The first question
It is one of the most basic fears of all human beings. This is the fear that has created the monks and the nuns. The whole past of humanity has been dominated by this fear - like a cancer of the soul.
It looks very logical that if you share your love you will be wasting it and soon you will become poor.
This is the ordinary law of economics: if you want to have more money don't share it, be miserly.
Get as much as you can and give as little as possible. Then only can you accumulate, then you can be rich.
This is true as far as the outside world is concerned, but this is absolutely untrue about the inner world; there a totally different law functions. The inner law is: if you don't give you will lose; if you give you will keep. The more you give the more you will have; the less you give the less you will have. If you don't give at all then you will not have anything, you will be just utterly empty, a grave, and inside the grave there is no possibility of any flower blossoming. The flower needs the sun, the rain, the wind, the stars, the sky, the birds. Howsoever delicate it is, it needs to open up to existence.
In that opening the fragrance is released, the imprisoned splendour is released.
Tom, you are basically a monk. The word "monk" is significant; it means "one who lives a lonely life", one who lives a life of no relationship, of no relatedness, of no love, of no sharing; who lives a windowless life closed on all sides, utterly closed in himself out of the fear that if he opens up, who knows what will happen to his tender heart, to his delicate inner being? He is afraid of rejection, he is afraid of situations, he is afraid of the unknown. He clings to himself, but this clinging only brings death. He may go on dragging for years, but that is not life, that is slow suicide.
The very word "monk" means one who has decided to live a lonely life. From the same root comes "monastery", where people live in loneliness. From the same word come word like "monopoly", "monotony", "monogamy" .
Trying to live on your own, unbridged with others, is the most dangerous idea that can possess anybody ever, and once it starts taking on religious colours then it becomes very difficult to get rid of it because it fulfils your ego, it nourishes all that is wrong in you, it destroys all that is beautiful in you.
In a grave there is no possibility of roses flowering - inside a grave - but there is a possibility of snakes and scorpions and spiders - all that is ugly, all that is poisonous. If the grave is completely closed its very air will be poison.
And millions of people are living the life of monks and nuns. They may not have gone to the monastery, they may be living with their wife, but closed, with their children, but closed. They may be living in the world but so guardedly, so cautiously, so calculatively that their life cannot have any joy, any dance, any song.
One needs a little courage to make life a celebration.
You say, Tom: FOR MOST OF MY LIFE I HAVE HELD MYSELF ALOOF...
You have been suicidal! Life means togetherness with existence, with the trees, with the rivers, with the rocks, with people. with animals, with all that is. To relate with it multi-dimensionally that's the only way to make your life rich. The more you relate. the more multi-dimensional you are. the rich you are, the more you grow, the more you blossom. There is still time. Drop this stupid idea of being aloof separated and isolated. That you can do after you die! Then you will have more than enough time. From your name it seems you are a Christian. Then you will have more than enough time - till the Last Judgement Day! Then you can live in your grave as a monk, you can keep your Bible with you, you can keep your rosary. But while you are alive, while this immense opportunity is given to you, live it, rejoice in it!
Jesus says again and again to his disciples, "Rejoice! Rejoice! I say again rejoice". Jesus was not a monk, he was a very alive man. He lived with all kinds of people: the gamblers. the drunkards, the prostitutes, the sinners, the tax collectors. He and not with the idea of "holier than thou", he lived with great friendliness. He enjoyed late parties, dances, music. And Believe me, he was not continuously giving gospels, he was gossiping too! And he was a drunkard, he loved wine - he shared it with his disciples. Fasting was not his way but feasting!
Don't be monkish. To be a man is such a great opportunity that there is no need at all to waste it.
And remember one thing: the things that you are afraid of...
... THAT IF I OPENED MY HEART TOTALLY THE VAST LOVE THAT I FEEL WOULD RUSH OUT LIKE WATER FROM AN OVERFLOWING WELL...
For whom are you feeling this vast love? Just for yourself? - because love means to have a direction, an object. It is always addressed to somebody. To whom is your love addressed? You are like an unopened envelope: you have not even read what is written in the letter, you don't know whether the letter exists inside at all or if you are simply carrying an empty envelope. Unless you open the envelope you will never know. Open it!
And remember, the well never runs out because deep down the well is connected with the oceans.
The oceans are continuously reaching it in small springs. In fact, if you don't draw the water out of the well it will die, because soon those springs will not be needed; they will become blocked.
They will not be in use, they will lose their functioning, and the old water will become stale and dead, maybe poisonous. It is good for the well-being of the well to go on drawing water from it. The more water you take out, the more fresh streams of water go on reaching the well. The well is not disconnected from existence.
Your heart is certainly a well. If you keep it closed then you will not get energy flowing into you from the universe. Go on emptying yourself and you will be surprised - you are in for a great surprise:
the more you empty yourself, the fuller you are.
That's why Gautam the Buddha emphasized the word shunya, "zero". Become a zero! If you want to become full, his message is, just become empty, a nothingness, just space, pure space, unlimited space containing nothing. Just empty yourself totally and you will not be able to believe it - a miracle happens.
When you are utterly empty, the whole existence enters you.
All the stars are within you and all the flowers are within you, the sun and the moon are within you.
Suddenly you see yourself as vast as the universe itself.
To be nothing is the only way to be all. To be nobody is the only way to be divine. Emptiness brings godliness.
And don't be worried that your love will be lost - nothing is ever lost. The world always contains the same amount of everything, neither less nor more. Now this is a scientific fact: there is not a single atom less than there ever was, not a single atom more than there ever was. The quantity of the universe remains absolutely the same, because from where can anything new come in? - the existence contains all, there is "nowhere else". And where can anything go out? There is nowhere else to go, so nothing is ever lost. Maybe it takes a little longer to reach the right person, but it always reaches.
Sing the song and don't be worried! It will reach the right people at the right time, if not today then tomorrow, if not in your life then in some other time. But it will reach - it is bound to reach! It will always find the right person who can absorb it. Simply sing the song. You should not be too concerned whom it reaches, your whole concern should be that you are singing it with totality, that's all; more than that is not required of anybody. It is not your business whether it has been heard or not.
When a flower opens in the jungle it is not worried whether anybody will be passing by, "to know the beautiful fragrance that I am releasing", it simply releases the fragrance. If it reaches to some nostrils, good; if it does not reach, so what? The flower has blossomed, it has offered itself to the universe. Now it is up to the universe to do whatsoever it wants to do with it.
Nothing ever is lost and nothing is ever diverted and nothing is ever rejected.
But people feel rejected many times because even before they have given something there is expectation; if their expectation is not fulfilled then they feel rejected. It is the expectation that is creating the trouble, not love.
Give love without any strings attached to it. Give love for the sheer joy of giving. Enjoy giving it.
The cuckoo calling in the distance - not worried at all whether anybody is enjoying it or not. The faraway star - do you think it is concerned whether a poet is writing a beautiful poem about it or a Vincent van Gogh is painting it or a photographer or an astronomer are concerned about it? It is none of the business of the star. The joy is in shining forth.
Simply open up your heart, Tom Cassidy - and open it totally, without any expectations, without any conditions and it is sure to reach to the right heart; it always happens.
When I started singing my song there was nobody to hear it then people started coming. I was surprised - how did they hear? Why did these people go on coming? From all directions. from all over the world people started coming. How did you arrive here? And I was not waiting for anybody to come! I was just singing my song, I was enjoying it.
Just the other day one sannyasin asked, "Osho, I have had one dream: in the dream I am sitting in Buddha Hall alone. And then you come, you sit in the chair, and I am very much puzzled because I am alone and there is nobody else in Buddha Hall, the whole of Buddha Hall is empty. And I am worried about what you are going to do!"
You need not be worried - I will do my thing! I cannot leave you alone! I will talk to you for one and a half hours continuously. And you cannot escape either! When there are so many people, a few people can escape, but if you are alone where can you go? I will follow you! Without anybody there at all, even if you are not there and I am alone in Buddha Hall, I will sing my song.
Try it one day! I will still tell my jokes, and if there is nobody to laugh at them I will laugh myself - if not at the joke because I know it already - then just because I am laughing, laughing that there is nobody and I am telling a joke! How ridiculous!
Tom, don't be worried.
You say: MY ESSENCE IS LIKE A DELICATE FLOWER...
So let it be! It is beautiful it is a delicate flower. Let others also partake of its fragrance, let others also drink out of your well. And soon the flower will die - by the evening it will be gone. So don't hide it, because even if you hide it you cannot save it. In the morning the rose opens its petals, in the evening the petals will wither away and the rose will be gone. Before it is gone let it be shared. Let the bees come and hum and let the birds sing, let the children play around it. Let everybody rejoice!
Otherwise you will be dying unfulfilled.
It is a delicate flower, but the more delicate it is the more quickly one has to open it to existence, because one cannot wait for tomorrow - it may not be there tomorrow.
And you are worried: IF IT BLOOMED IN THE WRONG TERRAIN... There is no wrong terrain anywhere. In fact, if a rose can blossom in a desert that will be the most beautiful terrain - that will be an exceptional rose. If it can blossom among rocks then that rose must be a Buddha, not less than that, a Christ, not less than that. In the right terrain, in the garden, ordinary flowers blossom but extraordinary flowers blossom among the rocks too, in the deserts too. So don't be worried about the terrain, and don't be worried that IT COULD EASILY BE BADLY BRUISED OR DESTROYED.
Everything that is born is going to be destroyed, so before it is destroyed let it have its dance.
And you are asking me: IS THIS THE TIME AND PLACE TO OPEN MY HEART TOTALLY?
Every time and every place is the right place! And because you are here at this moment, let this be the place. Where can you find a better space, with people more beautiful, more accepting, more loving than you are surrounded by here in this Buddhafield?
Tom Cassidy, you have waited long enough - don't wait anymore. This is the time. This is the moment. Never trust the next moment - the tomorrow never comes. Now or never!
The second question
I am not a guru at all - at least I will not fit your definition. Nobody can invite me. Even if the President of America invites me, I am not going! I never accept anybody's invitation. So, Babbo, rest assured - I am not coming!
And I would not eat your food even if I came - I eat only my food. I eat exactly the same food every day, morning, evening, year in, year out. My kitchen people are getting bored, utterly bored. And they only have to cook it, I have to eat it - it has nothing to do with them! But just cooking it every day... I can understand the austerity. It is really a great task for Vivek, Astha, Pragya, Nirgun: every day doing the same thing, not even a little change.
I cannot eat your food. And as far as your wife is concerned don't be worried! When I take my bath I take my bath with my dress on so that I do not have to look at the unemployed! Don't be worried at all - I hate to look at the unemployed!
And what car can you provide for me? Just for a hundred yards I have one Rolls Royce - the latest.
But it is the 1980 model and now it is "81, so the "81 model is coming within a week. Just in case it does not work I have a Mercedes Benz. So, two cars in front of my porch for one hundred yards.
What am I going to do with your car? I never sit in anybody else's car! So all that can fit with your definition is the last thing: YOU THANK HIM FOR IT. You can thank me!
I am not a real guru, just a phony one! A real guru fits your definition perfectly. Just not to reject you completely I accept one thing: I accept your thank-you. I can neither accept your wife, nor your food, nor your house, nor your car. But you may feel offended...
Babbo, are you a Polack? - because only a Polack can ask such a great question!
Did you hear, Babbo, about the jealous Polack husband whose wife gave birth to twins?
He is still looking for the father of the second child.
A man doing research on birth control knocked at a Polack's door and asked the Polish woman who answered, "Are you willing to answer a few questions?"
"Are you married?"
"For how long?"
"Do you have any children?"
"And your husband, where is he?"
"Oh, he left me eight years ago."
"Excuse my curiosity, but if your husband left you eight years ago, how can you have so many children?"
"Ah well, you see, he comes back every year to ask for forgiveness." The Polish woman was recovering from a difficult labour, when the head nurse came into her room and said, "Here is your baby. He is black!" The Polack husband looked appalled. He glanced at his wife, glanced at the baby, opened his mouth to say something, but his wife got in first: "Markowitz, I told you not to fuck around with the maid!"
Babbo, how did you manage to come from Poland? You made a great journey and you arrived in time! I would have been happy if I could have fitted your definition and been your guru, so excuse me. But there are many gurus; you can search and you will find them.
I am not a guru at all! The very idea of guru and gurudom is ugly. I am not teaching you anything, so how can I be a guru-" On the contrary, I am taking all your knowledge away fro you. A guru is one who gives you knowledge.
I am an anti-guru! I take away your knowledge so that you can again become innocent, so that you can again have the same awe and wonder as a child has. I don't inform you, I transform you. And I don't need anything from you.
I am absolutely fulfilled. There is nothing in this world or in the other world which can have any attraction for no desires are finished. I am here just hanging around to share whatever I have experienced. There is nothing for me to gain. If I die right this moment there will be no complaint because I am fulfilled, I am utterly contented. I am not interested anything at all, but what I have seen is so vast and so immense and so beautiful and so lovely that I would like as many people as possible to share it before this flower withers away.
The people who are gathered here are my friends, not my followers. I am not creating any following.
Every sannyasin is absolutely equal to me. The only difference is very small: I am awake and he is asleep. One day I was asleep, one day he will be awake, so there is not much difference at all.
Babbo, you have to get rid of the idea of the guru. Here you will not find any guru. Here you will find yourself, not the guru. I am at the most a finger pointing to the moon the faraway moon. Don't catch hold of the finger. Don't start biting my finger! Just look at the moon and forget the finger totally - forget all about it.
The third question
I know a few Scottish jokes, but I cannot guarantee that they are good! In fact, good jokes are not really jokes, they are just good, "goody", too sweet! They don't have spice. But I have tried to find a few as far as it was possible, because my librarians, Lalita, Nandan, Gayan - none of them are "good". They go on finding such juicy jokes, and I am completely in their hands. I am such a lazy man I don't even read the jokes! My librarians do the reading, the marking. They find the jokes for me.
In the morning when I see your questions I just choose a few jokes, not bothering much whether they will fit with the question or not, then somehow I manage.
The Scotsman fell in love with her at second sight. The first time he met her he didn't know she was rich.
The church was having trouble raising its annual budget. A member of the congregation, an electrician, came up with a great idea. He said, "We will wire all of the seats and then, when our chairman of fund-raising asks for pledges on Sunday morning we will follow something like the following procedure: we will ask, "Will all those who will pledge five dollars a week please stand up?"
And then the electrician will punch the five dollars button." They went through this procedure up to what they felt would be the maximum limits of some to pledge.
After the congregation had been dismissed, in the back row they found that the only Scottish member of the congregation had been electrocuted!
The small Scottish boy said, "Dad, you promised me a pound if I was top of the class. Well, I did it!" His father reluctantly handed over a pound note and said, "There you are, son. But don't study so hard - it's not good for you!"
The Scotsman had arrived home unexpectedly, and now he stared suspiciously at a cigar smouldering in an ashtray.
"Where did that cigar come from?" he thundered as his wife cowered in bed.
There was a pregnant pause. Then from the closet a shaky Scottish masculine voice said, "Cuba!" And the last question
There is nothing much in it, just a coincidence.
An American Indian boy came back home after his first day at school and asked his father, "Father, how come all the white boys have short names like Jim, John, Dick, Tom, and we Indians have such long ones like Crazy Horse, Sitting Bull, Thunder Cloud?" "You see, my son, the white people are new. They do not have ancient traditions. Their names have no significance; they are just casually picked up, whereas for us a name, like everything else, always has a meaning, a poetic significance which is inspired by the moment when a woman becomes pregnant. For example, take your elder brother: your mother and I were making love by the nest of a beautiful eagle when he was conceived, so when he was born we called him Grey Eagle. And we called your sister Moon Ray because she was conceived during the full moon when its silvery light was filtering through the opening of our wigwam. That is the beauty and the significance of our customs. Do you understand now, Leaking Condom?"