Anand Gaya, there is a great difference between ordinary madness and divine madness.
Although it is great, it is very subtle. There is something similar and something absolutely different. The ordinary madness means you have fallen below the mind -- but you have fallen out of it. The divine madness means you have gone beyond the mind -- but you have gone out of it.
Falling below the mind and going beyond the mind have one similarity: both are leaving the mind behind; hence, the madman and the sage in some way look similar, but their difference is great. To be beyond the mind means to be in silence, utter silence. To be beyond the mind means you become the master of the mind. To fall below the mind means you become a slave of the mind. All the whimsical ideas of the mind you have to obey; you don't have any control over your mind.
The man who has transcended his mind is in absolute control of his mind. He uses it when needed, and he stops using it when it is not needed; mind becomes an instrument in his hands. But for the ordinary man the situation is very sad. He becomes an instrument in the hands of the mind.
You are asking, "The other night a girlfriend of mine wolf-whistled at you in darshan."
You seem to be very poor. You have only A girlfriend? But whosoever is here, whether girl or boy, is my friend. I have not heard the wolf-whistle and I would like your girlfriend to do it again. I love it, because nobody does it to me. She must be mad.
As far as my smiling is concerned, she says that I smiled. Even if she had tears in her eyes, I would have smiled the same. Even if she were dead, I would have smiled the same. I don't smile at you, I simply smile; it is not addressed to anyone in particular. But if she feels good about it, there is no harm! This time I will be careful, but she has to do it a little louder that I can hear it in the whole crowd. And whether it is a wolf-whistle or ANYthing, if it is done out of love, it is respectful.
".... whereas nobody else around her looked like they appreciated it." Perhaps she does not know how to do it; otherwise, my people are always appreciating. Only when you do something wrong, utterly wrong.... She has to do some homework. She should start doing it to everyone in the ashram, whomsoever she sees, so she will become famous as the wolf-whistle girlfriend -- girlfriend of all. Why possess her? Such a girlfriend is wild and needs to have total freedom.
If this time she does it well I will specially smile at her, and wave too, because if a person is doing so much.... Everybody cannot wolf-whistle. Particularly girls don't do that; -- boys do that! She is daring, courageous -- and I love daring and courageous people. And if I wave at her, then everybody will appreciate her. But that does not mean that every girl should start wolf-whistling at me. Don't disturb the peace and the music and the silence of the place.
There were two pregnant cats standing next to the garbage pile looking for mice. One turned to the other and said, "Do you know the big ginger tomcat with the bushy tail?
Well, he's the one who put me in the family way. Who is the father of yours?"
The other pregnant cat replied, "I don't know. I had my head in an empty sardine can at the time."
There are people and people. And you have to learn... love all!
Nandan, first your feeling sensuous and sexual from top to toe: a simple device is to start wolf-whistling as much... I will really love it! And all your sexuality and sensuousness will disappear in it.
You say, "Yesterday I was wondering why I still get so caught up sometimes in my German seriousness and wanting things to run perfectly."
I need a few Germans; otherwise who will take care of all my lazy people? So don't be serious about it; it is absolutely needed by the commune. And particularly for a German it is so natural that not to be serious will be an unnecessary torture.
You say, "Today it is all gone. You showered us with so much love this morning that all worries are swept away. Something opened in me that makes me want to dance and sing and embrace the whole world."
All worries may have gone, but the idea of embracing the whole world is the idea of Adolf Hitler; he was also trying to embrace the whole world. People just did not like it -- that's their problem. But he made immense effort, and he had almost succeeded.
And my showering of love... these are just to nourish your roots, not to destroy them. If you have a German heart, my love will make it more German, and if you have an Italian lousiness, my love will make it really lousy. You look at my photographer Niskriya; the more I shower my love on him the more perfect he becomes.
You have to become yourself.
Whatever is your natural tendency, your potential, my love has to nourish it, not to wash it away. Of course these pre-monsoon showers are a little hard and soak the roots, but don't be worried. I take care that nobody goes astray from himself or herself. It is perfectly beautiful that something opened in you Nandan, that makes you want to dance and sing. But dance perfectly and sing perfectly!
"It feels so good to feel so drunk with love in the middle of the day, rather than pulling myself together after discourse and getting carried away with organizing and getting things done more efficiently."
Somehow you have got the wrong idea that I would like you not to have your German quality. It has its own beauty -- to work efficiently, to organize anything perfectly. My love should make you capable of doing things efficiently with a song in your heart, of organizing things perfectly with a dance in your being. They should not be antagonistic to one another but complimentaries, helping each other. And this is for everyone. You can only be your authentic self. Once in a while you can be on a holiday -- that is not a distraction, just the weekend. Monday, you come back to your original self.
You are asking, "Any advice as to how to combine these two sides? Or should I just let go and see what happens?"
You just let go. There is no need of combining them. They are complimentaries; they will help each other and become an organic unity.
If you can watch silently, then all opposites can be supportive of each other and all contradictions can dissolve into a beautiful orchestra.
Mistress Goldblum brought her husband's remains to the undertaker to have them cremated. When asked what kind of container she wanted his ashes stored in, she said, "None. I want them poured right into my hands."
The undertaker thought this rather odd, but did as the widow requested. Mrs. Goldblum returned home and went straight to the bedroom. She dimmed the lights, put romantic music on the stereo and whispered, "Hymie, here is that blow-job you always wanted."
And she blew his ashes all over the floor.
Now if Jews disappear from the world, something tremendously beautiful will be gone!
The world exactly needs the people there are. There are lazy people -- they are needed.
They are part of a relaxed, utterly contented flowering that is of its own kind. And there are perfectionists. They are needed, otherwise everything will be topsy turvy. There are so many kinds of people. They create a variety, and variety in itself is tremendously needed.
You should not ask that everyone becomes like everybody else. In fact, everybody should be left to be himself or herself and respected the way the person is. Variety means many, many kinds of flowers in the garden. Just roses and roses will be boring. Amongst millions of other people, everybody has an uniqueness and is not boring, but helps the world in its variety, makes the garden richer.
Particularly, my emphasis is that you should always remember that whatever is natural to you is your destiny. What others are doing is good for them. You need not impose yourself on them, and you need not allow them to impose themselves on you.
Latifa, I know your boyfriend. He will make anybody happy if he goes to Goa and remains there for ever. But again, you are a German; you cannot be satisfied with anything less difficult. He is a challenge. So if you are becoming nervous, it is natural.
And don't be worried about his getting involved with any girl, because no girl will get involved with him.
I have thought about him and I think that only Latifa can manage him. He's a crackpot -- but you love him. You cannot love a simple human being. You are born for each other:
neither can you find another boyfriend nor can he find another girlfriend. So don't be worried about possessiveness or anything. You can be absolutely non-possessive -- still he will be your boyfriend. Where else can he go? You are in a good, secured, guaranteed, insured condition.
In the first place, it is a miracle that you have found him. When I heard about it for the first time I said, "My God! Now something mysterious is going to happen. These two people together are going to create so much trouble." But still, he's attached to you, you are attached to him.
Mostly your love is fighting, and when you are tired of fighting you love also -- but that is only when you are both tired. He will also be feeling nervous, because he has to come back. I have sent him only for six weeks. He left immediately the very moment he received my message: "Go to Goa." He did not wait even a single day. He must have enjoyed those five weeks the way you have enjoyed them. Now you are feeling nervous, and he will be feeling nervous because six weeks will finally come to an end.
But deep down you are also feeling happy that he is coming, and the same will be his situation. Let him come. He's just your old boyfriend: you know him every bit, he knows you every bit. All the fights are well known, all the problems are well known. There is no need to feel nervous because there is not going to be anything new. It is just the old chap, so let him come and start life again in the same old way.
It is something to be understood: the girlfriend you get or the boyfriend you get, you deserve. You don't get any boyfriend who you don't deserve and you don't get any girlfriend who you don't deserve -- those kinds of relationships last for one day or two days. But your relationship has a history and it is going to last to the very end, so relax and take it easily!
You deserve him, he deserves you. And once you see the point that you deserve each other there is no question of any grudge, any complaining, any grumbling. You are strong enough, because that crackpot has not been able to make even a dent in you. He has been doing all kinds of neurotic things. But he does not know that Latifa is a psychotic, and neurotics and psychotics make good marriages. They fit perfectly.
One psychoanalyst was asked -- because those two words look so similar, and the difference is known only to the experts -- the psychoanalyst was asked, "What is the difference between neurosis and psychotics?"
"He said, "The neurotic thinks two plus two are five and, whatever you do, he never changes his mind. He's determined and committed to his viewpoint. The psychotic knows that two plus two are four but feels very nervous -- why are they four?"
Perfect marriages happen only in heaven, but once in a while on the earth too. Latifa and her boyfriend are a perfect combination. So let the poor fellow come, start hammering the old way.... You are accustomed and well trained, he is accustomed and well trained. One feels worried about a new girlfriend; one never knows what she is going to do -- freak out in the middle of the night? One is nervous about the new boyfriend, because one cannot predict what kind of man he's going to prove to be.
You are certain. In this certainty you should relax and let him come. He will bring his own question. I have been throwing out his questions, but because I have answered yours, now I will have to answer his question about you.
But I don't see that there is any problem. You are both perfectly happy in your misery; all people are perfectly happy in their miserable relationships! That's why after a five weeks'
separation you feel good. But a longer separation and you will start missing him.
I have given him an exact time so that you can enjoy freedom and he can enjoy freedom; and in the right time, when you start missing each other, he's back. Just wait! And he's not a dangerous person; he cannot harm you. He's very good at heart -- just a little loose in his head. But to have a boyfriend who is a little loose in the head is better than to have a boyfriend who is a little tight in the head. I know it is no ordinary relationship: you both are extraordinary.
What did the tornado say to the coconut palm?
"Hang on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
Prem Azima, you neither know what love is, nor do you know what meditation is. Still, you are disturbed by the question. To you, love and meditation seem to be opposite polarities -- I wonder where you got that idea? If love and meditation are opposite polarities, then nothing in this world can be close to any other thing. But I know all the old religions have also been under the same fallacy.
The meditators have been escaping to the mountains to avoid love, and the lovers never bothered about meditation because they knew that if they meditated their love life would be finished. It has been one of the longest fallacies humanity has lived with. Love is a silence, a joy, a peace, a blissfulness between two persons. But because there are two persons, sometimes they don't match.
Meditation is the same experience of silence and peace and bliss -- but alone. But if two meditators are in love, then things come to the highest peak. If one meditator can reach to a certain peak in his blissfulness, in his silence, two meditators who love each other can become an immense support to each other's flight into the unknown. Their love can become a nourishment to their meditation, and vice-versa, their meditation can become a nourishment to their love.
This is the point where I differ from all the religions of the past. They have made love and meditation polarities, parallel lines which meet nowhere.
To me a man of meditation is bound to be immensely loving. All his anger is gone, all his hate is gone, all his possessiveness is gone. If he cannot love then who else can love?
And a man of love can go deepest in meditation because love is our highest quality, our purest self, our perfect song. If two singing hearts cannot meet in deep meditation then no other meeting is possible.
In fact, the people who have escaped to the mountains to meditate, think only of women in their meditation. They hallucinate. Their hallucinations can become so real that they start talking to those women. And in the whole world, people without meditation are loving each other, but their love does not bring a paradise to their life; on the contrary, it creates hell. They are known as intimate enemies -- enemies who have decided to live together.
My own understanding is that unless love and meditation are almost two sides of the same coin, we cannot create the new man, the new humanity, the new world.
Last night I told you the story of Jesus on the cross telling Peter, "Peter, from my height I can see, far away, my house." From my height of consciousness I can also see the faraway house where love and meditation will dwell together. We have to create that house.
Azima, don't say love and meditation are opposite polarities. That is a lie propagated by the priests down the ages. It has destroyed lovers into miserable lives and meditators into juiceless deserts. I want your life to be a garden full of flowers -- full of fruits, full of juice.
There is no question of how to create a loving, meditative relationship. Here, the people who have gathered around me are already living -- at least making an effort for the first time in the whole history of man -- to bring love and meditation as two sides of the same experience. Why should love disturb your meditation?
In fact, love should give you the right atmosphere, the right soil to meditate. And meditation should give you the right fragrance for love to become a treasure, a glory, a benediction.
The Golden Future