The great love affair with the universe

Question 1:

Prem Udgita, there are a thousand and one ways to reach to the ultimate. If your crying is out of joy, then your tears are more valuable than any laughter can be. It all depends on the quality. Tears can be of pain, tears can be of blissfulness, tears can be of silence, tears can be of gratitude. And when tears are of gratitude it is not suffering, it is rejoicing - just in your own style.

I don't deny any possibility of reaching to the divine. And all possibilities are available. Just choose the one that suits you best. Don't be concerned and don't compare with others; that brings complexity. Just watch yourself. If your tears are helping your growth, making you richer, making you more loving, making you more lively, if you feel tears are bringing your spring closer, these same tears will turn into flowers. So you have to be careful.

The criterion is simple: anything that gives you a feeling of fullness, overflowing; anything that gives you a sensation of your interiority, your subjectivity; anything that makes you aware of the immense mystery that you are and that the whole existence is, means you are on the right path.

And everybody has to move on his own path. There are no highways to the divine. Everybody has to move, not on ready-made pathways, but on the contrary, as you move you make your own path.

And it is going to be only for you, especially for you. Nobody else will be able to walk on the same path. No two individuals are the same. Their uniqueness is such that their paths cannot be the same either. No two enlightened persons in the world have reached to the ultimate explosion in the same way.

And this has created a great difficulty. You follow someone. Naturally he knows the way, he has reached. And he teaches you the way, forgetting completely that you are not him. Your path is going to be different. So the only authentic masters are those who don't give you details of the path, who don't give you a map to follow, a guidebook to carry with you. That guidebook may have been exactly the right thing for the master himself, but it is not going to be the right thing for you.

Although you would like the consolation of being definite, certain, guaranteed, these are wrong desires. These are the desires which create hindrances. The master can only give a guarantee to you if you move on his path. He knows it, he has traveled on it. He knows the pitfalls; he can make you aware of mistakes which he had committed. But this is going to be too cheap, and existence is not cheap at all. It is the costliest.

And the problem for the authentic master is to give you not guidance, but only a longing, such a tremendous longing that it can make its own path. The master cannot give you the path, he can only create in you such a tremendous thirst that the thirst will create the path for you.

It is going to be different for everyone. Existence loves variety. And it is good that variety is acceptable to existence, otherwise life would have been utterly boring. Not only the ordinary life, but the extraordinary life of a seeker would also be boring. You would be like railway trains moving on fixed rails from one station to another, shunting from here and there.

No, you are not railway trains. You are far more like wild mountain rivers which go on changing their paths, which go on moving towards the ocean on their own intuitive indications. There is no guidebook, there is no map, there was never anything like that. But every river has reached to the ocean. From all directions, from wherever it arises - it does not matter. In the deepest being of the river, one thing is certain: it is a river. It belongs to the ocean. However long may be the journey, and however tedious may be the path, nobody can prevent it from reaching the ocean. It does not need any support, it simply starts moving on its own. It makes its way.

The same is true about enlightenment, the experience that brings you to your absolute flowering.

You have to trust in yourself. The master can create the trust. The master can create the great love affair with the universe. The master can create a sweet pain of longing in your heart.

But the so-called ordinary teachers belonging to different religions don't create these things. They take them for granted, as if everybody is longing for God. The churches are full, the temples are full, the synagogues are full. There is a deception all around the earth that everybody is religious.

But these same people who go to the churches, to the synagogues, to the temples, to the mosques, are the people who commit all kinds of crimes against humanity, against themselves. These are the same people who create wars and massacres and rapes. It is a very strange world. And every Sunday they are in the church. So on the one hand you can see everybody is religious and on the other hand, if you have a little deeper insight, you can see nobody is religious.

Who has created this kind of situation? The priests, the missionaries, the teachers who are more interested to put you on a certain path, with a certain dogma and a certain discipline. You are not important to them. What is important to them is Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism. But you should remember, thousands of years have passed and we have not been able to produce another Gautam Buddha, or another Jesus, or another Lao Tzu.

And it is not that millions of people have not tried the same path, but the path that leads Gautam Buddha to his highest consciousness does not lead anybody else anywhere except to a certain phoniness, hypocrisy. I don't want any of you to be hypocrites. That is the ugliest thing that can happen to anyone.

But how to protect you from being a hypocrite? The only way is, I should not give you any direct instructions about the path. On the contrary, I should give you so much thirst, so much longing, so much sweet pain in your heart, that the very longing starts finding its own path, making its own path.

All of you will reach one day to the same height of consciousness, but from different directions, from different territories. It is beautiful that the whole existence, wherever you are, has a way towards the highest consciousness.

Nothing is wrong about your tears. And you are asking, Udgita, "Is it possible to indulge too much in this sensation in my heart?" No! You cannot indulge too much. There is no such thing as too much indulgence in love, too much indulgence in trust, too much indulgence in search, too much indulgence in longing, there is no such thing.

You are always less than your potential. Your potential is tremendous. But remember, these tears, this sweet pain in itself is not the goal. It is just the beginning of a long journey, a beautiful journey.

So don't stop at it. That is the only possibility of missing. Indulge as much as you can manage. And the more you can manage, the more you will be able to see that much more is still possible. There is no end to it, but don't make it your whole lifestyle, it is just a beginning. The seed is dissolving, and there is pain, and the new sprouts will be coming. But nowhere is there a stop. Just go on growing; you will pass through many different climates. Just keep the thread of longing alive and you cannot go astray.

The only fear is, I remind you again, that you may start enjoying this suffering. If it is not becoming a search, it will become a suffering. That's how masochists are created in the world. They start loving their suffering. Tears are beautiful, but just to remain at tears is dangerous. Who is going to reach the ocean? Your tears have to become oceans, you have to move onwards. Your longing has to become deeper and deeper every day. Tears are a good beginning. And these same tears will bring you to greater joys than you have ever dreamed of.

Mendel Kravitz saves up for many years to buy a really fine tailor-made suit, his very first. But after he's been out in it for an hour, he notices that there are things wrong with it. He goes back to the tailor.

"The arms are too long," says Mendel.

"No problem," replies the tailor. "Just hold your arms out further and bend at the elbows."

"But the trouser legs are too long," says Mendel.

"Right," replies the tailor. "No problem, just walk with your knees bent."

"But the collar is too high, it's halfway up the back of my head!" says Mendel.

"Okay, just poke your head out further," says the tailor.

So Mendel goes out into the world with his first tailor-made suit. As he's passing a couple in the street, the woman says, "Look at that poor man! He must have had polio."

"Yes," her husband replies. "But he must have a great tailor, his suit fits him perfectly."

And there are thousands of teachers like this tailor. They are not concerned with you. They are concerned with their suits. They will make you crippled. They will pull your hands this way and that, your legs this way and that, they will pull your neck. They will almost put you on a traction machine to fit the suit. You are made for the suit, not the suit for you. That's what all the religions of the world are doing. They are not made for you, you are made for them. So you have to behave according to their principles, their criteria, their path. Otherwise you are wrong.

And I say to you, you are not made for any creed, any dogma, any philosophy, any religion. You are just made for yourself. And you have to find your own way of living, your own way of seeing, your own way of silence, your own way to bliss. Religion is absolutely an individual phenomenon.

The greatest calamity that has happened is that all religions have become collective. And the moment a religion becomes organized, it is no longer a religion, it is just a kind of politics in the name of religion. It has no concern with people.

Joseph Stalin killed thirty million Russians after the revolution. And do you think Russia had thirty million capitalists? Even to find thirty capitalists in the pre-revolution Russia would have been very difficult. It was a poor country, one of the poorest. The revolution was made for the proletariat and then thirty million proletarians were massacred because they did not fit with the idea of the revolution that Stalin had. You have to fit with somebody's idea, otherwise they immediately declare you are unfit. They condemn you.

As far as I am concerned, to be unfit in your society is a great compliment. You are all unfits. I have been gathering all kinds of unfits. They fit with me perfectly well. The more far-out unfits they are, the closer they come to me, because I can see they are individuals. They have risked everything for their individuality, for their uniqueness. They have not allowed anybody to enslave them, any society, any religion, any political ideology. These are the real people, the very salt of the earth.

I want you all to be just yourself - not followers of anybody, including me, but only fellow travelers.

You can exchange your experiences with each other, but you don't have to exchange your paths, because your path is just your path, exclusively yours. Nobody will ever pass on that path again, and nobody has ever passed on that path before - only you.

This is the beauty of existence - that it gives space to everyone, each unique individual.

Question 2:

Prem Amido, I understand your situation and the problem, but you are facing your situation with great courage. I am happy with you. You are suffering because of a crippled body, but you are not the body. Nor are you crippled, your consciousness is as free as anybody else's. Of course your path is going to be a little difficult. Your body is going to create continuous suffering for you.

But perhaps, if you are alert enough - and I can see you are - you can change suffering itself into a blessing in disguise. It is one of the most significant things to understand. Why have all religions insisted that their saints and sages should be very austere, ascetic, almost torturing themselves?

They were not crippled like you, but they made themselves crippled in many ways.

There was one Christian saint in Alexandria, twelve hundred years ago, on an old pillar some thirty feet high. He remained sitting on that pillar; it was part of a ruin of a beautiful temple. He never moved from that pillar until he was dead; he never came down. You can understand his suffering. It was self-created. He had to sleep on that pillar, sitting; very dangerous, any moment he could fall.

People used to bring food and he used to pull the food up with a rope. And he was defecating from the top of the pillar, pissing from the top of the pillar. He had no shelter in sun, in rain, in cold, but he became very famous.

And this is not a singular case. Millions of saints of different religions have created a situation of suffering for themselves, either by fasting ... One Hindu mystic even took out his eyes. And eyes are the most sensitive part of your body. Eighty percent of your connection with existence is through the eyes. The other four senses between them have only twenty percent. To pull out your eyes with your own hands is to destroy eighty percent of your life. But he was very much respected.

What happened to all these people? I have seen saints in India, standing for twelve years, fifteen years, not for a single moment sitting down or sleeping, just standing. They have a certain device on which they keep their hands, and by and by the upper part of the body shrinks and their legs become like elephants'. Now even if they want to bend them they cannot.

I have seen saints who have been living only on tea, no other food. Now, tea is not food, it is not a nourishment. All these people were under the illusion that when you are living comfortably, without any pain, without any suffering, you may forget yourself, you may lose your awareness. They are using suffering as a means to awareness.

I am not in support of it, but, Prem Amido, as far as you are concerned, you are not creating the suffering. The suffering is there. You can use it to remain alert. And you are rightly observing that the pain keeps you feeling that you are still alive. I have seen you laughing. You cannot dance, but I have seen every effort in your whole being that you want to dance. The body is preventing it; the body is not in the right position. You cannot do anything about it, but you can use this natural suffering for creating a more clear awareness, more consciousness. And then suddenly you will feel even grateful to the suffering.

I am not saying that people have to create suffering, that is stupid. I am saying that if you find yourself in suffering, use that suffering for your inner growth. That is intelligence. And, Prem Amido, I see immense intelligence and a consciousness which wants to celebrate. Even if your body is not cooperating with you, don't be worried. The body is going to die one day - everybody's body dies - but you are going to be eternally here. It is your consciousness that really matters.

It is perfectly good: you can grow even through suffering. One can grow from any place where one finds oneself; growth is possible from infinite sources. Just go on enjoying even the pain because it keeps you alert to your being alive. Most of the people whose bodies are not crippled like your body, may be in the last account losers, not winners. They are so comfortable with their body that they remain identified with the body. You cannot identify with your body, it is too painful. You have to separate yourself from the body and this very separation will bring you witnessing, watching, alertness.

There may be many problems for you, but you can change every problem into a device; you have to.

I have many sannyasins who are in the same position as you, in a wheelchair. But strangely enough - I have watched all of them - they become immensely joyful, laughing, loving.

The other day I had another question from you which I did not answer. I felt your pain myself. You were saying that you would also like to love someone. I can understand - a natural instinct, and the instinct does not know that your body is crippled. And the people have become so body-oriented that they don't look inside the body to a beautiful human being. They just look at the body. Naturally, no woman will feel attracted towards you; it hurts. It hurts me too, that's why I did not answer the question. I was waiting for you to ask some other question. Then I would talk about your first question too.

Take that too as part of your whole suffering. You are alone. Don't feel lonely. Just feel a deep aloneness and let that aloneness grow with your consciousness of suffering and pain. Accept it that perhaps nobody is going to love you, but you can love yourself. You can love the trees, they are not so fussy. You can love the stars in the night. They will not object that "Amido, you don't have the right body." You can love the whole universe. And perhaps in my place there may be some woman compassionate enough, meditative enough, who may be able to see your consciousness and will not bother about your body.

Anyway, women don't care much about the bodies of men. They are very conscious about their own bodies, but no woman is interested in the body of the man. In fact, when the man is making love to them, they close their eyes. They don't want to see all the gymnastics that the poor fellow is doing on top of them. They are praying to God, "Finish it soon!" because a man making love does not have the same face, it becomes distorted. He is perspiring, huffing and puffing; love seems to be such an arduous thing, like going uphill. He himself knows it is stupid, but still the man wants the light to be on. He is interested in the woman's body.

Most men don't feel satisfied with a wife for the simple reason that she lies down almost dead, with closed eyes. She is just a victim, somehow waiting for this guy to finish. These people start going to the prostitutes. The prostitutes are phony, because they don't love these people, they love only their money. They moan and groan and they scream as if the man is doing great, making the woman so satisfied. This is all phony, this is all acting; this is the attraction of the prostitutes around the world for as long as man has been in existence. The prostitute is satisfying the customer. And the greatest satisfaction of the customer is to feel that he is man enough to satisfy a woman. And when he sees the woman moving from side to side, groaning, moaning, shouting "ooh-la-la" - all phony - he feels great!

But the wife does not behave in the same way, because he is not her customer in the first place.

It is not a business. Secondly, it is an everyday affair. In fact, every time a husband tries to make love to the woman, she makes excuses. Sometimes it is a period and sometimes it is a headache and sometimes she is too tired, and sometimes the cook has left. There are a thousand-and-one excuses. She simply wants to avoid the encounter.

The woman is not interested in the man's body. Even now, because of the women's liberation movement, there have come into existence a few new things for which history has no precedents:

male prostitutes, and PLAYGIRL, a pornographic magazine to compete with all kinds of playboy magazines. But I don't think it is natural to women: it is simply a reaction against men. Women are more interested in your loving qualities, more interested in your being, in your consciousness, in your friendliness.

It is possible, Amido, perhaps it is possible only in my place, that some compassionate woman may give you some experience of love. One has to transcend it. But I can understand your difficulty. You have not experienced it, so transcendence becomes absolutely impossible. But as far as you are concerned, don't hanker for it. Perhaps nature and existence do not want you to be in the same foolish game as all other human beings.

But biology is biology. It asks some woman to complete the man, otherwise both are incomplete. So you just wait in your wheelchair. And I know there are women of tremendous compassion who may come and take your wheelchair and you with it. Then don't make a fuss, because you don't have much choice. You can keep your eyes closed. Just a woman is enough; don't be romantic. Leave that for other fools.

Ronald Reagan has always had a complex about his small prick. One day he is taking a piss next to Ed Meese when he notices that Meese's prick is enormous.

"My God, Ed!" exclaims Reagan. "That is a fair-sized organ!"

"Well," says Meese, "it wasn't always this big. But every night I gave it three whacks against the bedpost, and before I knew it, it started to grow."

Reagan thinks this over very carefully and then decides to give it a try. When he goes up to bed that night, Nancy is already asleep. So he tiptoes over to the bed and whacks his prick against the bedpost three times. Nancy wakes up and murmurs, "Ed, is that you?"

Question 3:

Yogishwar, it happens to everybody when he discovers his inner life. It is a flame. And in the beginning it is small. And the natural tendency of the mind is to protect it, not to share it. But whatever is the natural tendency of the mind is not necessarily the logic of existence. If you don't share it, you will kill it. Only by sharing will it grow. You have to understand a totally different economics. One is the economics that if you share, your money will be less and less and less.

One day a man was stopped in his car by a beggar. He was in good spirits because he had won a huge amount of money in a lottery, just a few minutes before. He took a ten-dollar bill and gave it to the beggar. And when he was giving it to the beggar he saw that the beggar's clothes, although old and rotten, must have been very costly in the beginning. His face also looked that of a cultured, sophisticated ... The way he spoke also gave the hint that he did not come from a poor family.

Naturally, the man in the car asked him, "What happened, you don't seem to belong to the world of beggars, neither your clothes, nor your voice, nor your accent, nor your language, nor your face.

Everything denies that you have been related to a poor beggar family. You seem to come from a very high class."

The beggar laughed. He said, "You are right. Once I used to be in better cars than the one you have. But I committed the same mistake that you are committing. I went on giving to people. Now you are giving ten dollars. I have not even asked for one dollar. Before I could ask, you have handed me ten dollars. If this is the way you are going, soon you will be standing by my side."

Ordinary economics wants you to be miserly because it is concerned with the quantitative world. If you give some quantity to somebody, you have that much less. But the world of consciousness is not the world of quantity: it is the world of quality. The more you give, the more you have. It follows just the opposite rule of ordinary economics.

But your mind knows only the ordinary economics. So it is afraid that if you start sharing this small flame that has arisen in you and is giving you so much peace and bliss and joy - it is so small that, shared, it will be gone, and you will be again in darkness. But it is not true. What is true - if you don't share it, it will be gone. If you share it, it will grow. Sharing is the principle tool of higher consciousness for growth. If you want this flame to become your whole life, a fire, a flame, then share. Don't be bothered about its smallness.

The seed is always small. But if the seed is afraid to dissolve into the soil, a huge tree will never come into existence, nor will thousands of flowers and fruit and millions of seeds - out of one small seed. The scientists say just a single small seed can make the whole planet green. But it has to dissolve into the soil. If it protects itself, becomes defensive, remains closed, soon it will be a rotten seed. Then nothing will grow out of it.

Let your inner flame be a constant sharing so it is always fresh. And it will become more and more as you become less and less miserly. The more your compassion, the more your love, the more you give without any thought of getting anything in return, the more this flame will come to its full height. So don't get into this trap of the mind. Mind knows nothing about higher economics, higher mathematics, it knows only the much lower world of money, of things, and naturally its experience prevents it from sharing.

You are asking, Yogishwar, "Is it okay just to take care of her, to enjoy her presence just by myself?"

No. It is not okay. It is exactly the wrong thing to do. Your fear is, "because it is hard to share her now." No, it is not hard. Howsoever small it is, it can be shared.

I have told you an ancient Sufi parable .... A dark night; it is raining hard; it must be twelve o'clock.

Some stranger knocks on the door of a poor man's hut. The hut is so small that only the husband and wife can sleep there, but the husband says to the wife, who is closer to the door, "Open the door." The wife is reluctant. She says, "But where are we going to arrange for him to sleep? We don't have any space here."

But her husband, who is a Sufi mystic, says, "Don't be worried. If there is enough for two to sleep, there is enough for three to sit and gossip. And the night is not very long, half is already past. But a man lost in the forest, in the darkness, and in so much rain ... Don't be ugly and don't listen to your small mind; just open the door."

The door is opened, the man comes in completely soaked with water. The Sufi gives him his only other dress and tells him, "Forgive us; we have a small hut - we are poor people - but our hearts are not poor. We cannot arrange for you to sleep, but we will all sit together. And I don't know much about the world because I live in this forest. For years I have not gone out. And you seem to be a man of the world, so you can tell us many things that we may not have heard, about what is going on in the world. So let us enjoy the night."

The stranger was very happy that at least he could get shelter. Otherwise he would have been lost in the forest where there were wild animals. And the rain was so much, he was shivering. But with closed doors and a small space, he soon started feeling better ... in changed clothes and talking with the mystic. And the mystic was a great listener; he listened to his experiences in the world, what was happening in the world.

And just then, another knock ... Now the stranger was sitting close to the door. And the Sufi said to him, "Please open the door." He was reluctant. This is how mind functions. Just half an hour before, he was in the same situation outside. He had forgotten all about it.

He said, "What do you mean? Open the door? There is no space."

The Sufi said, "That's what my wife was saying when you were knocking. I know there is no space for sitting as we are sitting, but we will be sitting a little closer and the night is getting colder. Our being closer will give us warmth. We don't have anything else to keep you warm. It is a good chance, don't miss it. Open the door."

Naturally the stranger understood the point. He himself had been in the same position. So he opened the door. Another stranger who had lost his way, soaked with water ... The Sufi said to his wife, "You give him your other dress, and ask forgiveness to the stranger because he will have to put on a woman's dress, but we don't have anything else. And we will sit closer to each other. It doesn't matter, dresses are not male or female. They don't have sexual differences. Dresses are just dresses."

The man was feeling so cold that he was willing to put on the woman's dress. And now they were sitting very close together, touching each other, but they all felt better because now they were feeling much warmer. And the Sufi asked the second stranger, "We were talking about the world, what is happening. If you have something to say - perhaps you have passed through different experiences than the first stranger - tell us. A very small part of the night remains. Soon there will be sunrise, the rain will stop. And then you can find your way. And if you cannot find your way, I will come with you to the nearest village. From there you can move wherever you want."

So the other man started telling his experiences. And it was a beautiful night: the music of the rain, the silence of the forest, the closeness and the warmth, and strange stories. And just then came another knock, but a very strange knock. It did not seem to be that some man was knocking. But the Sufi said, "Open the door. It is not a man, don't be worried; it is a donkey, a wild donkey. But he is very friendly to me and the rain is so much that he cannot tolerate it. So he has come."

But now the new stranger who was near the door said, "This is crazy. There is no space. We are sitting so tightly, close to each other, where is the donkey going to stand?"

The man said, "You are a man, you could have found some other place, but that poor donkey does not have that much intelligence. But he knows my love, he recognizes me. Don't be worried, we are sitting, now we will be standing and we will keep the donkey in the middle of us all so he also becomes warm. And the poor fellow, where can he go? Open the door!"

The door had to be opened and the donkey walked in and now they were all standing around the donkey. And the stranger who came just before the donkey said, "You seem to be a very strange fellow. You disturbed your wife's and your sleep, then you disturbed your sitting at ease when you allowed me in. Now you have even disturbed the sitting. We have to stand the whole remaining part of the night."

He said, "No, I am not a strange man. I am just a human being who knows how to share. And this is a poor man's place. It may look small, but it has enough space."

The question is not of the outer space, the question is of the inner space. There is no emperor's palace where there seems to be enough space - although it has so much space. The reality is, the palace has enough space, but the heart of the emperor has no space at all. And if you understand rightly, then what the Sufi is saying is that the real emperor is one who has the inner space and the capacity to share with others. A man may be a great emperor, but have almost nothing, no space inside him. He cannot share.

Don't fall into this trap. Something tremendously beautiful is happening to you. If you can learn the higher economics of sharing - and I say it with an absolute guarantee - the flame will grow bigger. It will soon be bigger than you. But if you want it to disappear, then protect it. It is almost like a candle.

If you cover it by something, to protect the flame because it is windy, the flame may disappear. If for protection you cover it with anything, you have killed the flame already. But if you keep it open, the flame is capable enough to move with the wind. It won't disappear so easily.

Your inner flame is eternal. It cannot die. But if you don't share, that means you don't deserve it. It will become smaller and smaller. And this is the trouble with the mind: you will become more and more afraid that it is becoming smaller, "Now I have to protect more." The more you protect, the more you are killing it. Sharing is the rule to protect it; not only to protect, but to help it grow.

Ronald Reagan goes into a bar in Washington looking for some action. He sees three women sitting together, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

To the blonde, he says, "I'm the President; how much would it cost me to spend the night with you?"

"Two hundred bucks," she says.

He asks the brunette the same question and she says, "Three hundred bucks."

Then he asks the redhead, and she says, "Mr. President, if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes, then get my panties as low as my wages, then get that thing of yours as hard as the times, and screw me the way you screw the public, believe me, Mr. President, it won't cost you a penny."

Okay, Maneesha?

Yes, Osho.