the group) Then just bend down and gargle so the water will flow back. It will be a vomiting of the water - and it will clean your passage. Nothing else is needed. The hit has made a block in the passage so that whenever you want to laugh, that stops it.
In Yoga, this is a necessary procedure to be followed. They call it a 'necessary purification'. It purifies tremendously, and it gives a very clean passage - all the blocks dissolve. You will enjoy it
and you will feel the cleanness all day. The laughter and the tears, and even your speaking, will come from the very deep centre.
Just do it for ten days and then tell me. Do it for ten days and you will have the best laugh around!
[A sannyasin says: There is a fear about the girl I am with. I am afraid to lose her... and that wont allow me to have a deep relationship....
Maybe I'm afraid to be alone, something like that.]
No, don't be afraid, move deeper. It will happen because the more you become centred, the more relaxed you become, the more possibility there is to enter into a relationship deeply.
In fact it is you who goes into a relationship. If you are not there, tense, crippled, worried and fragmented, who is going to go deep? Because of our fragmentedness, we are really afraid of getting deeper into a relationship, into deep layers, because then our reality will be revealed. Then you will have to open your heart, and your heart is just fragments. There is not one man inside you - you are a crowd. If you really love a woman and you open your heart, she will think you are a public, not a person - that is the fear.
That's why people go on having casual affairs. They don't want to go deep; just hit-and-run, just touching the surface and escaping before anything becomes a commitment. Then you can only have sex, and that too, impoverished. It is just superficial. Only boundaries meet, but that is not love at all... maybe a body release, a catharsis, but not more than that.
The fear is that now you want to go deeper; it is not that the girl may be lost. You are afraid and hesitant. We can have our masks easily if the relationship is not very close, very intimate - the social faces function well. Then when you smile there is no need really for you to smile, just the mask smiles.
If you really want to go deep then there are dangers. You will have to go naked - and naked means with all the problems inside known to the other. When you cannot have an image, your reality will be open and vulnerable, and that creates fear. But we go on deceiving ourselves and saying we are not afraid of that, we are afraid that the girl may leave. That is not the fear. In fact deep down you may be wanting the girl to leave you so there is no trouble about going deeper into a relationship.
Go deeper. Nobody is hindering the path. These groups and meditations are going to help you, and soon you will be able to. If you are there, then you can always find someone to love. If you are not there somebody else may be there but that will only be physical presence, and of no use, because you remain alone.
Go and watch couples, people married for years: they live a lonely life, and they live alone. They have never been together, and they have learned all sorts of tricks about how to avoid each other, how to escape the other. The husband says, 'I love you,' and kisses the wife and everything, but these are just to keep away, not to go deep.
Don't be afraid, I am here... you just take the jump!
[A group participant says: It seemed so matter of fact. I talked with my mother and my brother, and I didn't cry or feel flooded with love....
The group assistant said: he was very total.]
Yes, he is very sincere and total. Because of that sincerity and totality, one attains to a certain aloofness.
Don't be worried that you were not crying, because that is not the only way to cry, and not the deepest way either. When there is really crying, tears disappear; they cannot contain it. When you are really sad, it is so matter of fact that you can't believe it.
If a friend dies, the person who cries and weeps has not been really shocked. In fact this crying and weeping is a way to get rid of the memory; it is a way to tackle the situation, to come back to the old state of affairs. Then the wound heals and one goes back; it is a way of the world.
If you are really shocked and death has touched you, you will not cry. Even if you want to cry you will find that nothing is coming, you have become like a desert. You will go through all the movements that are expected, but they will be just empty gestures; you will remain distant and aloof.
People may misunderstand you; they may think that you are not shocked because you are not crying.
You yourself may misunderstand your state. You will say, 'What has happened to me? A dear and beloved friend has died, and I am not even crying.' You may start feeling repentance and guilt.
When you are really sincere and authentic, tears disappear, crying disappears. When you are not authentic and sincere then there are false tears. Midway between the insincere world of pretensions and the real world of sincerity and totality - just in the middle - there are real tears. On the surface, people cry just for show - they are not concerned. Then you go deeper, and a point comes when you really cry; you are concerned. If you go still deeper, a point comes when crying disappears - because it is pointless. One becomes distant and aloof.
Western psychology is still at the mid-point, and that is why all western methods emphasise being true about all your emotions: cry, laugh, hate, love - act them out. But the eastern psychology has long ago touched the third layer, the deepest, the rock bottom of it all - and that is just to be a witness.
So don't make it a problem; just be a witness. First drop false feelings so that real feelings can arise. Then become a witness of the real feelings too, so that they also disappear and one is left in absolute austerity and solitude, in aloneness.
You cannot imagine the beauty of that aloneness... but by and by it is going to happen.