Disappearing you will feel such Freedom

The first question

Question 1:

Prem Shreyas,

DEATH IS THE GREATEST MYSTERY OF LIFE. Life has many mysteries, but there is nothing comparable to death. Death is the climax, the crescendo. One is afraid of it because one will be lost, one will dissolve in it. One is afraid of it because of the ego -- the ego cannot survive death. It will be left on this shore when you start moving towards the other; it cannot go with you.

And the ego is all that you know about yourself, hence the fear, great fear: "I will not exist in death." But there is great attraction too. The ego will be lost, but not your reality.

In fact, death will reveal to you your true identity; death will take away all your masks and will reveal your original face.

Death will for the first time make it possible for you to encounter your innermost, interiormost subjectivity as it is, without any camouflage, without any pretense, without any pseudo personality.

Hence, everybody is afraid of death and everybody is attracted. This attraction was misunderstood by Sigmund Freud and he thought that there is a death-wish in man -- he called it THANATOS. He said, "Man has two basic, fundamental instincts: one is EROS -- a deep desire to live, to be alive for ever, a desire for immortality -- and the other is THANATOS, the desire to die, to be finished with it all." He misunderstood the whole point because he was not a mystic; He knew only one face of death -- that it ends life -- he knew only one thing: that death is an end. He was not aware that death is also a beginning. Each end is always a beginning, because nothing ever ends totally, nothing can ever end. Everything continues, only forms change.

Your form will die, but you have something formless in you too. Your body will not be there, but you have something in you, within your body, which is not part of your body.

Your earthly part will drop into the earth, dust unto dust, but you have something of the sky in you, something of the beyond, which will take a new journey, a new pilgrimage.

Death creates fear if you think of the ego, and death appeals to you, attracts you, if you think of your true self So vaguely one remains attracted towards death; if you become clearly aware of it, it can become a transforming understanding, it can become a mutant force.

Shreyas, try to understand both the fear and the attraction. And don't think that they are opposites -- they don't overlap, they are not opposites either; they don't interfere with each other. The fear is directed in one direction: the ego; and the attraction is directed into a totally different dimension: the egoless self And the attraction is far more important than the fear.

The meditator has to overcome fear. The meditator has to fall in love with death, the meditator has to invite death -- the meditator has not to wait for it, he has to call it because death is a friend to the meditator. And the meditator dies before the death of the body. And that is one of the most beautiful experiences of life: the body goes on living, on the outside you go on moving the same as you were before, but inside the ego is no more, the ego has died.

Now you are alive and dead together. You have become a meeting-point of life and death; you contain now the polar opposites and the richness is great when polar opposites are contained. And these are the greater polar opposites, death and life. If you can contain both, you will become capable of containing God because God is both. His one face is life, his other face is death.

Shreyas, this is something beautiful -- don't make a problem out of it. Meditate over it, make it a meditation, and you will be benefitted immensely.

The second question

Question 2:

Frank,

IT CAN BE A PROJECTION, it can be imagination, but it can also be something else...

it depends on you. And only you can decide what it is. For example, were you thinking about me before it happened? Were you desiring that it should happen? Was there imagination functioning somewhere inside you? Were you fantasizing? Then it is imagination, then it is projection.

But if it was out of nowhere, you were not thinking about me at all, you were taken by surprise, you were shocked, you could not believe it, then it is something else. And that's what has happened to you.

You say: I BECAME QUITE FRIGHTENED.

If it had been your own imagination, you would not have become frightened at all -- you would have known that it was your imagination. If it was just a projection of your mind, you would have known. You became frightened only because it had nothing to do with your mind at all.

You say: I COULD HAVE SWORN I FELT YOUR PRESENCE FOR A FEW MOMENTS.

Such experiences happen, and it can happen more easily in isolation. It happens to many people when they are alone in the mountains. It happens to many people when they are in a certain strange space in which they have never been before; the very strangeness of the space makes them aware of certain things to which they have remained always asleep.

It happens to runners. If you run for a few miles, a moment comes when suddenly the runner disappears and only running remains. At that moment you become aware of many things you have never been aware of: subtle fragrances in the air -- your senses are very alert, very alive -- certain presences around you, even certain presences so tangible that you can touch or you can be touched by them.

It happens to people in many situations, but those situations have to be something extraordinary -- because we have become so accustomed to the ordinary situation that things go on happening around us and we remain unaware. The samadhi tank gives you a very special space: darkness, isolation, no sound, and you are floating in water. You are back in the mother's womb; the samadhi tank is just a scientific way to have the experience of the mother's womb again.

The foetus in the mother's womb floats in liquid. In the samadhi tank you float in the same kind of liquid, with the same chemicals. Hence, you cannot drown in it. And the darkness of the womb, and it is so out of the ordinary -- no sound, no light -- you are thrown into such a new space that your sensitivity, your awareness, your intuitiveness, all start functioning. You become as intuitive as the small child in the womb, you become as innocent as the small child in the womb. and in that innocence something can happen which is not part of ordinary time and space.

Space and time, both can disappear. Yes it is possible you can feel my presence -- in fact I am surrounding each of my sannyasins. You may feel it, you may not feel it. In a certain moment of attunement you will feel it. Then it doesn't matter whether you are in England or in Japan -- it does not matter: space, distance, make no difference.

By giving you sannyas I am making you entitled to feel me wherever you are. Now all depends on you. My presence will be with you, surrounding you; in life, in death, I will be with you just by your side. But you may see, you may not see. You may remain unconscious.

Frank, something beautiful has happened. Remain available to strange experiences in life, and don't try to deny the strange experience, because that's how many people go on denying tremendous opportunities.

For example, one day in the night you are suddenly awake, alone in your room, all is silent and dark. And you become aware of a certain presence... maybe a dead friend, maybe one of your ancestors, maybe your dead mother. But you become so frightened -- in that fear you lose that perceptivity, that perception. The presence remains there, but you are dis-connected. You put the light on, you become occupied in doing something, you start reading a book, or you turn the radio on,Just to disconnect yourself from the strange experience that was happening.

Don't be afraid! This existence is yours. This existence is very friendly and there are immense mysteries waiting for you -- to be known, to be experienced.

This was a beautiful moment for you. Now that it has happened, you can make it happen again and again -- and there is no necessity to go into the samadhi tank. It can happen in your room in the night when you are alone. It can happen anywhere if you ALLOW it to happen.

One of the greatest calamities that has befallen the modern man is that he has become very very mundane. He takes only that which is explainable, he accepts only that which is definable, he accepts and recognizes only that which can be scientifically and objectively proved. But then you remain on the lowest rung of existence, because the higher the rung is, the more indefinable it becomes, the more unexplainable, the more and more elusive -- you cannot catch hold of it, you cannot have it in your fist, and you cannot show it to somebody else. It becomes more and more intimate, less and less public, more and more private.

Many people experience such things but they don't tell others, because others will think they are crazy. That's my own observation: many people have told me their experiences and they have said that they have never told anybody else before, because they have always been afraid that they may be thought crazy, or people will think that they hallucinated, or people will think that something is wrong -- their nuts and bolts are a little loose. And not only will others think this -- they themselves think, "Something is wrong with me, because this is not ordinarily experienced by others, then why me?

Some-thing is wrong with me -- deny this experience, forget about it!"

If you ask people sympathetically, lovingly, many people will reveal mysteries to you.

The mystic experience is not as rare as people think, and the mystic experienCe has nothing to do with religion as such. It happens in many spaces which are not thought to be religious at all.

It happens to mountaineers, many times, because climbing in the mountains, alone, in a dangerous situation, suddenly the mountaineer becomes aware of a presence by his side -- not only that but mountaineers have talked and the presence has helped and the presence has said, "I am a friend, don't be worried. I am protecting you. There is no danger -- go on climbing."

Sometimes a man is lost in the jungle and after one or two days, or three days -- no food, no possibility seems to be available to get out of the jungle, tired, exhausted -- suddenly he becomes aware of a presence, a very protective presence, which says, "Don't be afraid!

You are on the right track, you will get out -- don't be worried."

But these people never say these things to others. In sports many times mystic experiences happen; runners and joggers particularly have known many experiences. In the new commune there are going to be facilities for runners and joggers. I would like hundreds of sannyasins to run for miles every morning -- just completely abandoned into running.

After half an hour or one hour, even if you are tired, tiredness disappears. It is strange, very strange, very illogical. You wanted to go to sleep, you were so tired, but you went for a six-mile run. After the second or third mile, suddenly all tiredness has disappeared and you are so full of energy -- as you have never been. You are so weightless, air-borne.

And you start feeling that it is not you who are running now -- some other energy has taken possession of you.

And the experience of unity with existence, and the experience of a deep, warm, orgasmic energy surrounding you.... It happens to surfers, it happens in many sports, even in wrestling. That's why in Japan particularly, many martial arts were developed by meditators. It looks strange: why should meditators develop martial arts -- judo, aikido, karate, and so many others? They were developed for a certain reason.

If you really go deep into them, the ego disappears and you enter into a new space -- unknown to you, unexplored by you. And suddenly you are not functioning on your own but as if possessed by God.

One thing I would like to emphasize: whenever such things happen, accept, don't deny them; don't start calling them imagination, projection, hallucination, deception. These are tricks of the mind. And I am not saying that there are not hallucinations -- there are -- and I am not saying there are not people who suffer from neurotic illusions -- there are -- but just because of them, just because there are false coins, don't deny the real coins. In fact, false coins only prove that the real coins exist.

Remain available to the dimension of the strange, the mysterious, and that will help you tremendously. If you remain available, more and more experiences of this kind will start happening.

A man went into a bar and ordered a beer. After he had been served, he reached into his breast pocket and lifted out a perfectly formed little figure four inches tall. Then he produced a thimble. "A beer for my friend Paul, here, too," he requested, "and go easy on the head."

Is he for real?" asked the bartender.

"He is," said the man.

"Can he talk?" persisted the barkeep.

"He can," replied the man. "Paul," he went on, "tell this guy about the time we were on that expedition and you called the witch doctor a black son-of-a-bitch."

Don't think that life ends with arithmetic -- there is magic too. And by 'magic' I simply mean that the strange also happens. 'Magic' is now a condemned word, because we have forgotten the magical dimension of life. The word 'magic' comes from a very great mystic; his name was Magi. Before Christianity, Magi's religion was the greatest religion spread all over Europe. That religion was called 'Magic'. Christianity destroyed much that was valuable. And one of the most valuable things that Christianity destroyed was the tradition of the Magians -- the tradition of Magic.

I would like you to be magicians again.

Arithmetic is good as far as it goes, but it does not go far enough. Logic is good as far as it goes, but it does not go far enough -- and there is much more to life than logic. Don't be satisfied with Aristotle. The modern mind is much too satisfied with Aristotle, and because of it there is so much boredom. People look very dull, because the sense of the mysterious is no more there which goes on keeping you fresh, young, which goes on keeping you wondering.

And if a man is capable of wonder he is capable of knowing God; if a man is capable of awe, he is capable of knowing God.

The third question

Question 3:

The question is from Bea, Chinmaya's mother.

Bea,

FOR MANY MANY YEARS I HAVE NOT DONE A SINGLE THING -- before darshan or after darshan. For many years I have ceased to exist, I have died. I no more function as a person. Things happen, certainly, but they are not doings -- I am not a doer.

Hence I am not even concerned about the consequences -- why should I be concerned about the consequences? I am not the doer in the first place. I am not concerned with the results. I am simply a vehicle, a hollow bamboo, offered to God. Now he can sing any song he wants to sing. And if he does not want to sing any song, it is for him to decide. I am perfectly happy with song or without song. Sometimes he sings, sometimes he is silent, and I don't interfere. I am simply relaxed with existence as it is.

And that's my teaching here -- that's what I am teaching to your son, Chinmaya. And I am happy to tell you that he is progressing, and progressing in a very different, more difficult situation than others. But he has evolved greatly.

He is suffering from cancer. He knows death can come any day, but I am happy to say to you that it makes no difference any more to him. Life or death -- he will remain a witness. That much integrity has happened to him, that much centering has happened to him. He was very much afraid in the beginning when he had come here -- very much afraid of death. Naturally -- anybody would be. It was expected. But, slowly slowly, being here with me, with my people, in this Buddhafield, he has learnt one thing: that we are not doers. Sometimes life happens, sometimes death happens -- we have to be witnesses of both. And we have to be thankful for both.

So I know now: whenever he has to leave life, he will leave with tremendous gratefulness, with a prayer on his lips, with a deep thank you in his heart. And that is the right way to die, and that is the right way to live too. In fact, because he has become so accepting of death he is alive, otherwise he would have been dead long before. Even the doctors are a little puzzled about him -- they can't see why and how he is still alive, and very much alive.

The body has all the symptoms that he should be here no more, that he should be dead by now. But something deep in-side him has become so relaxed that that relaxation has gone deeper than the cancer itself, and that's what is keeping him alive. He may live long -- one never knows. Miracles happen. If he remains relaxed he may live long.

Doctors are ready to give him a death certificate any day, but if he remains relaxed, meditative, happy, contented... and he is. It is difficult in his situation to be contented, but he is. Even breathing is difficult, but he has accepted everything.

Bea, if your son lives he will be growing -- growing towards more spiritual maturity; if he dies he will be growing in his death too. He has found the path, and the path is of non- action, or action through non-action -- WU-WEI.

The fourth question

Question 4:

Deva Layo,

NOT ONE BUT MANY -- you are my problems, one hundred thousand problems! And as sannyasins will be coming more and more, the problems will go on growing. Each sannyasin brings many problems. And I am here: you can surrender your problems to me.

I can take all of your problems because I have none of my own. And because I have none of my own, you can drop your problems into me and they disappear. They have no place to cling to. They simply disappear into the abyss that I have become.

The fifth question

Question 5:

Navino,

I HAD SIMPLY SAID THAT EVEN IF YOU ARE ON THE MOON or on some star, you will start doing all the things that you are doing in California. I have used the most mild term possible. Moksha has suggested a far more suitable word for it; his suggestion is: "Rather than saying, 'You will be doing the things that you are doing in California,' you should say, 'Wherever you are you will californicate"' -- what else will you do? This is the right word. California simply means where people are 'californicating'.

The sixth question

Question 6:

Yoga Nirmal,

THAT'S WHAT I AM HERE FOR -- to help you to be aware of things which cannot be explained but yet experienced, which cannot be expressed but yet felt. No word is adequate to indicate them, but they can be sensed.

Man can know much more than he can say, and man can sense much more than he can know, and man can be much more than he can sense. And you have to be aware of all these layers.

That which can be said is the most superficial; much more can be known. That which is known and cannot be said i, deeper, but much more can be sensed. That which is sensed and cannot be known is even deeper, but one can be much more than one can sense -- and that is the deepest layer.

The effort is to help you to go into your interiormost core so that the gestalt change, from knowing to the knower, from the seen to the seer, from the object of consciousness to consciousness itself.

Man can live a life either of doing or of having or of being. Doing is the most superficial; better than doing is having. The poor person lives in the world of doing, the rich person lives in the world of having. But the best is the world of being. The poor person can also reach the world of being without passing through having, but it will be very difficult -- very very difficult, because you can renounce only that which you have. If you don't have it, it is very very difficult to renounce it. Only a rare man like Kabir can do that miracle:

he can renounce that which he does not have. He can understand even that which he does not possess.

Great intelligence is needed to move from the world of doing to the world of being. If somebody moves from poverty into spirituality, he has great intelligence. And if someone remains in richness and still does not move towards spirituality, he is just stupid and nothing else. Being rich and not being aware of spirituality is stupidity. Being poor and not being aware of spirituality can be forgiven, but the rich person cannot be forgiven -- because he HAS -- can't he see that he has everything and yet he has nothing? Death will be coming and it will take all that he possesses.

Doing is a means to having. When doing succeeds, you have. But when you have, everything starts failing, everything starts looking futile, everything starts looking childish. And to know that everything in this world is futile is the beginning of turning in, of conversion.

Yoga Nirmal, something beautiful is very close by.

You say: SOMETHING IS HAPPENING THAT I CANNOT EXPLAIN.

You are fortunate. There are poor people who can explain whatsoever is happening to them -- that means nothing special is happening to them. All that is happening is so superficial that language is adequate to express it. The deeper the happening, the more dumb you will feel.

Lao Tzu says: "People can say whatsoever they want to say -- except me. Compared to them I look a little muddle-headed. People are very clear, but I am vague." People are clear because they don't have any experience of the mysterious.

Lao Tzu is joking. Lao Tzu is saying: "You are poor because you can say everything that you know and you are so clear about your life -- how can you be so clear about the mysterious?" The mysterious remains in the mist. One only feels it, but one cannot grab it. It is very mercurial. If you try to grab it, you distort it; it falls into pieces, it disappears.

Nirmal, you say: SOMETHING IS HAPPENING THAT I CANNOT EXPLAIN.

There is no need, and don't try to explain it otherwise it will stop happening -- because explanation is done by the head and the happening happens in the heart. And the head is very clever in interfering; don't allow the head to interfere. Accept the unexplained as unexplained -- there is no need to explain it. Live it! Experience it! Taste it! Be drowned in it! There is no need to express it.

You say: IT IS NOT EVEN SOMETHING I KNOW ONLY SOMETHING I SENSE.

Yes, that's exactly how it happens. Knowing means clarity; and if you know, you can explain. Knowing means you have already explained it to yourself -- if you can explain it to yourself, why not to others? Sensing means that you are not even able to explain it to yourself; it is just a feeling. And if you try to grab it, it disappears.

The greater truths have to be approached indirectly, you should not attack them directly; you should be very delicate, very indirect.

Have you seen in the night? -- if you look at the small stars directly, they disappear. Try tonight: if you look directly, if you focus on the small star, it disappears. It is not available to the direct gaze. Then what is the way to see the small star? Look sideways, look just around -- not exactly on the spot. Look at other stars and suddenly the small star starts appearing. It is available only to an indirect gaze, not a direct gaze.

So is the situation with inner experiences: don't look directly -- the inner experiences are very shy. If you look directly they start hiding. And there is no need to know; sensing is enough. Why this obsession with knowing? And when you are obsessed with knowing, you will also be obsessed with explaining. You don't owe explanations to anybody.

Buddha used to declare wherever he would go... his disciples would precede him and they would declare to the town, "These eleven questions are not to be asked of the Buddha -- you can ask everything else except these eleven questions.

Those eleven questions were known as AVYAKHYA -- unex-plainable. But if you observe those eleven questions minutely, you will be surprised: nothing is left out of them. All that is important is included in them, all that is of any significance. Why was Buddha so insistent -- "Don't ask"? Because he cannot explain, and your very asking puts you on the wrong track.

you can ask something, you start expecting an answer. Remember, just by formulating a question, there is no necessity that the answer will be coming from existence. Existence has no obligation to fulfill your questions.

And absurd questions can be formulated -- they look very good, very logical, very grammatical. Language-wise they are perfect, but in existence they are just absurd. For example, somebody can ask, "What is the colour of sound?" As a question it is perfect, nobody can find any fault with it -- linguistically: "What is the colour of sound?" But sound and colour are not related at all.

Somebody can ask, "What is the taste of the colour green?" The question is right as A question, but no answer will be possible. And such are your questions. When somebody asks, "Who created the world?" it looks very significant, it looks very philosophical. It is simply absurd, because the world was never created -- so the whole question is nonsense.

It has always been there.

God is not the creator: God is the world. He has become the trees, he has become the rocks, he has become the river, he has become you and me. There is no other God except this existence. God is not separate from existence; he is not like a painter who paints on the canvas, and then there is a picture and the painter. God is like a dancer who dances, and the dancer and the dance are always the same -- they cannot be separated. You cannot have the dance separate from the dancer, and you cannot have the dancer separate from the dance, because when he is not dancing he is no more a dancer.

God is the dancer, and the world is his dance -- and you are part of his dancing gestures.

But you can ask the question, "Who created the world?" And then there are foolish people who will try to answer you.

The question is absurd in the beginning, in the first place, and then there are foolish people who are ready to answer. Because the question is there, it has to be answered -- so "God created the world." Just ask them, "Who created God?" and then you are falling into an infinite regress and there will be no end -- because the question will always remain the same. A created B, B created C, C created D... but the question remains the same, "Then who created D?" And the question will never be answered.

There are people, even great philosophers have asked, "Who is first -- the egg or the hen?" The question looks perfectly right -- one must be first! But can't you think that things can be standing in a circle. If you think that everybody is standing in a queue, in a line, then somebody is first and somebody is last. But if people are standing in a circle, then who is the first and who is the last?

The mystics say the world moves in circles and they really seem to be hinting at a deep truth. Stars move in a circle, the earth moves in a circle, the sun moves in a circle, the seasons move in a circle, life moves in a circle -- everything moves in a circular way. The straight line is man's creation. In fact, Euclid's whole geometry is wrong!

And now, in the world of higher mathematics, Euclid is no more valid. Something totally different has come into force: non-Euclidean geometry. Euclid believes in a straight line, but non-Euclidean geometry says you cannot draw a straight line -- how can you draw a straight line? If you draw a straight line on the floor, it is not straight because the earth is round. It only looks straight because it is part of such a big circle -- it is an are, not a straight line. If the earth is round and you are sitting on the earth and drawing a straight line, go on extending it from both ends... one day it will become a circle. So it was part of a circle.

Everything is part of a circle. Who is first -- the hen or the egg? Now the question is so patently foolish that only philosophers can ask it. And they argue, and there are people who say the hen is the first.

I used to know an Indian philosopher, a Buddhist philosopher, Rahul Sankrityayana. He believed that the egg came first. He has written many articles to prove that the egg is the first. But how can the egg be the first? Some hen will be needed; and how can the hen be the first? Some egg will be needed. Those who know, they say something else. They say the hen and the egg are not two things -- the hen is the egg's way of producing more eggs; or vice versa: the egg is the hen's way of producing more hens. They are not two but one process: the egg becomes the hen -- so how can one be first and the other second? The hen becomes the egg....

But these questions have persisted down the ages, and people think they are doing great work when they are thinking about such stupid questions. Buddha was right: "Don't ask such questions. Be practical."

Each Buddha is pragmatic. If you asked a question of Buddha, he would ask, "First answer a few things: if I say yes or no, is it going to change your life? You ask, 'Who created the world?' If I say, 'God,' how is it going to change your life? If I say, 'No one,' then is it going to change your life?"

In fact, if you look at the atheist and the theist you will not see any difference in their lives. Both go to the same movie, both see the same TV programme, both eat the same food, both are members of the Rotary Club... you will not see any difference, atheist or theist. Can you tell about somebody, just by seeing his behaviour, whether he is an atheist or a theist? You cannot see any difference. They remain the same person.

So Buddha used to say, "If it is not going to make any real difference in your life, forget about the question -- it is meaningless. Ask me something which will help you to go deeper into meditation; ask me something which will bring enlightenment to you -- ask me something which will make you free from all imprisonments. Ask me something which will take you beyond all misery and death. Ask me something which will take you beyond all time and space, and will make you part of eternity."

There is no need, Nirmal, to know what is happening -- let it happen, don't interfere. And there is no need to explain it -- be quiet. Keep it inside you as a secret. Remember, great things need secrecy. Just as the seed goes into the earth and remains there, then the great tree is born; just as the child has to grow in the mother's womb.... These are great secrets.

When they start happening to you, keep them deep down in your heart, let them grow there.

Yes, one day when they have become a great tree, with great foliage, and flowers and fruit, people will become aware of them, and many people will be benefitted, many people will rest in your shadow and many people will quench their thirst and their hunger, and many people will be made aflame by your flowers, and many people will start moving towards God -- just by seeing you, just by feeling you, just by being close to you.

But nothing has to be said, nothing has to be explained. And even if you try, it is not possible. And trying to explain and trying to know may disturb the whole process -- something that is going to happen may be stopped.

The seventh question

Question 7:

Govind, THEY ARE MORE STUPID THAN I SAY. In fact, unless a person is stupid he cannot be a politician. It is not that the politicians are stupid -- in fact, only stupid people are attracted towards politics.

What is politics basically? The desire to dominate others -- and that is the most stupid thing in life. The intelligent person tries to be a master of himself, and the stupid person tries to be master of others. And how can you be a master of others if you are not a master of yourself?

If you are not a master of yourself, then trying to be a master of others is just a substitute to befool yourself, to deceive yourself, and that is what the stupidity consists of.

Two politicians were sitting on a park bench in New Delhi. "I will tell you the truth," said one. "I am afraid to fly. Those airplanes ain't too safe!"

"Don't be a baby," said the other. "Didn't you read last week there was a big train crash and three hundred people were killed?"

"Three hundred killed on a train -- what happened?"

"An airplane fell on it!"

Overheard in the market by Deeksha: I am in favour of putting a statue of Morarji Desai in the middle of the square."

"For what?"

"It will give us shade in the summertime, shelter in the winter-time, and the birds a chance to speak for us all."

The eighth question

Question 8:

YES, MUKTI GANDHA, this is the beginning of trust, the beginning of yea-saying, the beginning of a great understanding that all that is going to happen is going to happen, and you are not to do it. You have to be alert and passive, you have to be watchful and receptive. This is the whole secret of life.

Small things need to be done -- if you want more money, the money is not going to come on its own; you will have to run after it. If you want political power, it is not going to come to you on its own -- you will have to fight for it, you will have to struggle for it.

Small things are those which never HAPPEN, which never come from God. Man has to struggle and do them. And great things are those which if you try to do them you will miss. Great things happen only when you are in a total relaxation.

That's what must be happening. This is happening to many people who are here. You are not here just to listen to me: you are here just to BE with me. Talking and listening is just an excuse to be here. It will be difficult for you to sit still, silently for one and a half hours if I am not talking to you. If I am talking to you, your mind remains engaged and your whole being becomes relaxed.

This is a meditation! This is not a discourse. I am not preaching, I am not a preacher; and I am not teaching, I am not a teacher either. I have no philosophy to impart, no knowledge to transfer. It is a device; talking to you is simply a device.

This is another kind of meditation. I go on talking, your mind remains occupied with my words, and your whole being relaxes with me -- the real thing is that relaxation.

You say: A FEW DAYS AGO IN LECTURE, I REALIZED THAT WHEN I AM RELAXED THE BODY GOES INTO A MOST COMFORTABLE POSTURE OF ITS OWN ACCORD.

The body has great wisdom -- allow it. Allow it more and more to follow its own wisdom. And whenever you have time, just relax. Let the breathing go on on its own, don't interfere. Our habit to interfere has become so ingrained that you cannot even breathe without interfering. If you watch breathing, you will immediately see you have started interfering: you start taking deep breaths, or you start exhaling more. No need to interfere at all. Just let the breath be as it is; the body knows exactly what it needs. If it needs more oxygen it will breathe more; if it needs less oxygen it will breathe less.

Just leave it to the body! Become absolutely non-interfering. And wherever you feel any tension, relax that part. And slowly slowly... first begin while you are sitting, resting and then while you are doing things. You are cleaning the floor or working in the kitchen or in the once -- keep that relaxedness. Action need not be an interference in your relaxed state. And then there is a beauty, a great beauty, to your activity. Your activity will have the flavour of meditativeness.

Yes, Mukti Gandha, it is exactly so with your whole life -- this is the secret. But people go on making unnecessary efforts. Sometimes their efforts are their barriers; their efforts are the problems that they are creating.

There was a lot of confusion downtown during the big snow-storm. Mulla Nasruddin went over to help a fat lady get into a taxi cab. After rushing and shoving and slipping on the ice, he told her he did not think he could get her in.

She said, "In? I am trying to get out!"

Just watch.... There are things where if you push, you will miss. Don't push the river at all, and don't try to go upstream. The river is flowing towards the ocean of its own accord -- just be part of it, be part of its journey. It will take you to the ultimate. Go relaxed, dancing, singing, to God.

There is no need to make any effort. Why? Because God is our intrinsic nature. We ARE Gods already. If we relax, we will know; if we don't relax, we will not know. Relaxation becomes the door to that great knowing -- enlightenment.

The ninth question

Question 9:

Dharma Das,

THAT IS NATURAL. Understanding will be a surprise -- misunderstanding is not a surprise. You are bound to misunderstand me because you ARE. You will understand me only when you are not. That 'I' is the cause of all misunderstanding. [t remains between me and you. It do- i not allow me to say what I am saying -- it interprets, it colours it, it distorts, it chooses, it adds, it deletes -- it docs a thousand and one things, and only then does it allow it to go in. And by the time it reaches you it is something totally different. It is not what was said to you: it is something that your mind has made out of it.

You will have to disappear if you want to understand me. Less than that won't do.

Lorenzo was extolling the virtues of his newly adopted homeland. "This is-a great-a country." he declared. "Look-a at Sinatra -- where else could a piece of spaghetti wind up-a with a-so much-a gravy!

Everybody is carrying his idea, his conditioning, his knowledge, his past with himself.

That's what your 'I' consists of.

The Ozark farmer's wife had a baby each year for the past twelve years in a row. He finally went to a doctor for some advice. "Here's a gross of rubbers,' said the doctor. "Just read the instructions on the label."

A year later, the hillbilly brought his wife in, pregnant again. "Did you follow the instructions on the box?"

"Yep, Doc! Sure I did! The only thing was I didn't have no organ so I put them on the piano."

Your understanding is going to be your understanding. How can it be my understanding?

If you disappear, if you put yourself aside, then there is no barrier, then there is no censor between me and you, then the communication is immediate. Then it is not even a question of words: it is a question of energy.

If your mind is put aside, my vibe will start stirring your heart, my being will touch your being, will trigger something that is fast asleep in you -- will awaken it.

And the more I see that my sannyasins are dropping their egos, the more and more my work will change -- it will become less and less concerned with words and will become more and more concentrated on energy. That's exactly what is slowly slowly happening.

I will be speaking less and less to you. If you are not there then I can just enter in your being, can just call you: Friend, wake up!

One night Mrs. Mantoni got into a taxi. After riding a while, she realized she had forgotten her pocketbook and had no money to pay the fare. The meter now read $7.50.

"Mista driver," she cried. "You betta stop. I no canna pay you!"

"Oh, that's all right," said the cabbie. "I'll just pull down a dark street, get in the back seat with you, take off your panties...."

"Mista, you gonna get gypped," said the Italian lady. "My panties only cost-a forty-nine cents!"

Please, Dharma Das, disappear, don't come in between me and you. Let the contact be immediate, direct, heart-to-heart, not mind-to-mind. Yes, it is good in the beginning -- it is good in the beginning because there is no other way. I have to talk to your mind, I have to seduce your mind, but once the mind is seduced, once you have become a sannyasin, then the second step is: put the mind aside -- now let me have a direct contact with your heart.

And finally even the heart has to be put aside. Then you will not find any difference between me and you; then my understanding will simply be your understanding, without any transfer, without any communication, because then we will meet at the center. And your center and my center are not different. Your body is different from my body; your mind is less different from my mind than my body and your body. Your heart is even less different than my heart. But your being and my being are the same; they are not different at all.

If the disciple is ready to drop mind, heart, everything. then immediately he becomes the Master, he has arrived. Then there is no more to learn, no more to know, no more to ex- perience. And life continues as it was before, but now there is nobody inside to suffer, to dream, to be anxious, nobody there to live or to die. Then one exists in God and God exists in one.

The last question

Question 10:

Narayana,

YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT to do it from the very beginning. It has become part of you, your conscience. Listening to me now you understand that sex repression is the root cause of all neurosis, but this understanding is very new. And 'sex is dirty', and 'sex is sin', is very old, it may be fifty years old. And this understanding is very new. The weight of the old is too much.

So you understand intellectually that sex repression is the root cause of all neurosis, but deep down, even in your body, even in your chemistry, the idea has penetrated, from the very moment you were given milk, you have been poisoned about sex, that it is sin. It is such a long long hypnosis that it will take time for you to be awake.

It is a good beginning that an intellectual understanding Is happening, but it is only intellectual -- it has to become existential.

Mother is explaining the facts of life to Cynthia the day before the wedding.

"Now, my dear," she tells her, "I am afraid Bertie will often want to be beastly to you after you are married."

Cynthia, shocked, is quite unable to believe that her beloved Bertie would ever do such a thing.

"Yes, it is so," mother insists, "and I want you to remember: whenever he wants to be beastly, grit your teeth. clench your fists, and think of England!"

These things have been given to everybody, and everybody is carrying a big load of all kinds of nonsense. Sex is a natural phenomenon -- it has to be accepted, lovingly; it has to be respected. It is life's source. Not to respect it is to disrespect Life; not to respect it is to condemn God. Respect it, love it, be prayerful with it, and one day you will transcend.

But transcendence is not against sex: transcendence is through sex. Sex has to be used as a stepping-stone. And when you have used it as a stepping-stone, be grateful to it.

If you really want to understand me, or Kabir, this has to be the very foundation: that life has to be loved because it is divine, life has to be affirmed with your total being because God is hidden in it. God is another name for life, another name for love. Life is to become your God -- then whatsoever LIFE implies becomes divine.

But it will take time. Slowly slowly, chunks of your old conditioning have to be dropped.

If you can remain here. Narayana, for a few months, the miracle is possible. It is happening to others. Thousands of my sannyasins have started accepting life -- not accepting out of any helplessness but out of great joy, with a rejoicing heart.

I am all for rejoicing. am I am all against, deadly against renouncing. I am all for transformation and absolutely against repression. If you repress, remember Kabir: repress sex, it becomes anger; repress anger, it becomes agreed; repress greed, it becomes pride...

and so on and so forth. It goes on and on. And the farther you are away from nature, the more complex is the journey, the more difficult it is to come back home.

Come closer. Lose your pride, let it become greed; lose your greed, let it become anger; lose your anger, let it become sex. Sex is the original energy. And from sex there is a possibility of transformation, because sex gives you the first glimpses of samadhi. Sex lived totally, sex loved totally, will make you aware for the first time of the peak moments, of the climaxes.

And on those sunlit peaks, great silence prevails; the ego has been dropped far behind in the valleys, time has disappeared somewhere on the way. You are no more separate; you are not a person but just a pulsation, a presence. Sex gives you moments of that experience when you are simply pulsating in rhythm with the whole. That pulsation is what orgasm is all about, and orgasm is the window to samadhi.

Narayana, what is happening intellectually now, allow it to happen existentially too. Only then the long long tradition of centuries can be dropped. It is an arduous effort, it is difficult, but it is worth it.

And once chunks of your conditioning start disappearing you will feel such freedom, such buoyancy, you will feel so weightless, you will start feeling wings are growing in you. You will start feeling that you can do anything; you will start feeling that you are entitled to do miracles.

And, yes, that's how it is: man is entitled to do miracles. But the beginning has to be a deep love for all that you are, a deep acceptance of what you are -- no denying, no rejection, no repression. Transformation has to be the key.