The Feel of It
OSHO, MY PROBLEM IS THAT I THINK THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. IF I THINK THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM THEN I REALLY DO HAVE ONE. IN FACT, THINKING SEEMS TO BE JUST THE MAKING UP OF PROBLEMS. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I don't think at all! That's why I have no problems, only answers and answers - no questions at all.
It is exactly so. Mind is the root cause of all problems. Problems grow on mind like leaves on trees.
You can go on pruning the leaves; that is not going to destroy the tree. On the contrary, it will help the foliage to become thicker; more and more leaves will be coming. Every gardener knows it: cut one leaf and the tree will accept the challenge. To protect itself it will give birth to three leaves.
Mind can go on trying to solve problems, but it cannot solve them. Each solution will bring many more problems in its wake. That's why philosophy has utterly failed. Philosophy is the greatest failure in the world, and it has been such a great wastage of human intelligence that it is almost incalculable, because the greatest intelligent people have remained involved with philosophical problems. From Aristotle to Wittgenstein, thousands of brilliant people have wasted their whole brilliance for the simple reason that they were trying to solve single problems rather than going to the very root of all.
The mind is the only problem. Hence philosophy comes up with many solutions, many conclusions, but no conclusion is conclusive. Immediately many more problems pop up. Not one single question has been solved by philosophical endeavor, but still philosophy goes on and on moving farther and farther into the desert. It cannot reach the ocean; it is going astray basically. That's where religion differs.
Religion means not trying to solve particular problems but looking at the root of all the problems and cutting the root. That's what we call meditation: meditation is cutting the root. Meditation is not a solution of any problem in particular; it solves nothing. It simply helps you to get rid of the mind, the problem-creator. It simply helps you to slip out of the mind as a snake slips out of the old skin.
Once you know you are not the mind the great transcendence has happened. Suddenly all problems become insignificant; slowly slowly they evaporate. You are left with a profound peace; a great silence prevails. This silence is the solution. This peace is the answer, the answer of all answers.
This is the miracle of religion, or the miracle of meditation, to be more particular: that without solving a single problem it solves all the problems, in a single blow. It is a sudden leap, a quantum leap.
And, Saguna, you have the feeling already arising in you.
You say: IF I THINK THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM THEN I REALLY DO HAVE ONE.
The moment you think, you create it; and once you have it you start looking for solutions. And who will look for solutions, and where? The mind will look for the solutions AND IN the mind. Do you see the absurdness of it all? It is like pulling yourself up by your shoestrings. It is not possible. Yes, mind will fabricate many solutions, but they will be only superficial. The basic question will remain untouched and many more will arise, and it is a process ad infinitum.
But it is good that you have the feeling - a vague feeling, of course. Mind you, I am saying FEELING, I am not saying that you have come to the right thought. No thought is ever right. I am telling you that you have come to a right feeling. It is still vague, clouded... just like early morning: the sun has not yet risen, but it is no more night either.
And you will have a little difficulty because this is the moment of transition. You will feel very vulnerable. You will feel almost split because you will not be in the night, you will not be in the day. You will be somewhere in between, on the way. Naturally a part of you will go on talking in the language of the night, and that is the older part ant the major part. Just a small fragment of you will start spring the language of the future, the language of the day. And you will find it is as if you have become two persons.
This period of transition is the most difficult period for every meditator - he starts falling apart. If you go to a psychologist he will say, "This is a breakdown." And if your mind gets the idea that this is a breakdown, then of course it is. It is not a breakdown, it is a breakthrough. But psychology still has no idea of the breakthrough. It will try to push you back into the old skin which you have left behind or are in the process of leaving behind. But that cannot be done; that is impossible.
Hence psychology with all its different schools of psychoanalysis, psychosynthesis, gestalt, and so on, so forth, are ALL groping in the dark because they are still unaware of the fact that a man can go beyond mind. There are psychologists like B. F. Skinner or Delgado who think man is just a behavior.
It is another way of saying that man is nothing but physics, chemistry, physiology. Science is capable of explaining everything; nothing else is needed. Man is a body and nothing more. And that is the major part of modern psychology, and that is the only psychology in the communist countries.
But there are a few people who are striving to get a little beyond that, but they get caught into the subtle traps of the mind. Then they start thinking psychology is nothing but mind. Freud, Adler, Jung, they are all of the opinion that psychology is nothing but a concern with the mind, an enquiry into the mind.
The word "psychology" is beautiful: it comes from PSYCHE, and psyche mans the soul. But HO pychologist agrees with the idea of the soul. In fact, they have no right to call that thinking "psychology"; they are using a wrong word, a far bigger word. They are all either believers in the body or believers in the mind, which are not really really separate things. Mindbody is one phenomenon. In fact, we should not use the word "and" between the two. "Mindbody'? should be a single word, because there is not that much difference that you can use the word "and." Not even a hyphen is needed, not even that much space is available. Body is mind looked at from the outside; mind is body looked at from the inside. Or in other words, the body is the outer expression of the mindbody and the mind is the inner expression of the same phenomenon. Just in two different dimensions.
Unless one goes beyond both one never knows anything about the breakthrough. And man is really falling apart all over the world because of this stupid idea that man is nothing but body or nothing but mind, or at the most both. Breakthrough is possible if there is more space available inside you so that you can put the mind aside and still be.
But when the skin of all the past, of all the memories is dropped, there ARE moments, very delicate moments, when you are nowhere. You are neither the old nor the new. You are just passing through the birth canal. It is painful too because the old identity is disappearing and the new has not yet arrived. You can become very much frightened; hence the Master is needed.
The function of the Master is to help you in such critical moments. Socrates used to say that the function of the Master is that of a midwife, and I absolutely agree with him. It is just to help the child leave the womb in which the child has lived for nine months... and the child has lived in immense comfort. In fact, he will search and seek for the same comforts his whole life. There was no responsibility, no worry, no problem. Everything is supplied; existence took every care. Some unknown energies went on flowing from the mother to the child. Everything was done by the mother, and the child was simply floating inside the womb. Those nine months are nine months for the people who are outside the womb. For the child it was almost infinity because he was not aware of time. He cannot be aware of time. You become aware of time only when there are events happening.
Have you watched this? If one day many things happen you have a different sense of time; if some day nothing happens You have a totally different sense of the time. The sense of time depends on what happens. Time is measured through events. But nothing is happening in the womb all is quiet, The child cannot feel that there are nine months only; it is infinity. It is a timeless state. And floating in the mother's womb in a warm liquid is immensely pleasant.
That's how the desire for bliss arises in us, because we have experienced it. Otherwise, you cannot seek for anything that you have never experienced. Something must be there lingering deep down in your unconscious - some experience, some nostalgia that keeps you searching for bliss.
The whole search for God is basically the search for the mother's womb. And the meditator really enters into the womb of God.
In the Hindu temples the innermost shrine is called garbha - the womb. When you go into a Hindu temple, the innermost shrine where the statue of the god is is called garbha - the womb. Very significant it is, very meaningful. To enter again into the universe if a deep let-go is to find peace!
bliss, a non-problematic existence. That is breakthrough.
If you go, Saguna, to a psychoanalyst, he will try to bring you back to your old identity. That's the whole function of psychology in the West: helping people to be adjusted again because they have become a little maladjusted with their past. And of course, the moment you are not adjusted with your own mind you are not adjusted with the society, because your mind is part of the collective mind of the society. You are no more adjusted with your religion, you are no more adjusted with your political ideology. Simply you find everywhere that you are, in a way, uprooted. And great fear grips you: you are no more part of the collective mind, you are alone, and you hanker to be part of some crowd so that you can feel a little warmth, a little coziness, and you can be on familiar ground again.
That's what psychology is doing in the West. Its whole work is against religion.
Religion tries to give you a new identity, a new birth; and psychology gives you back again your old identity. It forces you somehow into the skin that the snake has left behind. The work can never really be done because the skin can never be your skin again. You can live with it, but it will be just hanging around you. It will be a burden. It is no more part of you.
A father was telling his child, a small son, "There is nothing impossible in the world. Napoleon has said so: there is nothing impossible in the world."
The child said, "Wait, and I will show you. One thing is impossible, I have tried." He ran into the bathroom, brought a tube of toothpaste, forced the tube. The toothpaste came out, and he told the father, "Now put it back! If you can do this I will believe that Napoleon is right."
Now it is almost impossible to put the toothpaste back into the tube, but that may be possible. Just a little scientific device will be needed to suck it back. But man cannot be put back into the old skin again. At the most he can go on carrying the skin like clothes, but clothes are not skin.
The function of the Master is to help you to become acquainted with the new territory that you have already jumped into and forget all about the old.
Saguna, that's where your problem is. You can create many problems, they are all excuses, but the real problem is that you are passing through a beautiful process of immense value. This is the process of rebirth. So you vaguely sense that "It is me, my own mind which goes on creating problems." You have started feeling, in fact you say:
THINKING SEEMS TO BE JUST THE MAKING OF PROBLEMS.
Then why go on thinking? That's the whole purpose of being here!
Young Mazzilli was not getting dong too well with his wife. One night he threw a big party and invited all his friends. At the beginning everyone sat around just making small talk. But as the evening progressed, people started to couple off and find cozy corners. Soon the lights were dimmed and moans of love and passion could be heard. Mazzilli began looking for his wife, but could not find her.
After searching everywhere in the apartment he stepped into the kitchen and there she was, sitting on the sink, her legs in passionate embrace around Vince, one of his friends.
"Your wife and I love each other," stammered Vince, "and we want to get married. Can you forgive me for taking her away?"
"Hey," smiled the husband, "that's what this party was for!"
The second question
CAN MAN REALLY LEARN FROM EVERYTHING AND EVERY SITUATION IN LIFE, AS THE DESIDERATA SAYS?
CERTAINLY. Sometimes it may appear like "What is there to be learned in this situation?" That only shows that your awareness is not deep enough; otherwise no situation is without a lesson, NO situation at all. All situations are pregnant, but you have to discover; it may not be available on the surface. You have to be more watchful. You have to look at all the aspects of the situation.
The Desiderata is absolutely right - this is my own experience. I have learned from every situation possible.
One of the great Sufi Masters, Junaid, was asked when he was dying... his chief disciple came close to him and asked, "Master, beloved Master, you are leaving us. One question has always been in our minds, but we could never gather courage enough to ask you. And now that you are leaving there will be no more opportunity to ask, so all the disciples have forced me to come to you and ask.
Who was your Master? This has been always a great curiosity amongst your disciples because we have never heard you talk about your Master."
Junaid opened his eyes and said, "It will be very difficult for me to answer because I have learned from almost everybody. The whole existence has been my Master. I have learned from every event that has happened in my life and I am grateful to all that has happened, because out of all that learning I have arrived. But I had not any single Master. I was not so fortunate as you are," Junaid said to them. "You have a Master."
I can understand Junaid because this has been the case with me too. I never had any Master; you are far more fortunate. I had to learn the hard way: from every experience, from every event, from every person I came across. But it has been an immensely rich journey.
Junaid said, "Just to satisfy your curiosity I will give you three instances. One: I was very thirsty and I was going towards the river carrying my begging bowl, the only possession I had. When I reached the river a dog rushed, jumped into the river, started drinking.
"I watched for a moment and threw away my begging bowl, because it is useless - a dog can do without it. I also jumped into the river, drank as much water as I wanted. My whole body was cool because I had jumped into the river, sat in the river for a few moments, thanked the dog, touched his feet with deep reverence, because he has taught me a lesson. I had dropped everything, all possessions, but there was a certain clinging to my begging bowl. It was a beautiful bowl, very beautifully carved, inlaid with gold. It was presented to me by a king and I was always aware that somebody may steal it. Even in the night I used to put it under my head as a pillow so nobody can snatch it away. That was my last clinging - the dog helped. It was so clear: if a dog can manage without a begging bowl, am a man, why can't I manage? That dog was one of my Masters.
"Secondly," he said, "I lost my way in a forest and by the time I reached the village, the nearest village that I could find, it was midnight. Everybody was fast asleep. I wandered all over the town to see if I could find somebody awake to give me shelter for the night. I could only find a thief who was searching to find some house to enter.
"I asked the thief, 'It seems only two persons are awake in the town, you and I. Can you give me shelter for the night?'
"The thief said, 'I can see from your gown that you are a Sufi monk....' "
The word "Sufi" comes from suf; suf means wool, a woolen garment. The Sufis have used the woolen garment for centuries; hence they are called Sufis because of their garment. Just as you are called in the world "the orange people," they are called the Sufis.
The thief said, "I can see you are a Sufi and I feel a little embarrassed to take you to my home. I am perfectly willing, but I must tell you who I am. I am a thief. Would you like to be a guest of a thief?"
For a moment Junaid hesitated. The thief said, "Look, it is better I told you. You seem hesitant.
The thief is willing, but the mystic seems to be hesitant to enter into the house of a thief, as if the mystic is weaker than the thief. I am not afraid of you. In fact, I should be afraid of you - you may change me, you may transform my whole life! Inviting you means danger, but I am not afraid. You are welcome. Come to my home. Eat, drink, go to sleep, and stay as long as you want, because I live alone and my earning is enough. I can manage for two persons. And it will be really beautiful to chit-chat with you of great things. But you seem to be hesitant."
And Junaid became aware that that was true. He asked to be excused. He touched the feet of the thief and he said, "Yes, my rootedness in my own being is yet very weak. You are really a strong man and I would like to come to your home. And I would like to stay a little longer, not only for this night. I want to be stronger myself!"
The thief said, "Come on!" He fed the Sufi, gave him something to drink, helped him to go to sleep, and he said, "Now I will go. I have to do my own thing. I will come early in the morning." Early in the morning the thief came back.
Junaid asked, "Have you been successful?"
The thief said, "No, not today, but I will see tomorrow."
And this happened continuously for thirty days; every night the thief went and every morning he came back, but he was never sad, never frustrated, no sign of failure on his face, always happy, and he would say, "It doesn't matter.
I tried my best. I could not find anything today again, but tomorrow I will try. And, God willing, it can happen tomorrow if it has not happened today."
After one month Junaid left, and for years he tried to realize the ultimate, but it was always failure.
But each time he decided to drop the whole project he was reminded of the thief, his smiling face and his saying "God willing, what has not happened today may happen tomorrow."
And finally when he achieved the ultimate, Junaid said, "I remembered the thief as one of my greatest Masters. Without him I would not be what I am.
"And third," he said, "I entered into a small village. A little boy was carrying a candle, a lit candle, obviously going to the small temple of the town to put the candle there for the night.
And Junaid asked, "Can you tell me from where the light comes? You have lighted the candle yourself so you must have seen. From where does the light come? What is the source of light?"
The boy laughed and he said, "Wait!" And he blew out the candle in front of Junaid. And he said, "You have seen light gone. Can you ten me where it has gone? If you can ten me where it has gone I will tell you from where it has come, because it has gone to the same place. It has returned to the source."
And Junaid said, "I had met great philosophers, but nobody had made such a beautiful statement:
'It has gone to its very source.' Everything returns to its source finally.
"And secondly, the child made me aware of my own ignorance. I was trying to joke with the child, but the joke was on me. He showed to me that asking foolish questions: 'From where has the light come?' is not intelligent. It comes from nowhere, from nothingness, and goes back to nowhere, to nothingness."
Junaid said, "I touched the feet of the child. The child was puzzled. He said, 'Why you are touching my feet?' And I told him, 'You are my Master - you have shown me something. You have given me a great lesson, a great insight.
"Since that time," Junaid said, "I have been meditating on nothingness, and slowly slowly I have entered into nothingness. And now the final moment has come when the candle will go out, the light will go out. And I know where I am going - to the same source.
"I remember that child with gratefulness. I can still see him standing before me blowing out the candle."
Buddha has used the word nirvana for the ultimate experience. Nirvana simply means blowing out the candle. Suddenly the flame that was manifest goes into unmanifestation; it disappears.
You ask me, Gandharvo: CAN MAN REALLY LEARN FROM EVERYTHING AND EVERY SITUATION IN LIFE, AS THE DESIDERATA SAYS?
Poor Pete was known as "Broomstick" among his friends. He was awfully skinny and looked so emaciated it did not help his social life. One night, to drown his sorrow, Pete wandered into a bar in New York's Little Italy and by some miracle became friendly with Rosalie, a buxom divorcee. He nearly fainted when she invited him home.
At her apartment she led Mr. Skin-and-Bones directly to her bedroom and said, "Why don't you get undressed and wait for me in bed?"
Pete ripped off his clothes and, panting with excitement, waited for her return.
Five minutes later the Italian girl walked in with a six-year-old boy. She threw back the bedsheets, pointed to Pete and exclaimed, "Now, you see, Roberto, that is what you are gonna look like if you don't start eating your spaghetti! "
Sheela has written a letter to me. It will help you understand, Gandharvo, what the DESIDERATA means.
Beloved Osho, The other day two really weird-looking Hare Krishna people came to check out the ashram and the way we run it. One of the men, Haridas, is the head of the Hare Krishna movement in Bombay.
And the first question the guy asked me was, "Why are you here?" So I casually replied, "Because I am in love with Osho and I enjoy what I do here." And then he asked me, "You have no interest in scriptures?" So I again casually replied, "No, they don't make any sense to me." So the guy looked at me weirdly and asked me, "What do you do for spirituality?" So I said, "Who needs it?" So he turned towards me and said with a very serious voice, "I feel sorry for you." Then I just smiled at him and the guy said to me, "If you don't have any interest in scripture, how do you learn?" So I said to him, "By living." And he jumped, and said, "Do you know what happens after death?" I said, "No, I am still alive!" He said, "But scriptures can tell you what happens after death." So I said to him, "Did the scriptures tell you what happens after death?" He said, "No." So I said, "Ah."
Then the guy jumped up from there, picking on the word "Bhagwan," reciting a ten-page sutra in Sanskrit and explaining "Do you know what the word 'Bhagwan' contains?" And I said, "No." And he said, "The word 'Bhagwan' is made of sex."
And I am looking at the guy in amazement, and the rest of the questions were more absurd than the previous ones. And then I just had fun with them, and the guys left disgusted.
Osho, what is with them?
The Hare Krishna movement attracts the most stupid people. It is a miracle! Only the stupid ones are attracted towards it. It is in a way strange, because almost every movement attracts all kinds of people; but the Hare Krishna movement is special: it is only for the stupid. The more stupid you are, the better.
Now all his questions are foolish. I have come across many Hare Krishna people; while I was wandering around the country I met them. And I can understand Sheela's amazement because I know all their questions are foolish.
Now what kind of a question is this? - "Why am I here?"
Once Mulla Nasruddin was caught making love with a woman by the woman's husband who suddenly entered the room. Naked, Nasruddin rushed, tried to find some place to hide. Finding nowhere else, he stood inside the cupboard.
The man looked all around, he opened the cupboard.
Nasruddin was standing there completely naked. And the man asked, "What are you doing here?"
Nasruddin said, "Everybody has to be somewhere! I am in such a difficulty, ant you are asking metaphysical questions! Obviously, everybody has to be somewhere!"
Now this foolish guy, if he even meets God, will ask, "What are you doing here? Why you are here?"
And do you think God can answer that?'; Impossible! But there is one thing, fortunately: these Hare Krishna people will never meet God. They are so stupid that even if they meet Him they will miss.
He asked, "What do you do for spirituality?" As if spirituality is something that can be done. That's what their idea of spirituality is: you have to do something.
Spirituality is disappearance of the doer, and when there is no doer how there can be doing? It is a state of being, not of doing. Doing keeps you in the world; being takes you into the beyond.
I have heard:
A Western businessman and his sannyasin son were discussing his coming trip to Poona. "You know, son," said the father "you can get very sick in India!"
"Yeah!" replied the son. "I can get killed walking across Fifth Avenue!"
"Well, at least think of your mother - she is worried sick!" the father urged.
"She certainly does not need me around to be worried sick," replied the sannyasin.
"Well," said the father, "this guy you are going to see, is he a Christian?"
"Hell, no!" replied the son. "He even works on Sundays!"
Disgusted, the father snapped back, "You know, son, you are going to amount to nothing!"
"Gee, Dad," said the sannyasin with a grin, "you really do understand!"
"What do you do for spirituality?" Spirituality is not something that can be attained by doing. It is your innermost core; you feel it when all doing ceases. Once you have felt it, then it always remains like an undercurrent even when you are doing a thousand and one things. Then wherever you are, whatsoever you are doing, it is there: a presence surrounding you, a light arising from your deepest core, radiating all around you, a peace, a love, a joy, a fragrance.
But these Hare Krishna people think that you have to go on chanting, counting beads, repeating the name of God. As if God has a name! As if by counting beads you can become spiritual or by repeating the name of God! Your repetition will make you even more dull than you are.
Repetitiveness always makes a person duller than he was before because repetition creates boredom.
And every mother knows it. When the child is not going to sleep she starts singing a lullaby. And what is a lullaby? A mantra, a transcendental meditation, forced on the child. Now the child cannot escape; he is tucked under the blanket. He fidgets and he has to listen to some nonsense words.
Continuous repetition in a monotonous voice - bores him to death. Finally he escapes into sleep - seeing no other way out he goes in! and falls asleep and starts snoring. That is the only way to get rid of the mother and her lullaby.
Once Mulla Nasruddin was very ill. He was treated by all kinds of doctors - allopathic, ayurvedic, homeopathic, etcetera, etcetera, but nothing was helping; he was deteriorating every day. Finally his son went to a hypnotist and asked him to come and help him. That was the last resort.
The hypnotist said, "Don't be worried." He came, he started repeating again and again, "You are falling asleep, falling asleep, falling asleep... deep deep sleep... falling, falling..." for half an hour continuously, "falling into deep sleep..."
Suddenly Mulla started snoring. That was one of the problems, that he had not slept for months.
And the doctors were saying that their medicines are not working because he cannot fall asleep. In sleep the body recovers, recuperates. If somehow it can be managed that he falls asleep, then the medicines will start working. So this was a miracle!
The hypnotist tiptoed out of the room very silently, and the son was very much impressed. He gave him double his fee, thanked him very much. The hypnotist left, the son went in. Mulla opened one eye and asked, "Has that nut gone? He was killing me! I have never been so bored in my life, I have never thought of committing suicide. For the first time when he continued, continued, I thought, 'There is no way to pt rid of this guy,' so I acted snoring. Either he would have killed me or if I was a little better, a little healthier, I would have killed him. But never bring such people here again, otherwise There is going to be bloodshed. Either I will kill myself or I will kill the person! What nonsense is this?"
But these people believe that by repeating a certain mantra you can attain to spirituality. All that you can attain to is a bored state of mind. You will lose your intelligence, that's an. You will lose your sharpness.
And he says, "Bhagwan contains sex." Now he has understood only language and nothing else. In Sanskrit each word means many things. Sanskrit is one of the most poetic languages of the world.
In fact, all ancient languages are poetic; modern languages are scientific. A poetic language has many meanings for one word so you can play upon those many meanings. It gives you freedom, poetic freedom. The scientific language has a precise meaning for every word.
"Bhagwan" has many meanings. Yes, one of the meanings contains "sex" because in ancient India sex was considered and respected as the very origin of life, and God is the origin of life. BHAG really means vagina. But those were the beautiful people who thought of sex as divine, as if God is the womb, the vagina. Out of that vagina, out from that womb, the whole of existence has come. Hence the word "Bhagwan" certainly contains "sex" in it, and the whole of creation is a proof that sex is the origin of life.
But he must have got caught by this one meaning. And why did he get caught with this one meaning?
- because Bhagwan also means "the Blessed One," another meaning. That's why we call Buddha "Bhagwan" and we call Krishna "Bhagwan." And these Hare Krishna people, they go on repeating the name of Krishna as Bhagwan. Are they repeating some sexual symbol? They are repeating the other meaning, "the Blessed One."
Bhagwan can also come from another root, BHAGYA. Bhagya means fortune. One who achieves the ultimate is the most fortunate one, hence he is called Bhagwan. Bhagwan means the Blessed One, the most fortunate one. There is nothing more to realize for him he has arrived home.
But to his stupid mind the sexual meaning has become the predominant meaning. And the reason is not in the word, the reason is in his own mentality - because Hare Krishna people are sex-repressive people.
He had also asked Sheela, "So many men and women here, they all live together?" He was shocked.
An ashram, and men and women are living together? Hare Krishna people make a demarcation:
the women have to live separately, the men have to live separately. No love relationship is allowed, hence naturally their mind becomes full of sexuality, perversion.
The meaning of Bhagwan comes from his perverted mind. And whatsoever Sanskrit he knows has nothing to do with it. Just that meaning, one meaning of the word, has become his obsession.
Mario missed a day at work and O'Riley, the foreman, wanted an explanation. "Where have you been?" he asked.
"It was-a my wife - she gave birth-a to a wheel-barrow! "
"If you can't do any better than that," said the fore-man, "I am gonna have to let you go!"
"I think-a I gotta it wrong," said Mario. "My wife she is-a in bed-a having a pushchair!"
"That's it, wise guy!" shouted O'Riley, "You are fired"
Mario went home and said, "Hey, missus, whats-a was wrong with you yesterday?"
"I told-a you, I had a miscarriage!"
"Ah, I knew it was-a something with-a wheels on!"
Now, you can learn many things from this leader of the Hare Krishna movement, Haridas. You can learn much about stupidity, and you can learn much about yourself - when and where you are also behaving stupidly. A thousand ant one things you can learn. And that's what Sheela had told him, "I learn from living." But they think one can learn only from scriptures.
Nothing can be learned from scriptures. One becomes knowledgeable but never wise. And the knowledgeable person is in a far worse state than the ignorant one, because the ignorant one is at least innocent, ready to learn, at least receptive. These people cannot listen, they cannot see. They are so full of bullshit! But to them bullshit is holy cowdung!
Just watch. Whenever you are fortunately with a stupid person, just watch him; it will immensely help you to become intelligent.
In London, Lady Ashcroft decided to give a snooty party and hired a maid, Miss Scapeccia, who had recently immigrated to England.
"Now don't forget the sugar tongs," ordered the English matron. "It is not very nice when the men go in the loo, and they take themselves out and they put themselves back, and then they have to pick up the sugar lumps with their fingers."
"Yes-a, ma'am," answered the Italian girl.
Later that night after the guests had gone, Lady Ashcroft said, "Miss Scapecaa, I thought I told you about the sugar tongs!"
"I put-a them out, Lady. I swear!"
"Well, I did not see them on the table!"
"On-a da table? I put-a them in da toilet!"
The third question
HOW DO I OPEN MY SENSE OF HUMOR?
Everybody is born with it. It is not a talent, it is intrinsic to human nature. But the society tries to destroy it; it is afraid even of the sense of humor. We teach children to be serious. Seriousness is praised, highly praised. In fact, seriousness is a kind of disease; it should be condemned.
Every child brings a sense of humor in the world, but we destroy it, at least we repress it. We don't allow him to enjoy it; we don't allow him to share it with us. We don't encourage him to help it grow because we are afraid; if he becomes too non-serious then he will become dangerous to the serious society. Then he will start rebelling against many things, because a sense of humor is an essential part of intelligence.
You don't see donkeys laughing, you don't see buffaloes enjoying a joke. It is only man who can enjoy a joke, who can laugh. Your saints are like buffaloes and donkeys! They have fallen below humanity; they have lost something of immense value. Without laughter a man is like a tree without flowers.
But the society needs serious people: presidents, prime ministers, vice-chancellors, professors, popes, shankaracharyas, ayatollahs, imams, all kinds of priests, teachers, commissioners, Collectors, governors.... Everybody has to be serious. If they have a sense of humor the society is afraid efficiency will be lost. If they have a sense of humor they Will become human. They are expected to be just like machines.
The way Adolf Hitler walks is mechanical. Just see his pictures - the way he stands, the way he walks, the way he takes the salute, the way HE salutes. It seems almost mechanical, as if he is not a man but a robot. His face, his gestures, all are robotlike, and he made the whole of Germany robotlike. He destroyed Germany more than he destroyed anybody else. But he created a very efficient army. The efficient army is possible only if people lose all intelligence and all that intelligence contains.
Gopal Venu, a sense of humor is one.of the very essentials of intelligence. The moment you lose it you lose intelligence also; the more you have it, the more intelligent you are. There is no question of how to open the sense of humor; you simply remove the barriers. It is already there, it is already the case. You simply remove a few rocks which your parents, your society have put to prevent it. The society teaches you self-control, and sense of humor means relaxation.
Just the other day somebody from London, a sannyasin, sent me a cutting of a newspaper; he had heard my jokes about Zimbabwe's president, Reverend Canon Banana, so he sent me a small cutting: that one of Banana's cabinet ministers was traveling with Banana in an airplane and that he pissed all over the passageway. He was asked, "What is the matter?"
He said, "I was trying to use self-control, and it became impossible! "
Of course, in the presence of President Banana you have to be a banana! He was trying to use self-control so he tried his best. If he had undergone the EST training he would have succeeded!
You cannot laugh before your elders, you cannot laugh before your teachers, you cannot laugh before your priests, you cannot laugh in the churches.
And the Christians say Jesus never laughed. I cannot believe that - he was not a buffalo! He was one of the greatest, most intelligent men who ever walked on the earth. He must have laughed, he must have enjoyed it. He was a man far more of the earth than Buddha. He lived more passionately and more intensely than anybody else who has ever become enlightened. He loved the company of women; he had beautiful women disciples, even one of the most famous prostitutes of those days, Mary Magdalene. He loved eating, he loved drinking. He is the only enlightened person who loved wine. A real man! And he loved feasting very much. Every night there was a feast, and the feast continued for hours.
Just a few days ago some sannyasins, samurais, had a small party, and my medium, Radha, did a belly dance. Good! I enjoyed the news, and I told Radha, "Then one day you have to do it before me! Just seeing your belly dance, I will really enjoy it!"
Jesus would have enjoyed Radha's belly dancing too. Buddha may have closed his eyes, but not Jesus! not Lao Tzu!
The rumor is that one day Lao Tzu, Buddha and Confucius, all three were sitting in a restaurant in heaven, and a beautiful woman came with a big beautiful jar and told them, "This is the juice of life!
Would you like it?"
Confucius said, "I will only taste a little bit of it, because without tasting it I cannot say anything." That was his way, always to be scientific, pragmatic. So he just tasted it and he said, "No, it is bitter!"
Buddha closed his eyes. He said, "There is no need for me to taste it. Many people have tasted it - just now Confucius has tasted it. I declare it is bitter!"
She went to Lao Tzu. Lao Tzu drank the whole jar. He said, "Unless you drink it totally you have no right to make any comment, any judgment on it." And when he had drunk the whole jar he started dancing, he started laughing.
Buddha and Confucius left: "This man Lao Tzu is giving a bad name to all of us enlightened people!"
And of course he was not dancing alone, he started dancing with the woman! When you are full of life...
Jesus was a man of the earth. He repeats many times, many more times than he said "I am the son of God," he says many more times, "I am the son of man." He is closer to earth than to heaven. He is a very earthly person. He must have laughed, enjoyed.
But the priests and the popes and the churches are very serious. To enter into a church is like entering into a grave-yard. You have to be serious, uptight.
All that has to be dropped, Gopal Venu. And if you cannot drop it here, where else you can drop it?
Either here or in Italy! Go for a little visit to Italy.
Ten years after his arrival in America Roselli had saved enough money from his fruit and vegetable business to build a huge house.
"I wanna three bedroom-a upstairs," he explained to the builder. "l wanna large-a living room with a nice-a big-a staircase leading up to the room. And right over here next to the staircase I wanna hollow statue."
Months later he returned and found everything built to his specifications. Then he noticed a statue next to the staircase. "Hey, what's-a matter with you?" shouted Roselli. "You no capish what I tella you!"
"Is not that what you ordered?" asked the builder. "A hollow statue?"
"Are you-a stupid or something?" cried the Italian. "I wanna one-a those things that goes ring-a ring, you pick them up and say 'Hallo, is that choo?'"
Go to Italy and you will come across many situations!
For a wedding present Brambilla gave his son Aldo two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him, "What-a you do with-a the money?"
"I bought a wristwatch, papa," answered the boy.
"Stupido!" cried his father. "You should-a bought a rifle!"
"A rifle?! What for?"
"Suppose-a some day you come-a home and find a man sleeping with you wife-a," explained the father. "What-a you gonna do? Wake him up-a and tell-a him what-a time it is-a?"
Gannon, staying in a small Rome hotel, called the desk and said, "Send me up a whore!"
Mrs. Agostini, the owner's wife, was shocked and demanded that her husband throw the man out.
But he was afraid, so Mrs. Agostini decided to go up and throw him out herself.
In a few moments, the husband could hear the sound of furniture breaking and screams and curses.
Finally Gannon came downstairs panting, his face scratched and his shirt torn. As he walked out he confided to Agostini, "That was a tough old bitch you sent up, but I screwed her anyway!"