[A sannyasin who is leaving has difficulty surrendering to the commune. He asks Osho to decide whether he leaves or not... ]
Then I can just direct you what to do. Then there is no problem.... The problem arises only when you start doing your own thing, and then you fall out of tune with the things here. Here the only way to be is to be totally in tune; otherwise you suffer and the whole community suffers. You will not feel happy and people will not feel happy with you.
So here you have to dissolve... and then there is no problem at all. In fact, this mind that you feel continuously goes round and round in a crazy way will disappear by and by, once you have stopped listening to it - and that is the whole point of disciplehood. It is very difficult to get out of the trap of the mind because it is the mind that decides. It is the mind that even tries to get out of it.
The essential of disciplehood is that you cannot get out of your mind on your own, because who will try and who will get out of it? - it is the same mind. So you choose a person and you say, 'I will do whatsoever you say.' You trust a person and you surrender. Then your mind will go on for months together, even for years, but by and by it will become less and less powerful over you because you cannot decide so you cannot support it.
If you have to listen to me and if you do what I say then this mind cannot continue to be crazy for long, because your support will disappear. It exists with your support. It is almost like cycling: you go on peddling, the cycle goes on. After the moment you stop peddling how long can it go on for?
Maybe out of the past momentum for a few yards, and if you are on a downhill road, then a few miles, but it cannot go forever.
And when I say to dissolve here with me and with my work, it means that if you are working with laxmi you have to listen to laxmi, if you are working with deeksha you have to listen to deeksha; if
you are working with mukta you have to listen to mukta. It is easy to listen to me. It is very difficult to listen to laxmi because then your mind starts asserting itself. And there is every possibility that you may know more than laxmi but that is not the point. Laxmi may be right in some things or may be wrong in some things, you may be right, but that is not the point either.
Even if Laxmi is wrong and she says to do something, then take it for granted it is from me and you have to do it. In the beginning it will be a little difficult - difficult because you see that you can do better, difficult because you know a better alternative.
And I am not saying that you are wrong, remember - you may be right but that is not the point. Right or wrong, you are not to decide. And this is part of my device - that sometimes I will not say to you what to do; Laxmi will say. Because when I say it is very easy to accept it. I will bring it from such a source where it is very difficult to accept. But to accept there will bring the surrender.
And I am preparing something for the future so I don't want any dissidents here in any way. Because once things become bigger, if a few dissidents are here they will create cliques and will disturb the whole work.
I want it to be absolutely homogeneous - with one voice, with one direction, with one soul. In the west many communes come into existence and die. In fact the average life of a commune is not more than three years. And the basic reason is that sooner or later dissident voices start becoming powerful, cliques form, and politics enters. And when politics enters into any commune, death has entered. Then conflict, then struggle, then power, and everything comes in from the back door.
And remember, when politics enters it always enters with good slogans; that is its way to deceive.
Even the person who brings it in may be deceived by it because he thinks he is doing something for the good, something for the welfare of everybody.
I am trying to make this commune slowly in such a way that no politics enters in it. Thousands of people are going to come to be here with me, and I would like you to be part of me because you have great capacities, great creative possibilities to grow and to help people grow. But that is possible only if you surrender utterly; otherwise all your creative energy will become destructive to the commune.
And it is better to be alert from the very beginning. I love you and I would like you to become part of my work. I know your potential, but potential people can be dangerous too; only potential people can be dangerous. So sometimes it happens that I will have to depend on the second-rate; I may not be able to depend on the first-rate. I would have liked to bring the first-rate into the work, but sometimes it will be far more feasible and practical to choose the second-rate because the second-rate cannot be dangerous, he cannot bring in politics. So you have to be alert about all your possibilities.
And Poona has just been a jumping board. That's why I would like to leave Poona soon - because its work is finished. I have chosen people; now I can move into a more permanent commune. Poona was just an overnight's stay; its work is finished.
So you have to be alert about all these things. And if you feel that you can drop all kinds of mind games then there is no need to go; just be here. And I am waiting for that moment - that's why I have not even taken you inside the ashram yet. There have been many possibilities. You have missed! Many times there was a chance and I was always thinking of you - that [you] should be taken in now. But again and again you would do something and I had to wait.
There is no need to go. You can become part of the ashram soon, but if you feel you will create the same trouble and you will go on doing the same thing - you are not yet able to get out of the past and the mind - then there is nothing wrong. You can go for a few days and take your group there and come back.
So, whatsoever you say, mm? And I know it is difficult to decide in that way, but it has to be decided one day or other, and the sooner, the better, because if you enter the ashram while I am in Poona it will be easier. With the new commune I am going to become more hard on people.
[A sannyasin, who is leaving says that while Osho was talking to the previous sannyasin he was thinking about deciding; he doesn't know how to decide.]
Never listen to things that I say to somebody else! That was not for you - that was for [him].
Never listen, because that creates too much trouble. Because when I am saying something to [him], I am saying it to [him], absolutely to [him], to nobody else in the world. It is not applicable to anybody else and will never be applicable to anybody else, because each individual is so unique....
And right now don't even think about it, mm? For just one month you feel and go into things, and it will surface. Because I can see it is there. It just needs a little time to come to your conscious mind.
And it is better to let it come rather than force it to come. It will come! Mm? Good!
[A visitor says: I like the way I am now and I don't like to wear orange all the time. I live like a sannyasin already.]
You cannot live like a sannyasin! A sannyasin needs courage - courage to defy the world, courage to be oneself, courage to be crazy! You cannot live like a sannyasin, otherwise there would have been no problem for you to take sannyas. The problem is there because you are afraid of public opinion, of what people will say. What can they say? At the most they will say you are crazy! So that is not a problem.
Crazy people are good people... in fact, they are the only good people! The world has suffered too much from the so - called sane. The crazy are lovely people. They bring something beautiful into the world - some poetry, some song, some painting, some creativity.
You are not afraid of sannyas - you are afraid of public opinion, of what others will say; that is the fear. But I am not saying to take sannyas, because if the fear is there then why create trouble for yourself? Mm? there is no need.
Next time... You will be coming. I will haunt you! I am coming with you tomorrow. And next time you will have enough courage to become a sannyasin. You will miss me there - beware! And come whenever you can come.
[A sannyasin says he feels incompatible with others, very different, as if he comes from a different planet. It is not unpleasant but he wonders why.]
You are different, and one has to accept one's difference. One should not create a problem out of it.
It is just like your hair is one colour, somebody else's hair is another colour. You can dye your hair, but it will be false. And it will not be good for your own growth. One has to be simply oneself.
If others manage well in relating with people they must be feeling happy that way. In fact, many of them will start thinking that sagar is doing perfectly well being himself, why cannot they be like that?
Because they will have some problems that you will never have.
When you relate you have to face many problems. Utter a single word and there is going to be difficulty. So by and by many of them will think that sagar is doing perfectly well, gets into no difficulties with people. And that's how it goes on - everybody thinks that others are doing perfectly well and that something is lacking in them... You need not worry about it.
Everybody has to accept their difference, uniqueness. One has to respect it - not only accept, but respect. That's what I mean by self-respect. It is not an egoistic attitude; it is simply the way you are.
You have to respect your being! Whatsoever you do against it will be hypocrisy. You can be natural and spontaneous only with it. That is one thing.
The second thing: you have very perfectionistic ideas in your mind. You have great expectations about everything... about yourself too. Because of that, comparison arises. You would like to become a person who relates perfectly with people; that is your idea. And you fall short of it - everybody will fall short of it. Nobody is perfect and nobody can be perfect and nobody needs to be perfect. Imperfection is beautiful - it is human - and the world is far happier with imperfect people than it would ever be with perfect people. Perfect people are neurotics.
But you have that idea of being perfect in everything that you do, so now in relating you have to be perfect. There is no need! Drop ideals and you will never suffer anxiety because then there is nothing to compare with. Then you are simply the way you are. There is no scale to put yourself against, to contrast then suffer and condemn yourself and become miserable.
If you have to drop anything it is your perfectionist attitude about things. Once you drop that you will become very very easy and happy. And there is no need to relate. Whatsoever comes easily is good! You are perfectly happy so what is the point?
And your new work is going perfectly well. Mm? I have heard all kinds of beautiful reports, except one - that you hit Deeksha. Otherwise ninety-nine percent reports have been perfectly good.
[The sannyasin says: I have never hit a woman in my life - never!]
That may be again a perfection! Why? Why have you not hit a woman in your whole life? That's not good!
Nothing to worry about, but at least don't hit Deeksha. You can hit [your girlfriend] or anybody else you can find, but don't hit Deeksha, because if people start hitting her she will be in trouble, mm?
She has to manage so many people. and the way she manages is such that everybody w ill start hitting her! So don't start!
She is doing such a good work that we have to accept a few things that she likes to shout and use four-letter words. That's okay, that's okay.... Because I can stop her doing these things but then her whole enthusiasm will disappear; then she will not enjoy the work. If we have to keep her work going on we have to accept that much!
[The zazen group is present. One member says it was beautiful: And I didn't want to do it - I felt very angry with you. I thought it was against my temperament, but I felt it was very good.]
That's how I have to force things on you sometimes which you don't like. But I have to force because I know they will help. Your liking cannot be the criterion. In fact your liking is bound to be wrong because it will come from your past. You can't have any vision of the future - you cannot see what is going to happen; you can only see what has happened in the past.
When I decide something for you, I look into your future more than into your past, because the past is finished. In fact we have to get rid of it; we have to get out of that pattern. So sometimes I have to suggest things which you don't like which you hate. You will feel angry. Many people even drop the suggestion. Then they miss an opportunity and they will never know that they have missed an opportunity.
You did well that you didn't drop it. Even if sometimes you are feeling hate for me, angry at me, be angry, be hateful - but do what I say! And you will never be at a loss. It was good!
[The sannyasin then says she feels horribly frustrated with men and has not had a lover for a long time; she has a lot of anger, hatred and expectation. Osho checks her energy.]
You have something in you that is very antagonistic to male energy. It has nothing much to do with your expectations. Those expectations are just to avoid, those are tricks of the mind - they are not problems. The root cause is not there; the root cause is that your energy is very male-antagonistic.
And because it is antagonistic you have to create a few tricks so that you can always avoid men.
Nobody is according to your idea; that's a trick, a strategy. Nobody is beautiful enough, nobody is good enough, nobody is moral enough, nobody is worthwhile, nobody is extraordinary; all are very ordinary people. That is the trick of the mind so that you can avoid men. First you decide that this person is an ordinary, very worthless creature; then it is very simple to reject him. Then you w ill not feel guilty that you have rejected him. Before rejecting you labelled him - that he is worthless.
But deep down it is not just expectation. Your energy is anti-male. Something must have happened in your childhood that has made you very anti-male. You may not remember it, you may have forgotten about it, you may have repressed it. Maybe your first encounter with a man was ugly. The first encounter, if it is ugly, creates great trouble. Then the energy simply becomes anti.
And it is happening more and more in the world. The world, as it becomes more free, becomes more and more ugly. Even small children have to encounter ugly sexual phenomena. And once a child has been in some way violated, in some way offended, then the energy recoils and becomes anti.
But it can change; there is no problem about changing it. If it were expectation it would be more difficult because that is a mind thing. This is more a body thing - it is far easier, because the mind is very complex. It is more physiological....
You should do tantra. that will change your energy pattern. It is a must.
[A sannyas says he feels always feels guilt, except when alone or with a woman. It is as though he is frozen up with it.]
It is just that christianity has gone into your blood and bones, that's all. You suffer from christianity.
And it is a far more dangerous disease than cancer because it goes into the very spirit. The whole christian religion depends on the concept of guilt, and down the ages the priest has always been creating guilt in people. That is his way of dominating: if he can create guilt in you he can make a slave of you.
About everything they have tried to create guilt and not only Christians, others too. But Christians are the most perfect in it. About food, about women, about men, about clothes, about everything, whatsoever is possible - they have tried to create guilt. They have surrounded man in guilt.
A guilty man cannot be a rebellious man and a guilty man cannot remain intelligent either. A guilty man is carrying such a load on his heart that he is crushed by it. A guilty man has invisible chains around his hands and feet. The guilty man is himself the prisoner and the gaoler.
It creates a kind of schizophrenia in you. You are guarding, fighting, destroying yourself. You will have to understand and drop it totally. The whole concept is basically wrong. There is nothing like sin. And if there is sin, then god is the only sinner - nobody else. Then he should commit suicide.
If you have sex in you, you have not produced it; it is a given phenomenon. Why should you be guilty about it? It is as foolish as somebody being guilty because his eyes are green, or somebody is guilty because he has blond hair and somebody is guilty because he is six feet tall or something.
Those things will be just as stupid.
Sex is there, a given fact... so is anger, so is everything. And I am not saying that one has to always remain sexual, always angry, but the way to go beyond them, to throw them, is to go through them, is to pass through them, is tO go with great understanding, compassion, caring about oneself.
Then one day anger becomes compassion, sex becomes love, and finally all the emotions pour their energies into one pool, and that pool becomes prayer.
There is nothing one should feel guilty about. If you feel sometimes that you have done anything wrong, don't do it again - but there is no point in feeling guilty. Making an error is one thing; you never feel guilty about making an error. If you make some error in doing mathematics you don't feel guilty. If you make two plus two five, you don't feel guilty. You simply feel that you have committed an error; you put it right... and finished! Exactly like that life is a mathematics.
It is natural. We are not omnipotent, we are not omniscient and we are not omnipresent, so some errors are bound to be there. We are not perfect, that's true, so some errors will be there. Once you find an error put it right! But the problem is that rather than putting it right you start feeling guilty.
You never put it right and you start feeling guilty. So you have entered into another wrong which is far more serious than the first, because the first can be changed; the second cannot be changed.
Guilty persons go on doing the same thing again and again; they never change. I have never seen any guilty person changing. Why should he change? - because he is already punishing himself through guilt so what is the point ? You do something wrong then you punish yourself by feeling
guilty, miserable. So you remain the same. You think 'I have suffered enough punishment. What else is needed?'... and the wrong remains the same.
Put your energies into changing it, and once you do you will find there are not many errors. What error can you do ? What errors are possible? They are very small - they can be counted on your fingers - and they can be put right very easily.
Just try to understand. And you cannot even pinpoint where your guilt feeling is focused at because it is not focused at anything. It is simply a climate around you: you are simply guilty. Mm? just for being you are guilty. This is just absurd!
This guilt will go. You cannot be here long with me and keep the guilt too. Both cannot go together!
[The architect who has been to start work on the new commune has returned and says: It seems a little paradise.]
It is! And you have to make it one. Much has to be done there. We have to make it a paradise - small, but a paradise. It has to be converted into an oasis. The world is turning into a desert.
People are losing all that is beautiful, all that is valuable. Values are disappearing. Man is becoming very very barren. If this continues then after one century love will become just absurd; the word will not mean anything. And that is the very heart! The day love disappears, all disappears - freedom and dignity and all. The day love disappears, man is a machine. It is only love that keeps man as something above being a machine.
Mathematics can be done by the computer, logic can be done by the computer... and far more efficiently than by man. Only love cannot be done by the computer. So that is the only quality that can save. That is the only thing that is more in man than in a machine.
We have to create a love oasis so the value does not simply disappear. People can come and see love almost visible, tangible. And it is possible.
Much work has to be done, so put your whole energy into it. This is your life's opportunity!