Darshan 10 September 1978
[A sannyasin and her two children are leaving. She asks about being frightened of other people.
Osho had previously told her to be alone, but she wants love from other people.]
That is where the problem is: you want love from other people, and that is the wrong beginning; that is getting out of the bed from the wrong side. The desire to get love from others creates problems You should long to love others. The desire should come to love, to give love; only then will the problem disappear. And that's why I have told you to remain alone. If you remain alone long enough the desire to love people is bound to come, because it is there in our hearts. Imposed on it is the other desire which is very superficial.
It is like you eat your food every day at a certain time. Looking at the clock you are reminded that you must be hungry, you have to be hungry. The mind creates hunger and the hunger is false. If you had not looked at the clock or if the clock had stopped or was showing the wrong time, you would not have felt any hunger at all. So it was not coming from your body; it was imposed from the mind. If for two, three days you go on a fast, all impositions of the mind will disappear. Then the real appetite will arise which will have nothing to do with the clock, with the time. It can arise in the middle of the night, and then it will be something real coming from your very core.
So is the problem of love. The false desire, the mind desire, is to get love from others. It is really not love but getting attention from others. Love is only a name. What the mind really wants is attention from others: people should praise you, people should say how beautiful you are, people should look up to you, people should depend on you, people should feel happy because of you. The ego can feel very very gratified through it. This is not love; this is just a hankering for attention.
I have told you to starve this desire. If you can wait a little longer one day you will suddenly see, and when that desire comes, that you want to love people, then move. Then come out of your seclusion
- you have stumbled upon the right appetite for love. And when you love people, they naturally respond; they are just people like you. But when you approach a person with the deliberate desire to get love from him, he shrinks back. That too is a natural reaction. That means he is afraid of your exploitation, that he does not want to be trapped, that he does not want to be exploited in any way whatever. So he starts shrinking, and the more he shrinks, withdraws, the more you jump, because you see that you are losing your victim. And the more after the person you are, the more he will escape.
When you go to give love, just a totally different response arises. The person feels loving towards you because you have not come to exploit; it is not an ego need. You have come to share, to give; you will feel thankful if he accepts. And if he does not accept you will not feel rejected, because that is his freedom - to accept or not to accept. Up to now this has been your problem, that you are hankering to get love from people and you are afraid of people because they will reject. Both these things are together: if you are hankering for love, how to get it, you are going to be rejected; you are creating rejection yourself. Change this! Go and give and forget about getting anything in return. It comes, a thousandfold it comes, and then its coming is beautiful because you were not expecting it even. It Comes without expectations; then it is a great joy, a surprise.
And once you have learned the art of giving, you Will be getting so much love that you cannot contain it.
But for that moment to come, continue to be alone a little longer. And this is the criterion: if this mind of "I would like to be loved by others" continues then you still have to remain alone. One day this desire will disappear and another desire will take its place; that will be a transformation in you.
From that moment onwards there is no need to be in seclusion; then start moving. You are no more dangerous; to others and to yourself you are no more dangerous.
Your being alone has helped you. It has settled you - it has made you calmer, quieter. Just a little more... a little patience.
Veet means beyond, martyo means death. The really real within you is beyond death. The one that dies and is born is not your reality. The one that is born and dies is just a garment, a house in which we live for the time being. But when you live in a house from the very beginning to the very end, for your whole life, a great attachment arises; one almost completely becomes identified with it. You have not seen yourself separate from your body, so you start thinking, "I am the body, I am the mind. I am that which I appear to others, I am that which I appear in the mirror." It is not you.
The reflection that you see in the mirror is not you. You are the one who sees the reflection, you are the consciousness which is aware of the reflection in the mirror and who is aware of the person of whose reflection it is; you are that awareness, that witnessing.
This is the whole process of becoming enlightened. Go on disidentifying yourself from things to the point where nothing remains to be eliminated any more. The Upanishads say it is the method of neti, neti: not this, not this. I am not this, I am not this - and one goes on eliminating. A moment comes when nothing is left but just the watcher, and the watcher CannOt be eliminated; that is impossible.
You cannot go beyond the watcher. If you do you will still remain the watcher; if you again go beyond the watcher you will still remain the watcher.
So that is the only reality you cannot get out of. You cannot see the watcher. Anything that you can see, you are not. But you cannot see the watcher - hence you are it. And that is beyond death, that is immortal, that is eternal.
Deva means divine, agneya means fire. Sannyas is initiation into divine fire. Hence I have chosen the color orange: it represents fire. And unless one is consumed by the divine fire, one remains miserable, because one remains confined in the ego. To be consumed, destroyed, burned as an ego, is the beginning of a totally new kind of life - the life of egolessness, life not separate from existence but one with it.
The moment the ego dies, God is born in you. The moment you are not, God is. Sannyas is the greatest risk possible. All other risks are partial. This is total. You will be required slowly slowly to drop all - your beliefs, your assumptions, your prejudices, your concepts, your philosophies, your ideologies. All that you have always thought as yours has to be sacrificed in the fire of sannyas, utterly burned. Nothing has to be saved from it: the whole past, in toto, has to be thrown into the fire.
This is the offering a disciple is required to make. And once you can offer all your assumptions, prejudices, beliefs, purity arises in you, because all the luggage of the mind is thrown out, all garbage burned. Great silence, great emptiness, great no-mind opens its door. And in that very space, one comes to know who one is. One comes to know what this existence is all about.
Prem means love, amaro means deathless, eternal, non-ending. Love that begins and ends is just a name... for something else, not for love. Love that begins and never ends is the true love. It knows no end: it goes on becoming deeper and deeper. It is moving into an unfathomable sea; it is going into the immeasurable. That's why Jesus says, "God is love," because "love" is the only word that can indicate something about God - his unfathomable, immeasurable quality.
What we ordinarily know as love is something else - maybe lust, maybe the desire to possess, maybe an ego trip or maybe just a biological urge: nature wants to reproduce through you, nature is using you as a vehicle. But it is not love.
And I am not saying that it is something wrong. It is perfectly okay as it is, but one has to remember that there is a different world of love than we have come across yet. One has to keep searching for it, one has to go on seeking for it. If one starts thinking, "This is all that we know and this is all that is possible to know," then the search stops and one may remain confined in the same circle, moving again and again in a repetitive, monotonous way, tired, bored. Just to keep you alert that there is something else which your soul needs and that it will remain discontented until it gets it.... That love knows no ending. That love can exist only in a state of no-mind.
This love, the so-called love, is a relationship between two minds. That love is a state of no-mind; it is not a relationship at all. It is just when your thoughts have disappeared. You are utterly herenow, overflowing with energy, for no reason at all; because if your love has any reason it is bound to end.
If your happiness has any reason it is bound to end; if your happiness has any reason it cannot last long. The happiness that has no reason lasts long; and if there is really no reason at all it can last forever.
There is a certain kind of love which has no reason for it. Just because the mind disappears, your being starts overpouring itself into existence. It is undirected. It is not towards a particular person, it is not addressed. It is unconditional. You are simply joyous in sharing yourself. Love for love's sake - that's what it is actually - and that is the highest quality. And in that highest quality of love, in that supreme transformation of love, one comes to know God. In fact, God is another name for that state of love.
Deva unmad - divine madness.... God is not the conclusion of any logical process. God is a quantum leap of the courageous heart. God is never arrived at by reasoning, and those who search through reason search in vain; those who search through reason are bound to come to the conclusion that there is no God. It is as if somebody is trying to listen with their eyes. Eyes can see but cannot hear, so if somebody is trying to listen to music through his eyes he will not be able to, and the natural conclusion will be this - that there is no music.
Reason is capable of knowing the visible; it is incapable of knowing the invisible. Reason is capable of exploring the tangible, the gross, the material. It is impotent in going into the unknown, the mysterious. And God is a mystery. God is not a fact but a mystery, and God cannot be known through mathematics but only through madness. But that madness is real sanity. Blessed are those who are capable of becoming mad for God, because only they find the truth. Jesus is mad... so is Buddha. These people are not sane in the ordinary sense of the word.
Just think of Buddha renouncing his palace, his Child, his woman, his treasures, his empire, and becoming a beggar in search of God. What can there be that is more like madness?
Jesus is ready to be crucified for God - must have been a madman - and, dying on the cross, still praying for the people who are killing him and saying to God, "Father, forgive these people because they know not what they are doing." Must have been mad! Certainly not sane in the ordinary sense of the word - sane in a totally different sense, but he will look insane to everybody in the world, to the worldly mind.
The search for love is of the heart. The search for God also belongs to the heart, and the heart functions in a mad way. Its way is of poetry, its way is of song and dance. It knows nothing of logic. To drop logic is the greatest sacrifice one can make for God. In dropping logic the mind disappears. And the very moment logic is dropped you start moving into a totally different world. A new dimension opens up. You function under a different law - the law of grace.
And to be initiated into sannyas means getting ready to take this jump into madness. To be with a Master means allowing his presence to work on your heart and putting your mind aside. I function not: through my logic but through my presence. I function not as logic but as love, so only those who are really courageous enough to go mad with me will be able to attain anything.
And I can see: you can do it! It is possible - make it actual. The seed is there - just a little work and it will start sprouting. And life becomes celebration when one starts living without the mind, in trust, in love.
Deva means divine, svarno means gold - divine gold. Man is in a raw condition; much has to be transformed before a man really attains to his destiny. Man is gold which has yet to be purified through fire. And unless it is purified, a great hankering, a great thirst, a great hunger, continues deep down in the soul, because one can never feel at home unless one has come to one's true nature. The gold simply represents one's true nature, the highest - it is symbolic. Much mud is mixed with it, although even if the gold is deep down in the mud it remains gold. But the desire to get rid of all that is foreign, to get rid of all that is not one's real essenCe, is natural. But to get rid of the unreal one has to go through many pains, growing pains. Hence I use the word "fire." The journey is not easy - the journey is arduous because one has to drop many cherished things and one has cherished those things for long, maybe for lives together. To drop them means becoming poor, becoming a beggar. That's what Jesus means when he says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of God." To be poor in spirit, that is the fire.
One has lived with great ideas, opinions, knowledge, and one has been clinging to them because they were all that one had. But to be initiated into a path of purity, into a path of transformation, all that rubbish has to be dropped. I cannot give you anything, because you need not have anything from the outside. That which you need is already there - it is already the case - but I will have to take many things from you, things which are not your nature.
Hence the Master's work is really not of giving something to the disciple but of taking everything that the disciple has, leaving him utterly poor in spirit; and that is the journey and the arduousness of it.
When a disciple comes to a Master he comes hoping that he will get something; a real Master is bound to frustrate it.
Only the pseudo Master gives you solace; the real Master gives you fire. Only the pseudo Master pretends to give you something - knowledge, wisdom, enlightenment. The real Master knows that nothing can be given to you because in the first place all that you need is already there. It is hidden behind a great heap of rubbish; the rubbish has to be taken away. But you have cherished that rubbish very long, you have saved it like a treasure, so when it is being taken away it hurts, it leaves wounds. One wants to escape from a real Master. A thousand and one times one wants to escape from a real Master. A thousand and one times one is frustrated with the real Master, because basically he never fulfills your desires.
You come with one idea; he has some totally different idea of how to do things. He will not fulfill your expectations - he will not fulfill your expectations about how a real Master has to be either. He is going to shatter all your ideas. When a disciple comes to a Master he has many ideas about how the real Master should be, how an enlightened person should be. You cannot tame God, you cannot tame real enlightenment - there is no way; it remains wild. So he has to frustrate your desires, he has to frustrate your expectations, he has to frustrate your idea of a real Master. It is hard, and only the very courageous remain long enough to be transformed.
I am saying it to you, because it happens to every disciple - it is going to happen to you too: a thousand and one doubts will arise. The Master really makes trust almost impossible, but when it is impossible and still you trust, then it works; only then does it work. If the Master makes trust very simple and possible, if he fulfills all your ideas of being a Master, then trust is cheap, very cheap...
So this is going to be a really great transformation - sannyas is alchemy, [this is the meaning of] "Svarno." The baser metal has to be transformed into the higher metal, gold.
Deva means divine, unmana means no-mind. Animals have no mind, man has a mind, Buddhas again have no-mind. In a sense the state of the Buddha is similar to the state of the animals, but only in a sense - in the sense that he also has no-mind. He is as mindless as the animals, as the trees, as the rocks. But there is a great difference too: trees are unconscious and he is fully conscious.
No-mind can exist in two ways: unconscious and conscious.
In deep sleep it happens: when dreams disappear you are in a state of no-mind - the mind is not functioning any more; there is no activity going on, all has utterly stopped. You are again like a tree.
But this i unconscious.
In samadhi, in the highest form of meditation, the same thing happens: the mind stops functioning...
but you are conscious. That is the only difference, but the difference that makes the difference. One is fully alert, luminous. One is there witnessing, watching, but there is no cloud of thought. The sky is utterly empty: as far as you can see you cannot see any content.
This contentless state of consciousness is the goal of sannyas. And to achieve it is to achieve bliss, is to achieve truth, is to achieve liberation.
That's my whole work here: helping you to slowly slowly drop chunks of the mind. By and by the mind erodes, and one day suddenly the clouds are no more there and the sun is shining bright.
That's the day when the golden flower blooms.
[A sannyasin says she doesn't know what her question is, she wants to hear Osho speak, but doesn't have a question. He checks her energy.]
The energy is perfectly good. There is no confusion in the energy - the energy is flowing perfectly well. The mind is a little confused but the mind always remains confused; that is the nature of the mind. When confusion disappears, the mind disappears. In fact to use the phrase "confused mind" is not right; it is repeating the same word twice. It means "confused confusion." The mind is confusion - more or less is possible. Sometimes it is more confused, sometimes it is more cloudy, sometimes it is less cloudy. And the most surprising thing is: when it is more cloudy you don't feel that it is cloudy, because you can't see sky anywhere so you cannot contrast it. When it starts becoming less cloudy, then you start feeling that there is confusion because there are a few gaps of the sky here and there.
So when a person starts getting deeper into meditation then he starts becoming aware that the mind is very confused. Otherwise the whole world is confused and nobody is aware of it; confusion is taken for granted. They have never known anything else; all that they know is confusion. And they have not known the contrary so they cannot call it confusion either.
Just think of a man who has never known light. Can he call the night dark? How can he call it dark.
If sometimes he starts having a few experiences which are of light, then the darkness explodes in his being; for the first time he becomes aware it is there.
That's what is happening. Your energy is flowing perfectly beautifully, and because the energy is flowing perfectly beautifully there are a few gaps of pure sky arising, a few moments when you can see the sky and the clouds are not there. Now those clouds will give you the impression of being confused. Don't be worried - just go on meditating, just go on loving, just go on enjoying being.
Soon these few clouds will also disappear.
[A sannyasin, arriving, says he thinks he has something to ask, but doesn't real feel to.]
Wait. Mm? The feeling will come, then you can ask. It is only good when the feeling comes and when you are really burning with a question, when it is almost a thirst - not only a question but a question of life and death - then only can something be said which will reach to your heart. Otherwise people simply ask out of curiosity - that is of no use: asking for asking's sake.
Ask only when it is really very decisive, when much depends on it. So let the feeling come. It is good to wait for the feeling to come, and it is good to ask a single question but a question that will change your whole life rather than asking thousands of questions, futile, which are not going to make any change in you because you never felt very much that they were needed. One asks just by the way.
Avoid those things.
Yuthiko is a flower of tremendous beauty, of great fragrance. And life also has to become a flower.
We are born only as a potential, and unfortunately many die without ever actualizing their potential.
That's what hell is: to live, and without living one's total flowering. To live lukewarm is hell. It is very frustrating. To live in an orgasmic way, to release one's total fragrance to the winds is nirvana, is enlightenment. If you can release your total potential you are free, and freedom is the taste of God.
So don't take yourself for granted. Much has to be done: the ground has to be prepared, the seeds have to be sown... nourishment for the seeds, manure, water. And if one can bloom then one has worshipped God!
That's the true worship: showering your flowers unto his feet.