Kamal, if one allows nature without any inhibitions to take its own course, one transcends biology, body, mind, without any effort. But we are full of inhibitions. Even the so-called young people, who think that they have disowned repressions, are in a very subtle way repressive. If you are repressive, then you cannot transcend biological pulls naturally, without any effort. So, the first thing to be remembered is that nature is right.
All old traditions have been telling you that nature is not right. You have to divide nature into right and wrong. But nature is indivisible. So while you are dividing it, you are simply making an impossible effort. The whole of nature has to be accepted with great joy and gratitude. Biology is not your bondage, but a certain stage of growth.
Life taken with insight and understanding helps you to go beyond itself without asking you for any discipline, any effort, any arduous conflict. We are children of nature. But all the religions have created one thing certainly: a divided mind, a schizophrenic man who is pulled in two directions. They have all given you moralities.
The natural man needs no morality. Easy is right. To be natural, to be spontaneous is right... and transcendence comes on its own. The people who are split against themselves -- that biology is something to be transcended, that body is something to be fought, that mind is something to be dropped -- anybody who is entangled in all these conflicts will never transcend.
One should go more easy. It is not a war field. Your life is an autonomous growth. The first need is of a total acceptance with no reluctance, no unwillingness, no subtle condemnation anywhere in your mind.
You are saying, "Although I am deeply satisfied and nourished by my EKDAM Punjabi food...." His Punjabi food is Neelam. You say you are deeply satisfied; you don't understand the nuances of being deeply satisfied. It becomes a kind of death. To be alive one needs a little discontent, a little restlessness. If you are deeply satisfied, from that deep satisfaction arises your desire to change your food once in a while.
Man is a creature of evolution and growth. Being deeply satisfied brings a full stop to your life...ekdam. Ekdam means: once for all, once for ever. Neelam has an individuality, a grace, a loving heart, and it is very easy to be satisfied with her -- she is not a quarreling type, a fighting type. She herself is at ease, and anybody who loves her will find himself soon at ease. A harmony arises -- but harmony on the one hand is beautiful, and on the other hand is boring.
Perhaps you have never thought that satisfaction is a kind of death. It means you are ready to repeat the same every day, that you have forgotten to change, to evolve.
"... still from time to time I feel a strong pull towards other dishes, and enjoy Italian pizzas, French wine, or Japanese sushi." It is absolutely natural. The problem is arising because of your conditionings that when you are absolutely satisfied with a woman, why should you ask? Why should the desire for somebody else even arise in you? It arises because of your deep satisfaction. Deep satisfaction starts deadening you... nothing new, no excitement, no possibility of "No," always "Yes." On the one hand it is very sweet; on the other, it is too sweet.
Hence, the desire arises once in a while to have some affair with another woman. It is absolutely natural. If Neelam were a fighting type, nagging type, bitchy, this desire would not have arisen so much, because she would never have allowed you to be satisfied. She would have kept you always unsatisfied; she would have remained a stranger to you, still to be explored. I know her... she has been open to you, available to you, she has not been holding secrets from you. That is not her fault, that is her beauty. But even the most beautiful roseflowers have their thorns, even the most satisfying situations have their problems.
Because you are too satisfied, you start asking for a change of taste: Italian pizzas, French wine, or Japanese sushi. Nothing is wrong in it. At least my people, who are the herald of the new man, have to understand it, that there is nothing wrong in it. The whole old conditioning goes against what I am saying to you, but if you are intelligent, you will see the point.
Accept it, but don't keep it a secret from Neelam. Don't let her down. Don't make her feel that she is not enough for you. Say to her, "You are too satisfying, and my mind wants a little change of atmosphere, some excitement so that I can feel that I am still alive." And remember, whatever you take for yourself, you have to give her too. It has not to be one- sided, not that you go to Sarjano's place, or find a Chinese restaurant; you allow her also.
Not only allow... the woman has been repressed by man so much that you will have to pull her out from her conditionings. You will have to help her to move, once in a while, into new pastures. If you can do that, you will not only be accepting your nature; you will also be helping her to find out her nature.
As a man, you are also guilty, because it is the man who has forced the woman, made her monogamous. In fact, she needs to move with other people more than you. The most astounding research about men and women and their sexualities is just amazing: Man can have only one orgasm, the woman can have multiple orgasms. The reason is simple because in orgasm, a man loses energy; he will need to recover for sometime, according to his age, to have another orgasm.
But the woman does not lose any energy. On the contrary, her first orgasm gives her a deep incentive to have more orgasms, and she is capable of at least half a dozen orgasms in a single night. Because of this fact, man became so afraid that he prevented the woman from knowing the fact that anything like orgasm exists. So he is very quick in making love. The woman will take a little longer time because man's sexuality is local, genital; woman's sexuality is spread all over her body. If a man wants her to have an orgasm, he has to play with her whole body, the foreplay, so her whole body starts throbbing with energy.
But once she has had one orgasm, she is utterly dissatisfied because now she knows the taste, and she is capable, and she knows that now she can have deeper orgasms. And man is simply impotent after the first orgasm, at least for twenty-four hours. He cannot do anything else -- he just turns over and goes to sleep. The poor boy is finished. And every woman weeps, cries because she has not even come, and her lover is finished.
To avoid the woman from having the knowledge of orgasm -- for centuries the woman was not allowed even to know the beauty and the pleasure of orgasm -- man also has had to prevent himself from having orgasm. All that he knows is ejaculation; ejaculation is not orgasm. Ejaculation is simply throwing out energy: one feels more relaxed, the tensions of the energy are gone, and one snores better.
The woman has become aware of orgasm only in this century and the whole credit goes to the movement of psychoanalysis. In the East, ninety-eight percent of women are still unaware that there is anything in making love, because she gets no juice, no experience.
She in fact hates the whole affair. Ejaculation is not her need, it is man's need; but both have remained deprived of sex and its ultimate orgasmic experiences.
But the trouble is, how to manage it? Anything looks very immoral. Either you have to invite all your friends, so that five, six friends make love, one by one, to the woman.
Then she will be satisfied, but that looks very hurting to the ego. Or you have to provide her with an electric vibrator. But once she knows the electric vibrator, you are useless because the electric vibrator gives her such tremendous orgasmic experiences that you cannot give.
It seems there has been some mistake by nature itself: men and women are not equal in their orgasmic capacity. You are fully satisfied, but have you ever bothered whether your beloved has found even a single orgasm? Because she has not found a single orgasm, she can remain devoted to you: monogamous. But if she knows what orgasmic experience is, she will also want, once in a while, to be with another man.
If you really love your woman, you will help her to come out of her old conditionings which are far deeper, because man himself is responsible. Man himself does not have those conditionings; his morality is very superficial and a hypocrisy. But the woman's morality has gone very deep. Man has been enforcing it from the very childhood. If you feel to change it, it is your responsibility; and particularly Kamal, a man of your understanding should be able to understand what I am saying.
It is your responsibility to bring Neelam also out into the sun, into the rain, into the wind, so that she can drop all her conditionings. You have to help her; you have to teach her how to enjoy Sarjano's place, and not go on eating the Punjabi food her whole life... how to enjoy Japanese food or Chinese food. If men and women really love each other, they will help each other to be unconditioned from the past.
Man does not have many conditionings, and they are superficial. He can drop them very easily, the way you drop your clothes. The woman has been conditioned so much that it is not like dropping her clothes, it is like peeling her skin. It is hard and unless you really love a woman.... It will be impossible, on her own, to get rid of all those conditionings, help her. Give her also the taste that in the world there are so many other foods; in the world, other than you, there are many more beautiful men. Your woman must know all of them. It is part of your love that your woman becomes more and more rich in her experiences. And the richer she is, she will not only give you satisfaction; she will start giving you excitement and ecstasy.
You say, "It's not that I don't want to eat out occasionally, but I'd like to feel it is in my hands whether I do or not...." It is in your hands, but it can be in your hands only if it is in the hands of Neelam too. As far as I am concerned and my concept of the new man and new woman is concerned, there should be equal opportunity for both. Not that you are the master and your woman is your slave; that she can remain satisfied with you, and you can go, once in a while, fooling around the neighborhood. She has every right to fool around in the same neighborhood! And there is no need to feel guilty; you have to help her not to feel guilty.
It is a very strange phenomenon that woman's liberation will be man's liberation, too; their slavery is together. Because you don't allow your woman to be free, how can she allow you to be free?
Freedom has to be, from both sides, a precious value -- loved, recognized, respected.
You say "... and not be a victim of this hormonal conspiracy." If you want to get beyond the hormones and the biology; live it totally, exhaust it. My own understanding is that by the age of fourteen your hormones start working, and if you allow them total freedom if you go with them joyously by the age forty-two, they will like to go to rest. And this transcendence will be natural; it will not be a celibacy imposed. It will be a sacred celibacy that is coming to you from the beyond, because you have lived your life totally and now nothing in the ordinary life interests you. Your interest is in higher values, for a deeper search about life, about truth, about creativity. You have passed a childish age. By the age of forty-two, according to me, a man really becomes adult, but only if he lives naturally. If he lives half-heartedly then it will take a longer time -- maybe forty-nine years, maybe seventy-five. Maybe even when he is dying he is thinking only of sex and nothing else; he never transcends it.
You both are understanding people and you both love me, and you both can see things without screens on your eyes, clearly. Love each other totally, and occasionally allow each other freedom. But it has to be on both sides. And it is not going to destroy your love; it is going to make it richer, deeper, more fulfilling, more orgasmic. And those few occasions when you are on holiday from each other will not take you away from each other; they will go on bringing you closer to each other. Don't have any secret -- be absolutely open, and allow the other person also to be absolutely open, and respect openness. Never, even by your gestures, make the other person feel guilty. That is the greatest crime humanity has been committing: making people guilty. If the other feels guilty because of very deep rooted conceptions, help her to be free of the guilt.
Love lived in an atmosphere of freedom will transcend you from sex naturally, easily, effortlessly. Love will remain, sex will be gone and then love has a purity and a beauty and a sacredness of its own.
Sitting on a bus in New York, a prim old lady was shocked to overhear an Italian say to another, "Emma come-a first. I come-a next. Two ass-a come-a together. I come-a again.
Two ass-a come-a together again. I come-a once more. Peepee twice. Then I come-a for the last time."
When the Italian was finished, the red faced old maid turned to a policeman sitting nearby, and said, "Are you not going to arrest that terrible old man?"
"What for?" asked the policeman. "For spelling Mississippi?"
Take life more joyously and more jokingly. Let your whole life become a beautiful joke.
There is nothing wrong in nature, and to be natural is to be religious.
But there are disparities between man and woman; neither biologists, nor psychologists have been able to figure out why these disparities exist. The woman is far stronger as far as orgasmic experience is concerned. She needs to have more lovers than man, and man must have become aware of the fact in the very beginning of life. To prevent her, he has completely closed even the possibility of having one orgasm. That's why all women hate sex. I was puzzled -- why do women hate sex? All the women go to celibate monks and worship them; as far as their own husband is concerned, they know he is a dirty old man.
The reason is, to them sex is an experience -- just dirtiness. The man is throwing his dirt onto the woman. The woman feels used, and nobody likes being used.
The new man will make love not a one way affair, from man to woman; it will be a two- way affair. Both will be enjoying it. And science has to find some way either to make man capable of having multiple orgasms so he can go a long, long time with the woman, giving her as many orgasms as she requires, and make the whole journey beautiful; or science has to cut woman's multiple orgasmic capacity to a single orgasm. Something has to be done, and it is one of the most important things because it creates problems in everybody's life.
You both are intelligent, and I hope that you will prove my hypothesis that you can love each other, and yet once in a while have different affairs -- joyously, not reluctantly. Not because I am saying it, but out of your own understanding.
Satyam Niranjan, yes. It is something of alertness, something of silence and peace -- a discipline that arises out of awareness, not a discipline that is being forced through training. Only Sarjano missed out because he did not have the camera ready.
After you had gone back to your seats and I moved, I remembered Sarjano, and I remembered a small story....
An American couple are touring darkest Africa on safari. They are walking cautiously through the jungle, when suddenly a huge lion springs out in front of them. It seizes the wife with its giant jaws and proceeds to drag her into the bush.
"Shoot!" she screams. "Shoot for Christ's sake!"
"I can't," answers the husband. "I have run out of film."
Everything was right, only Sarjano was not ready with his camera. I have heard he is angry with his camera, wants to sell it. Don't do any such stupid thing! Even if you have run out of film we can get more!
I don't hate anything. But just when I am talking to you, there are points which have to be emphasized. And when I say I hate spaghetti, I am simply emphasizing something.
Hatred is not part of my being at all. In fact, I have never tasted spaghetti, and perhaps I will never taste it because of an accident.
One Italian woman, a professor with a doctorate from the University of Rome, used to be my sannyasin. But she had strange habits: one was that I don't think she had ever taken a single shower in her life. She used to stink. And she went putting on powder, layers of powder... she was a beautiful woman. And it was she who made me so much afraid of spaghetti, because she prepared spaghetti one day and brought it for me to eat. The spaghetti was smelling of her.
I told her, "Out, you just go out of the room. Leave the spaghetti, I will eat... but I always eat alone. You just go out." And as she went out, the first thing was: I threw her spaghetti down the toilet. And the smell was so dangerous that even today -- it must be twenty-six, twenty-seven years ago -- but suddenly, if I remember spaghetti, I remember the woman and the smell. And then it is no more a memory; I have to live it again. That's why I say, "I hate"; otherwise, I have never tasted spaghetti. It just came in a wrong way to me, through a wrong vehicle.
A suntan also I don't hate, but certainly I don't like, because to me it seems a modern way of self-torture. It is something masochistic, lying down in the hot sun. All over the world millions of women are suffering, and nobody protests that -- "Stop this nonsense!" And that suntan does not remain long. You are simply sunburned. In a few days, you are healed and you are back to your normal color.
If one really wants to be a little less white, a suntan is not the way. You need a certain pigment to be injected into your body, and then you will remain, for your whole life, the color you wanted. A suntan to me always looks something like religious self-torture; the beaches are full... there is no space on the beaches on a sunny day.
I don't hate -- why should I hate? It has nothing to do with me. I simply don't like... I myself don't like to go into the sun. I love to see the sun from my air-conditioned room.
A wealthy English tourist visiting America was curious about the native American Indians. After touring one reservation, she asked her guide why some men had more feathers than others in their headdresses.
"We only have one feather because we only have one squaw," said the guide. Thinking the guide must be joking, she asked another man who said, "Uh! we have four feathers because we have four squaw."
Disturbed that any culture could possibly have such a crude custom, she decided to ask the tribal chief for further explanation. "Why are there so many feathers in you headdress, chief?" she asked.
"Me chief, so me fuck them all. Big, small, short, tall, make no difference."
The English lady was mortified. "You ought to be hung," she snorted.
"You damned right," said the chief. "Me hung like buffalo."
"Well," she cried. "You don't have to be so damned hostile!"
"Hoss-style! Dog-style! Any style! Me fuck them all!"
Tears in her eyes, and red with embarrassment, the woman cried, "Oh dear, Oh dear." To which the chief replied, "No deer! Me no fuck deer! Asshole too high. Fuckers run too fast!"
I have just been joking. I don't hate anybody... neither the spaghetti, nor the suntan, nor the tax collectors. But when I am speaking, I never say anything that I have prepared beforehand and whatever I say, I want to say with my totality, with my spontaneity. My word "hate" is simply a total expression of my dislike.
My God! I'm still smelling that spaghetti!
The Golden Future