[A sannyasin says:
I'm changing all the time... Since the group, I don't know... I don't like talking, I don't like laughing... I feel like crying... ]
Whatsoever happens, accept and enjoy, and don't force anything. If you feel like talking, talk. If you feel like being silent, be silent - just move with the feeling. Don't force in any way, not even for a single moment, because once you force anything you are divided in two - and that creates the problem, then your whole life becomes split.
The whole of humanity has become almost schizophrenic, because we have been taught to force things. the part that wants to laugh and the part that doesn't allow you to laugh become separate, and then you are divided in two. You create a topdog and an underdog, and so there is conflict. The rift that the conflict creates can go on becoming bigger and bigger and bigger. So the problem is how to bridge that rift, and how not to create it anymore.
In Zen they have a very beautiful saying. They say,
Whatsoever you do, just do it as totally as possible. Everything should be done in such a relaxed way that there is no effort in it. If you enjoy walking, good! If suddenly you realise that you no longer have the urge or desire to move, then sit down immediately; not even a single step should be taken against your will. One should not drag oneself. That dragging is the whole mechanism of the ego, the manipulator.
Just the other day I was reading about a certain christian ministry, who when they pray, have to put on a belt - a prayer-belt they call it. The explanation given is that it divides the lower part of the body from the higher; the genitals from the heart. And they call it a prayer-belt!
This is what the religious mind has been doing to humanity - dividing the mind and the soul into lower and higher. But the body is one, there is no lower or higher. The blood that has been circulating in the feet, within a few seconds has moved into the head. There is no higher or lower, because the body is one organic unity. But all the religions divide it, and because of their division, humanity has become a madhouse!
You have been divided enough, so don't do it anymore, mm? This means that no judgements are to be made, because if you judge, division starts. For example, you may be talking to a friend in deep conversation, and suddenly you feel like being silent, you want to stop talking, right in the middle of the sentence. Stop there, and don't even complete the rest of the sentence, because that will be going against nature.
But then judgement comes in. One feels embarrassed about what others will think if you suddenly stop talking in the middle of the sentence. If you suddenly become silent they will not understand, so you somehow manage to complete the sentence. You pretend to show interest, and then you finally escape. That is very costly, and there is no need to do it. Just say that conversation is not coming now, you can ask to be excused, and be silent.
For a few days perhaps it will be a little troublesome, but by and by people will begin to understand.
Don't judge yourself as to why you became silent; don't tell yourself that it is not good. Everything is good! In deep acceptance, everything becomes a blessing. This is how it happened - your whole being wanted to be silent, so follow it. Just become a shadow to your totality, and wherever it goes, you have to follow, because there is no other goal. You will begin to feel a tremendous relaxation surrounding you.
Life has infinite grace, but we have missed it because of the conflict. Grace brings beauty. It simply means the aura that surrounds total relaxation. If you move spontaneously, each moment decides how it will be. This moment is not going to decide for the next, so you simply remain open-ended.
The next moment will decide its own being; you have no plan, no pattern, no expectation.
Today is enough; don't plan for tomorrow, or even for the next moment. Today ends, and then tomorrow comes fresh and innocent, and opens with no manipulator. It opens of its own accord, and without the past. This is grace.
Watch a flower opening in the morning. Just go on watching... that is grace. There is no effort at all - it just moves according to nature. Or watch a cat awakening - effortlessly, with a tremendous grace surrounding it. The whole of nature is full of grace, but man has lost the capacity to be graceful because of division.
So just move, and let the moment decide, don't try to manage it. This is what I call let-go - and everything happens out of it. So give it a chance!
[A sannyasin says:
But the thing that I'm experiencing with Nirakar (her lover) is like meditation but stronger than any time I've done meditation.
I feel I'm losing myself and I feel helpless, wondering if I have to do anything.]
No, there is nothing one can do, nor is there any need to do anything. The only thing to remember is to allow, and that is more like non-doing than doing. All that is beautiful happens and cannot be done, but you have to allow it to happen, because you can prevent it.
All doing is, in a certain way, creating barriers. For reality to happen there is no need to do anything.
You were born, yet you didn't do anything for it. Such a tremendous phenomenon like birth has happened - without any doing on your part. You grew up - yet you have done nothing; rather, growth happened.
Now you have fallen in love, but have you done anything? That's why we use the expression 'falling in love', because you cannot do it, you simply fall You can resist, you can manage not to fall. You can become stubborn, hard and rigid, and then you will not fall in love. But when you fall in love you do nothing. You simply allow yourself to be possessed, to be taken over. Birth happens, growth happens, love happens, and one day death will happen. All this just happens, and you cannot do anything about it.
Simply cooperate with the process that is going on. For example, you are in love now, so cooperate with love. I don't see many people cooperating with love. Rather. love becomes a conflict and lovers become enemies. They go on fighting and manipulating and trying to control, for such small things - and it is aU nonsense!
Lovers should cooperate, and their energies should become one. Even with this much conflict, somehow moments of bliss come to lovers, so just imagine what would happen if you cooperated.
Just imagine if there is no conflict, and a deep harmony settles so that two have become one and boundaries have become diffused and blurred. You cannot see where you end and where your lover starts. You are penetrating each other so deeply that you don't know which territory is which, or who is who. There are moments in deep love when the woman becomes the man and the man becomes the woman.
If that harmony happens then the open sky is eternally available. Then it is not just a glimpse, rather it becomes a state of being for you. We are missing so much unnecessarily! And there is no need to miss it, only a deep understanding is needed.
Sometimes I find that I really experience what you are saying now, but sometimes when we are together I become aware of this fear mechanism coming up, with its tricks to cut.
You know... this mind-thing cuts off... ]
Mm, it is natural in the beginning, but just remain alert that you are not cooperating with the mind- thing. If you have to fight, fight with your mind, and if you have to cooperate, cooperate with your heart.
Always cooperate with the heart and fight with the mind, until the mind is completely gone and the heart takes over totally. What your mind is doing is natural, but if you don't cooperate with it, then by and by it will disappear. If you go on giving energy to it, it will destroy your love, because it is poison.
Nirakar is going soon, but don't be worried about the future. While he is here for these three weeks, love him as deeply as possible. This is a good opportunity, because when there is a time limitation, love can become very intense, mm?
There is an old anecdote about three travellers who came to Rome. They went to see the pope who asked of the first, 'How long are you going to be here?' The man said for three months. The pope said, 'Then you will be able to see much of Rome.' In answer to how long he was going to stay the second traveller replied that he could only stay for six weeks. The pope said, 'Then you will be able to see more than the first.' The third traveller said he would only be in Rome for two weeks, to which the pope said, 'You are fortunate, because you will be able to see everything there is to see!' They were puzzled - because they didn't understand the mechanism of the mind Just think, if you had a life of a thousand years you would miss many things, because you would go on postponing. But because life is so short, only seventy years, one cannot afford to postpone. Yet people do postpone - and that at their own cost.
Imagine if somebody comes and tells you that you have only one day's life left. What will you do?
Will you go on thinking about unnecessary things? No, you will forget everything You will love and pray and meditate, because only twenty-four hours are left. The real things, the essential things, you will not postpone.
And love and meditation are the two basic essentials. Meditation means to be oneself, and love means to share one's own being with somebody else. Meditation gives you the treasure, and love helps you to share it. These are the two most basic things, and all else is non-essential.
So for these three weeks be total, and cooperate.
Whatsoever happens allow, and don't plan anything
[A sannyasin says:
I'm feeling very mixed up right now.
I'm waiting for money to come and then I'm going home....
I've been having a lot of very strong and conflicting feelings... Sometimes I feel really good about being here, being in the ashram, yet other times I can't wait to leave... ]
I understand. It happens; at a certain stage it happens. In fact, there are no outside causes for happiness or unhappiness; they are just excuses. By and by, one comes to realise that it is something inside you that goes on changing, and that it has nothing to do with outside circumstances. It is something inside you, a wheel inside you, that goes on moving.
Just watch it - and it is very beautiful, because in being aware of it, something has been attained.
Now you understand that you are free from outside excuses, because nothing has happened on the outside and yet your mood has changed within a few minutes from happiness to unhappiness.
This means that happiness and unhappiness are your moods and don't depend on the outside.
This is one of the most basic things to be realised, because then much can be done. So the first
thing to do is to realise that moods are not dependent on outside circumstances. The second thing to understand is that they depend on your unawareness. So just watch and become aware. If happiness is there, just watch it and don't become identified with it. When unhappiness is there, again just watch.
It is just like morning and evening. In the morning you watch and enjoy the rising sun. When the sun sets and darkness descends, that too you watch and enjoy.
Don't use these words 'happiness' and 'unhappiness', because they carry judgements. Simply watch without judging - this mood 'A', and this mood 'B', mm? do you follow? 'A' mood has gone, now 'B' mood is here, and you are simply a watcher. Suddenly you will realise that when you call happiness 'A', it is not so happy, and when you call unhappiness 'B', it is not so unhappy. Just by calling the moods A and B, a distance is created.
When you say 'happiness', much is implied in the word. You are saying you want to cling to it, that you don't want it to go. When you say 'unhappy', you are not just using a word; much is implied in it. You are saying that you don't want it, that it should not be there. All these things are said unconsciously.
So use these terms for the moods for seven days, and then tell me. Just be a watcher - as if you are sitting on top of the hill, and in the valley clouds and sunrises and sunsets come... sometimes it is day and sometimes night, mm? Just be a watcher on the hill far away.
[A sannyasin said she was doing tratack with Osho's picture and: I suddenly saw something like death coming up... and I became really afraid.]
No, don't get afraid!...
Don't get afraid, mm? Just accept it. It has been a good experience.
If you feel like dying in it, then die; die completely, don't cling to life. Once you stop clinging to life, real life becomes available to you. the more you cling to life, the more you are clinging to death itself.
This life is nothing but death - death camouflaged, covered, hidden. Once you accept death, this life disappears, but another dimension opens.
So go on with this meditation, and if too much fear comes, just take the locket in your hand, and don't fight what is happening; just relax in it. If death comes, then just accept it and fall into its hands.
Immediately you will feel a tremendous transformation coming over you. It rarely happens, so feel happy and grateful for this experience!... And don't be afraid!
[A sannyasin says:
I expect in certain situations, out of habit, to feel all sorts of things... you know -
passion, love, hate, anger - all these kind of things...
but now I'm feeling... cooler.]
That's very good. One should be happier that one is feeling cooler!
[The sannyasin adds:
I guess I'm creating some sort of conflict, like expecting to feel it... ]
No, no don't create conflict, because it is natural. This is how the whole mind goes on in contradictions.
People want to attain to a deeper integration. They want a certain tranquillity, a place inside which is beyond distractions. When it comes though they become afraid, because then they feel that when the anger, the so-called love, the hate, and all those passions and storms of the mind are left far behind, they are disappearing. Then they suddenly become panicky. They feel as if life is slipping from their hands, and the coolness feels like death. But coolness is real life, and if you can wait a little longer you will see that.
Love will come back, but now it will be totally different and will have a different glow. It will be cool and dispassionate - and when love is dispassionate it has a tremendous depth to it. A passionate love is just on the surface. It makes too much noise but says nothing of worth. But when love becomes cool, it has a depth. The ocean is silent, there is no storm, but the depth of the ocean is there.
A cool love is more like compassion. Passion is nothing! It is, in a way, destructive. It destroys you, and it destroys the other with whom you have become related in it. Compassion is creative but it has a coolness, because all integrity is cool.
So just wait a little. The old love will disappear and then a new love will be born - and there will be a gap in between in which you will feel as if you are a nobody. But that has to be passed, and it is part of growth. Before the new enters and after the old is no more, there is a discontinuity. But this is very beautiful. Feel happy, mm? and thankful. Become a cool-head!
[Osho had told a sannyasin to come to see him with her boyfriend when things were going smoothly between them.]
Everything is going smoothly - and that's very good. But lovers become afraid when things go smoothly. They start feeling that perhaps love is disappearing. But when love settles, everything becomes smooth. Then love becomes more like friendship - and that has a beauty of its own.
Friendship is the very cream, the very essence of love. So settle!
Don't be worried that things are settling, otherwise sooner or later you will start creating trouble.
Mind always wants to create trouble because then it remains important; when there is not trouble, it becomes unimportant.
The mind is just like the police department. If the city is very clam and quiet, they feel bad: no robbery, no riot, no murders - nothing! When everything is silent and peaceful the mind has a fear, because it means that if you really settle, the mind will be no more.
So just remember this. Mind has to go, because it is not the goal. The goal is to go beyond the mind, mm? So help each other to be silent, and keep things going smoothly. If the other starts to get panicky, try to help.
If you start creating trouble, come back immediately or you will destroy everything, mm? Good!