Almustafa has spoken of love; the next thing to be considered is marriage, obviously - but not the marriage that you know. Not the marriage that the whole world has followed, because it is not out of love. It is not rooted in love; in fact, on the contrary it is a device of the cunning society, the priests and politicians, to bypass love.
Hence in the old days - and in ancient Eastern countries, even today - the child marriage has existed. Children know nothing of life, they know nothing of marriage. In their innocence, all the cultures and civilizations have found a good opportunity to exploit them. Before love arises in their hearts they are already in bondage.
The existing marriage is not only not of love, it is against love. It is so destructive that it is impossible to find anything more destructive of human spirit, human joy, human playfulness, human sense of humor.
In a child marriage, the children who are going to be married are not even asked. Astrologers are asked, palmists are asked, the I Ching is consulted, tarot cards are looked into. The decisive factor is not the lives of the children who are going to be married, the decisive factor is the parents on both sides. Love is not at all a concern. They have their own considerations - the family, the prestige of the family, their respectability in the society, the money that is going to be transferred from the girl's parents to the boy's parents. It is strange that the people who are going to be married, who are going to live a long life ahead of them, are completely excluded. It is a business; everything else is considered.
For example, royal families will only allow their children to marry into another royal family. It is politics - pure politics. Just look at Europe's royal families: they are all connected in some way or other by marriage. It avoids conflicts, it avoids invasion - and it makes them stronger. When four or five royal families are connected through their children, they have five times more power. Although it is absolutely against physiology, against the findings of medical science, still it continues, as if royal blood has some more special quality to it than the blood of a commoner.
Turiya is here. Her husband was also one of my most intimate sannyasins, Vimalkirti. He was the great-grandson of the German emperor - although the empire is gone, royalty remains.
Vimalkirti was a rebellious spirit. He married out of love - Turiya, a commoner. The whole family was against it - not just his own family but many families in Europe, royal families, because it is against their tradition. And naturally, because they're all connected, Vimalkirti became almost an outcast.
If the empire had still been there, Vimalkirti would have been the emperor of Germany. His mother is the daughter of the Queen of Greece. She is also the sister of England's Queen Elizabeth's husband, Prince Philip. She must have other sisters, other brothers, who have entered into other royal families. They were all against it, they tried hard to stop Vimalkirti from marrying Turiya. But he was a man of integrity and intelligence. He could not understand the superstition. Nobody, no expert, if given few samples of blood can find out which is the royal blood. Blood is blood.
And when Vimalkirti and Turiya came here, that was really outrageous - that the great-grandson of the German emperor, the oldest royal family in Europe, should become a sannyasin and be a bodyguard of a beggar like me who has nothing of his own. They have been so furious that when the Queen of Greece died - and she had become the Queen Mother because she had so many children; almost all the royal families had become connected through her children - her last words were, "Somehow bring Vimalkirti, Turiya and their daughter back from that dangerous man."
But Vimalkirti died - and he died because this stupid idea of royal families marrying. Then you are really marrying your sisters, your brothers - they are all closely connected. And the closer is the connection, the more dangerous; this is the finding of modern science, medicine, physiology, chemistry. Marriages should be between people who are as far away as possible; then children are healthier, more intelligent, more beautiful. Otherwise, certain diseases go round and round in twelve or fifteen families.
When Vimalkirti died we thought it must have been an accident, because he was exercising and suddenly fell and became unconscious. Every effort was made. In the best hospital... Zareen is here, my sannyasin; Vimalkirti was being treated under her husband, Dr. Modi's care. But all the doctors were convinced: "We could go on keeping him with artificial breathing but he's really dead.
It is a brain hemorrhage, nothing can be done." After the fourth day, they insisted that they had other patients, and only one emergency room for people who are in coma. "And Vimalkirti is dead. The moment you remove the artificial breathing, you will see - he is a corpse."
But I insisted that they at least let his mother and father, his brothers arrive. They were coming. The mother and the brother came, and then finally the doctor said, "It is becoming ridiculous." And the moment the artificial breathing was turned off, it was a corpse.
The father came late - and these are the royal people - an old man, who could have been the emperor of Germany. He was not concerned with the death, the possible death of his son, the future of his son's wife, the future of their child. He had gone for a holiday with his girlfriend. And he's just a postmaster, but royal blood, even in a postmaster....
We gave Vimalkirti the best celebration. Perhaps he would not have got that much love, such a beautiful celebration, even if he had been the emperor of Germany. Still the mother, and later on the father who came, were angry at me. Their whole anger against Vimalkirti turned towards me. They were consulting legal experts about how they could sue me in the court for the death of their son.
They had to stop that, because they would have given me a chance to prove to the whole world that this nonsense of royal marriages should be banned.
They stopped suing me because Vimalkirti had died from a disease that he had inherited. Just after a few days, his uncle died in the same way - suddenly fell unconscious, brain hemorrhage, and finished. And later on, I came to know that their grandfather had also died in the same way. For no reason, no disease - just from nowhere the brain hemorrhage, and the man is gone.
They stopped suing me, seeing the situation that I would bring into the court: Your father was not my sannyasin, Vimalkirti's uncle was not my sannyasin. Rather than suing me, take care of yourself because you will be dying in the same way, it is only a question of time. The disease is inherited.
And all the royal families of Europe have inherited diseases. Just think: not a single man from these royal families has shown any intelligence, any genius. What is the reason? They should be the most intelligent people in the world but they are the most retarded. It is simply a scientific fact that marriage should not happen when you are closely related.
If you are a Hindu, never marry a Hindu; a Mohammedan is better, a Christian is better. If you are a Jew, find a Hindu. And don't be worried because these are also are very close, deep down in the past. Right now you see them as separate - just as you see the branches of a big tree separate, and then the small branches are even more separate. But as you go deeper, you find a trunk - they are all coming from the same source.
My vision is: If man wants to become superman then find out - are there people on Mars or on some other planet? Marriage between those and the people of the earth will create the superman.
His life will be long, his health will be superb. His intelligence will be the highest.
But parents have been deciding and asking idiots about decisions, astrologers - what have stars to do with you? You live on such a small planet that stars may not be even aware of your planet... and they are far away. Some stars are so far away that they will never know that any planet like earth has ever existed.
Light rays have tremendous speed - ultimate speed. When there was no earth... because earth is only four billion years old; four billion years ago, from thousands of stars, rays started moving - not for the earth, it is their natural radiation. But they are so far away... although the speed of their rays is ultimate - there is no other speed higher than that; a ray travels one hundred and eighty-six thousand miles per second. Just think of one minute; you will have to make the number sixty times more. Think of the whole day; you will have to make that number twenty-four times sixty more. Think of the whole year! You will have to make that number three-hundred sixty-five times more.
We had no idea - because miles cannot be the right measure; otherwise you will have to write a whole book! Thousands and thousands of zeros, just to tell about the nearest star. The nearest star sends its rays in four years, so where you see it, remember - it is no longer there. It used to be there four years ago. So at night you are seeing an absolute illusion, no star is there where you are seeing it. Perhaps one thousand years ago, one million years ago, four million years ago it used to be there. Meanwhile, it may have traveled millions of miles....
And there are stars farther away. Their rays have not reached the earth yet, and perhaps by the time their rays reach the earth, there may be no earth at all.
(HERE THE ELECTRICITY FAILS, TAKING WITH IT THE AUDIO AND VIDEO RECORDING.
AFTER A FEW MOMENTS OF SILENCE, OSHO RESUMES SPEAKING.) If someone is trying to watch... this seems to be the police commissioner because in his orders, we are not allowed to have gaps in our discourses!
In this vast universe, the earth is so small, negligible. Even compared with the sun, it is very small...
the sun is thousands of times bigger than the earth. And our sun itself is a mediocre fellow. There are suns thousands of times bigger, which you see as stars. They look small because they are so far away. Such a small earth, and we have divided it into hundreds of small pieces. And made man a foreigner to other men.
Just see the stupidity of the whole thing: Just before 1947, the people living in Pakistan were not foreigners; now they are foreigners. The people living in Bangladesh were not foreigners; now they are foreigners.
Politicians cannot live without creating conflict, fight, war. For that, all these divisions are needed, and each division tries to hold its people within its fold. That is the reason why you cannot marry a Mohammedan woman or a Hindu man. Your society will be bloodthirsty - one man or one woman is going out of the fold, there is one vote less. Truth does not count; neither does man's well-being.
All that counts is power. And power is the need of the most inferior people.
A man cannot eat power, cannot drink power - why is there so much struggle? Why does he want to be on top, in control of everything? He suffers from an inferiority complex. He knows deep down he's nobody, and he's afraid that if he does not prove himself to be somebody special, extraordinary, then people are going to discover his nobodiness, his ordinariness.
A real person of superiority has no lust for power. The lust for power arises out of inner poverty, the lust for money out of inner poverty. The parents are not interested in their children's joyful life, they are interested in them being rich, well-connected, because those connections, those contacts are helpful in rising higher on the ladder of power.
So for thousands of years, marriage has been one of the ugliest things invented by power lusty people.
Almustafa is not talking about the marriage you know. He's not talking even about the love marriage - that is a recent development in developed countries. Child marriage has disappeared and people are marrying when they fall in love. But love they know not; the mystery of love is absolutely unknown to them. In fact, they are calling something else love. They are calling lust love - your so-called love marriages are nothing but blind lust.
Love is never blind. Because there exists the confusion, and you don't make the demarcation, people have started talking about "blind love." Love gives you the clearest vision, fresh eyes. Lust is certainly blind because it is biological, it has nothing to do with your spirituality.
THEN ALMITRA SPOKE AGAIN AND SAID, AND WHAT OF MARRIAGE, MASTER?
For the first time, she's addressing Almustafa as Master... because the time of separation is coming close. And whatever he has said about love, only a master can say - one who knows, one who knows from his own experience.
AND HE ANSWERED SAYING:
YOU WERE BORN TOGETHER....
Don't misunderstand this statement. He's not saying that every man is born with a possible wife somewhere. He's saying something totally different. He's saying, you were born together. You were born together in love because you became new, you became fresh, you became young, you became a song, you became a dance that you have never been.
AND TOGETHER YOU SHALL BE FOR EVERMORE.
If you are born out of love, if your togetherness is not out of lust, your love is going to deepen every day. Lust lessens everything, because biology is not interested in whether you remain together or not. Its interest is reproduction; for that, love is not needed. You can go on producing children without any love.
I have been observing all kinds of animals. I have lived in forests, in mountains, and I was always puzzled: whenever they are making love they look very sad. I have never seen animals making love joyfully; it is as if some unknown force is pressuring them to do it. It is not out of their own choice; it is not their freedom but their bondage. That makes them sad.
The same I have observed in man. Have you seen a husband and wife on the road? You may not know if they are husband and wife, but if they are both sad you can be certain they are.
I was traveling from Delhi to Srinagar. In my air-conditioned compartment there were only two seats, and one was reserved for me. A couple came, a beautiful woman and a young, beautiful man. Both could not be accommodated in that small coupe, so he left the woman and he went into another compartment. But he was coming at every station, bringing sweets, fruits, flowers.
I was watching the whole scene. I am just a watcher. I asked the woman, "How long have you been married?"
She said, "It must have been seven years."
I said, "Don't lie to me! You can deceive anybody else, but you cannot deceive me. You are not married."
She was shocked. From a stranger, who had not spoken... who had simply been watching. She said, "How did you come to know?"
I said, "There is nothing in it, it is simple. If he were your husband, then once he had disappeared, if he had come back at the station where you were going to get off, you would be fortunate!"
She said, "You don't know me, I don't know you. But what you are saying is right. He's my lover.
He's my husband's friend."
I said, "Then everything is okay."
What goes wrong between husbands and wives, even after a love marriage? It is not love, and everybody has accepted it as if he knows what love is. It is pure lust. Soon you are fed up with each other. Biology has tricked you for reproduction and soon there is nothing new - the same face, the same geography, the same topography. How many times have you explored it? The whole world is sad because of marriage, and the world still remains unaware of the cause.
Love is one of the most mysterious phenomena. About that love, Almustafa is speaking.
You were born together in the moment love arose in you. That was your real birth. And together you shall be for evermore, because it is not lust. You cannot be bored, because it is not lust.
Once you have reproduced children, biology has left you and you find it strange living with a stranger.
The woman is not known to you, the man is not known to you. All that you are doing is quarreling, nagging, harassing each other. This is not love.
Love is the flowering of meditation. Meditation brings many treasures; perhaps love is the greatest roseflower that grows on the bush of meditation.
YOU SHALL BE TOGETHER WHEN THE WHITE WINGS OF DEATH SCATTER YOUR DAYS AYE, YOU SHALL BE TOGETHER EVEN IN THE SILENT MEMORY OF GOD. BUT LET THERE BE SPACES...
Remember these statements: ... LET THERE BE SPACES IN YOUR TOGETHERNESS.
Be together but do not try to dominate, do not try to possess and do not destroy the individuality of the other. And that is being done everywhere.
Why should the woman take the name of the man? She has her own name, she has her own individuality. Just think: the man taking the name of the woman - no man will be ready for it. But you have destroyed the woman because she is fragile, delicate, humble.
Why should the woman go to the man's house? Why shouldn't the man go to the woman's house?
Once in a while it happens that the man goes because the woman he has married, he has married on the condition that he will be going to live in her house; because the father of the woman has no son who is going to look after his properties, possessions. But have you watched? - whenever a man goes to live in his wife's house, he's condemned by everybody. He's laughed at, as if he has lost his manliness... but nobody laughs at the woman.
In fact, man is more capable of going to the woman's house. She is more fragile. To take her from the garden where she has grown, to uproot her, is the beginning of destruction. She can never be an individual in the man's house. She's going to be just a slave, uprooted, unconnected with anyone.
She's just a servant. And that's the way she has been treated all over the world.
My own suggestion is, the moment a man and woman decide to live together, they should have their own house. Nobody should go to anybody else's house, because whoever goes to anybody else's house is going to be a slave. And slaves can not be joyous. They have lost their integrity, their individuality. They have sold themselves.
But when you live together, LET THERE BE SPACES... The husband comes home late; there is no need, no necessity for the wife to inquire where he has been, why he's late. He has his own space, he's a free individual. Two free individuals are living together and nobody encroaches on each others' spaces. If the wife comes late, there is no need to ask "Where have you been?" Who are you? - she has her own space, her own freedom.
But this is happening every day, in every home. Over small matters they are fighting, but deep down the question is that they are not ready to allow the other to have his own space.
Likings are different. Your husband may like something, you may not like it. That does not mean that it is the beginning of a fight, that because you are husband and wife, your likings should also be the same. And all these questions... every husband returning home goes on in his mind, "What is she going to ask? How am I going to answer?" And the woman knows what she's going to ask and what he's going to answer, and all those answers are fake, fictitious. He's cheating her.
What kind of love is this that is always suspicious, always afraid of jealousies? If the wife sees you with some other woman - just laughing, talking - that's enough to destroy your whole night. You will repent: this is too much just for a little laughter. If the husband sees the wife with another man and she seems to be more joyous, more happy, this is enough to create a turmoil.
People are unaware that they don't know what love is. Love never suspects, love is never jealous.
Love never interferes in the other's freedom. Love never imposes on the other. Love gives freedom, and the freedom is possible only if there is space in your togetherness.
This is the beauty of Kahlil of Gibran... tremendous insight. Love should be happy to see that his woman is happy with someone, because love wants his woman to be happy. Love wants the husband to be joyous. If he's just talking to some woman and feels joyous, the wife should be happy, there is no question of quarrel. They are together to make their lives happier, but just the opposite goes on happening. It seems as if wives and husbands are together just to make each other's lives miserable, ruined. The reason is, they don't understand even the meaning of love.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness... It is not contradictory. The more space you give to each other, the more you are together. The more you allow freedom to each other, the more intimate you are. Not intimate enemies, but intimate friends.
AND LET THE WINDS OF HEAVENS DANCE BETWEEN YOU.
It is a fundamental law of existence that being together too much, leaving no space for freedom, destroys the flower of love. You have crushed it, you have not allowed it space to grow.
Just recently, scientists have discovered about animals that they have a territorial imperative. You must have seen dogs pissing on this pillar, pissing on that pillar - you think it is useless? It is not.
They are drawing the boundary - "This is my territory." The smell of their urine will prevent another dog from entering in. If another dog comes just close to the boundary, the dog whose territory it is will not take any note. But just one step more and there is going to be a fight.
All the animals in the wild do the same. Even a lion, if you don't cross his boundary, is not going to attack you - you are a gentleman. But if you cross his boundary then whoever you are, he's going to kill you.
We have still to discover human beings' territorial imperative. You must have felt it, but it has not yet been scientifically established. Going in a local train in a city like Bombay, the train is so overcrowded... people are all standing, very few have found seats. But watch the people who are standing - although they are very close, they are trying in every way not to touch each other.
As the world becomes more overcrowded, more and more people are going insane, committing suicide, murders, for the simple reason that they don't have any space for themselves. At least lovers should be sensitive, that the wife needs her own space just as you need your own space.
One of my most-loved books is by Rabindranath Tagore, AKHARI KAVITA, "The Last Poem." It is not a book of poetries, it is a novel - but a very strange novel, very insightful.
A young woman and a man fall in love and as it happens, immediately they want to get married. The woman says, "Only on one condition...." She is very cultured, very sophisticated, very rich.
The man said, "Any condition is acceptable, but I cannot live without you."
She said, "First listen to the condition; then think it over. It is not an ordinary condition. The condition is that we will not live in the same house. I have a vast land, a beautiful lake surrounded by beautiful trees and gardens and lawns. I will make you a house on one side, just the opposite from where I live."
He said, "Then what is the point of marriage?"
She said, "Marriage is not destroying each other. I am giving you your space, I have my own space.
Once in a while, walking in the garden we may meet. Once in a while, boating in the lake we may meet - accidentally. Or sometimes I can invite you to have tea with me, or you can invite me."
The man said, "This idea is simply absurd."
The woman said, "Then forget all about marriage. This is the only right idea - only then can our love go on growing, because we always remain fresh and new. We never take each other for granted. I have every right to refuse your invitation just as you have every right to refuse my invitation; in no way are our freedoms disturbed. Between these two freedoms grows the beautiful phenomenon of love."
Of course the man could not understand, and dropped the idea. But Rabindranath has the same insight as Kahlil Gibran... and they were writing at almost the same time.
If this is possible - to have space and togetherness both - then the winds of heaven dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
It should be a free gift, given or taken, but there should be no demand. Otherwise, very soon you are together but you are as apart as faraway stars. No understanding bridges you; you have not left the space even for the bridge.
LET IT RATHER BE A MOVING SEA BETWEEN THE SHORES OF YOUR SOULS.
Don't make it something static. Don't make it a routine. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. If freedom and love together can be yours, you don't need anything more. You have got it - that for which life is given to you.
FILL EACH OTHER'S CUP BUT DRINK NOT FROM ONE CUP.
He's just trying to make you understand how these apparently contradictory things - space and togetherness - are possible: fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. The distinction is very subtle but very beautiful.
GIVE ONE ANOTHER OF YOUR BREAD BUT EAT NOT FROM THE SAME LOAF.
SING AND DANCE TOGETHER AND BE JOYOUS, BUT LET EACH ONE OF YOU BE ALONE.
Don't reduce the other in any way.
EVEN AS THE STRINGS OF A LUTE ARE ALONE THOUGH THEY QUIVER WITH THE SAME MUSIC.
The strings of the lute are alone, but they quiver with the same music. The separation, the space, is in the individuality of the strings. And the meeting and melting and merging is in the music.
That music is love.
GIVE YOUR HEARTS. BUT NOT INTO EACH OTHER'S KEEPING.
Giving is great. Love gives unconditionally, but it does not give its heart into each other's keeping.
FOR ONLY THE HAND OF LIFE CAN CONTAIN YOUR HEARTS.
AND STAND TOGETHER YET NOT TOO NEAR TOGETHER...
One has to be very, very alert. Stand together but without destroying the other. Not too much together - leave spaces.
FOR THE PILLARS OF THE TEMPLE STAND APART Just look at these pillars. They stand apart but still they support the same roof. There is space, individuality, and yet there is a merger and meeting because they are supporting the same roof.
AND THE OAK TREE AND THE CYPRESS GROW NOT IN EACH OTHER'S SHADOW.
This much space is needed - that the other is not under your shadow. Otherwise, it will not grow.
Why are people who are in love constantly angry, sad? - because their own growth is not happening.
One of the two has covered the whole sky and has not left even a little space for the sun, for the wind, for the rain to reach the other. It is not love, it is ownership, possessiveness.
Love would like you to grow at the same rate, to the same height, so that you dance together in the sun, in the wind, in the rain.
Your togetherness should be an art.
Love is the greatest art in existence.