Adhyatma Upanishad, Chapter 46

Definitions about certain states of inner search, "in-search," are helpful, because when you enter yourself, you are alone. You will need certain definitions, certain criteria so that you can feel inside what is happening - where you are.

In the in-search one is always alone. One needs certain criteria to feel where one is. And the inner world is uncharted, no map exists which can be given to you. And even if some maps exist, they don't belong to you; they cannot be applicable to you. Buddha says something - that is about his own inner journey; that may not be your route at all. Really, it cannot be your route. Every individual enters into the inner world differently, uniquely, because every individual stands on a certain spot where no one else stands; every individual is unique. Buddha stands somewhere - you cannot stand on that spot. He starts his journey from there; every journey starts from where you are. So we have different routes to move on, no map can be helpful.

So this sutra is not going to give you a certain map, no. Just certain liquid definitions - you can feel your own path - and certain happenings inside, so that you know where you are, where you are moving, whether you are moving or not, whether you are nearing your goal or not.

First the definition of VAIRAGYA - because that is the entrance. Unless you are non-attached to the world you cannot enter inwards. Your back must be towards the world; only then your face is towards the inner center. So vairagya is the door - non-attachment to the world. What is the definition?

You can force yourself to be non-attached, you can force yourself in the about-turn. You can face the inner world forcibly, you can stand with your back to the world, but just your back to the world is not enough. Your mind may be still moving in the world.

It is not very difficult to go away, to leave, to renounce - it is not very difficult. You can escape to the Himalayas and the world is left far behind - but your mind will still be moving in the world.

Non-attachment, vairagya means: WHEN DESIRES DO NOT ARISE EVEN IN THE FACE OF THE OBJECTS OF ENJOYMENT.

You can close your eyes; you don't see anything. That is not vairagya, because with closed eyes you can continue desiring. Really, with closed eyes desires become stronger. With closed eyes the world is more charming than with open eyes. Really, if your eyes are open, sooner or later the world loses its charm. The more you penetrate it, the more you know it and see it, the attraction disappears. The attraction is in ignorance; with closed eyes it is more.

Non-attachment is authentic if your eyes are open and objects of enjoyment are there, and no desire arises in you. A naked, beautiful woman is before you and no desire arises. Tantra has used this sutra. Tantra is based on this sutra. Tantra says: Do not escape, because you cannot escape your mind. And the real problem is not the world of objects; the real problem is the mind. So wherever you go, YOU will be there, and YOU are the problem! How can you escape from yourself? Go anywhere, the mind will be there. You can escape from the world, but not from the mind, and mind is the real world. So tantra says, "Do not move away; rather go deep in the world, fully conscious, with open eyes, aware of the desires moving in you. Look at the world deeply." Tantra has developed its own techniques. The tantra technique is that if someone feels sexual desire, then just enforcing BRAHMACHARYA, celibacy, will not do. If you force celibacy on someone, if he takes a vow that now he will remain celibate, he will simply suppress sexuality and nothing else. And suppressed sex is dangerous - more dangerous than ordinary sex. Then the whole mind will become sexual. The suppressed energy will move inside; it cannot go out, so it moves more inside. It creates grooves, it becomes cerebral; the whole mind becomes sexual. The sex center gathers more and more energy, and ultimately the whole body becomes a sex center.

Tantra says this is not the way to go beyond sex; this is stupid. Tantra has its own scientific techniques. Tantra says, "Okay, there is desire, there is sex - then move into sex, but move fully conscious." That is the only condition: If you want to touch a beautiful body, touch, but remain conscious, alert that you are touching the beautiful body. And then when you are touching, analyze your touch - what is happening? Observe your touch - what is happening? If you can observe your touch, the touch becomes futile, absurd, stupid; nothing is happening. NOTHING is happening.

So tantra has techniques.... Look at a beautiful naked body; observe it, and observe what is happening inside you. The desire arises: observe the desire, and observe the naked body. And really with a naked body, with a full alert mind, sex is neither suppressed nor indulged; it simply disappears. It may look contradictory - but bodies have become so important only because of clothes. Clothes are deeply sexual. They give the bodies a charm, a hidden charm, a secret attraction which is not there at all. Bodies are just bodies. You hide them and the very hiding creates a desire to look at them, to see. Humanity has become so body-conscious only because of clothes.

The clothes create a secret desire to unclothe, to undress.

I was reading Oscar Wilde's MEMOIRS. He was a very sexual man, indulging rather too much. His whole life was just chasing after women. He notes in his diary that "One woman will not do. I want to enjoy all the women of all the worlds - not only of this world, not only of this age. Unless I enjoy all the women of all the worlds, of all the ages, I cannot be satisfied."

Really, this is how the mind is - not only Oscar Wilde's, your also. And the same is applicable to women's minds also; they also want to enjoy - not this man, but man as such, all men. But Oscar Wilde relates a very strange incident. He was so mad in his sexual desire, that any woman passing on the street and he will become attracted. Then for the first time, he went to a prostitute.

And the woman was really beautiful with a very proportionate body, alive, young, fresh. And the moment Oscar Wilde entered her room she immediately undressed - she was a prostitute. The very act of her undressing and Oscar Wilde says, "My desire disappeared - for the first time." And the woman was rare - not just ordinarily beautiful - and charming, a rare beauty. But the very act of her undressing immediately.. and Oscar Wilde notes, "My desire disappeared. Seeing her body naked - there was nothing hidden, and the attraction dissolved." Not only that, he couldn't love the woman, the erection would not come. He tried and tried, and the more he tried... he began to perspire. And he was young and healthy and strong. What happened? - the undressing killed the desire.

Any desire becomes futile if you observe it, if you know it in its totality. Tantra says do not escape; rather, be aware and move into the objects of enjoyment, and one day suddenly all the objects lose their charm.

This sutra says this is the definition of vairagya:

WHEN DESIRES DO NOT ARISE EVEN IN THE FACE OF THE OBJECTS OF ENJOYMENT, KNOW IT AS THE STATE OF VAIRAGYA - NON-ATTACHMENT, DESIRELESSNES.

AND WHEN THE EGO CEASES TO ARISE, KNOW IT AS THE HIGHEST STATE OF KNOWLEDGE.

This is the criterion for knowledge, wisdom - when there is no ego, when ego doesn't arise.

Ego can arise in any situation. The ego is very subtle and its ways are very mysterious. On anything, ego can feed itself. You meditate and through your meditation your ego can be strengthened: "I am a meditator." And the whole point is lost, the whole meditation is lost. "I am a religious man. I go to church every Sunday, never miss." The ego has arisen. It has taken a religious shape, but the shape doesn't matter. "I fast," or "I take a certain food," or "I do this or that" - any ritual. "I do yoga" - whatsoever. If you feel that your "I" is strengthened, know that you are not on the path of knowing, you are falling down into ignorance.

Go on observing whatsoever you are doing. Do one thing continuously: go on observing whether your ego is strengthened by it. If you continuously observe, observation is a poison to the ego, it cannot arise. It arises only when you are not observing, when you are unconscious, unaware, unattentive. Go on observing, and wherever the ego arises just be a witness to it. Know well that the ego is arising: "I am meditating, certain experiences are happening, and the ego feels good." And the ego says, "Now you are on the path. Now you have known the inner light. Now the kundalini has arisen. Now you are extraordinary. Soon you are going to be a SIDDHA - one who has achieved.

The goal is now nearer." Know well: with this feeling of the goal being nearer, you are missing the goal. This ego feeling good is a fatal disease.

This sutra says, when the ego doesn't arise, it is the highest state of knowledge. When the feeling of "I" doesn't arise, you ARE but there is no "I."

We go on saying, "I am." The man of knowledge rarely feels only "am," not "I" - just "amness," existence, being, with no "I" attached to it. "Amness" is vast, infinite; "I" is finite. "Amness" is BRAHMAN.

When there is no "I," when there is only simple "amness," when the "I" is dead, this state is known as the state of a jivanmukta - one who has achieved freedom in lie, one who has achieved freedom while in the body, one who has known the infinite while alive.

You can also become a jivanmukta. The only problem is you. Throw it out, and you ARE. Nothing new is to be gained; the freedom is there hidden in you, but you are attached to the ego. That creates a boundary, a limitation. Look beyond the ego, and suddenly you enter another world. And it was always there, just to be seen, but our eyes have become fixed; we cannot move our eyes.

We go on looking in one direction - the direction of the ego. The reverse is the dimension of the non-ego, and non-ego is the path.

ONE WHO HAS NO EGOISTIC FEELING IN RESPECT OF HIS BODY AND THE SENSES, AND BESIDES HAS CEASED TO THINK IN TERMS OF "ME" AND "MINE" IN RESPECT TO OTHER OBJECTS, IS CALLED a jivanmukta. EGOLESSNESS IS JIVANMUKTI.

Egolessness is a great death. When you die only your body dies; when you attain MUKTI, freedom, your mind dies.

In the old scriptures the master, the guru, is known also as death: ACHARYO MRITYU. The teacher is death, great death. He IS, because through him your ego dies; he kills you. In a way he is death, and in a way eternal life, because when the ego is no more, for the first time you ARE.

Die to be reborn.

Jesus says, "Whosoever loses himself, attains, and whosoever clings to himself loses."

Now be ready to lose yourself in the meditation, so that you attain.