Meditation -- now or never!
COULD DRY LEAVES REALLY BE FALLING AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE? I AM THIRTY, AND I ENJOY SEX WHEN IT COMES, THOUGH I DON'T COME SO OFTEN. I DON'T FEEL I AM HOLDING SOMETHING DOWN; ON THE CONTRARY, I FIND I USUALLY HAVE TO HOLD IT UP.
BELOVED OSHO, IT NOW TAKES ME ALL NIGHT TO DO WHAT I USED TO DO ALL NIGHT. AM I MISSING, OR IS IT MISSING?
Nityanando, this is the difference between the Eastern evolution of consciousness and the Western mind.
In the East, to get rid of sex is a blessing; in the West, it is the ultimate calamity, it is dying before death. The day one starts feeling that his sexual energy is getting down, he starts counting days -- that death is not far away.
In the East, the day one gets beyond sex, he rejoices -- the earlier the better -- because now the time has come to grow into a new dimension, into freedom from biology, into freedom from body, into freedom from mind. It is the beginning of the experience of your innermost self.
Sex is continuously taking you away from yourself. Whether you are a man or a woman, it doesn't matter: sex takes you away from yourself. The moment sex is not there, there is no drive to go away from yourself. You start settling within.
So, Nityanando, old leaves are really falling because new leaves want to grow. And old leaves have to go and give space for new experiences, new spaces. It is a blessing -- don't take it according to the Western, rotten mind.
The West has everything, but it has forgotten itself. And once you are no longer aware of yourself, then sex becomes the ultimate reality. In the West, sex is God. Sex is now the only God worshiped in the West. But sex simply means you are no longer independent:
you depend for your happiness, for your joy, on somebody else -- and that dependence is the greatest misery.
It is not incidental that men and women, husbands and wives, are continuously quarreling. Even if they are not quarreling, they are in the mood, and the reason is that nobody wants deep down to be dependent on the other. It brings many other diseases by the side: if you are dependent on the woman you love, you will be jealous, you will be continuously watchful... you will start becoming a detective, a CIA, a KGB, an FBI agent, upon your own wife! You will put your children on alert: Be careful, when I am away... what happens in the house.
Why this jealousy...? The fear is that perhaps she may start loving someone else. And the fear is natural, because you are starting to think of other women: why should she not think of other men? This is a natural corollary that goes on in both the minds. So she goes on detecting you, she goes on looking into your letters, she goes on searching into your pockets, any address, any phone number...
One night a phone rang, and as the bell was ringing Mulla Nasruddin went there, said "Okay," and put it down.
The wife said, "Who was there?"
He said, "It was nobody. I have just been unnecessarily disturbed by someone phoning on the wrong number."
The wife said, "What is the number from where the phone came?"
These kind of things go on continuously in every house, because the wife has already read the number in his diary. And when he quoted the number, the wife said, "Don't lie to me that it was a wrong number. This is your diary, and this is the number.... Now tell me, what is her name?" -- now it is no more his, now it is her: "Tell me, what is her name?"
Under pressure -- and every husband is under pressure -- he said, "It is nobody, although her name looks like a woman's name. Her name is Kamala... but this is only the name of a horse. And because it is the season of horse racing and I'm thinking to go to the races tomorrow...."
Tomorrow morning again the phone rang, and Mulla was standing by it. The wife said, "Wait. This time I will take the call" -- and she listened and told Mulla, "Come on, your horse is calling!" It is very difficult... one of the most difficult things is to deceive your wife. But man goes on making his efforts, and is defeated continuously.
I have been going to ask one of my childhood friends, Sukhraj, who is sitting here... For years it has been that whenever he comes, I never see his wife smiling. I don't see in her that she has come with joy; it is as if she has come just to keep an eye on him, because here there are so many beautiful women, and he is a beautiful man. And this is a world of people who are absolutely free, who don't live in bondage of anybody.
She comes to me, she touches my feet, but I have never felt that there is any deep love, respect, feeling, emotion. She seems almost like a zombie, and the reason is clear to me.
Perhaps it may not be clear to her or to Sukhraj, but I want it to be made clear to them.
He would like to come every day; in fact, he would like to live here with me. What is he doing there? -- there is nothing left there for him. And when I am here, and millions of people around the world are coming and going every day....
He loved me when we were so young that now even the memories of those days are difficult to catch up... and he is the only one left. I had many other friends: they came and they are gone, but he has remained with me unwavering, because it was not a question of any ideological agreement, it was a question of love. It does not matter what I say, what I do, what he says, what he does; that is absolutely irrelevant.
So he comes again and again when he can manage. The wife certainly comes reluctantly; otherwise she should be so joyful and she should enjoy all the people around who are living in peace, in love, in freedom, and each moment rejoicing. Here, sitting like a dead corpse simply shows that she has not come. She has to come: she has to come because she cannot leave the husband alone in this strange place.
Nityanando, let the dry leaves fall. You are fortunate that they are falling at thirty. And they are falling at thirty because, as I say, if you live intensely, totally, then the year forty-two... it is only the average, and in existence nothing is average. It all depends on you: there are people who will be at the age of ninety and still thinking of nothing but sex. All other things are finished... the only thing left is sex. That continues to the very end of their life, because they never lived it intensely; they have spread a thin layer of sexuality over all their life. If you live intensely, it is going to disappear sooner.
The thirtieth year is perfectly the right time. That leaves you -- because you are from the West -- at least fifty to sixty years to work upon yourself, to find yourself, and to find the innermost mysteries of existence. In fact, now begins the real life; up to now you were a slave. Now, boundaries are dropping and the whole sky is becoming available to you with all its stars.
But in the West it is certainly a very difficult problem. The whole conditioning of centuries has brought man to such a state that sex seems to be everything: it is money, it is power, it is position. Everything is sacrificed for sex, and everything is achieved only for sex.
Nobody bothers that sex is not your reality, sex is not love, and nobody even bothers whether you are getting anything out of it or not. What are you getting out of it? -- it is almost like people smoking cigarettes: one wonders why they are smoking, and once in a while they also wonder why. But just a habit... and it is only a mental habit. Sex is a biological habit, very deep-rooted.
You say, "It now takes me all night to do what I used to do all night." That's why -- you did well. Soon it will take you twenty-four hours to do what you used to do the whole night!
Now, try to understand: you have lost the infatuation and the foolishness and the slavery, and this is the time to start meditating. If you cannot meditate now, then when will you be meditating? I will not prevent you... once in a while you can have your sex, but it will become more and more sparse.
There is a saying in Tibet: If you feel tired, lie down. If you feel energetic, move over.
But first, feel whether you are energetic, otherwise it is better to lie down.
And from me the advice is:
If you do not know what to do, at least laugh.
Grandma was in her eighties. She tired easily, had little appetite, and was sometimes confused mentally. Her son called the gynecologist, who arrived shortly and was shown up to Grandma's room, where he examined her thoroughly. Half an hour later he came down.
"There is no need to worry," he explained. "There is nothing really wrong with her except her age. She will be alright."
The son was very relieved and went upstairs to see her. "Well, mother," he asked, "how did you like the gynecologist?"
"So that was the gynecologist?" she said. "My god, I thought he acted very familiar for a priest."
Priests and monks and saints, Nityanando, are in more difficulty than you think you are, because the time when they could have been deeply into sex is gone. Now only the thought goes on and on like a continuous record. And the needle of the record has stuck at sex; it does not move from there.
Ronald Reagan gets into bed with Nancy. Ronnie is feeling very horny, so he turns to Nancy and says, "Oh, Nancy, I would like to launch my missile into your Gulf."
Nancy says, "Oh, Ronnie, you are so romantic, but you have not been able to bring your missile up since the second world war."
Ronnie pleads, "But Nancy, I think I can do it if you would only have faith in me."
Nancy replies, "But honestly, Ron, it has been so long since we made war that I would not know where to begin."
Frustrated, Ronnie says, "God, I hate peace!"
Don't be an old fool. And if you can become wise while you are young, just thirty, thank God. Be grateful to existence that he is allowing you so much time to explore much that is not available to any other animal, which is only available to man. And the more time you have to explore it, the deeper will be your insight, the greater will be your consciousness and tremendous will be your splendor. You will not die an ugly death; you will die with a grace and with a smile on your face.
A life that cannot reach to enlightenment has been a sheer waste. It is good that your thirty years were passed in the West. Thirty years in the East are bad luck; thirty years in the West are good luck -- but good luck only if after thirty years you can come into contact with the Eastern mysteries. Then you have more chances than the Eastern counterpart, because the Eastern counterpart has been repressing sex, so it will not be possible for him to meditate at the age of thirty. If he can manage to meditate even at the age of sixty, it will be a surprise.
It is a tremendously fortunate moment, at least for my people, because the East is so orthodox, so traditional, so blind, so deaf, that they will not hear me. They can hear Morarji Desai and even can start drinking their own urine. That is possible because for centuries they have been drinking the urine of the cows, so in fact it is better to drink your own -- self-sufficiency! Why be dependent on a cow? And who knows what kind of dirty water she has been drinking? As far as I know Morarji Desai has no need of any water. The same water goes on circulating, so naturally he never falls sick, because infections are difficult, pollution is difficult....
But they will not listen to me. They cannot listen to any reasonable, logical, scientific truth.
So it is a very strange situation. I am here in the East, but my people are going to be from the West, because only the Western youth can understand. Sex has become futile, he has lived with too many women; drugs have become useless, he has known too much... now what else? There seems to be nothing around which can keep the youth in the West interested, intrigued, still feeling that life may have some significance.
All the modern, contemporary Western philosophers are talking about one thing only:
meaninglessness. And they appeal to the Western youth because he can see himself: it is not a question to be convinced about, to be argued -- he has lived everything and he finds everything falls flat sooner or later. He has lived with many women; the woman has lived with many men. They are all alike... you have just to put the light off! The question is only whether the light is on or off; that much difference and the most beautiful woman or the most ugly woman are the same.
Because they have known many women and many men, the hope that still can be helpful in the East is no more for them. In the East everybody is caught up with one woman, and that means monotony. People call it monogamy, but that is not the right word. They are so fed up with the woman, the woman is so fed up with the man, but there is no other way. It is a lifelong contract.
So they go on hoping that, perhaps what my wife does not have, other women have; what my husband is not able for, other people seem to be able.... But in the West, that hope has died. People have tried and found that it is all nonsense; every woman has the same physiology, the difference is just superficial. Every man has the same physiology, and everything comes to the same end.
Then they tried grass, they tried marijuana, they tried hashish, they tried transcendental meditation. Now they are trying yogic flying and making themselves so foolish. But what to do? -- they have to do something, otherwise life seems to be empty.
Nityanando, you are fortunate that life need not be empty for you. If sex is going, say goodbye to it. It was good when it was there; it is better when it is gone. Now begins a totally different space of experiencing. Now begins a new adventure, more free, more individual, more unfettered. And the sky is so vast to explore... and on each step there are miracles and miracles.
So sing and dance and meditate. And life is immensely beautiful: it has all that Gautam Buddha experienced and more, because twenty-five centuries have passed; man has become far more mature, and evolution has gone higher. We can produce greater Gautam Buddhas with more dimensions to them.
In the past it was thought that a man can only experience himself or God -- which are only different names -- if he tortures himself. That was a primitive idea.
I give you a sophisticated, cultured version, the latest edition: there is no need to torture yourself -- it is absolutely absurd! You can be blissful, you can be ecstatic, you can be meditative, comfortably. I don't see the connection that you can be meditative sitting in a bullock cart but you cannot be meditative sitting in a Rolls Royce. If you can be meditative sitting on a camel, then why can't you be meditative flying in a jumbo jet -- which is far more comfortable, far more silent, far more peaceful.
Have you ever tried sitting on an animal like a camel? -- sex is exactly like that! It is the ugliest vehicle.... I have suffered it, I'm not saying it without experience. And those two, three hours I was on a camel, I said, "My god, whether I'm going to survive or not..."
Life has gone on -- in spite of all hindrances from politicians, from priests, from traditionalists, from the orthodox. Life has gone on, although it could have gone far faster if all these hindrances were not there. But still, after twenty-five hundred years we are in a position to create better Gautam Buddhas, better Mahaviras. We know much more about human physiology, we know much more about human biology, we know much more about human sexuality.
The ancientmost book on sex was written in India; that was Vatsyayana's KAMASUTRAS, sutras on sex. But looking at it, it looks as if a child is writing about sex. After Sigmund Freud and Masters and Johnson, and after so many discoveries in biology, in genetics, we are in such a position that we can create far greater giants of enlightenment, awareness, illumination. But if you are feeling too much attached to that which is gone, then your life will be a life of misery, continuously thinking of something which you cannot do. It is up to you.
Being my sannyasin, I don't think you will accept this despair. Less than ultimate ecstasy is not our concern.
THE OTHER NIGHT YOU SAID THAT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GO INTO MEDITATION UNTIL ONE HAS EXPERIENCED SEX TO THE MAXIMUM, AND THAT IT DROPS BY ITSELF.
OSHO, THIS IS VERY DISHEARTENING TO ME. YOU MUST BE WELL AWARE OF THE FACT OF HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO HAVE GIRLFRIENDS AND EXPERIENCE SEX IN INDIA.
MARRIAGE IS NO SOLUTION BECAUSE THEN I HAVE TO FORGET MEDITATION FOREVER.
OSHO, ISN'T IT POSSIBLE TO GO BEYOND SEX BY BEING A WATCHER OF OUR BIOLOGY JUST AS WE CAN GO BEYOND OUR MIND BY WATCHING IT?
Manatit Bharti, I can understand your problem. But you have to understand something more difficult than your problem.
You cannot watch your biology. You can watch your mind, because mind is available just like a TV screen before your consciousness. But your biology, your physiology, your chemistry -- that is not available to your consciousness. You cannot watch how your food is being digested; you cannot watch how your food is being transformed into blood, into bones, into nerves. You cannot watch, because for a certain reason nature has not left any door for you to watch that which belongs to the body.
I agree with nature that it is wise that it has closed all the doors: biology, physiology, chemistry -- nothing is available to your consciousness, for the simple reason that there are things which change their nature immediately the moment you watch. I will have to explain to you....
You are in your bathroom making faces in front of the mirror, and then suddenly you become aware of somebody -- just a small child it may be -- looking from the keyhole at what you are doing. Suddenly you change. He has not said anything, neither have you deliberately done anything; spontaneously, with the very feeling that you are being watched, you become a different personality. When you are alone you relax, you put your mask aside.
Albert Einstein was tremendously mystified; he died in a great disappointment. He was one of the most successful men in the world.... But when he reached to the farthest inside of the atom, where electrons, neutrons and protons constitute its body, he simply felt he was going mad, because it was against all logic, against all mathematics, against all the science that we have developed in three hundred years. Those electrons were behaving in such a way that he could not have conceived even in the wildest dream.
What he came to know was that the moment you watch -- and you are watching through very sophisticated scientific instruments, not with naked eyes -- they start behaving differently. He was thinking that they are dead particles of electricity -- but they are not.
They are in their bathroom... and now somebody is watching them, they start behaving differently, in a more gentlemanly way.
He could not believe that watching can make a difference to matter. He said, "Perhaps the mystics are right, that everything is full of life, we are just not aware of it."
Secondly, he became aware that an electron can take a quantum leap. I have used that word many times... but perhaps most of you may not have understood it, because it is out of modern physics. It is a made-up word; it had never existed before Albert Einstein.
One electron is called quanta, because that is the ultimate particle of quantity; you cannot go below it, you cannot divide it anymore. So according to the word 'quantity', he named it quanta. Finished, you have come to the end of the line; now you cannot, at least for the moment... Perhaps in the future, better scientific instruments may be able to cut it down more, but whatever happens, the end will be called quanta.
That quanta dazzles every mind, because it takes a jump from place A to place B. It does not travel the distance; between A and B it disappears. At A point you see it, and then suddenly you see it at B point. What happens in the space between? Howsoever fast it can go -- we have now instruments even to know the speed of light, the greatest speed -- there is no problem of any speed. A tremendous discovery, a tremendous miracle... it simply dematerializes at one point and again materializes at another point. The space between is never traveled.
It was very shocking in the beginning, but slowly, slowly the shock was absorbed.
Einstein could see a tremendous possibility in it: the possibility of making a machine which can make a man disappear from one place and allow him to appear in another place without traveling the space between.
That seems to be the only possible way if man has ever to reach to the stars; otherwise no vehicle can take him. The nearest star is four years away -- four light-years away. So if you go to the nearest star it will take four years to reach, with the speed of light, not with the speed of your railway trains or your airplanes -- these are now outdated. The speed has to be exactly the speed of light; that is one hundred and eighty-six thousand miles per second.
And the problem is that at that speed everything will melt, because it will create such heat, such friction that we don't have any metal to survive in that friction. So anything at that speed will become light, and all the passengers inside will also become light. So that is out of the question, that cannot be done.
At first it had been thought that we may find or we may create some metal, synthetic, which will be able to survive the speed. But that has been dropped; it is impossible. At that speed everything will become light. That cuts our planet off from the whole universe completely. Then it will not be possible ever for man to visit the stars.
But this quantum leap opened a new vista. Albert Einstein was so happy that night, he could not sleep. His wife said again and again, "Why are you not sleeping?"
He said, "I am so full of joy! A tremendously new dimension has opened. One day -- perhaps I will not be here, but one day some man, one of our children, our children's children, may be able to find a mechanism which can transform a human being here...
and he will appear far away on another planet, on another solar system, on another star, millions of light years away, within a second."
Always look at life as opening new doors.
Never be hopeless, never be meaningless.
Never for a moment settle down with the idea that all is finished because sex is finished.
It is good that it is finished... it is good that you are not created by nature in such a way that you can disturb its inner mechanism. If you can look into your chemistry, suddenly your chemical elements will start behaving differently. They don't like to be watched; they are naked, they don't want to be watched! They have their own etiquette, their own culture, their own behavior. They are very traditional people.
So one thing you should remember: biology cannot be dropped just by watching. But sex is not really oriented in biology. In biology is its manifestation; its orientation is in the brain, which can be watched.
So there is no need to be worried because you are in India and girlfriends are very difficult. They are difficult because of your fathers, your grandfathers, and all the idiots that have preceded them. Otherwise there is no reason why they should not be available; the number is almost equal.
But all your great seers have prevented you from getting rid of an ugly slavery, although they are thought to be people who have been teaching you to go beyond sex. I say unto you: They are the people who have been keeping you under the slavery of sex for centuries.
The only way to go beyond it is either to experience it and be finished with it, or the second way, which is a little difficult, is to watch your mind. The center of sex is in the mind, it is not in your genitals -- they are only branches. It shows there, but it is not there.
This was discovered after the second world war, a very recent discovery. A man was shot on the battlefield, and was brought to the hospital. He survived, but his whole leg was to be amputated. His whole leg was hurt in an explosion and particularly his big toe. It was hurting terribly, and he was continuously complaining, "Do something about my toe, it is unbearable."
Finally, they had to give him anesthesia, and when they looked they found it was not only the big toe, but his whole leg had to be amputated, otherwise he would not be able to survive. It is better to have one leg and to be alive than the alternative....
There was no time to ask the man, there was no time to ask his family; it was on the battlefield, and the doctor simply decided, "We have to do it; otherwise the man is gone."
They amputated his leg, and when he came back to consciousness after a few hours he said immediately, "Do something. My big toe is hurting very much."
The doctors laughed, because they knew now there was no big toe. The whole leg was gone, so how could it be hurting? But he was covered with blankets, so he had no idea what had happened. He insisted, and the doctors said, "You don't understand. It is not possible, it is only your imagination."
He said, "What nonsense are you talking? I am suffering and you are teaching me about imagination...?"
So the doctor threw the blanket off and showed him, "Now tell me, where is your toe?"
The man could not believe it: his whole leg was gone! The toe was gone but it was still hurting! He said, "I understand now why you cannot understand me and why you are still unaware of the fact that my toe is hurting very badly."
The man was perfectly sane, and the doctors had to work out what the problem was. Then they found that it is not the toe, but some center in his brain which has been hurt, which is connected with the toe. So whether the toe is there or not does not matter; the toe will hurt, because the center continues vibrating in the same way.
So a man can amputate his genitals, but don't believe that he has gone beyond sex. His sexual center will go on vibrating. You can watch that sexual center: in your meditations it will come in sexual fantasies, just as it comes in your dreams. Don't be disturbed, and don't call it evil, sin....
Don't condemn it, it is natural, perfectly natural. It is just that your society has gone unnatural; otherwise there would not have been so much trouble. If your center of sex in the brain was exhausted by your genitals, there would have been no trouble. But your society has prevented, blocked the way, so the whole of sex has become cerebral. Now it is only in the mind. It goes on and on... and it has no outlet.
Jean-Paul Sartre has written a very beautiful book, NO EXIT. He says, "Any situation in which you find no exit becomes hell." How long can you go on and on, and you don't find any door to get out? The situation may be comfortable....
Jean-Paul Sartre's story -- it is a beautiful story: in a sitting room, on comfortable sofas, a few people are sitting, all strangers. Whatever they need is immediately supplied... but there is no exit; they cannot go out. How long can you remain? -- it is comfortable, luxurious, whatever you need is supplied, but you don't have any privacy, those people are always there. It is a very confined space; you don't have enough space for yourself, and the ultimate problem is how to get out. There is no door at all, and there is nobody to ask. Everybody is a stranger, and they all said, "We are in the same trap."
This is his description of modern hell. But I understand that this is the situation of the modern mind: you are closed in your skull, there is no door, things go on and on....
So your question, Manatit Bharti, is meaningful, but not impossible to solve. You will just have to be more meditative than the Western counterpart, Nityanando. Nityanando can meditate more easily, more relaxedly -- in fact joyously: "This is perfectly good; otherwise the despair..."
You will find it difficult -- but I am not responsible for your difficulty. Your saints, your tirthankaras, your avataras, your mahatmas -- all these whom you have been worshiping, all your jailers, have imprisoned you in such a way that you will never become enlightened.
But if you make a real, sincere effort... and by sincere effort I mean you have simply to watch, not to judge. It will take a little longer time for you than for Nityanando, because he has done thirty years' gymnastics before. So on the whole it won't be much different:
he has done much exercise before, but you will have to do it now. His exercise was with other women, your exercise will be with the woman inside your mind, just the image. In a way you will create less mess than Nityanando.
So all in all, all things considered, things are equal. He has done his homework -- you have to start. He is blessed because he is finished with it and he can take a quantum leap into meditation. You are blessed because you need not go through all the pushups that he has done, useless, ugly....
Every morning one feels, "What an idiot I am" -- but by the evening again one thinks, "At least one time more!" And one knows perfectly well that this has been going on for years:
one time more. But every evening one becomes helpless; every morning one becomes wise, a sage, one can even teach others.
Just the other day I was telling you about Vijayanand. In his article he says he can teach me one or two things....
I have told my people to inform him, "You are too poor -- just one or two? You come here and I will teach you one or two thousand, or as many as you want! One or two things? -- just two bullets in your gun? Then you will look awkward standing there -- what to do...?"
That reminds me: I was a student, and there was in Nagpur University an all-India competition, a debating competition. And just as I spoke and went back to my seat, the second person... he belonged to the Sanskrit University of Varanasi. The Sanskrit University in Varanasi has nothing to do with English; it is pure teaching of Sanskrit, everything is taught in Sanskrit.
He must have been feeling a little inferior to all the universities' candidates, although the discussion was in Hindi. And it is psychological because there was no need for him to feel inferior. But unconscious man is unconscious.... Just to impress he started, "Brothers and sisters..." and went on. After just two minutes he said, "I will give you a quotation of Bertrand Russell" -- and he did not know much English, so in the middle of the sentence he stopped, the needle got stuck.... He looked all around, and there was no help because there was no question of any help....
But I could not bear to see his awkwardness -- I was sitting closest to him, he was next to me -- so I said, "Start again." Finding no other solution he had to follow me. He started again... but I meant something else: I meant, "Start the quotation again; perhaps by repeating again you may remember...." But this is a problem with memory: if you have come with a memorized lecture, then you cannot start from the middle.
He started again: "Brothers and sisters..." and it was such a hilarious scene: he was saying the same things that he had said! And Bertrand Russell... and again at the same point...
because when the needle sticks it always sticks at the same point on the gramophone record.
He looked at me, and I said, "Start again! There is no way out." And people were laughing hilariously and there were almost ten thousand students of the university, all the colleges, professors, and it was such a tremendous chaos.... But he started again:
"Brothers and sisters..." and came to the same point!
He looked at me, and I said, "What can I do? Start again!" And he was such an idiot that rather than sitting down, dropping the whole thing, he tried one time more. Time was running out... because ten minutes only was the time allowed, and this was the last time.
As the ten minutes were over he had come again to a stop. He looked at me, and I said, "Now it is finished!"
He was very angry at me. When he came by my side he said, "You are a strange person.
You made me a laughingstock."
I said, "You were looking at me. You were asking me for some suggestion, and whatever I could manage, I suggested. It was still up to you to follow it or not. I was not giving you an order, 'You have to start...' I was simply saying that this is one of the ways. If one gets stuck, start again. And it is not my experience, so I don't know -- because I have never crammed anything, so I never stop. If I stop, I stop of my own accord, not out of any compulsion. I can stop anywhere, and I can start from anywhere, I don't go backwards.
So don't be angry with me, I was simply being helpful."
He said, "What, helpful...? I will not be able to show my face tomorrow to anybody.
Everybody is laughing."
I said, "Anyway, your face is not such that anybody would like to see it!"
It will be a little difficult for you, because you will come again and again to the point, sex, because that is your repression.
But always remember: the responsibility goes to your forefathers, to SHRIMAD BHAGAVADGITA, to the VEDAS, to all your so-called great seers. I am not responsible; I am simply giving you the only possible way. I cannot tell the women of India, "This poor Manatit Bharti wants to get rid of sex, so please help him" -- they will kill me! They are going to kill me anyway, but I will try to continue as long as possible.
And certainly I would not like to be assassinated just for this... your meditation. That is not my business. Either you find some woman or you meditate and be watchful -- don't be involved in your sexual fantasies. They will disappear, but they will take time. But Nityanando has also taken time, thirty years.... You may take not more than three years -- that is the maximum, if you try.
But if you are thinking that I will suggest to some woman, "Help this poor Indian" -- I am not going to do that. The women that come from the West report to me again and again that these few Indians who come don't seem to come for meditation. They come here just to stare at women, or just, if they can get a chance, to touch a woman. When everybody is meditating with closed eyes, they open their eyes. These people are not here for meditation.
No Western woman likes this ugly repressive mind, so you have to suffer for your forefathers, your tradition, your religion. That is nobody else's responsibility.
Just meditate. Women will be coming... but don't open your eyes, because then real women are all around. Those real women are not for you; you have to manage with your fantasy women. They are enough: within three years, if you can continue, you will be finished, they will disappear from your mind.
But this is the difference between the East and the West. There are many other differences, but this is one of the most significant, because it is going to change the whole consciousness of man. But ways can be found. If I can help Nityanando, I can also help you.
You are asking, "Is not it possible to go beyond sex by being a watcher of our biology, just as we can go beyond our mind by watching it?"
Biology you cannot watch; you don't understand what you are asking. Just watching the mind is enough, because mind contains all the centers -- the seven hundred centers which control your whole body. Your whole biology, physiology, chemistry, hormonal system - - everything is controlled by seven hundred centers in your small skull. You just watch that....
You are carrying a whole load of films in your small head. Sit down anywhere and the film starts. Just don't get involved, don't get interested, don't start saying, "Oh my god, this is the woman I have been looking for!" Don't start saying such things inside you; otherwise you will miss the whole point, you will have to see the film again.
When for the first time in India films started -- those were the days of silent movies -- a touring movie house came into a village. One villager purchased a ticket for the first show -- that was the matinee show -- and there comes a scene when a beautiful woman is undressing. The villager stands up, and many people shout, "Sit down!" -- so he has to sit down.
But he is alerted to what is happening, and just then, when she is going to drop her last piece of clothing, a railway train passes by. He has been trying to look from every angle, but he cannot see the woman. By the time the railway train has passed, the woman is swimming in the lake. He said, "My god, the real thing I missed!"
The show was finished and everybody was gone, but he was still sitting there. The manager came and asked, "Why are you sitting there? The show is finished."
He said, "It is finished, but here is the money for the second ticket. I will see the second show, I will see the third show, I will not leave here unless I get the point."
The manager said, "What point?"
He said, "Don't talk to me; don't disturb me. You just bring the ticket. I cannot leave this seat. From here the view is very clear."
The manager said, "This seems to be strange... but what is the harm?" And he brought him another ticket.
The second show he was very alert, very watchful; he was watching almost holding his breath. But that goddamn train again came!
The second show finished, the point was still missed. The manager came saying, "Now it is time, you have seen the same film twice."
He said, "I have seen it twice, but I will see it thrice, I will see it four times... I will see it my whole life!"
The manager said, "You can confide in me. What is the problem? Don't you understand the film?"
He said, "I understand everything. Only one thing I don't understand: will the train be late some day or not? In this country a train coming exactly at the same time every day is not possible!"
You will have a little difficulty. The train may come at the right time and you may miss the point. Don't be worried. If you can be silently watchful, the mind is enough -- because the mind is exactly all that controls your whole body, the whole system.
I was sitting by the side of the Ganges, near the Christian college in Allahabad. One of my friends was studying there and I was staying with him, but by the evening I had gone on the riverbank. And the Ganges at Allahabad is tremendous, oceanic, very beautiful.
Two great rivers meet there, Ganges and Yamuna.
In ancient times it seems a third great river used to meet there also, Saraswati, which has disappeared in the meantime. What happened to it? -- because in the old scriptures it is mentioned, in all the old maps it is mentioned.... Something went wrong: it may have lost its sources of water, it may have changed its route, but it no longer exists. But still, because of the three rivers, Allahabad is called Triveni. Triveni means trinity, three; the English word three is nothing but the Sanskrit word tri.
I was sitting there alone, just watching the beautiful river flowing so silently, you could hardly suspect the flow of it. At that very time a young man also came who was a Hindu sadhu, a monk. It may have been his place to come every evening to meditate, as it was very silent. He sat by my side in his lotus posture and started meditating.
I was sitting by his side, so I started looking at him to see whether he is meditating or not.
You will say, "How can you see from outside?" There is a small art: you can simply see from the eyelids whether the eyes inside are moving or not. If they are moving, you can see the movement from above, you can see the eyes are moving inside. That means he is seeing scenes -- maybe railway trains are moving. If he comes to meditate, that movement stops, because there is nothing to see.
His eyes were moving, so I shook him and I told him, "Whom do you think you are deceiving?"
He said, "You are disturbing my meditation."
I said, "I am not disturbing your meditation. I am making you clear that this is not meditation."
He said, "How can you say from the outside?"
I said, "That is none of your business. But I can say that you were seeing things -- your eyes were moving."
He became afraid when I said that. He said, "That's true. My eyes were moving, but I never thought that somebody could see that from outside."
I said, "I am in the same profession. You can deceive anybody else, but not me. Now tell me what you were seeing."
He said, "That is too much. You are a stranger, I don't know anything about you!"
I said, "And whom were you seeing? -- they were all strangers...."
He looked at me and he said, "That's true, they were strangers. But you seem a strange man, why are you harassing me?"
I said, "I am not harassing you, I am simply asking what you were seeing. Your being a Hindu monk I can predict that these cannot be male strangers, these were female strangers -- because monks cannot avoid seeing women."
He relaxed. He looked at me and said, "You are right. But how could you manage...?"
I said, "There is nothing to be managed; it is very simple. What will repressed people do?
All their repressions will start like vomiting in their mind."
So, Manatit Bharti, you will have to go through a vomiting experience. Nityanando has already gone....
It does not matter that you have become a sannyasin; it won't change anything unless your sannyas triggers a meditativeness in you.
"Oy Veh, to be a Polish Jew," said Levitz to Joe Finklebaum. "We are persecuted and harassed, and all because we are the chosen people."
"Yes," said Finklebaum. "That's why I changed my name. I was just fed up with being harassed."
"You changed your name? What did you change it to?" said Levitz.
"Well, I used to be called Joe Finklebaum, and now I'm Swami Joe Finklebaum."
But that will not help much! Just by changing your name... and still you remain Joe Finklebaum.
You have become a sannyasin. Now it is a responsibility on you to fulfill the commitment of sannyas -- and that is meditation.
Without meditation there is no sannyas.
It is only your pure consciousness rising upwards -- slowly, slowly moving beyond the gravitation of lower things -- that will make you a sannyasin.
I can define sannyas as a flying experience to the stars.
You should always remain mindful of one thing: that I cannot be deceived. I know how many people are meditating. I know how many people are simply imitating. I know how a few people are simply hanging around. But don't waste your time -- because time is not money, time is life! And if you have taken a step to change, to transform, then don't try to deceive, because you will be deceiving only yourself, not me.
A husband complained that his wife was a liar.
"What makes you say that?" asked the friend.
"Well," said the husband, "she came home this morning and told me she spent the night with Mary."
"Well," replied the friend, "maybe she did. How do you know she was lying?"
"How do I know?" cried the husband, because I spent the night with Mary!"
It is better to be truthful than to be caught lying. Lying is so undignified. But millions of people are pretending to be what they are not. At least I hope my people will simply express what they are.
I told you about this Vijayanand. In his article he says that I preach what I don't practice.
I was amazed -- because I practiced first, then I preached. But these people have their own expectations, and they think their expectations should be fulfilled. For example, a man who is enlightened should be poor, as if poverty is something spiritual. Those who preach it, they should be it. I have no objection about it -- but I have never preached it, so why should I practice it?
I am preaching just the opposite. I have been preaching that the richer you are, the more possibility there is of transformation. And I don't see that comfort is any hindrance to your being meditative: that being in a beautiful garden you can be less meditative than being in the forest; that being naked you can become enlightened more easily than having comfortable clothes.
I think otherwise. I think when it is cold and you are naked -- rather than being enlightened, you will suffer double pneumonia. It is better to have enough clothes, enlightened or not enlightened, then at least double pneumonia will not happen!
But this has been my experience my whole life: people have been condemning me for their teachings. They are not my teachings... I have never said, "Blessed are the poor because they shall inherit the kingdom of God." They are enough blessed if they can even inherit the kingdom of the devil! All religions have evolved only when society was comfortable and rich enough. The twenty-four tirthankaras of the Jainas were all sons of kings; Gautam Buddha was the son of a king; Rama and Krishna were both kings. And all these idiots go on saying that I should live as a poor man -- then only can their mind be satisfied.
I am not here to satisfy any idiot's mind or his expectations; neither do I expect anything from anybody, nor am I going to fulfill anybody's expectation. Who is Vijayanand? What does he know about my teaching, and what does he know about my practice? I am exactly doing what I am saying. I say only afterwards... Unless I have done it and experienced it, I never say it, because who knows, it may not be right -- and I would not like my people to be deceived. I have not uttered a single word to you which is not out of my own experience.
But I am not here to fulfill somebody else's preachings. I am not here to fulfill the preachings of Mahavira and be naked, I am not here to fulfill Krishna's teachings and have a garage for sixteen thousand women. I am not going to follow Rama's preachings and kill a poor young untouchable because he has heard the brahmins reciting the VEDAS.
Sudras are not allowed to read, are not allowed even to hear the holy scriptures, because their hearing will spoil the holiness of the scriptures. I don't see any relationship. Who is hearing cannot make any difference to the holy scripture. Rama poured hot melted lead into the ears of the poor young fellow, and he died. This was the punishment so that sudras should not come near any temple where the holy scriptures are being recited. That may have been the preaching of Rama, and that may be Vijayanand's God -- God's incarnation -- I don't care.
If I see this fellow Rama I'm going to ask him, "What right have you got, on what grounds...? You are a criminal, you have committed a murder."
If I meet Krishna, who is thought to be the perfect incarnation of God, the whole God come only for the first time... A very strange idea, as if God comes in parts also, installments. Rama was a partial incarnation, perhaps a hand or a head or a leg or something else... you can understand, et cetera. Of what was he the incarnation? what part?
Only Krishna is a perfect incarnation -- which means God comes complete. Then what happens in paradise? And this complete incarnation teaches absolutely wrong things: he teaches violence, he teaches war, he teaches bloodshed.
I am not going to fulfill these people's teachings.
I live according to what I preach.
I challenge Vijayanand to come here and tell me on what grounds he is making such stupid statements. In fact, he is feeling guilty. He was not an ashramite; I have given him refuge here, because he was condemned in Bombay and he would have been condemned all over India. It is absolutely ugly, unnatural, unscientific, immoral, to marry the daughter of your own sister. It is not only against religion, it is against science. It is not only against this generation, it is against future generations -- because their children will be blind, may be retarded, may be born with AIDS... anything is possible.
The closer the blood, the uglier the children; the farther the blood, the better the breed.
That's the whole science of crossbreeding. We bring English bulls for Indian mother cows, and nobody even bothers, "What are you doing? English bulls for your mothers?
Have you gone mad?..."
But if you want beautiful bulls yourself, you will have to bring as faraway males and females as possible together. The crossbreed is always better than the father, than the mother, both. Otherwise there was no need... everybody could have married his own sister. That would have been the easiest and simplest and cheapest way: no cost, no problem, no dowry -- just marry your sister and, just as every story says, they lived happily ever afterwards.
No society in the whole world allows it. Even before the scientific discovery that close blood breeds distorted children, people must have become aware long before, thousands of years before.... But the logic should be taken to its full consequences: no Hindu should marry another Hindu, no Mohammedan should marry another Mohammedan, no Christian should marry another Christian, no Indian should marry another Indian, no Russian should marry another Russian, and no American should marry another American. Just by this simple formula we can bring about a tremendous revolution all over the world.
Insist on faraway blood, and you will have a generation of highly superior beings, intellectually, physically, in every sense.
As far as I am concerned, whatever I am teaching, I am doing. And if anybody has any objection, he is welcome just before my people to present the case, so they can understand. I may not even need to answer; my people can answer, "What stupidity are you talking about?"
Here things are simple and sincere. Whatever I am saying, I am doing; my preaching and my practice are not different.
Such beautiful silence...
This is what I preach, And this is what I practice.
Just a little story to end up this beautiful peace with laughter.
A salesman is forced to share a room with a rabbi in a crowded hotel. He enters the room and finds the rabbi kneeling in a corner, murmuring his prayers.
"Hi," says the salesman. "I'm your new roommate."
The rabbi nods without interrupting his prayers.
"Well then, which bed shall I take?"
The rabbi points to one bed, continuing to pray. The salesman nervously unpacks his bag, then all of a sudden says, "Say, rabbi, do you mind if I bring up a girl?"
The rabbi, still praying, shouts, "Two, not one!"
The Great Pilgrimage: From Here to Here