This Orange Epidemic

The first question:

Question 1:

THE master is not a person, the master is a presence. How can you have a relationship with a presence? Either you see it and you dissolve into it, or you don't see it. But there is no possibility of any relationship. There has never been a relationship between the master and the disciple; the word 'relationship' is irrelevant there. It may appear so to the outsider, but the outsider is not in the know of things. The outsider cannot be relied upon, just because he is the outsider - he does not know things as they really are in the inside.

A disciple knows no relationship with the master, he is simply one with the master. And how can a master know any relationship with the disciple? He is not, he has disappeared - that's why he is a master. A master is not a person but a presence. And you cannot be related to a presence. The moment you recognize the presence you are dissolved. You merge, you melt, you disappear.

A master is a door, a master is a gesture of the unknown, a master is a beckoning light. But not a person at all. An open door, a voice calling from the wilderness, a provocation, a seduction into the divine, an invitation. But not a person at all.

So the first thing to be understood is: the master-disciple 'relationship' is a misnomer word. It really appears so from the outside, because of course you see the master and the disciple. And naturally, they are together, so they must be related. But it is not togetherness. It is not union, it is unity; they are no more two in their inner beings.

The second thing: you are not supposed to surrender to the master. If you do it, it will be a conditioning and you will miss the whole point. Surrender happens; you find yourself surrendering.

The moment you find a presence of the divine on the earth. a presence of the unknown in the body - when you look into the eyes of a master and you see the open door - surrender happens. It is not that you do it; if you do it you have missed it. A surrender done is not a surrender at all. Then it is a mind thing; then the mind is conditioned by your doing.

Who is this doer? Mind is the doer. Whether you do or you don't, either way you remain the doer.

One person surrenders, tries to surrender, makes efforts to surrender. Another holds himself back, avoids surrender. Both are missing the point.

Surrender is a happening. The disciple simply finds he is melting, he is disappearing. His boundaries are getting blurred, he is becoming cloudy, he is becoming a nebula. Great courage is needed.

Surrender cannot be done - but if you are cowardly you can escape from it, you can prevent it, you may not allow it to happen. So it is not something that the disciple has done. If the disciple has done it then there is a relationship. And all relationships are conditioning.

And remember this too, that a master is not an authority. The master has no authoritarian attitude.

He helps - he is an occasion for growth, an opportunity, not an authority. He simply indicates. A Buddha only points the way. And that way is also not pointed to because the master has a fixed system - the way is not pointed according to a system, the way is pointed according to you.

Remember this always, that any system of liberation may work once for one individual, because individuals are so unique. Each individual is such a uniqueness - that's why he is called the individual. There has never been anybody like him, and there will never be again. So no system is really applicable to him.

Then what is a master doing if he is not dishing you out systems? He is simply helping you to grow whosoever you can grow to, whatsoever you can grow to. He is not trying to grow rose flowers. If you are a marigold he helps you to become a marigold, if you are a rose flower he helps you to become a rose flower, if you are a lotus he helps you to become a lotus. He has no prejudice, he has no system; the master simply looks into you. A master is a gardener, he helps your seed to be dropped into the soil. He assures you: 'Don't be afraid.' The master is a gesture of assurance.

Naturally you are afraid, every seed is afraid - because what is the guarantee that if he dissolves into the soil there will arise a tree and the tree will bloom? A seed will never be able to see it; the seed will be gone. You will be gone; you will never see your Buddhahood. You will never be able to say 'Yes, this is what I was looking for' - because the one who was looking for it has to dissolve before it can happen. So you are moving into the unknown.

The master is at the most an occasion. Seeing into the master, feeling empathy with the master, feeling love for the master, you are assured: you can take the jump into the unknown. The master is not an authority, he is not giving you orders, he simply points to the moon. The finger is unimportant - if you cling to the finger then it is your problem; then you have a need to depend.

Authority is created by the need to depend. The master is not authoritative, but the disciple may be in search of authority - then he will create the authority. He will create here, he will create there, he will find some way somewhere. The father, the mother, the wife, the husband - you can create your authority anywhere - in a book. You can create an authority even with a person who goes on denying authority.

For example, J Krishnamurti. Those who want to depend, they depend on J Krishnamurti too. He may say 'I am not an authority, and there is no need for any authority, there is no need for any master' - but still there are followers, and very adamant followers. That is your need; you will fulfill it somewhere or somewhere else. But a master is not an authority. A master does not enforce any structure on you, he does not give you any discipline; he only gives you eyes to see your path. He gives you a clarity - not particular instructions but just a clarity. He hits you hard on the head, he makes you alert.

It happened in a house, in the middle of the night the house caught fire. The whole house was burning, and the master of the house was fast asleep, drunk. Everybody escaped except the master.

Then the neighbors realized that he would not be able to come out because he was so drunk - he was always drunk in the night. So a few people rushed in - it was risky - and they started dragging him out. But he was drunk and fast asleep and he was heavy and it was difficult to take him out of the window. And that was the only possible way to take him out - the door was burning. They tried from one window, they tried from another window, and it was becoming more and more difficult.

Then one wise old man said 'Hit him hard on the head! Wake him. Then he will find the way to get out; then we need not worry.' And they hit him hard on the head and he opened his eyes and they all jumped from the window and he also jumped from the window.

A master simply hits you HARD to make you aware. Then your awareness will do everything. He simply helps you to come out of your sleep, out of your somnambulism. He is not an authority - he does not say 'Go right and then move left and then...' A master never gives particular details; he cannot, in the very nature of things - because THIS type of disciple has never been there before; nobody knows into what kind of flower he is going to grow, what his destiny is.

And if you find somebody giving you particular instructions, avoid him. Then he is not a master.

Then escape from him, he will destroy you - he has a certain image, he will create that image in you. He does not care about you, he does not love you, he has no compassion. He has a certain idea that he wants to implant: you are just a victim, you are just an opportunity for him to work out whether his idea, his ideal, can become a reality or not. You are just a canvas and he wants to paint HIS picture on you, you are just a block of stone and he wants to sculpt a statue that he is carrying in HIS head. Then he is not a master.

A master simply listens to you. Watches you, observes you, loves you, permeates you, envelops you. And slowly slowly starts helping you to be yourself. A master is not an authority. And the master in fact cannot be an authority, because he does not give you answers. He simply helps you to understand your question. He makes your question profound, he gives depth to your question.

The real answer does not put an end to the question but to the questioner. A real master does not put an end to your questions, he puts an end to you. He kills you. He kills you so that you can be that which you are destined to be.

Now listen to the question again. The questioner must be a newcomer here: Len Shemin.

AS I COME TO UNDERSTAND MORE DEEPLY HOW COMPLETELY THE MIND HAS BEEN CONDITIONED...

Who is this one who has come to understand profoundly and deeply? Is it not the same mind?

The dog trying to catch its own tail! What is profound in it? If you have understood profoundly you should not have asked the question. If you have seen that you are separate from the mind that is conditioned then there is no questioning.

No, this is not your understanding, this is knowledge. You must have gathered it from people like J Krishnamurti and others. This is not your understanding. Otherwise the problem is solved. And if this is your understanding - that a master will create an authority, that the relationship between a disciple and a master will again be a new kind of conditioning - then why are you asking me the question? Because this will create an authority.

You say: CAN YOU PLEASE GO INTO THIS MORE DEEPLY?

Why do you need me to go into it more deeply? If I go more deeply into it, it will be conditioning you. How can my answer have any importance to you if you have understood that all answers from the outside are conditioning? This will be an answer from the outside. You should not ask such a question.

But the question has arisen. And I trust more in the question than what you say in it. It shows that you have been thinking about it, reading about it - but this is not your own meditative understanding.

You say: AS I COME TO UNDERSTAND MORE DEEPLY...

Understanding is a totally different phenomenon than knowledge. Understanding transforms your being - in understanding, the question is finished. And remember, understanding is never more and less. You cannot say 'As I understand more deeply' - understanding is depth; you cannot use the word 'more'. Knowledge is shallowness, understanding is depth. To say 'a deep understanding' is to repeat the same thing; it is tautology, because 'depth' means the same as 'understanding'.

Either you see or you don't; there are no degrees between the two. There is no quantitative difference between two understandings. Knowledge and understanding - yes, there is a difference, an immense difference; they don't exist on the same plane. Knowledge can be more or less, because knowledge is quantity; you can have more knowledge, you can have less knowledge. You can accumulate, you can go on accumulating, you can learn more, you will have more.

But understanding is simply understanding. It is sheer understanding, there are no degrees in it.

The moment you understand, you simply understand and the matter is closed. But we go on calling our knowledge understanding.

AS I COME TO UNDERSTAND MORE DEEPLY HOW COMPLETELY THE MIND HAS BEEN CONDITIONED...

And this is the mind again, because all knowledge is accumulated through the mind. Understanding arises in the no-mind. Knowledge is accumulated in the mind, it is the mind trying to be clever. And this mind can be fool you so immensely.

Now, there are people who go on listening to 1 Krishnamurti for years - I know people who have listened to him for thirty years, forty years. And he goes on repeating the same thing, he has a single theme. He is a very very consistent man; he never contradicts, he is very logical. And he moves in one dimension - a one-track mind. Now what are these people doing listening to him for forty years? They are accumulating knowledge. They start forgetting, then they go to listen to him again, then he reminds them again. The memory is deepening - not understanding.

And after forty years of listening, they are in the same situation. Nothing has changed, their being has not been touched by it. But they become very very egotistic - rather than coming to a surrender they become very very egotistic. And remember the difference between these two words 'egoist'

and 'egotist'. An egoist is one who believes in the ego, and the egotist is one who practices it and is true to his belief.

People listening to I Krishnamurti become very egotistic. In fact their joy in listening to Krishnamurti is of the ego. It feels very good that you have utter freedom, that you are liberated, that you need not surrender to anybody, that you need not bow down to anybody, that you need not pray, that you need not meditate - that just by listening or just by thinking, you will become enlightened. It feels very good, because there is no torture of growth, no pain of growth. And the greatest pain is to surrender - that is avoided. The ego becomes more and more subtle and feels very secure.

But joy is not there. Playfulness is not there. You will not find fragrance around these people - because the more the ego settles and becomes confident about itself, the less is the possibility of its disappearing. And only in the disappearance of the ego comes the fragrance. Only when you die are you reborn.

You say: AS I COME TO UNDERSTAND MORE DEEPLY HOW COMPLETELY THE MIND HAS BEEN CONDITIONED IT SEEMS TO ME THAT EVEN THE GURU-DISCIPLE RELATIONSHIP IS AN EXPRESSION OF THIS CONDITIONING.

Have you ever been in a guru-disciple relationship? Have you ever been on the inside of it? Without being an insider you will not be able to know anything about it. It is as if you are talking about light and you are a blind man and you have never seen light. You are talking about music and you are deaf and you have never heard any sound. And because you have never heard any sound you have never heard any silence either - because to hear silence, ears are as much needed as they are needed to hear sound.

Don't carry on the idea that a deaf person is always in silence. No, not at all; he knows nothing of silence, he cannot know anything of silence. Don't go on carrying the idea that the blind man remains always in darkness. He cannot know anything of darkness, because to see darkness you need eyes as much as you need eyes for light. Both are experiences of the eye - light and darkness.

The man who is blind cannot say anything about light, he cannot even say anything about darkness.

Have you ever been in the guru-disciple relationship? Only then will you be able understand it, what it is. It is an experience, an incredible experience - but one has to go into it, into it totally. One has to abandon oneself into it utterly, one has to be drunk, only then does the taste arise.

Now, Krishnamurti is against the masters. And the reason is that he was brought up by some very authoritarian people. Not masters - teachers maybe, but not masters. He was brought up the theosophists and they were bent upon making a messiah out of him. They wanted to make a world teacher, and they forced him into that pattern. Never before was a man so much tortured and forced into a certain mound.

Buddha's messiah-hood was a natural growth of his own search. Christ became Christ on his own accord. In fact just the opposite has been the case before - a Buddha has to fight to declare that he is the messiah. Nobody was willing to accept him; people were denying, people were rejecting, as always. They crucified Jesus because he declared himself the Christ.

It happened in just the opposite order with Krishnamurti. He had no idea what it means to be a Christ or a Buddha. And these foolish theosophists, Leadbeater and Annie Besant and the lot, they were all trying to make a messiah out of him, they were after manufacturing a messiah. They really disciplined him so much - everything was watched, he was never allowed any freedom, he was constantly accompanied. They decided what clothes he should wear and when he should go to bed and when he should get out of bed and what prayers to do - early in the morning, three o'clock, a small child...

They caught hold of him when he was only nine and they started torturing the child. Not only that, they even forced him to write books. THEY were writing those books. Krishnamurti does not even remember when he wrote the book, the famous book, AT THE FEET OF THE MASTER. He does not remember having written it at all. Just a nine-year-old child, how could he write that book? But these people wanted to prove that he was a born messiah, that he had come from the other world.

They forced a book in his name.

And instructions were coming from the high quarters, from masters who roam in the sky, spirits - Master K H and others - and letters were arriving. And these people were making those letters too; never before in the whole history of religion has such a forgery been done. They did it to impress this small child - they did tricks, they managed strategies.

Krishnamurti would be sitting with closed eyes and a letter would drop from the roof. Now, a nine- year-old child naturally trusts and believes. And somebody would be hiding on the roof - those people were even caught and brought to the court. And the letters were written and those letters would fall in his lap, and he was being instructed from on high.

Just think of the abnormal situation in which he was brought up. He was not allowed to move with any woman, or if he was allowed he was allowed to move only with very aged women with whom he could only have a relationship of son and mother. Even then there were suspicions. He was allowed to move with a very old woman but the old woman fell in love with the boy. The boy was really beautiful - it was just a motherly love but very passionate. And then the relationship was broken by the theosophists. They were afraid - they did not want him to get into any human relationship, he had to be purely superhuman.

Food was to be decided by them. He could not go to a movie, he could not play with other boys; that was not right for a messiah. He had to be superhuman. They enforced inhuman standards upon him in order to make him superhuman.

Naturally, the day he became strong enough, he revolted. When he was twenty-five he revolted. He got fed-up with the whole nonsense of becoming a world teacher. He simply declared: 'I am not a teacher and I am not a messiah.'

That conditioning still lingers somewhere around his personality. He is not yet free of those ugly theosophists, he is still living that nightmare. That's why he is against the masters. He has never been with a master, he was with these people who were not masters at all. Cunning frauds, charlatans, they wanted to exploit the whole world through Krishnamurti. They wanted to remain behind him and manipulate him in every way. It was a great conspiracy against humanity, and it is good that he revolted.

But I think it was too much and he cannot forget it and he cannot forgive them. He is against masters, naturally - I can understand. If I had been in his situation I would have been against the masters.

I would like to ask you: Have you ever been in relationship with a master, which is not a relationship at all? Have you ever dipped into the being of a master? Have you for even a single moment entered the door of a master? Then you will not ask this question, because then all those doubts will immediately disappear, instantly disappear. You will not say that THE GURU-DISCIPLE RELATIONSHIP IS AN EXPRESSION OF THIS CONDITIONING. If it is a relationship and a conditioning, it is not a guru-disciple relationship.

FOR MAN TO BE TOTALLY LIBERATED, MUST HE NOT ALSO TRANSCEND THIS TRADITIONAL BELIEF...?

Yes, man has to transcend all beliefs - but to be with a master is not traditional and is not a belief.

It is very alive; it is not traditional. What is traditional about me and you and your being with me?

What is traditional? Can there be anything more anti-traditional? Where is there any belief in it?

Yes, trust is there, but not belief. Belief is a substitute: one goes on deceiving oneself with belief and thinks that one has trust. Trust is a totally different phenomenon. Belief is of the head, trust is of the heart. Belief is a thought, trust is a feeling. If you feel me, you trust me. If you only intellectually understand me, then belief will be created. Belief makes you a student, not a disciple, and whoever you get that belief and knowledge from becomes a teacher, not a master. That's the difference between a teacher-and-student and a master-and-disciple relationship.

A master does not teach you, he simply makes his being available to you and hopes that you will also do the same. When these two beings are available to each other, miracles start happening.

'Liberation' is a beautiful word but very much misused. What do you mean by 'liberation'? You say:

FOR A MAN TO BE TOTALLY LIBERATED.... What do you mean by 'total liberation'? You must be having some idea somewhere that 'I will be liberated one day, but I will remain after liberation.'

You don't understand at all. Liberation is not of the 'I' but from the 'I'. You are to be liberated from yourself. In liberation you will not find yourself at all; you will be gone for ever. The liberation will not be your liberation, it will be liberation only because you will not be there. Liberation is from you; it is not yours.

Now, it will be very difficult, almost impossible, to do it on your own. Something has to penetrate you from the beyond - only that can take you out of yourself. For example, you go to sleep, you are fast asleep and the alarm goes off. That alarm comes from the outside into your sleep and disturbs your sleep: your eyes open up.

Gurdjieff used to say: Man is a prisoner, and he has lived in the prison so long that he has completely forgotten that he is a prisoner. And the prison is so big that you cannot feel it, because you never see the boundary. The boundaries are very subtle - the walls ARE there but they are very subtle and transparent, made of pure glass, crystal glass. And you have lived in the prison so long that you think this is your home, this is your life. this is how life is supposed to be. Unless somebody comes from the outside and says 'This is a prison, and I know what freedom is' even the desire to be free will not arise in you. That is the chain.

A master is one who is outside the prison, is one who is awake. He can create devices, occasions, for you to be awake. He can create some disturbance in your sleep.

All these meditations that you are doing here are nothing but efforts to disturb your sleep - to shake you up, to shock you so deeply that it goes beyond your shock absorbers and reaches you. To shout - a master goes on shouting. Jesus said: Go on the housetops and shout as loudly as you can.

A master is one who shouts loudly. There are many shock absorbers around your you have buffers which absorb anything that comes from the outside. The alarm won't work if your ears are closed; if you are using ear-plugs the alarm won't reach you. And. just to be safe, people have created many shock absorbers, many buffers around them. Otherwise life will be miserable, very miserable.

There are so many shocks happening every moment that you cannot allow them to reach to you. To prevent the bad you have created the buffer - but it prevents the good too. To prevent the enemy you have closed the door and locked it and bolted it. But now it prevents the friend too.

Unless some ray from the beyond enters your being, unless you taste something of the transcendental, even the desire to be liberated will not be there. A master does not give you liberation, he creates a passionate desire for liberation. He makes you aflame with an unknown passion that you have never known before, never felt t fore.

Just think of a world where Buddha never existed. where Christ never walked, where Kabir never sang. Just drop a hundred names from human history and you would be in a totally different situation. You would not be thinking of liberation at all; you would not be thinking of freedom, of moksha, of nirvana. It is because of these few people who go on shouting in spite of you, whether you hear or not - it is because of these people that the word 'freedom' has some meaning, that the word liberation' strikes you.

It is good that one wants to be totally liberated - one has to go beyond all beliefs and one has to go beyond all relationships. But the relationship between a master and a disciple is not a relationship and it is not a belief. And one has to go beyond all tradition - but it is not tradition at all. Tradition exists when you go on following a dead master.

For example, if you are a Christian you are traditional. But the people who moved with Jesus when he was alive were not traditional. The Jews were traditional, they were following Moses or Abraham; they were traditional. But the few people who were moving with Jesus and risking their life, they were not traditional. Now Christians are traditional. My sannyasins are not traditional; when I am gone they will be traditional.

Tradition exists between a dead guru and an alive disciple. With an alive master and an alive disciple, how can tradition exist? There is no tradition, the relationship is immediate. It is not a belief, it is trust.

The second question:

Question 2:

No. Because you are not humble and you are not a disciple. You are dangerous. What do you mean by 'fully enlightened'? Have you ever heard of somebody partially enlightened? What do you mean by 'a perfect master'? Have you ever come across an imperfect master?

These are your ego trips. You call yourself a humble disciple, but you are not humble. In fact that's why you have to say that you are a humble disciple. A humble man never knows that he is humble.

It is out of your ego that the idea arises, the desire arises - such a great man as you, how can he be a disciple of an ordinary master? A man like you, and a disciple of an ordinary master? You have to find the fully enlightened, the perfect master. I cannot accept you.

Meditate over this story.

A young man wished to find the Perfect Master. He travel led to India and visited a famous yogi. But when the young man tried to open a dialogue, the yogi would not speak. So he travelled on.

This was not his idea of a perfect master. A master is one who teaches. Now this man simply sits there, silent, like a stupid man. Maybe he is silent, but there is no message. He is not the messiah - how can one be a messiah without a message?

Then he went to Japan and entered a monastery, but the venerable master seemed to him overly harsh and ruthless. The master used to beat people, throw them out of the windows, jump upon them even while they were asleep. Now, this was not his cup of tea.

Arriving in Iran, he met a Sufi who gave him meaningless answers to his very serious questions. He would ask about the East and the Sufi would talk about the West. He would ask about the earth and the Sufi would talk about the sky. Now this was ridiculous, this man was mad.

Finally the young man climbed the high mountains of Tibet and, in an ancient Lamasery on a windswept cliff, he was permitted an audience with the head Lama, a famous master of the region.

To the young man, the Lama was not sufficiently austere, for he was surrounded by silks, gold and other riches. Yet the Lama's words seemed wise, and the young man believed that this was the closest he would come to finding the Perfect Master. So he begged permission to become a disciple of the Lama. The Lama replied 'No.'

When the young man asked why, the Lama said 'Because I will only accept the Perfect Disciple.'

So I say no, I accept only perfect disciples. Can't you see so many perfect fully unenlightened people here? I also believe in perfection if you believe in it. And I know that you must be finding many faults in me. Can't you see the Impala car? A perfect master moving in an Impala car - have you ever heard of it? But this may be the closest that you can come. No, I don't accept neurotic people. All kinds of perfectionism create neurosis. Be a perfectionist and you will end up in a mad asylum.

Drop all that nonsense, don't ask for impossible. Be human. Nothing is perfect in the world, not even God. Because if something is perfect it is dead. And God is not dead yet - notwithstanding what Nietzsche says, God is not dead yet. And God will never be dead, because God will never be perfect. He is always growing; out of imperfection there is growth. When you are perfect then what is left except suicide? What will you do when you are perfect?

All growth is possible because something always remains to be done. One goes on learning, one goes on growing. Yes, let me say to you: Even after enlightenment one goes on growing. From perfection to perfection one goes on growing. One is never absolutely perfect, because absolute perfection means death.

Life is imperfect. That's why life IS. Only death is perfect.

Now you are asking for a dead man. And what will a dead man teach YOU? He is bound to teach you suicide. I am not dead, and I would like people who are alive. Drop all kinds of perfectionistic attitudes and ideals. My approach is that of being total - not being perfect but being total. Be total.

And, you will be surprised to know, if you can key total in anything you become perfectly imperfect.

You are happy with your imperfection, you are in love with it, there is no desire to drop it - then it has a very different flavor to it, the flavor of growth. Then you know more and more flowers will be opening. Remember, the first flower of the spring is not the whole spring, it is only indicative. And when one flower blooms, says Kabir, thousands bloom. They go on blooming, there is no end to it.

When we say Buddha became enlightened on a certain night on a certain day, what do we mean?

We mean the first flower of the spring happened. Now there will be millions and millions of flowers opening, to eternity. The first has opened, the opening has started, now there is no end to it.

Your idea of an enlightened person is that that day everything ended. My idea of enlightenment is:

that day everything started! Before that day there was nothing. That day, things for the first time became alive. Buddha is still blooming somewhere - the spring continues. The first flower is only an indication of the coming spring.

The third question:

Question 3:

THE first thing: this happens to almost everybody who comes to me, because you have become addicted to misery. When you first come here you are simply in awe. For a moment the shock of the energy that is available here makes you forget your old habitual patterns - shakes you up, wakes you up for a moment into a different kind of reality. But those habits, those old habits, can't leave you so easily. They come back in new forms.

And this is one of the easiest forms. You see people are happy here, people are dancing and joyous, and you would like to be happy. But then suddenly you start thinking about the world. The beggars on the street, the poverty, the starvation and the wars - all kinds of problems simply start coming from every direction to your mind. And your mind starts saying 'When the world is in such misery how can you be happy? You have to share, you have to go and serve. You are not alone, you exist in a society - you are part of it, you have to serve the society.' This is a very very cunning device of the mud.

Just the other day, I was looking at a cartoon. Snoopy is dancing, really going crazy, utterly blissful, in samadhi. And Lucy looks at him and says 'Stop this! Stop this! The world is in great misery. Can't you see that people are suffering? How can you be so happy when the world is in such hell?' There is great condemnation in her eyes. For a moment even Snoopy stops. And Lucy says 'Are you not aware, you stupid? Are you not aware of what is happening in the world? Is this the time to dance in such a mad abandoned way?'

Snoopy says 'But my legs are feeling very very happy and I'm really enjoying it. And thank God that I am an ignorant person.' And he starts dancing again.

This question is from Christiane. Now, Christiane, your inside Lucy is arising. And you will find many Snoopys dancing here and your mind will say 'What? People singing Alleluia? This Aneeta is mad and these people are mad. And the world is in such misery. How can you be so unloving? How can you be so hard? Where is your compassion?' And these are just devices of your mind to make you miserable again, to keep you at that level of misery.

And that is not going to help the world. What are you going to share with the world? Tell me, Lucy, what are you going to share with the world? What have you got to share? You can share only that which you have - if you are blissful you can share bliss, if you are miserable you will make the world more miserable.

At least dance, let your legs feel good. One person happy means a small part of the world has become happy. By becoming happy you are creating a happy world, by dancing you are creating a dancing world, because you are the world. And yes, your Christian mind, Catholic mind, missionary mind, will find many problems. 'How can people be so selfish, just enjoying?'

But these selfish people will create a vise, a different vise, in the world - they are already creating it. More and more people will get drunk through their dance. more and more people will feel their legs are becoming alive, that d song wants to burst forth in their heart too. More and more people will get infected by this orange :disease. It has to spread to epidemic proportions - that is the only way to transform the world, there is no other way.

By serving people you cannot transform anything, because you don't have joy. You serve out of duty, you serve out of your misery. And your misery goes on showing on your face, in your being. You pulsate misery - that's all that you can share right now. What else have you got?

You say: AND NOW I'M REALLY SAD, LONELY, REJECTED. I SUDDENLY REALIZED THAT JUST GROWING FROM A SEED TO A BIG TREE IS NOT THE ONLY IMPORTANT THING.

It is the only important thing. Then the flowers come on their own accord; you need not pull them out of the tree. The only thing, the only important thing, is to grow and become a big tree. Let your roots go deep into the earth and your branches high into the sky, and enjoy the sun and the moon and the stars and the wind and the rains, and forget about the whole world, and your flowers will bloom. And that fragrance will reach to people, to whomsoever it concerns - it is unaddressed but it will reach people. But whether it reaches anyone or not, that is not the point. Even if a single individual is happy, a part of the world is transformed.

Meditate on these words of Walt Whitman:

'I exist as I am. That is enough. If no other in the world be aware, I sit content. And if each and all be aware, I sit content.'

It doesn't matter. When the seed comes to bloom it doesn't matter whether anybody is getting the fragrance or not. It is released: it will reach people. It will reach people who are ready to receive it.

It will not reach to all, because there are people who are living with closed eyes, there are people who are living with closed ears, there are people who are living with closed noses - it will not reach to them. But only they are responsible for it.

I am creating a blissful milieu here. It will pulsate its energy to whomsoever it concerns.

But this mind comes to everybody who is a newcomer here. And this mind is a trick. The mind is very tricky, very diplomatic. If you cannot find any immediate reason to be miserable you can always find millions of reasons in the world to be miserable. You are simply searching for excuses to be miserable. Remember, the hardest arithmetic to learn is the arithmetic that makes you capable of counting your blessings.

People go on counting their miseries - not only their own, they go on counting others' miseries too.

Then of course they are burdened. The world has always been in misery - if Buddha had bothered about it he would never have become enlightened. Do you think there were no more wars there?

people were not poor? people were not sad, depressed? They were - more so than they are today.

But it is your choice. If you choose to be miserable there are great opportunities; you can fall upon any opportunity. But if you want to be blissful there are very few opportunities available in the world, because very few people are courageous enough to allow happiness to happen - they destroy it.

I teach self-fulness. And remember, self-fulness is not selfishness. A self-ful person is the only altruistic person, because he creates whatsoever is great in his being. And in that very creating, sharing starts happening. You need not go and make an effort to share it - if it is there it starts overflowing. The dance cannot be contained, the joy cannot be contained. They overflow, they start reaching other people, they are contagious.

Listen to the whole question again: WHEN I CAME TO THE ASHRAM ONE WEEK AGO, I FELT THE STRONG ENERGY AND LIKED THE ATMOSPHERE. THE NEXT DAY ALREADY I FELT HOW I WAS OPENING MY HEART THROUGH THE MEDITATIONS, SUFI DANCES AND SO ON, AND I WAS REALLY HAPPY. I WAS READY TO START GROWING, TO IMPROVE MYSELF. AND NOW I'M REALLY SAD, LONELY, REJECTED. I SUDDENLY REALIZED THAT JUST GROWING FROM A SEED TO A BIG TREE IS NOT THE ONLY IMPORTANT THING.

It is the only important thing. All else follows. Jesus says 'Seek ye the kingdom of God and all else shall be added unto you.'

WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SHARE ALL THE LOVE WE FEEL...

But if you are not joyous you cannot be loving either. Love is a function of joy. People go on thinking they are loving. You have not known love, you have not even tasted a single drop of it. Love happens only when you are full of joy; love is a shadow of joy, it doesn't happen directly. Only a blissful person is a loving person. A miserable person goes on saying that he loves, but in the name of love something else is masquerading. He NEEDS love, that's true - he is a beggar. And because he needs love, he pretends at least to show that he gives because nobody is going to give you love if you don't at least pretend to give.

Watch. What do you mean when you say 'I love you'? Do you really love? Or do you simply feel 'This person is so beautiful, if he or she loves me that will be fantastic'? Now you have to throw a net, a trap: you say 'I love you.' You are just a beggar - you are waiting to get his or her love; you are bargaining. And the other is doing the same, remember - the other is also saying 'I am deeply in love with you. I would like to share my love with you.' And the other is also needy and greedy. Two greedy persons just pretending to give - they really want to GET.

That's why all lovers feel cheated and frustrated. Sooner or later the faces are worn out and the reality comes up. And you are demanding love - she demands and you demand and there is conflict and there is fight. The fight between lovers is the fight between two demanding hearts, two greedy persons. If it is only a sharing, why fight? Sharing knows no jealousy, only greed knows jealousy. Then you are afraid and you are constantly watching the woman, whether she is giving her love to somebody else - because if she is giving some love to somebody else, that much love is lost towards you.

You are greedy. 'Was she laughing with that man? She never laughs like that with me. What is happening?' Suspicions arise. 'Why should she laugh with anybody else? Because there is only a certain quantity of laughter. And she laughed with that man: now she will not laugh with me.' You live in an economy of scarcity. Mm? She kissed that man, now how can she kiss you? The kiss is finished! Now you are at a loss; you have been cheated.

This is all greed pretending to be love. It is not sharing, it is an effort to get: 'How to get more?' And naturally the greedy mind tries to give less and to get more - that's what income is. And both are trying to make profit out of it: give less and get more. When you need, smile. You know? Whenever your wife smiles you become afraid. Have you not observed it? Whenever you come home and you find her smiling just standing at the door, your heart sinks. She will demand something. Maybe she has seen a diamond in the market or a necklace or a sari or something - she is going to demand.

Otherwise she never smiles. She is such a miser, she keeps her lips tight together; even if you smile she pretends that she has not seen your smile - she never responds.

And when the husband comes with ice cream or with flowers... And you have forgotten - for years he has never come with ice cream or with flowers and you are suspicious: he must have committed something wrong, he must have been with some woman. This is just a way to create a substitute - he is feeling guilty. And the woman starts searching in his pockets and the diary and the phone numbers, for some clue somewhere. Otherwise he never brings ice cream...

You are always trying to get, and the other is trying not to give. This you call sharing? What have you got to share, Lucy? You have not got anything to share.

First create some joy, some dance, some song. Then sharing happens on its own accord. You need not do anything to share; you HAVE to share when you have too much. Just like a rain cloud, it has to shower. Just like a flower, it has to spread its perfume. Or just like a lamp, it has to spread its light.

You say: WE SHOULD HE ABLE TO SHARE ALL THE LOVE WE FEEL ALL THE ENERGY WE GET.

You don't have any love. It is very rare to come across a loving person. You may find lovely persons, but loving persons are very rare.

WE ARE NOT LIVING ALONE ON EARTH.

That's true, you are not living alone on earth, there are many miserable people like you. You belong to a miserable society, you live in a hell. And you have to learn how to be alone, otherwise you will never get out of this hell. You will have to learn how to be alone. That's what sannyas IS.

A person who can be blissful alone has gone beyond any kind of dependency. And he is the person who can go into the world and give his love to people, because he no longer needs anything from them - he can simply go on giving unconditionally. He no longer belongs to the crowd. He can go into the crowd, because the crowd cannot distract him from his own center. He can live in the crowd and he will not be a part of the crowd, he can live in the crowd and the crowd will not be in him.

That's what meditation is all about, to be capable of being alone. And remember, aloneness is not loneliness. Loneliness is the state of the person who cannot live alone; loneliness means you are dependent on the crowd, on the other. Aloneness means you are happy with yourself, you are not dependent on anybody. The moment you are not dependent you are an emperor, you are a god, a goddess. Now you have something to share, you can go into the world.

I WANT TO ENJOY BOTH PARTS OF ME...

You have none. Neither this nor that.

... THE GROWING AND IMPROVING PART AND THE HUMAN LOVE OR SHARING PART...

They are both together, aspects of one phenomenon, and you have none yet. From where to start the journey? First you have to be joyful, then love will come. First you have to grow and become mature - this is the definition of maturity. A child is born, he simply gets. A child is just a mouth and nothing else, a stomach. He goes on getting everything from everybody. That's why you give him a toy and the toy goes into the mouth. He is just the mouth, nothing else: a hunger. He wants to swallow everything - he wants to swallow the mother, he wants to swallow the whole world. He cannot give anything; he is very very miserly, he hoards.

And naturally we accept it, because he is so helpless and what can you expect a small child to give?

He cannot even say hello or hi, he cannot respond. You take it for granted - he is so small, you give to him. The mother gives, the father gives, the family gives. The whole world is in a very very giving mood towards the child.

But the child is also learning a trick. He is learning that you can get without giving, that there is no need to give. He is creating a habit, a character, which keeps people immature for their whole life.

You may be seventy and you still go on asking that everybody should give love to you. You may t e seventy, your children may be fifty and forty, and their children may be there, and you still go on hankering that everybody should give love to you. You are immature; you never grew out of your childhood.

A mature person is one who has changed the whole pattern of his being. He is now ready to give.

He has taken enough from the world. now he is ready to live. Growth means you start becoming mature, growth means you start dropping your childhood patterns. And this is the basic change that has to happen.

It is very rare to find a mature person; they are all asking and asking, they are all mouths. Nobody is ready to give. That's why there is so much misery in the world - all are beggars begging from each other. Nobody is ready to give, nobody has anything to give.

Please first start growing, start becoming a little more mature. And after you have attained a certain maturity you will see, you are capable of giving. But then there is no duty to give: it is not that you are obliging anybody. In fact you cannot resist giving. You cannot contain it, it is too much, it has to go. You have to empty yourself, otherwise it becomes burdening.

You say: I WANT TO ENJOY BOTH PARTS OF ME - THE GROWING AND THE IMPROVING PART, AND THE HUMAN LOVE OR SHARING PART .

Start by growing, and the sharing will follow.

I AM ONE WHOLE PERSON.

Not yet. That's what you are searching for. You are fragmentary, you are so many people - not one.

You are not whole. The day you become whole you become holy too. That's what I am teaching here: how to become whole, how to become holy. And you have been taught never to become whole. All the so-called religions go on teaching you never to become whole: Deny the body. Then how can you become whole? Deny this, deny that, renounce this, renounce that. Then how can you be whole? Only in total acceptance is wholeness possible.

I accept life as it is in its totality. From sex to super consciousness, from body to soul, from the lowest to the highest, all has to be absorbed. Nothing has to be rejected, nothing at all. Then you will be whole. A Christian cannot be whole, a Hindu cannot be whole, a Jaina cannot be whole. Christ is whole but a Christian is not. The Buddha is whole but the Buddhist is not.

People love conflict. Either they have to fight with others or they start fighting with themselves, either they have to create misery for others or they create misery for themselves. People are torturers - either they have to be murderers or they become suicides. Avoid both. Be in love with life. Nothing is wrong - the wrong cannot happen, the wrong cannot exist, because it is only God that exists. Out of God all is good.

You can become whole if you partake of this occasion that is available to you.

And one thing more about this question: Again and again you have said 'I was ready to start growing, to improve myself... the growing and improving part...' They are two separate things. The improver is never a grower. They are not only separate, they are diametrically opposite - the grower is never an improver. You have to understand it.

The man who is trying to improve upon himself has ideals. He has certain ideals, fixed ideals: he has to be like that. For example, Christ may be your ideal. Then you have to become Christ. That is improving - then you will have to deny many things which don't fit with Christ. You may be trying to become a Buddha. Then you will have to deny and cut many parts of your being; they will not fit with Buddha.

You cannot fit with anybody else, you can only be yourself. An ideal will be needed, and all ideals are poisonous. How are you going to improve upon yourself? You will need examples. You will need a blueprint, a map, an image: this is how you should be. Buddha, Krishna, Christ - you will have to choose some image and then you will have to imitate the image. Then you will become an imitation; you will never become a Christ.

Have you ever heard of anybody becoming a Christ except Jesus? And for two thousand years how many people have tried to improve upon themselves! Millions have suffered, and suffered in vain.

Their misery was pointless, their monasteries were nothing but prisons - but they did hard work.

And all went down the drain. Not a single Christ has happened again - it cannot happen, in the nature of things. God does not like repetitions. He is always origin all He always creates a new being. You are a new being! Don't try to improve upon yourself - because the idea of improvement will naturally, necessarily, mean that you are following some image, some example, some pattern.

Growing is totally different. A tree grows, a Christian improves upon himself. A tree grows - it knows not to what, where; it has no idea of the future, it simply grows. It finds growing a joy, so it goes on growing. It goes on putting out new leaves and new foliage and new buds and new flowers. It is simply growing with no program.

If you are trying to follow a program you will never grow, you will only become an imitator. You will become false, you will become pseudo, you will become artificial, synthetic. Growth need not be an improvement, not at all - it MUST not be an improvement. Growth is spontaneous and natural:

just be yourself and do your thing, and do that which is needed in this moment. Respond to here and now, and you will be growing. Trees are growing, birds are growing - why should you not be growing?

Says Kabir: He looks after the birds and the bees - why do you think that you are an orphan? Who has given you this wrong notion that the universe does not protect you, that the universe does not mother you? You are in the womb of God, He takes care. This is trust. The trees trust and they grow.

Man is distrustful. He takes growth into his own hands, he says 'I have to be this.' The 'should' has to be dropped. And you have it in mind to improve upon yourself: you will never be happy and you will never grow. At the most you can become a very very artificial thing.

I have heard:

A man who had married an old maid for her money took his bride on a honeymoon. They had obtained two berths on a deluxe train going to the Rockies, and she of course occupied the lower.

In their private compartment, all was cozy. She went to the bathroom and filled two glasses with water. As he peered from the upper berth, he saw her take out her false teeth and put them in one of the glasses, and then take out her glass eye and put it into the other glass. He almost fainted.

Then she took off her wig, revealing a totally bald head. He gazed at his bride in horror.

Now she turned out the lights, got into her bed, and coyly said 'Well, Joe, if you'd like to come down, I've something nice for you.'

'Hand it up' he answered.

If you improve upon yourself this is going to happen. All will be false, utterly false. Growth knows no future, it follows no pattern, it simply happens spontaneously. Improvement is a mind trip, growth is of the whole being. Growth is holy, improvement is ugly.