Darshan 5 July 1978

[A sannyasin wants to go home because his father is dying of a brain tumor but is still conscious.]

Then it is good - you go. And help him to die meditatively. Meditation is a bridge between life and death. It is of immense value while one is alive and it is also of immense value while one is dying.

If you meditate while alive, it keeps you cool, detached; you remain the centre of the cyclone. And when one is dying, then the cyclone is at its peak. And if one can still be center, then there will be no need to be born again; the purpose of life is fulfilled.

This is the purpose: the whole of life is an opportunity to distract you and an opportunity to remain centred and not to be distracted. Life is a great challenge to disturb you. If you are disturbed, you are a failure. If you remain undisturbed, you have won, you are victorious. And the final test is death.

So just go and help him to be silent. Put music on - classical music will be of immense help; tell him just to listen to the music. Tell him just to watch his breath. Tell him to relax, not to fight with death, because death too is divine. And the western mind does not know-how to relax. It knows perfectly well how to fight; it is a warrior and it goes on fighting to the very end. Even against death it goes on fighting. When there is no possibility of winning, even then the old habit persists.

Tell him to relax. Tell him to allow death to possess him. Tell him to invite death; tell him to think of death not as a foe but as a friend. And be as happy as you can be by his side; that is the only way to say goodbye to somebody who is dying. People do just the opposite: around the dying man they become very serious, sad, in despair. They create an atmosphere of darkness. The man needs a little light. The man is going on a long journey - he needs people to give him a goodbye in celebration. But people make it very heavy. They think they are being friendly, sympathetic, but they are making his journey more difficult. Seeing their sadness he becomes more sad, starts clinging more to life, starts fighting desperately against death, thinking that everybody is so sad that death

must be something very bad. Neither the people who are around know what death is nor does he himself know. This is not a good way to say goodbye.

Let there be music, let there be light, let there be laughter. Sing songs, be loving, and help him feel that he is moving into another kind of life - death is only a door. Only old garments are being discarded, and he will have better garments. If he can go laughing, then you really helped him.

But this is good that you are going. Be by his side and help in any way you can.

Prem means love, pujari means a worshipper - worship through love. And worship is true only when it is through love, otherwise it is just a dead, impotent ritual. Touch any act with love and it becomes worship. Sit in any place in love and it becomes a temple. Look in any direction with love and you will find god.

People go on asking 'Where to find god?' Rather, they should ask 'Whereto find love? How to be more loving?' God is revealed to the loving heart. We are blind, not because our knowledge is less but because our love is not there at all. Love is missing; that's our blindness.

Once love starts flowing you have eyes to see, and not only eyes to see the visible but also the invisible. And that is real seeing. If you can only see the visible, it is not much of a seeing - anybody can do that. If you can only know the knowable, it is nothing - anybody can do it. When you know the unknowable, when you see the invisible, and when you hear that which cannot be heard, then for the first time you are born. Real life starts then and only then. Before that we are living in the womb, living in an eggshell. The egg has to be broken, the womb has to be renounced.

The meaning of your name is: become a lover and know that love is worship. Never get trapped in any other kind of worship. There are churches and temples and mosques, and so many kinds of prayers and worship continue around the earth, but man lacks something which no temple can provide. The heart is not throbbing with love!

And don't wait for any special occasion to be loving - all occasions are special. The whole existence is special, because it is permeated by god through and through. So don't miss any opportunity to love. If you see a tree with great foliage, shower your love on it. If you see a bird on the wing, send your love to it. If you see a child smiling, pour your love. Don't miss a single opportunity to pour your love, and the more you pour, the more you will have. Slowly slowly you will see that your love is growing wings. It is turning slowly slowly into prayer.

And it matters not to whom your love is addressed - it is always addressed to god. You may love a woman, but if you really love it reaches to god. You may love music, but if you really love it reaches to god. Real love always reaches to god. It rides on all kinds of waves but its ultimate destiny is god.

One has to be certain only of one thing, that it is real. What do I mean by real love? I mean a love that asks nothing - then it is true, then it is real - a love which only gives and is grateful because its love has been accepted. A heart that goes on giving with no idea of any return is a loving heart.

If you think of something coming back to you, it is no more love; it is a bargain, it is a business. At least with love never do business. At least keep love intact, beyond business, beyond economics.

At least let one thing remain virgin and pure.

Accept the mind and its games too as part of nature, because there is nothing unnatural - there cannot be. All that happens can happen only because nature allows it. Yes, the mind too is part of nature, and mind games too are part of nature. In deciding that they should not be there you are going against nature. In deciding against the mind you have started choosing. And whenever you choose, repression comes in, because that which you have not chosen will have to be repressed, will have to be denied expression, will have to be put aside so it doesn't come in your way again and again. But if it is part of nature - and all is part of nature - it is bound to come, it will rebound. It will come back with great energy; it will assert itself. It will take revenge. It will not leave you silently.

The real understanding of nature is that all is natural - the mind and its games included. Then one relaxes, then it is perfectly okay. Even the mind is perfectly okay - let it play. If it goes one day on its own, good; that will be natural - if it does not go it is perfectly good; that too is natural. This I call let-go. This is not deciding, not choosing, not taking preferences. This is living without a bias, without any prejudice for or against. This is simple living, so whatsoever happens, happens. The mind is happening, so the mind is happening - so what? Don't make a problem out of it. If you make a problem out of it you will be caught in that problem.

Just see a single fact, that all is natural, and then there is nowhere to go and nothing to do. You know that playing chess is a game but you can still enjoy it. You know that these elephants and these horses and the king are all just make-believes - there is neither king, nor horse, nor elephant, nothing. You are playing cards and you know that the king and the queen and the joker are all jokes.

But you can still play and enjoy!

So know perfectly well: the mind plays many games but there is nothing to be worried about; let them also be. Be spacious, allow everything to be. Why be so narrow? Why deny anything? Why destroy anything? And in that total acceptability is transformation - that total acceptability is transformation.

One is transported into another world where no misery is possible, where no anxiety is possible, because no problem is accepted, no problem is created.

Live for a few days without any problem, and see the beauty of it. And more and more you will hear the song of nature, and more and more the existential will come closer and closer. The mind is not necessarily a barrier. It becomes a barrier if we become attached to it. It also becomes a barrier if we become against it. Let it be - neither for nor against. It is none of your business. Just as leaves grow on the trees, the mind secretes thoughts. Just as the traffic makes noise, the mind makes noise... but all is okay.

[A woman sannyasin says: I'm miserable. I want to keep being cuddled by a woman and I'm not getting it. I keep withdrawing from everything around me.]

You have to learn to give. You only ask - and that creates the trouble. It is not a question of man or woman; whomsoever you love, you have to learn to give. Your whole energy seems to demand.

And then the other will withdraw, because the other will feel exploited. The other is also there to get, and you just ask and ask. Start giving more. You will get, but one gets only by giving; that's where you have gone wrong.

And that's why you changed from man to woman: it is changing from father to mother. Mothers are more giving. So deep down you have this memory in your body cells that the mothers are more giving, you can demand more from mothers. Hence you have changed from man to woman, thinking that women will give you more. But nobody is your mother and you will not find your mother again.

And nobody wants a child - people want a grown-up person to love. So you have to learn it, and once you learn it you will change from women to men again.

Once you start giving, then there is no point in going on hankering for women; you can love men.

But with men this has been the problem. You understand me? Men are also very asking. They have learned their love from the mother; their first experience of love was from the mother, so even if they are husbands, deep down unconsciously they go on asking of the woman, the wife, the girlfriend, that she be their mother. They go on asking. And the women are more giving than men. Seeing this, maybe unconsciously, you moved from men to women because with women you will be getting more. But nobody is going to give you more. You will have to put love out first - only then will it come back to you.

You can't get it without giving it, so start giving. Just for three months, forget about getting; don't ask.

Even if the desire comes with great urge, give. And give to as many people as possible - to men, to women, give, just go on giving. Be a spendthrift. And love is such a richness that you cannot exhaust it; it is inexhaustible. You can give as much as you want - nothing is lost; in fact you gain by giving.

For three months make it a point - this is your meditation for three months: give love and don't ask at all. If it comes unasked, receive it with great joy, gratitude, but don't take it for granted and don't ask. If it comes on its own, welcome it with a thankful heart. The person who always desires, never thanks; he always complains.

So for three months change the whole pattern: give as much as you can. And after three months tell me how you are feeling, mm? Your misery will disappear - not only that: your interest in women will disappear and your interest in men will come back. And that is more natural. For three months give it a try and then remind me. Everything will be put right.