The light behind the window - Questions and answers
I SEEM TO BE NEITHER TOTALLY IN THE WORLD, NOR THE WATCHER ON THE HILL. HOW TO BE SOME PLACE? I FEEL LIKE I AM IN BETWEEN, EVERYTHING I DO.
Then that is exactly the place you should be.
You go on creating problems. Wherever you are, be there. There is no need to be a watcher on the hills.
There should be no 'should'. Once the 'should' enters life you are already poisoned. There should be no goal. There should be no right and wrong. This is the only sin: to think in terms of division, values, condemnation, appreciation.
Wherever you are... nothing is wrong in between the watcher on the hills and a man in the world.
That's EXACTLY where you should be.
And I say: wherever you are, if you can accept it, immediately then and there you have become the watcher on the hills. Even in hell, if you accept it, the hell disappears, because the hell can remain only through your rejection. The hell disappears and heaven appears. Whatsoever you accept becomes heavenly, and whatsoever you reject becomes the hell.
It is said that a saint cannot be thrown into hell because he knows the alchemy to transform it. You have heard that sinners go to hell and saints to heaven - but you have heard the wrong thing. The case is just the other way around: wherever sinners go, they create hell and wherever saints go, there is heaven. Saints are not sent to heaven. There is nobody to send and manage all this - there is nobody. But wherever they go, this is the way they are: they create their heaven. They carry their heaven with them, within them. And sinners? - you can send them to heaven; they will create hell.
They cannot do otherwise.
So what is the definition of a saint or a sinner? My definition is: a saint is one who has come to know the alchemical secret of transforming everything into heaven. And a sinner is one who does not know the secret of transforming things into beautiful existences. Rather, on the contrary, he goes on making things ugly.
Whatsoever you are will be reflected around you.
So don't try to be anything else. And don't try to be some other place. That is the disease called man: always to become somebody, to be some other place, always rejecting that which is, and always hankering for that which is not. This is the disease called man.
Be alert! Do you see it?! It is a simple fact to be seen. I am not theorizing about it; I am not a theoretician. I am simply indicating a bare, naked fact - that if you can live in this moment wherever you are and forget about the future, goals, the idea of becoming something else, immediately, the whole world around you is transformed; you have become a transforming force.
Acceptance a deep, total acceptance is what religion is all about.
A wants to become B; B wants to become C. Then the fever of becoming is created.
You are not a becoming; you are a being. You are already that which you can be, which you ever can be - you are already that. Nothing more can be done about you; you are a finished product.
This is the meaning I give to the story that God created the world: when the perfect creates, the creation is perfect. When God creates, how can you improve upon it? Just think of the whole absurdity; the whole idea is absurd. You are trying to improve upon God; you cannot improve. You can be miserable, that's all. And you can suffer unnecessarily. And you will suffer diseases which are just in your imagination and nowhere else. God creating means: out of perfection comes perfection.
You are perfect! Nothing else is needed. Look right now, this very moment, within yourself. Have a direct insight. What is needed? Everything is simply perfect and beautiful. Not even a cloud I can see. Just look within yourself - not even a cloud in your inner space. Everything is full of light.
But the mind will say, sooner or later, to be something else, to be somewhere else, to become. The mind doesn't allow you to be. The mind is becoming, and your soul is being. That's why Buddhas go on saying: 'Unless you drop all desiring you will not attain!'
Desiring means becoming. Desiring means to be something else. Desiring means not to accept the case as you are, not to be in a total 'yes' mood - no matter what the situation.
To say 'yes' to life is to be religious; to say 'no' to life is to be irreligious. And whenever you desire something you are saying 'no'. You are saying that something better is possible.
The trees are happy and the birds are happy and the clouds are happy - because they have no becoming. They are simply whatsoever they are.
The rosebush is not trying to become a lotus, no. The rosebush is absolutely happy to be a rosebush.
You cannot persuade the rosebush. Howsoever you advertise the lotus, you will not be able to corrupt the mind of the rosebush to become a lotus. The rosebush will simply laugh - because a rosebush is a rosebush is a rosebush. It is simply settled and centered in its being. That's why the whole nature is without any fever: calm and quiet and tranquil. And settled!
Only human mind is in a chaos, because everybody is hankering to be somebody else. This is what you have been doing for a thousand and one lives. And if you don't awaken now, when are you thinking to awaken? You are already ripe for awakening.
Just start from this very moment to live and enjoy and delight. Drop desiring! Whatsoever you are, enjoy it. Delight in your being.
And then suddenly time disappears, because time exists only with desiring. Future exists because you desire.
Then you will be like birds; listen to them. Then you will be like trees; look - the freshness, the greenery, the flowers.
Please be where you are. I am not to create a new desire in you; I am simply here to make you aware of the whole absurdity of desiring. Desiring is SANSAR.
Understanding the futility of desire is to become enlightened. One who has found out that he is already that which he always wanted to be is a Buddha.
And you are all Buddhas, howsoever fast asleep and snoring. That makes no difference.
Let me be your alarm. Open your eyes. You have slept long enough. It is time to awaken. The morning is knocking at the door.
WHEN I ENCOUNTER YOU, YOU ARE ALWAYS TOTAL COMPASSION AND LOVING WARMTH.
WHY DO WE NEVER ENCOUNTER YOU IN TOTAL ANGER LIKE GURDJIEFF OR THE ZEN MASTERS? AFTER ALL, THE WAY WE CARRY ON HERE, WE SURELY DESERVE IT SOMETIMES.
Of course! You deserve it. But that is not my way of working; that is not the way I am. I don't function according to you; I function according to me. I don't do a single thing because of you. Because then it will be unnatural, then it will be a pretension, and then I will be going out of my self-nature.
You deserve it, I know, but nothing can be done. I am helpless. You may deserve anger, but I will go on giving my love. This much I know: that the only way to make you alert and aware is to remain in my self-nature, so that it becomes a constant remembrance to you to fall into YOUR self-nature.
I would like you to be centered in yourself so that nothing disturbs, nothing distracts. Whatsoever happens around you remains like a dream and you remain rooted in your being. This can be done in only one way: I should remain absolutely rooted in myself; I should not be distracted by you.
Whatsoever you do should not be a consideration. Whatsoever my self-nature can do spontaneously is the only consideration.
And this much I know: that if my love cannot transform you, my anger will not be able to. Because love is a greater force than any anger. If my compassion cannot help you, nothing can help. The more you become alert, the more you will feel this. You can bear my anger easily; you are already conditioned for it. But you cannot bear compassion; it hits you hard and deep.
So maybe Gurdjieff worked in his own way; it may have been spontaneous to him. People are different and unique. Or he may have been working in conditions which were very strange. He was working with western minds in a western climate, and he was the first to bring eastern methods to them. It was difficult; it had to be translated to their understanding.
Zen Masters hit and beat their students. They throw them out of their windows and houses; they jump on them sometimes. But one thing you should remember: they are not angry; that too is part of their compassion. They are not angry at all, because if they are angry then the whole point is lost.
Then how can you transform the other? Then you are also in the same boat. Then you have come down. No, that will not be helpful.
Anger is also compassion - but it is possible only in Japan. In no other country is it possible, because a certain tradition is needed. For almost one thousand years this has been a tradition. So when a Zen Master jumps and beats his disciple, the disciple understands the language. If I beat you, you will not understand it; you will be simply angry, and you will go away and report to the police. And that;s not going to help anybody. No, you won't understand it.
In Japan it is understood. When a Zen Master beats the disciple, the disciple accepts it in deep gratitude. In fact, you may be surprised - that once a Zen Master beats his disciple, that disciple becomes the chief disciple. He has attained to something. That's why the Master was so loving and compassionate towards him; that's why the Master blessed him with a beating.
Zen disciples hanker deep down for the day when the Master will beat them. They wait. They pray for it. They compete with each other. But that is possible only because a long tradition exists. A strange tradition - but when it becomes deep-rooted in the unconscious of a race, a country, it functions.
But that's not my way. I know that there is no other medicine than love. Other medicines cannot be so deep-reaching. If love fails, then nothing can succeed.
So I know that you deserve anger. Please don't deserve it.
EVEN WHILE REPEATING YOUR JOKES TO OTHERS, WE OURSELVES BURST INTO LOUD LAUGHTER. BUT YOU TELL US THE FUNNIEST OF STORIES AND WHILE THE AUDIENCE ROARS, NOT EVEN A FAINT SMILE CROSSES YOUR FACE. WHAT IS THE SECRET?
The secret is simple: I know how to tell a joke and you don't.
THE CLOSER I FEEL TO YOU, THE MORE YOU SEEM TO DISAPPEAR. IT IS LIKE COMING NEAR A RIVER: THE RIVER IS THERE AND YET IT IS NOT THERE. WHERE ARE YOU OSHO?
THE CLOSER I FEEL TO YOU, THE MORE YOU SEEM TO DISAPPEAR.
That's exactly how it will happen. Because my whole effort is to help you to disappear The closer you come to me, the more you will find that I am disappearing. That's just a hint, a guide that you should follow me in disappearing.
So if you want to disappear, only then come closer to me. That's why there are many who are clever; they don't come very close. That is dangerous; that is coming close to a fire. That is coming close to death!
In the old Indian scriptures the Master is called death. The Master is a death - and also a resurrection. But first he is a death, and then a resurrection. You have to die in him, and then you are reborn. But the death is the beginning.
So when you come close to me, you are bound to feel that I am disappearing. Take the hint and follow me in disappearing. Because you can meet me only when neither I am nor you are. When both are not there - the meeting, the union THE CLOSER I FEEL TO YOU, THE MORE YOU SEEM TO DISAPPEAR.
You are on the right path. Don't be afraid. Come closer.
When Rama Priya comes to see me, she sits far away. And I have to tell her: 'Come closer.' Two inches she moves. Then I say: 'Come still closer.' Two inches again. And I say: 'Come still closer.'
She is certainly aware that to come close is to die. She does come close, but she hesitates; it is natural. She comes close laughing, enjoying, but also afraid and hesitating.
I am calling you to come close, and I will not leave you until you disappear. I will go on haunting you, in your days, in your nights, in your thoughts, in your dreams. Wherever you are, once you have been in contact with me - only once - then I will haunt you. Then you will never be peaceful until you die.
It is like coming near a river; the river is there and yet it is not there. Yes, I am there and yet I am not there. If you are far away from me, I am there. If you come close, I am not there. If you come deep within me, you will not find anybody there - just a nobody-ness, a nothingness, a deep emptiness.
And you ask: WHERE ARE YOU OSHO?
Nowhere. The where has disappeared. The when has disappeared. The time and space are no more relevant.
And remember, if you want to be all, you cannot afford to be somebody. If you want to be everywhere, you have to be nowhere. If you want to become the eternity, then you cannot be in any point of time.
If you want to be a god, you have to lose all. That is the greatest gamble ever; one loses one's self, stakes one's totality. But one is never at a loss. One loses one's self, but the whole is attained.
Jesus says to his disciples: 'If you cling to yourself, you will lose yourself. If you lose, you will attain. Whosoever clings to life will die. And whosoever is ready to die goes beyond death, becomes deathless.'
I am nowhere. And I am calling you from my no-where-ness to come and become a no-where-ness yourself. I am no-when, and I am calling you from my no-when-ness, my timelessness, so that you can also drop.
It is tremendously beautiful to disappear. It is tremendously ecstatic! It is the greatest bliss ever - not to be.
Shakespeare says: 'To be or not to be....' That's what mind always says. I would like to change it: to be AND not to be - not OR. To be AND not to be, together - that's how I am right now.
If you look at me from far away, it is a form: TO BE. If you come closer the form becomes unclear.
You are entering NOT TO BE. To be is only my outside and not to be is my inside. To be is only my body; not to be is my soul. That's why Buddha says that the soul is a no-soul, ANATTA. It is a not-self. You cannot say it is. It is better to say that it is not.
To be and not to be, together, is to be the true sage. Don't choose between to be OR not to be. Both are available together; take them both without any choice.
Then you will be in the world and you will not be in the world. Then you will be in the mind and you will not be in the mind. Then you will be in the body and you will not be in the body. Then you will be in time and space and yet you will not be in any time, in any space. And that's the only way to be free.
To be and not to be, together, is to attain to total freedom - nirvana, MOKSHA - or whatsoever name you want to give it.
IF A BEING IS ENLIGHTENED, HOW CAN HE DIE?
He never dies because he is already dead.
You die because you cling to life. Then life has to be taken away, then you have to die.
An enlightened being never dies because he does not cling to life. He has voluntarily given it up; he is already dead. But it appears to you that he also dies like you. That is only appearance - don't be deceived by the appearance.
A Buddha dies, of course. A Mahavir dies. Baal Shem will die, Moses will die - everybody will die.
And they die just like you on the surface, but that is only the surface.
Watch an ordinary man dying. He makes every effort not to die, he clings to life to the very last, he cries and weeps tears of anguish and fear and trembling. A horror surrounds him; he is terror- struck. And then watch an enlightened man dying; it is one of the rarest experiences to watch an enlightened person dying. He dies as if he is the bridegroom going to meet his bride. He dies as if he is going on a faraway, beautiful journey for which he has always been waiting and planning. He dies as if the training period in this world is finished. He is accepted. He has become mature. Now he is going home from school. He dies - but death is not there; God is there. The face of death for an enlightened man is the face of God.
The face of God for an unenlightened man is the face of death.
When you know what life is, God waits for you near the door you call death.
When you don't know what life is, you are simply afraid - so much afraid that before the door actually opens, you are almost unconscious - you miss. You have missed it many many times. You have been dying many times and missing it.
There is only one way not to miss it, and that is: die before death! That's what I call meditation: to voluntarily die before death so that you know the flavour of it.
And it is so beautiful, so blissful that you will dance when death comes. You will sing when death comes. You will wait in deep silence and gratitude and trust. You will open your heart to it. You will not be taken away; you will ride on the wave - not as a defeated man, but as victorious.
The enlightened being never dies. He has died already and known that there is no death.
Death is a lie. It exists because you cling to life.
Feel the difference. When a miserly man gives even one paise to a beggar, the miserly man clings to it. He thinks a thousand and one times whether to give or not. He argues not to give. He rationalizes that these beggars are just cheats, he rationalizes that to give anything to a beggar is to help begging grow. A thousand and one arguments are there NOT to give. And even if he has to give, he gives reluctantly. That's how an ordinary man dies - reluctantly, clinging, trying to find any excuse to linger a little longer.
A man who loves and brings a gift to give is totally different. The physical part looks the same. The gift may not be of any value; it may be just a flower plucked by the side of the road - an ordinary flower, a grass flower - but he comes and presents it. Or it may be a KOHINOOR; it makes no difference. When he gives, he gives with totality. And he is happy that his gift has been accepted.
He feels grateful that his gift has not been rejected. He thanks the receiver. He had been dreaming, fantasizing about the moment when he would give it.
The fact of the two men giving is the same - the physical fact. They are both using their hands; something is to be transferred. If you ask a scientist, he will not be able to make any distinction, he will not be able to feel any difference. Whether you give reluctantly or you give lovingly are both physical facts and similar. But deep down you know they are absolutely different; not a bit of similarity exists between them.
When you give reluctantly, you really don't give. When you give lovingly, only then you give. When you give reluctantly, it has been taken away from you, snatched away; you feel robbed. When you give it lovingly, something flowers within you. Somebody accepted your sharing, accepted your gift.
You have been blessed.
Death for an unenlightened man is a struggle. He surrenders - but only after fighting in every way possible. That's why he feels defeated.
For an enlightened being, it is a let-go. He;s waiting and waiting - waiting for the ship to come, and then he will be going. He learned whatsoever this life had to give; now he is ready. He does not look backwards even once. No - not even once. When the ship has arrived, he simply enters and forgets everything about the world he is leaving, because he is going to a greater world, a greater being-hood - to God Himself.
LOOKING AT MYSELF AND OTHERS HERE, IS IT POSSIBLE THERE HAVE BEEN OTHERS LIKE US - SUCH AS BUDDHA'S DISCIPLES? WERE THEY AMAZED AND DID THEY, FIND THEMSELVES LAUGHING AT HOW GREEDY, CUNNING, INEPT, THEY APPEARED AND HOW ABSOLUTELY UNLIKE WHAT THEY THOUGHT A SANNYASIN TO BE - OR DO WE TAKE THE CAKE?
Man has always been the same. Buddha's disciples or Mahavir's disciples - man has always been the same. The same misery, the same ecstasy; the same greed, the same renunciation; the same clinging to material things, and the same freedom of the sky, of the open space.
Man has always been the same. Only outer things change. Houses are different, roads are different, transportation is different. Bullock carts disappearing; spaceships, buses appearing. Everything on the outside is different. But on the inside the essential man is always the same. The disease is the same; the health is the same.
I'm reminded of one HADDITH, one saying of Mohammed. A man came to Mohammed and asked:
'Who was the first to be created in the world?'
Mohammed said: 'Adam.' The man said: 'And before Adam?' Mohammed again said: 'Adam.'
The man said: 'And before that?'
Mohammed said: 'If you ask me to the very end of time, I will go on repeating Adam, Adam, Adam... so please stop.'
The man was puzzled, and Mohammed was not willing to explain more.
This has remained a mystery. Why had Mohammed insisted: 'Adam, Adam, Adam....'? This is the explanation that I am telling you. Man has always been there. From the very beginning you have been there - and there was never a time when you were not.
Man is one of the most essential existences in existence. That's why Mohammed says. that there is no 'before' to it. Man has always been there.
It will be difficult for you to understand it because the whole modern mind has been taught to believe in evolution. Yes, evolution has been there, but not in the deeper core of man.
There is something in man which has remained the same. The outside has been changing and changing and changing. Man is like a wheel of a bullock cart: the wheel moves and goes on changing, but the wheel moves on an axle which remains static, which doesn't change. And the wheel can move only because something in-moving supports it. Everything has been changing - the society, the culture, the civilization. But something deep in man remains the same. That depth is what Mohammed calls'Adam'.
Man, essential man, is the same. And remember always, he is the same in both ways. If you go back and look deeply into the disciples of Buddha, you will see the same problems. You can go and look in Buddhist scriptures - the same problem. The same greed, the same anger, the same hatred, the same possessiveness, the same competition - how to overtake the other - the same ambition, the same ego.
Why do I say this? - because if you look at the discipline that Buddha gave to his disciples, then you immediately know. He says: 'Don't be angry, don't be greedy, don't be violent.' If the disciples were already non-violent, then Buddha looks like a fool.'Why are you teaching not to be violent?'
The disciples must have been violent. Buddha says: 'Don't be possessive.' The disciples must have been possessive. Buddha says: 'Don't be greedy.' The disciples must have been greedy.
There doesn't exist a single scripture in the world which does not teach the same thing. The same ten commandments are everywhere. That shows man has remained the same, because the same discipline is needed for you - and the same discipline will be needed always.
Man can exist in two ways only; there is no evolution. Either you exist as an ignorant man, unaware, in deep sleep - then greed, anger, ambition, ego, will follow you - or you become awake.
Awakening is a jump! Then the second category of man arises. Then love, compassion, follows you.
Then there is no greed, no anger.
The ignorant man has the same characteristic today as he has had always. And the enlightened man has the same characteristic as he has had always.
And these are the only two ways of being: either be sleepy, and miss the opportunity that is available; or be awake, and delight in it and celebrate.
So never think that in past ages, in golden ages, people were different from you. They were not different, even though your priests go on saying they were. That's why they call it'the golden age'.
There has never been any golden age; there will never be any golden age. There have been golden people, but there has never been a golden age.
Buddha was respected tremendously. That shows that other people were fast asleep, Because only people who are asleep respect a Buddha. If everybody was a Buddha, who would have bothered?
Buddha has been remembered for twenty-five centuries. That shows that Buddhahood was rare in those days also. Otherwise, who bothers? If Buddha was available in every village, in every town, in every time, in every nook and corner, then who would have bothered to remember Gautam Siddharth? He would have been forgotten by now. But he was such a rare flower that centuries passed and no Buddha was happening. That's why we carry on and on, in deep reverence - the name, the respect, the gratitude we feel.
Man has always been the same. The greatest scriptures of the world always talk about the lowest characteristics of man; they have to.
I was reading.... There is a Chinese book thought to be the oldest, the ancient-most - almost ten thousand years old. The book is a very small book; only a few pages of it are left. And those few pages are written on human skin. But the teaching is the same: don't be greedy; don't steal; don't be violent. Ten thousand years have passed and the teaching remains relevant, because man remains the same.
In Babylon a stone has been discovered with a script on it. It took almost fifty years to decode it. But if you read it, you will not be able to say that it can be seven thousand years old. It looks as if it is this morning's editorial in some newspaper.
It says: 'In the golden old days everything was beautiful.' Seven thousand years ago, it says:
'In the good olden days, everything was beautiful; now everything has become chaotic. And the new generation is completely immoral.' Seven thousand years ago - and the new generation is immoral.'Nobody respects his elders. The father is no more respected; the mother, no more respected. The family is being destroyed. The very foundation of society is shaking.' Can you think that this is seven thousand years ago? This looks just like the editorial of this morning's POONA HERALD.
Man is the same. There is no evolution. Man can pass through a transmutation, but there is no evolution.
Either you are asleep or you are awake: this is the only transformation. But there is no evolution.
A sleepy man has always been the same. And those who are awakened have always been the same.
So don't condemn yourself. Don't say this age is in a deep crisis; it has always been so. And don't say that in the past everything was beautiful. This has always been the idea of people: that in the past.... That past never existed.
And don't think that in the future everything will be good. That too has always been an idea.
If anything is possible, it is here-now! And the jump is individual. Society remains the same. The jump is absolutely individual. If you want to take the jump, become awake.
Take the jump; don't wait for a golden age to come. There has never been a golden age. Of course, a few golden people have existed; they still exist now.
MANY PEOPLE ARE IN SILENCE NOW. DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS? WHAT IS THE PURPOSE? CAN IT BE HELPFUL?
I don't recommend, but they understand. I don't recommend anything in particular - except understanding. But if you understand, you would love silence.
I don't say: 'Be silent,' because then it would become suppressive. If you understand me, if you look towards me, you will see silence before yourself. And you will have a deep desire arising in you to be silent. Because in deep silence all that is beautiful and true becomes available.
But you are in a constant chattering; the inner talk continues. Either you are talking with other people or you are talking with yourself. You are talking the whole day; even in the night, in dreams, you are talking. This continuous talking functions as a barrier, you cannot see through it; it is like a fog that densely surrounds you. Your intelligence is destroyed because of this constant talk.
I don't recommend anything, because then it becomes a discipline. Then because I say you have to be silent you force silence. A forced silence is ugly. A forced silence will not give you the right taste of silence.
No. Just understand. Try to understand me, feel me. And then you would like to be silent. And when you would like to be silent, only then can it be beautiful.
When silence arises from your own heart with a deep understanding, by and by you become silent. In fact, then you don't become silent; you by and by drop the talk - the inner talk, the outer occupation.
Then silence is not the thing; you just understand that the whole talking is nonsense. Why go on talking? For what? There is nothing to say, but you go on talking.
In the Chinese language there is an idiogram which means two things together. The Chinese language is really something totally different from any other language - because only pictures exist, no alphabet. And each picture means many things.
One idiogram 'pi' means two things. One is: to explain; one meaning is: to explain. The other meaning is: in vain. To explain is to explain in vain. Isn't it marvellous? There is nothing to explain.
Nothing to say, really.
Just watch! What do you go on talking about the whole day? Ninety-nine percent would have been avoided easily. I don't say a hundred percent because I know, a few things - just day-to-day things - one has to talk about. But then things will become telegraphic; you need not go on round about, round about. Many times a 'yes' or a 'no' will do. And many times even that is not needed, just a nodding of the head will do. And many times even that is not needed because the other is not worried what you think; he is simply unloading himself. You can just watch; there is no need to listen.
If you become aware, the outer talk, the inner talk, by and by disappears. Not that you start practicing silence - no. It is just that the outer and inner talk becomes absolutely absurd, futile. You just drop it.
And silence is reclaimed. When the words disappear, silence arises. It is not directly to be achieved; it is an indirect result of understanding.
Yes, many people understand. I hope you will also understand; I wish that you will understand.
But, with me, remember always I don't recommend anything - because too many things have been recommended to you. And they have become ugly. I don't give you a discipline, I don't give you an outer mode of life; I only give you an inner light. In that inner light you have to find your discipline.
I make you aware about certain things. Then take the hint and don't wait for direct recommendations - because then you will be a loser. I am not going to give you anything direct, because direct discipline is needed only by very stupid minds. I hope that you behave more intelligently, more responsively. Become more responsible.
Do you see the difference? If I say: 'Be silent!' you will have to follow it. It will be forced - as if a flower has been forced and opened. It has not opened by itself.
A flower opens by itself. Let your silence become a flower opening by itself on its own accord.
I FEEL THE NEED FOR EFFORT TO STAY IN THE PRESENT. AND THIS EFFORT MAKES IT HARD TO RELAX COMPLETELY. LETTING GO OFTEN SEEMS TO BRING BACK THE PAST OR FUTURE. COULD YOU EXPLAIN ABOUT BEING ALERT WITHOUT TENSION?
The idea to be in the present will not allow you to relax. In fact, if you relax, you will be in the present.
In the beginning, if you relax, the past will rush towards you. Many things that you have suppressed, many things that you have never allowed to come up before your consciousness, many things that you have been avoiding - they will rush.
When you relax, the doors are open. These things always wanted to come before your consciousness but you never allowed them. Now that you are not forcing them, THEY will rush.
But this is going to be temporary.
Many dreams about the future that you have also been suppressing will come. There will be a chaos for a time being; you have to relax and watch the chaos. There should be no anxiety about it - it is natural. It is as if a room has been closed for many days; then you open it and bad smells escape.
But if you keep it open, fresh air will be flowing and the bad smells will be gone.
Your unconsciousness has accumulated a very bad smell. It is like a closed house, and it has become a junkyard. Whatsoever you think is wrong or people and priests and politicians say is wrong you go on throwing into the junkyard. You are sitting on a volcano. When you relax, everything will bubble up; it will surface. Allow it. It has to be. And don't be worried.
So don't try to be in the present. Rather, relax, so that the past and the future are both there - and they will go by themselves. You need not be worried; simply watch. Don't do a single thing, because if you do something you will again repress. Don't do a single thing. Just watch, as if the birds are flying in the sky and you are watching - lying down on the grass. The birds flying in the sky, the clouds moving, slowly, lazily. Thoughts are also like clouds; desires are also like birds. Be a watcher.
The problem arises because you become a doer. You say: 'This idea should not be there. Who are you to say that this cloud should not be there? Who are you? Why are you trying to manipulate?
The clouds are moving in the outer sky; thoughts are moving in the inner sky. Let them be. Just relax. Doze away. Let them be. Whenever you want to see, see. If you don't want to see, then doze. But don't do anything. Soon, the sky becomes clear. If you don't do anything, many things start happening. And the first thing is: all repressions that are released flow away from you. Soon the day comes when the sky is absolutely clear. Then you will be in the present.
So, you are trying from the wrong side. Don't try to be in the present; rather, just be in a let-go.
And when you are in a let-go don't make any conditions what should happen and what should not happen. Otherwise you cannot be in a let-go. A let-go can only be unconditional. You simply relax; now whatsoever happens, happens. And if nothing happens, that too is good.
A let-go is a let-go! Now you don't have any idea what should happen. If the past rushes in, it rushes in. If the future comes in, it comes in. You are not even worried about being in the present, because that will not allow you to be in a let-go. You simply relax.
But relaxation has become almost impossible because you have so many conditions: this should not be, this should be; this thought is bad, that thought is good; this is from the devil, this is from God. And you are continuously choosing and manipulating and fighting and arranging. You cannot be in a let-go.
Drop all morality. Drop all evaluation. Nothing is good. Nothing is bad. Everything is whatsoever it is. Relax. Suddenly, one day, the present arises in its deep radiance. Then there are no clouds and no thoughts and no desires.
And to be in the present is to enter the door of existence.
I KEEP FEELING MYSELF AUTHENTIC. YET, WITHIN THE HOUR, I SEE THE WAY I WAS AS INAUTHENTIC. AND THEN, WITHIN THE HOUR, THAT FRESH AUTHENTICITY AGAIN LOOKS FALSE. WHEN I LAUGH ABOUT THIS WHOLE RIDICULOUS SITUATION, THAT REALLY FEELS TO BE REALLY AUTHENTIC - -THAT LAUGH. BUT SOONER OR LATER I'M DOUBTING THAT TOO. IS THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF AUTHENTICITY ABSURD?
No, the concept of authenticity is not absurd. But it is not a concept. And the problem is not arising by authenticity; it is arising by comparison.
In this moment you feel authentic. After an hour you think about it; then comparison arises. After an hour, the authenticity is no more an authenticity; it is just a memory.
The memory looks faint, the memory is already cloudy, hazy. And you compare this memory with the present moment. Of course it will look inauthentic, and the present moment will look authentic.
Then again, after an hour, that present moment is no more a present moment. Again you compare.
The problem is arising because of comparison.
Each moment is unique and incomparable; you cannot compare it. Forget about it! Authentic or inauthentic - it is gone. Forget about it. There is no need to carry it and to compare.
The morning was beautiful but the afternoon is not the morning. You carry the morning and then you become suspicious whether it was so beautiful or not. Because now it is afternoon and the reality of the morning has disappeared. Now it is only a faint memory, a remembrance of something which was. Was it really there? Now how can you decide? It is no longer real. And then you compare the morning with this afternoon. The afternoon is real. By the evening the afternoon is gone but then you compare the afternoon with the evening. Now beautiful stars are arising and you think: 'Was it real or did I just imagine it?'
The present is always real; the past is always a memory. Don't compare the present with the past, otherwise the past will look inauthentic.
The problem is not with inauthenticity; the problem is with comparison. And mind is a great effort to compare. Mind goes on comparing; it goes on comparing every moment and that's how it goes on missing the glory. The absolute glory is missed because the mind goes on comparing.
You come across a rosebush and you see a rose; the mind immediately compares: you have seen bigger roses; this is nothing. But this rose is THIS rose; it has nothing to do with any other rose.
There may be bigger roses, there may be more beautiful roses; but this rose has its own beauty, has its own reality, has its own authenticity, here-now. Why are you missing this by bringing a comparison in?
Look at this rose. No other rose can give that which this rose can give. Watch it. Delight in it. Dance with it. Sing a song near it. Open your heart to it. Let it spread its fragrance towards your being. Let it flow towards your heart and let yourself flow towards it. Why bring in comparison?
Once you learn the nonsense of comparison you will miss all. Then, another day, there is another rose - you will miss that too. And the ridiculousness is that you missed yesterday's rose and you are missing today's rose. When you look at today's rose you will think of yesterday's. And when you were near yesterday's rose you were thinking of other roses. You never looked at anything.
A comparing mind misses everything and goes on thinking that others, which are no longer present, were more beautiful.
Be true to the moment. And when you have lived it, don't carry it; there is no need. When you have crossed the river, don't carry the boat on your head. Leave it there. Now it is no more needed.
Otherwise it will become a burden. And in the marketplace, people will laugh at you.
WHAT IS THE MOST STUPID THING MULLA NASRUDIN EVER DID?
It is difficult to say, because he is still alive. And one thing is certain - he will not die before me. So don't ask, because nobody can predict; he is unpredictable. And he will do more and more stupid things; one grows through experience.
He is not going to die before me; I cannot afford that. So, I cannot say. When I am gone, he will also be gone. Then you can think about it. Much research will be needed.
Mulla Nasruddin is not a person; he is the whole humanity. He is you; he is you, all together.
Whatsoever you can do, Mulla can do more stupidly. He is perfect! Whatsoever any human being can do, he can do more perfectly. He is your stupidity. And if you can understand it you will laugh and you will weep also. You will laugh at the ridiculousness of it and you will weep that that ridiculousness is yours. When you laugh at Mulla Nasruddin, remember, you are laughing at yourself. He just brings you face to face with whatsoever you are, so that it can be encountered.
Mulla Nasruddin is not new; he's an old Sufi device. There are stories which are one hundred, two hundred, even three hundred years old, around Mulla Nasruddin. He is an old device.
There have been many claims to whom Mulla Nasruddin belongs. The Russians say he belongs to them. They have a gravestone which proves that he belongs to them. Iranians say he belongs to them. Arabs say he belongs to them. In Bukhara, they have a place dedicated to Nasruddin's memory.
He has been all over the world. In fact, wherever there is stupidity, there is Mulla Nasruddin. He belongs to all; nobody alone can claim him.
And I say that he is still alive. He may have died in one country but he is resurrected in another.
Many times, I myself have seen him dying and the next day he knocks on my door. It is impossible.
It seems he cannot die. He is human stupidity.
But if you look deep into the stupidity you will see the wisdom also. In all his stupidities there is a germ of hidden wisdom.
Just the other day it happened.... He was sitting at his grocery store and I was by his side.
A tiny, fastidious woman came at rush-hour and she upturned the whole grocery store. For hours she bothered and bored Nasruddin. Only after hours of struggle could he satisfy her; she finally purchased what she wanted and was satisfied.
And then the woman said: 'Mulla, you may not be knowing, but when I came to your shop I had a very terrible headache - and now it is absolutely gone.'
Mulla Nasruddin said: 'Dear madam, don't be worried. Don't be worried! It has not gone. It has come to me.'
He may look stupid, but he is wise also. If you understand him you will laugh and you will weep because you will see yourself and the whole humanity in it.
WHAT IS THE MOST STUPID THING MULLA NASRUDIN EVER DID?
He is always doing greater stupid things than before. His every act is unique, incomparable. If you look into it you will think that this is the best; but when the next act comes it is something absolutely new, something tremendously great.
Read about Mulla Nasruddin and try to understand him. Make it a meditation. It has been, for centuries, a Sufi meditation.
Sufi teachers used to give Mulla Nasruddin jokes to their disciples to think and ponder and meditate.
Because whatsoever he says has meaning in it; whatsoever he does has meaning in it. They are not ordinary jokes - remember. I don't tell them to you just to make you laugh. No, they are not mere jokes; they are pointers. You should not just laugh and forget them; you should make them a part of your understanding. And then you will see Mulla Nasruddin arising many times within yourself - acting, behaving. And then you will be able to laugh. And if you can laugh at yourself, you have laughed for the first time.