Whenever you are Joyous you are in God
[To an elderly sannyasin]
Because the last days of the life should be totally devoted to prayer, to meditation, to god. One has to prepare for death. And death is more important than life, because life is just superficial. Death will take you to the ultimate core of existence. It will reveal to you the eternal. Much has to be prepared; otherwise people die in a state of unconsciousness. They live unconscious - they were sleep-walkers in their lives - and they die unconscious. They miss all.
Death has to be explored, and with tremendous joy, because you are not going to die! You are the very principle of life - there is no possibility for it to be destroyed. Only the shell around you will die, only the body will be gone, not you, and when the body falls you become infinite, you become unbounded. So the preparation for life is very ordinary; any school, college, university can do it.
Now you have to be part of my university. We teach death - how to prepare for it and how to be able to celebrate it.
If one can die dancing one has overcome death. And that is the whole purpose of life: to overcome death, to know that death is false, to experience that life never begins, never ends, to come to an existential understanding of one's own eternity, timelessness....
[A sannyasin asks: "whether all my intellectual efforts to read and write about you and what you're doing, the work, could complement my personal development or whether it was necessarily antagonistic to it."] There is no problem at all. It will be perfectly good for you; it will be complementary. You are not basically an intellectual person, so intellect is not a danger for you. Basically you are a heart person, and then the intellect can be used as a servant; there is no problem in it. The problem arises only when the intellect becomes the master and the heart is reduced to being a servant. When intellect starts controlling your feelings, your being, then the problem arises. The mind is one of the most beautiful servants and one of the most ugly masters. If it remains a servant it is a beautiful mechanism.
You can use it perfectly well - your energy is not there. Your energy is in the heart, in the body, and very flowing. You cannot be exploited by the head. You can use it, it cannot use you; hence there is no problem at all. You can go as deeply into intellectual work as you like; you will remain unaffected by it. In fact, you will feel more enriched by it.
The mind is not always wrong. Nothing is always wrong and nothing is always right; it depends on the context, it depends on the whole gestalt. Something may be a medicine to one person and to another person it may prove poison. So there are no general statements possible; all statements are personal. They refer to a particular person. What I am saying to you is only right in reference to you. Now there are so many people...
The statement is made personally to you; it is not made to anybody else. You are not a head person at all, and one who is not a head person can use the head and can remain unaffected, uninvolved.
Then the head is just a biocomputer. You can use a biocomputer, you can use any computer. You can use it, you can possess it, but you are not possessed by it; you can put it aside any moment.
The problem is when a person starts thinking that he is the computer; then he cannot put it aside, then he is identified. He has lost all distance between himself and the mechanism that surrounds him. He becomes the body or becomes the mind, but he always becomes something which he is not. And the moment you become identified with something you start leaving your inner centre and you start becoming focussed somewhere on the periphery.
When you become identified with something in your personality, you have forgotten all about your essence; and that is where you really are, that is really where you belong. Whenever he gets identified with the mind, the body, or anything, he has lost his soul - this is the meaning of 'losing the soul' - and then his life becomes a pseudo life because he has become identified with a role. It is just as if you have been playing the role of Hamlet in a Shakespearean drama and you become identified with it. When the curtain falls and you come home you still remain Hamlet, and you talk to your wife as if you are Hamlet... then the problem. Then you are becoming neurotic. To be identified is the fundamental of neurosis; to remain unidentified is the fundamental of health, of wholeness.
When you are not identified with anything, you are whole. You use everything and yet you remain intact, detached, far away, a witness on the hills.
It will be perfectly beautiful you have to use all your intelligence for my work, because I am not going anywhere. I never write a single word. Many people have to help me and help the work to spread, because millions are in great need. And you can become a perfectly beautiful vehicle for me!
[A sannyasin describes a sense of constriction that she feels since two years..."I wake up sometimes drenched in sweat and a feeling of tremendous anxiety... The heat comes and goes the whole day - I'm more aware of the anxiety that comes with it, and sometimes it wakes me up actually. When I feel myself begin to open and flower... then it's almost as if something moves behind my eyes and they become really hard. I think it has something to do with this."] Just three things to be done....
The first thing to be understood is that it is not any block in you. It is not anything negative, rather, something growing that wants a way, something which wants to flow and cannot find an outlet. So the first thing to be understood is: cherish it, welcome it. Don't think in terms of it being something wrong that has to be dropped; it is something that has to be helped. It is not a symptom of illness but a symptom of growing health.
It is just like a child starts growing and then the old clothes no longer fit. Your consciousness is growing and your old structure is small. It happens to every growing person: the structure always falls short That's why millions of people have decided not to grow. It is convenient not to grow, because then you and your structure always fit perfectly well. Then you never feel any difficulty with the structure. Otherwise a growing person will have this difficulty continuously every day, because he will grow and the structure will belong to the yesterday. His today will become more and more expanding and all the yesterdays have to be broken, all the investments in the yesterdays have to be broken.
So it is a very beautiful growing phenomenon. You have to help it. You have to listen to the indication - that your structure, your pattern, your gestalt, that you have lived up to now, is no more capable of containing the consciousness that is growing in you. The plant is becoming bigger and the pot is very small. It has to be planted, replanted, into a bigger pot or somewhere in the soil so it needs no pot at all. This understanding will help you tremendously. Once your perspective changes you start looking at things in a different way: you become more friendly.
Don't be antagonistic to it. And never feel any antagonism towards the past, because the past has helped in its own way. It has brought you up to now; it has worked, it has been useful. This structure that is becoming painful today has been of immense value: it has protected you up to now; now it is no more needed. In dropping it never feel guilty either, because this structure was given by your parents, your society, your church, and to drop it looks as if you are betraying them.
That's why people don't want to drop it - they cling to it as if it is a gift. It is not. In a certain moment it was needed. A child needs all kinds of protections, but sooner or later the child no more needs those protections. But those protections become engrained and they continue, and sooner or later there is a conflict between the structure and the consciousness.
So only two ways are there. One is: don't allow the consciousness to grow. Then you are perfectly at ease, but that ease is like death, and at a very great cost. The other possibility is: break the structure.
And it is easy to break it if you are friendly, understanding, loving, thankful to the structure, because it has helped you up to now, it protected you.
[She says: It made me very afraid of life.] No, nothing - those fears create antagonism. Nothing has to be feared, it has only to be understood.
The whole of one's life has to become just a story of understanding - no fear, no anger; nothing is needed. They are unnecessary hindrances to understanding. When you are afraid you cannot understand; when you are angry you cannot understand. Your eyes are so full of anger, fear, that you cannot see; the smoke of anger, fear, is so much, it is impossible to see through it. There is no need to get involved in these emotions. This is just to become a background.
You have to do two things which will be helpful. One is: every night before you go to sleep, sit in your bed, turn the light off. Become a small child, as small as you can conceive of, as you can remember - maybe three years old, because that seems to be the last memory; beyond that we have forgotten, almost completely forgotten. Become a three-year-old child... all darkness and the child is alone.
Start crying, sway, start gibberish, any sounds, any nonsense words. No need to make any sense out of it, because whenever you start making sense, you start controlling, censuring. No need to make any sense - anything goes. Sway, cry, weep, laugh; be crazy and let things come, and you will be surprised: many sounds start coming, surfacing. Soon you will get into it, and it becomes a great, passionate meditation. If shouting comes, shout - to nobody at all, unaddressed; just enjoying for the sheer fun of it for ten to fifteen minutes.
Then go to sleep. With that simplicity and innocence of a child, go to sleep, and within a few weeks those nightmares in the night will disappear and in the morning you will not feel sweaty and you will not feel the constriction. This will be one of the most important things to melt the whole structure around your heart: become a child again. This is for the night.
And in the daytime whenever you find any possibility... if you are on the beach run like a child, start collecting seashells, coloured stones. Or if you are in the garden become a child again; start running after butterflies. Forget your age - play with the birds or with the animals. And whenever you can find children, mix with them; don't remain adult. That is whenever possible - just Lying on the lawn, feeling like a small child under the sun. Whenever it is possible be nude so again you can feel like a child.
All that is needed is to connect yourself with your childhood again and then it will disappear, because it started there and you have to catch it back at the moment from where it started. You have to go back in time, in your memories. You have to go to the root, because things can only be changed if we catch hold of their roots, otherwise not. One can go on cutting the leaves of a tree - that is not going to help, pruning the branches, that is not going to help. In fact, pruning the branches will make the tree thicker; more foliage will come. Cut one leaf and three leaves will come. And that's what people go on doing. This is symptomatic treatment.
Go to the roots, from where it started. It must have started somewhere when you were about three, because almost always all structures arise at that time - with boys when they are about four, with girls when they are near about three, because girls become intelligent one year earlier than boys.
So that difference... but somewhere near about three. If a child has been very precocious then maybe two and a half or two, but that is very rare. So just do these two things.
In the night, this has to become a meditation - every night - and you will be surprised how relaxation comes and how deep your sleep becomes, how restful. In the morning you will not feel that you have been going through some nightmares and are sweaty and have constriction. No, on the contrary:
you will feel so utterly relaxed. Loose, again a small child with no rigidity. Then in the daytime whenever some possibility arises don't miss any possibility to become a child. In the bathroom just standing before your mirror make faces like a child would. Sitting in your tub splash water just like a child would or have plastic ducks and things to play with; you can find thousand and one things.
The whole point is: start reliving your childhood. And this will be gone. And when it is gone you will feel real flowering. Something is there ready to bloom, mm? - but the space is not available; the space has to be created.