Don't drop - transform!
WHY DO I CLING TO MY MISERY? WHY CAN I NOT DROP IT?
The I, the ego, is not something separate from the misery, that's why it is absolutely impossible for anyone to drop it. Who is going to drop it? They are not two, the dropper and the dropped.
The ego is nothing but a complex of all your miseries, sufferings, anxieties, anguishes, wounds; your anger, your jealousy, your hate - they are, all together, one complex.
The problem arises because when you start feeling miserable, it is not the whole complex which is feeling miserable - just a part, a fragment, and the remaining whole becomes your "I"; a false division is created. you want to drop the misery; you think yourself separate from the misery.
The same goes on happening with everything else: you feel anger - then anger is taken as a separate thing from you. Or jealousy .... It never happens that all these things, this whole hell, you want to drop completely.
Why do you want to drop misery in the first place? - because it is unpleasant; you would like to be joyous, blissful. But in the very liking, the very desiring of joy and bliss and happiness, you have created the misery. The desire is the cause of the misery, and the same desire is befooling you -
now you want to drop misery. You have created it. You, and only you, are responsible, and still you will go on creating more and more, even while you are thinking of dropping it.
This becomes now a new misery: "I cannot drop my misery." Do you see the game? You were miserable enough, now you want to drop it. More misery is added. You were angry, now you want to drop anger. You become even more angry because you cannot drop it. You feel trapped.
Your ego, the whole of you, consists of a thousand and one things; hence it becomes possible that you can separate yourself from one thing. Anger, jealousy, misery, hatred, you can separate, but those one thousand things that are now playing the role of being your "I" are not your "I" at all. They are part and parcel of the same complex system; they are all interrelated.
If one can be dropped, then the whole can be dropped. But because the whole is trying to drop one, you are in a mess. You cannot figure out what is happening. "I don't want to be miserable" - still the misery continues. It continues because everything else that supports it, nourishes it, helps it, has become your "I". Every time you separate a fragment from yourself, this is going to be the case.
I cannot suggest to you how to drop it. There are not methods to drop, there is no possibility to drop. I am not saying that you are going to remain miserable forever. I am simply trying to make it emphatically clear that it is not a question of dropping; it is a question of understanding. And in the very understanding of misery, it disappears. Not that you have to drop it - who are you?
Just try to look around, and you will find yourself nothing but a combination of a thousand and one things; the whole junk of the world is within you. And the major part of junk tries to drop a small part of junk. And they are related, they are relatives. They are one family, they cannot really be separated.
Just see: Can you separate anger from hate? Can you separate hate from love? To separate anger from hate obviously seems to be impossible, because without hate, anger is not possible. Without anger, hate is not possible.
Then try to separate hate from love. Just try to think: don't you hate the man you love also? Haven't you been destructive in a thousand ways to the same man you love? Have you not tried to possess the man or the woman? Is possessiveness love? Can a man who loves even think of possessing? Is it not very clear that to possess someone is to reduce him from a being to a thing? There is nothing worse that you can do.
Let me repeat, there is nothing worse than this that you can do, that you are capable of: reducing a being to a thing. And that's what possession is. Only things can be possessed; beings cannot be possessed.
You can have a communion with a being.
You can share your love, your poetry, your beauty, your body, your mind.
You can share but you cannot do business.
You cannot bargain.
You cannot possess a man or a woman.
But everybody is trying to do that all over the earth.
The result is this madhouse we call the planet earth. You try to possess - it is naturally impossible, it cannot happen in the very nature of things. Then there is misery. The more you try to possess a person, the more that person tries to become independent of you, because every person has a birthright to be free, to be himself or herself.
You are trespassing on the privacy of the person, which is the only sacred place in the whole world.
Neither Israel is sacred, nor is Kashi sacred, nor is Mecca sacred. The only sacred space in the true sense is the privacy of a person - his or her independence, the beinghood.
If you love a person you will never trespass.
You will never try to be a detective, to be a Peeping Tom, peeping into the privacy of the other person.
You will respect the privacy of the other person. But just look at the so-called lovers - husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends. All they are doing, around the clock, is finding ways to trespass, to enter into the private world of the other person. They don't want the other person to have any privacy. Why?
If the person has independence, privacy, individuality, they are afraid. The person tomorrow may not love them - because love is not something stagnant. It is a moment, it is nothing to do with permanency. It may continue for eternity, but basically love is a phenomenon of the moment. If it happens again in the next moment you are blessed. If it does not happen you should be thankful that at least it did happen before.
Remain open: perhaps it may happen again - if not with this person, then with another person.
The question is not persons, the question is of love. Love should remain flowing, it should not be stopped.
But in their stupidity people start thinking, "If this person goes out of my hands then I am going to starve my whole life without love." And he does not know that by trying to hold this person permanently in his captivity, he will starve. He will not get love. You cannot get love from a slave.
You cannot get love from your possessions; from your chair, table, house, your furniture, you cannot get love.
You can get love only from a free agent whose uniqueness is respected by you, whose freedom is respected by you. It is out of the freedom of the other that this moment of love has happened. Don't destroy it by trying to possess, by trying to hold, by creating a legal bondage, a marriage. Let the other be free, and remain free yourself. Don't let anybody else possess you either.
To possess or to be possessed, both are ugly.
If you are possessed you lose your very soul.
Just look at husbands when they are going with their wives; do they look like individuals? I was traveling in a train; in my compartment - it was a coupe - there was only one woman passenger.
There were only two seats and one was reserved for me. The man who was with the woman had to travel in another compartment, but at each station, if even for two minutes the train was to stop, he would come rushing just to ask her whether she needed anything, water or tea or anything to eat - at each station.
When it went on happening for at least ten stations I could not resist the temptation. I asked the woman, "It is not good of me to ask you, but I cannot resist the temptation: How long have you been married to each other?"
She said, "For seven years."
I said, "Don't lie to me."
She was shocked when I said that. She said, "How can you say that?"
I said, "It is so apparent. I cannot conceive of a husband who has been married for seven years coming at each station to ask you ... to hold your hand for two minutes, to give you a kiss. If it is true then this must be the rarest husband in the whole of history. I cannot believe it, it is an absolute lie."
For a moment she was silent and then she said, "You are right. He is not my husband, we are not married. And we have not known each other for seven years either. Just three or four days ago we met. We don't have any relationship yet."
I said, "Go on being this way. Don't have any relationship ever, because the moment you have a relationship this man will not come at every station. In fact if he was your husband, once he had dropped you in this compartment he would have escaped for the whole journey, because there are so many women traveling in this train - he would not bother about you. In fact he would pray to God that somebody takes you away, or you elope with somebody, or something happens, some accident."
Husbands are praying, wives are praying, that accidents happen; "Everybody dies, but my husband never does. No accident happens to him. Every evening he is back home, the same old guy, and the same old story is repeated every day."
Lovers love only while they are not yet in a fixed relationship. As the relationship settles, love disappears. Once the relationship is fixed, instead of love, something else takes place:
They still go on calling it love, but you cannot deceive existence. Just by calling it love you cannot change anything.
It is now hate, not love.
It is fear, not love.
It is adjustment, not love.
It is compromise, not love.
It can be anything - but not love.
The deeper you try to understand, the more it will become clear to you that love and hate are not two things. It is just a linguistic mistake to call them love and hate. In the future, at least in psychological treatises and books, they will not be using "and" between the two. In fact it is better to make one word, "lovehate." They are two sides of the same coin.
You want to drop hate and you want to preserve love? Now, you are asking something impossible.
All these things are interconnected. Wherever there is love you will find jealousy. It is impossible to find love without jealousy surrounding it. Everybody wants to drop jealousy, but jealousy is an intrinsic part of love.
The moment you love someone, immediately you become jealous of so many things .... The woman you fall in love with is talking with someone and looking so happy; she never looks so happy with you. Now, you are twenty-four hours a day with the woman - nobody can be twenty-four hours happy except a crazy man like me who has nothing else to do other than just to be happy. It is possible.
But a poor woman, living with a dodo twenty-four hours a day, and you both expect that she will be continuously laughing and enjoying and being a fairy .... You are expecting too much, you are being too esoteric. Be a little more real, more pragmatic; come down to earth.
And it is just because of you that she is enjoying those few moments with somebody else; you have bored her enough. And it is not going to do any harm to anybody. Let her have a little laughter - it will be healthy for her. You should be happy because she will be back a little healthier. Perhaps for a few moments she may laugh with you too. But your jealousy ... and your jealous mind starts thinking, What is going to happen? Is she in love with that man? - because she never looks so happy with me.
And then the struggle, the constant conflict, the nagging. And naturally it is not one-sided; the woman is even more jealous than the man. But the responsibility goes on man because he has not allowed the woman as much freedom as he had allowed himself.
Can't you see it? There are women prostitutes. For centuries they have existed - it is said that they are the oldest profession ... perhaps. I say perhaps, because in my opinion the priests are the oldest profession. Without the priests there cannot be prostitutes. Who will call them prostitutes? Who will condemn them?
But whether the first or the second, it is really one of the oldest professions. But male prostitutes are a very recent development. Strange - why for centuries did only women remain prostitutes? Why were there not, parallel to women, male prostitutes?
The reason is simple. Man has his world of freedom; those prostitutes are his freedom. He does not allow the woman the same freedom. Just in this decade, and that too only in very sophisticated cites like London and Tokyo, have male prostitutes appeared. This is a good symptom, because if man has the freedom to purchase love, if he has a market, a love market, then the woman should also have the right.
In the same way, in every field, man has cut the woman's freedom. In most countries, in most cultures, for most of the time, the woman was economically dependent. She is still, in ninety-nine percent of the world, dependent on man. And you can see the simple arithmetic.
When you are economically dependent you cannot be independent spiritually either. Then spiritual freedom is just talk; economically you are dependent on the man. You are continually afraid he may leave you, he may disappear - just like Werner Erhard, the founder of "est."
One day he disappeared from his home, leaving his wife, his children, his old parents. He not only disappeared, he changed his name. He is a Jew - and Werner Erhard is a German name. You can see the logic; moving from being a Jew to being a German is going to the opposite pole. Nobody now will recognize him as a Jew. Have you ever heard of a Jew adopting a German name?
Now, if a husband escapes, starts a new relationship somewhere .... The woman is dependent on him economically, children are there - how is she going to live now? In almost every culture, woman has not been allowed education because education will make her independent, at least potentially independent: if a time of difficulty comes she can stand on her own feet.
Uneducated, without any knowledge of the world, of business, how is she going to survive? The only way left for her is to be a prostitute. All that she knows is that she can sell her body. She has nothing else to sell. Naturally she was more jealous, afraid, clinging - clinging as a creeper clings to a tree.
Without the tree the creeper will fall down on the earth. It is only with the support of the tree that the creeper can move upwards towards the sun, can open its flowers and can have the joys of the sky; otherwise it will be on the earth, trodden on by people, eaten by animals, finished. The woman has been continually compared to the creeper. She has not been allowed by any religion to be a tree.
Naturally she is jealous and continually keeps an eye on the husband - where he is going, what he is doing ....
Mulla Nasruddin was so fed up with his wife every day finding some woman's hair on his clothes, and there was no excuse: "How can you explain this hair on your coat? You must have been hugging, you must have been sleeping with some woman. The proof is here."
So one day before going into the house, Mulla Nasruddin went into a friend's house and told him to look all over his clothes. "Give me a brush so I can clean all my clothes. And today I am not going to give her any proof. These hairs ... the women are strange on both sides. On one side they leave hairs on you, on the other side they catch the hairs. That seems to be a conspiracy against man.
Today I am not going ...."
So he really cleaned himself up and went home. His wife looked for the evidence, but there was no evidence. She started crying. Nasruddin said, "Now what? Why are you crying?"
She said, "My God, now you have started going with bald women. No hair! Where did you manage to find a bald woman? This is very rare."
I have seen millions of people but I have yet to see a bald woman; I have not seen one. In fact the woman's brain has not been allowed to work, how can she become bald? It is the proof, the same
kind of proof. The woman's brain never uses all the nourishment, hence her hair goes on getting the nourishment. Man's mind uses the nourishment - his hairs starve and die.
I remember a scientist's prediction that in four thousand years all boys will be born bald. They will not need to wait for forty, fifty, sixty years to become bald; they will be born bald just four thousand years from now because man will have used so much of the nourishment that the very genetic program of the boys will change. There seems to be a possibility .... Baldness in men has been growing each decade - more and more people are getting bald earlier and earlier.
The woman is not allowed education, not allowed social mobility. The only place she can go is the temple, the church; every other area of life is closed to her. And the church, the temple, and the synagogue are all male chauvinist. They are poisoning the minds of women. They have convinced the women, "You are a somewhat lower category of human being."
In Jainism a woman cannot become enlightened directly from a woman's body. First she has to be born as a man and then she can become enlightened. I have been talking to Jaina priests and monks - they have no argument to support this.
I was asking them, "Does enlightenment happen in the body? Has it something to do with hormones, female or male? Obviously it has nothing to do with hormones, nothing to do with the body itself.
No chemistry is involved, no physics is involved, no physiology is involved. It is a question of consciousness, and consciousness is neither male nor female. Then on what grounds do you go on saying that a woman cannot become enlightened?"
But for twenty-five centuries not a single woman in the East has protested against it. Is it not strange, unbelievable? But no; the reason is, they were completely conditioned by the male chauvinist priests, and that was their only education. Whatever the priest was saying was all that they knew.
They had no other way of becoming acquainted with other kinds of views.
So all their freedom is cut, the woman is enclosed in the house. Naturally she is visualizing her husband flirting here and there. She knows him perfectly well, and mostly she is right; it is not that she is just imagining it. Her imagination is very close to reality - that's what the husband is doing with his secretary in the office, with his students in the college.
The reason why her imagination comes close to truth is because she knows - deep down everybody knows - that you cannot remain interested in each other forever. Once the man knows the woman's whole geography, her whole topography; the woman knows the man and what kind of lousy lover he is ....
When they are well acquainted, one thing is certain, that both become suspicious, both become jealous. Suspicion follows jealousy. And when you are suspicious, jealous, how can you be loving?
How can you even be friendly?
Husbands and wives I have never seen to be friendly. Once they may have been lovers, now they are enemies. To be friendly means to respect the other person, his privacy. But no, the moment the husband comes in the house, the first question is, "Where have you been?" But if you are respectful to a person it is none of your business where he has been; that is his business, wherever he has been. With whom have you been?
And the husband coming home goes on figuring out in his mind excuses, explanations of where he has been, what he has been doing. He knows those questions are going to be there. And he also knows that his wife is not going to believe his explanations. The wife knows what explanations he is going to give. It is a strange game.
But nobody is ready to stop this nonsense and just be straightforward; "We don't feel interested in each other anymore, and that is natural. Why should we feel interested in each other? We felt interested because we were unacquainted." It is always the unknown that is interesting, it is always the hidden that gives you the challenge. Once you know it, the challenge disappears.
If you are understanding, then a friendship can grow; otherwise all these things will be there - jealousy, suspicion, doubt, a continuous fight. And then you say, "I cannot get rid of my misery."
Do you really want to get rid of your misery? Then you will have to get rid of many other things too which you don't want to get rid of, that's the trouble. If you want to get rid of misery, you will have to get rid of your idea of permanent love. You will have to get rid of the idea that you are going to be always beautiful to the person you love. The beauty disappears once you are acquainted. It is always a mirage; the farther away you are, the better.
The grass is really greener ... but don't come too close. But when you see the grass is greener, you want to graze. And then you ask how to get rid of misery because when you come close the grass is not so green. It has never been. It is not anybody's fault, it is just the way things are.
Try to understand what your misery is. And the first principle to understand is: Drop the idea of dropping, because if you are already determined to drop it, how can you understand it? You are already prejudiced, you are already against it.
First drop the idea of dropping misery, and you have taken really a great step.
Now the second thing is, try to understand what misery is. From where is it arising? Move into all its connections, find out its whole complex unity within you, and you will be surprised that it is not something separate, or separable. It is joined with a thousand and one things. And you will be shocked that all that you always wanted to drop is part of that which you have been told is the ideal, that this is what you should be.
Jesus says to love your enemy. Have you ever thought, if you don't have any hate in you, can you have love? That is not possible. All these religious teachers have been telling you things which are unnatural: "Love everybody." It is not possible. You can neither love everybody nor can you hate everybody.
If you love somebody, that means you have a choice, a liking; anybody who doesn't fit with that liking, that choice, you cannot love. You will have to decide; if you love, you will have to hate somebody; if you have friends, you will have enemies.
A man like me has no friends and no enemies. Only then can you be free of misery. But you have been told that there are good ideals which have to be saved, and there are evil things which have to be dropped; that there are divine values, and that there are evil temptations. The trouble is that they are not separate.
You will be surprised to know that the word "divine" and the word "devil" come from the same Sanskrit root, deva. They are not separate; devil and divine mean the same. But you have been told that they are just polar opposites and that there is a universal fight going on between God and Satan, God and evil. If that is true then it seems God is losing continually.
The devil is winning because everywhere you can see crime increasing, people becoming more and more inhuman. It does not seem that God is winning. Seventy-five percent of every country's income goes to the devil, twenty-five percent goes - I am not saying to God: it goes to small devils.
But seventy-five percent goes to the chief, the great devil. Every country is wasting seventy-five percent of its income for war. God is not winning. God cannot win because He is the other side of the devil. They are together, they are partners in the business.
If you try to understand the complexity of your misery you will see that all that is good is connected with all that has been condemned as bad. And you have been told to drop the bad and save the good. This is the dilemma you have been put into by your priests, by all your religions, by all do- gooders. They have put you in such a schizophrenic state ....
Once you see that good and bad are together you will be immensely relieved, you will feel such a relief, because the whole conflict was baseless. You were fighting against shadows, you were fighting against yourself. It is as if my left hand is fighting with my right hand. Do you think there is any possibility of coming to a conclusion? There is no possibility. Both are my hands; there is no need for them to fight, they can be together and friendly. They can be helpful to each other, they can be a tremendous support to each other.
And that's the whole difference between me and all the religions of the world. They have been trying to create a conflict in you between good and bad, and I am trying to bring your good and bad closer and closer so that you can start using them in a harmonious unity. When I started calling the new man that is going to come into the world, "Zorba the Buddha," this was the idea behind it.
The Ceylonese ambassador to America wrote a letter to me - apparently very humble but one could see he is boiling within, even in his letter, between the lines. He said, "You have to stop calling your restaurants and your discos, 'Zorba the Buddha,' because Buddha is our spiritual founder; to put him with a materialist like Zorba is insulting, and it will create great antagonism towards you amongst all the Buddhists of the world."
I told my secretary to write him: In the first place Buddha is nobody's copyright. And you have to understand that we are not calling it Zorba Gautam the Buddha. The founder of your religion was Gautam the Buddha. His name was Gautam; "the buddha" was not his name. The buddha means the enlightened one. There have been many, there will be many; this is nobody's monopoly.
And even Zorba has the potential to become the Buddha. Just look into your own scriptures. Your Buddha says that the lowest has the potential to be the highest. The sinner has the potential to be the saint. So what is wrong with Zorba? And as far as I am concerned, I don't want Zorba to become the Buddha by dropping being Zorba. I want Zorba to become the Buddha remaining Zorba - and this is a totally new concept. If it creates inconvenience to some fools around the world, I am not concerned; I have never been concerned about fools.
My effort is not to create a division between Zorba and Buddha, but to create a bridge.
Zorba AS Zorba can become the Buddha, that's my approach.
You need not drop anything. You have simply to understand your complex being, where good and bad are one. But you have been told they are not one and you have accepted that nonsense; hence, you have been trying to drop the bad. And you cannot.
I don't want you to drop it, because that is your energy. It is good that you cannot drop it. I want you to transform it, not drop it. A man who cannot feel suffering cannot feel compassion either. What is compassion? If you cannot feel suffering you cannot feel compassion for somebody else's suffering because for you suffering does not exist. Your experience of suffering can be used for your growth.
All the stones on your path can become stepping stones.
They need not hinder you, you just have to know that they are steps.
Look into your suffering, find out that good and bad are all together there. You cannot separate them, so the question of dropping does not arise. You have to use them together - not as opposites, but as complementaries. And that is possible.
Even poison can be used as medicine - it is used. In fact, on most of the medicines you will find written: POISON - in red letters. Poison is to kill, but by understanding it you can use it to save somebody who is dying. But if you are foolish, even nectar will kill you; you may drink too much of it. In fact you will drink too much nectar if you can find it.
I am reminded of one of the experiments of Delgado. He had put an electrode in a white rat's brain.
And he put a small remote control in front of the rat and taught him to push the button. That button gave the rat the same experience as sexual orgasm.
Remember, sexual orgasm does not happen in our genitals, it happens in your brain. Genitals are only the outermost posts of your brain, they simply inform the brain, they simply say, "Okay." The brain goes berserk - the actual orgasm happens in the brain. So it is possible to have a man's brain just kept in alcohol, and he can have a sexual orgasm without anybody, without any genitals.
Nothing is needed because the real experience happens in the brain.
And that white rat ... these white rats are poor fellows. Scientists are after them, they are being imported from all over the world. Once the rat learned the trick, how to push the button, you cannot believe what happened to him: in one hour he pushed the button six hundred times!
He wouldn't stop, he went on pushing it. He died! - because that much orgasm nobody has ever had: six hundred times in one hour. Good food was provided there; everything that he liked ...
beautiful white rat girls - no interest at all in anybody. His only interest was in the button.
He forgot food, he forgot the women, he forgot even to drink, or just to take a little rest. What was happening was so far out, he could not miss a single second. He died on that red button.
You just have to be a little alert about your inner composition and you will be surprised to know many things. You will come to know that all your joys are within you, all your miseries are within you.
Nobody else creates them, you simply find an excuse in somebody. Everything is within you, and except you nobody else is responsible.
Then what is the question of dropping misery? If you want to continue, continue. If you don't want to continue, who is telling you to continue? The very understanding that "it is my own work" becomes the dropping.
And the second realization that comes is: "What I used to call 'I' was nothing but this combination."
When this whole combination subsides, falls into a deep harmony, the discordant notes become a symphony. You suddenly become aware of a new I, which was standing far back because the noise of your mind was so much, and you were so much engaged in all that. Your real self was simply waiting for you to look inwards. But you were focused outwards, and you were so much struggling with things .... You cannot be victorious - and you cannot be defeated either; you will always remain in a limbo, in a confusion.
Once all that confusion is gone, suddenly from the background a new concept of your being emerges.
It is more like am-ness than I; it is more existential. It is not egoistic, it is simply a feeling of am-ness.
And then you know that it was simply foolish to ask, "How can I drop misery?" because I is the misery, I is the jealousy, I is the hell.
And you don't know your real I.
The real I you can know only when the false is gone.
The moment the false disappears the real appears.
The death of the false is the birth of the real.
And that quality which I am calling am-ness is the very center of life, the very center of bliss. You will remain the same person in a way, but in another way you will be absolutely discontinuous with the old; you will be absolutely new.
You will love, but now your love will not be the same as it was before. It will not have hate as its opposite side.
Your love will be now so great that it can absorb hate, it can transform its poison into nectar.
You will love but you will not possess.
You will love to give, not to get.
You will love because you are so full of love you have to share it; otherwise it becomes a burden.
You will be like a raincloud so full of rain that it wants to shower. Then it does not even care where it is showering - whether on the hills where nothing grows, or in a fertile land where flowers will grow.
No, the cloud is just as mad as any enlightened man. It knows nothing of who is to be avoided and who is to be taken into one's confidence. No, it simply goes on showering on all. It has no friend, no foe. It is grateful because the earth is ready to receive it with joy.
The enlightened man is grateful to his own disciples, to his own devotees, because they are so open, receptive, vulnerable, ready. Your love is to get something; his love is to give all. He receives much, much more than you can ever receive by trying to get. You remain a beggar.
The enlightened man receives much without ever asking.
These are the mysteries of existence.
If you can give without asking, the whole existence will start pouring on you. You are no longer a beggar, now you are an emperor; and existence exalts only emperors, not beggars.
I cannot say, "Blessed are the poor for they shall inherit the kingdom of God." Sheer nonsense!
I say, "Blessed are the emperors because they have already inherited the kingdom of God; there is nothing else to be inherited."
My sannyasins have to be emperors - for the first time in the whole history of the world. All the sannyasins of all the religions have been beggars. Enough of that beggary!
I want you to be rich in every possible way - material, psychological, spiritual. I want you to live the richest life that has ever been lived on the earth.
This whole earth is like a desert.
I want you to become small oases.
Perhaps in those small oases lies the very hope of humanity's future.
Yes, Zorba the Buddha is humanity's future.
And you all have to become Zorba the Buddhas.
Nothing has to be denied, nothing has to be dropped.
Everything has to be enjoyed, everything has to be understood. Everything has to be transformed in such a way that it becomes a new source of richness, nourishment, rejuvenation to you.
Please don't try to drop your suffering.
Try to understand it.
And in that very understanding suffering will disappear. But the energy involved in suffering will be left with you. The same energy becomes blissfulness.