[Osho checks someone's energy saying: Create a space of fear in and around yourself. Osho tells him that he is sitting on a deep layer of fear. Fear and anger are two sides of one coin. Fear is a good policy but very bad for growth. Anger is not a very good policy but is very good for growth.
Anger is not the end, but it is better than fear because something moves out. You have so much anger hidden in the stomach that it is enough to kill many people. Fear is a kind of spiritual paralysis, but remember, society will appreciate you very much; you are a good man, a nice man. All afraid people are nice. They are always polite; they always follow the etiquette. Such a man will always go on saying yes. He will always be nice - but his niceness will become nauseous.]
You can become that kind of person if you don't drop out of your fear. Everybody will love you and everybody will like you, but you will be gone down the drain, you will miss all that is in life. So here, this is going to be your work, mm? First become more expressive, take risks. And this is a good beginning - that you are becoming a sannyasin. This is a good initiation into this.
And after you have been flowing into anger, warmth, a transcendence is possible. Then watch your anger; there is no need always to do it - it is just to destroy the fear. Once fear is gone and anger is flowing, watch it and watching it, go beyond it. This is your work.
Ananda means blissful, pardeisi means a stranger - a blissful stranger. That is the lot of all of us on this earth: we arc strangers here. Now it depends on us - we can become miserable strangers or we can become blissful strangers. We can start thinking in terms of alienation, as if we have been thrown out of our home. That's what christianity goes on teaching - that man has been expelled, expelled from the garden of eden... that god is angry, that man has fallen, that man has committed sin so he has been thrown out. Then naturally one is miserable. How can you feel happy when you have been expelled from your home? You have been expelled from your real soil, uprooted,
thrown out - thrown out into a dark and dismal world, thrown out with strange people with strange situations, without any shelter, without any security. One naturally becomes miserable.
So christianity, because of this idea of expulsion, became the religion of misery, sadness. Christians say jesus never laughed. That is just the most stupid statement every made, but that fits with the christian ideology. They cannot allow even jesus to laugh; they cannot allow anybody to laugh. You are thrown here as a punishment; how can you laugh? You have to work your way back home.
But this is our choice. There is no need to think of it as expulsion. Rather, think that you are on a holiday from your home - then the whole quality of life changes. Think that you have not been expelled; you have been exploring the strange. You have not been thrown out, not punished, but sent into the world to grow; it is a situation in which to grow. This whole strange state is a device of god to help people grow.
The child has to be sent to the school - not as a punishment. The child has to be sent one day to the hostel not as a punishment but to grow, to learn, to be. The child has to be sent away from home to the university to live amongst strangers to grow, to confront, to encounter!
This is my attitude: man is not here on this earth suffering from any punishment. This is a growth situation: man is here to mature. And maturity is possible only when you are insecure, unsheltered, and all kinds of challenges and all kinds of dangers surround you.
This world is a beautiful device of god. So be a blissful stranger here!
[Osho explains the meaning of chandralekha.]
It is a tree in paradise, a luminous tree, as luminous as the moon. Chandra also means moon, but the tree is luminous, it is a moon tree. Just as you see the moon surrounded by light, the tree is surrounded by light; that's why it is called 'chandralekha'. Yes, it is concerned with the moon but it is a tree in paradise; such trees exist only in paradise! And I would like you to become a luminous tree of paradise - that is the message....
But never ask me again because I myself go on forgetting! And one of the troubles with these names is that they can mean many things. Ancient languages are very poetic; modern languages are not poetic. A modern word means exactly what it means; it has a single meaning. Ancient languages - sanskrit, arabic, hebrew, greek - have many meanings; a single word can have many meanings. So it is very easy to change the whole meaning of a word; one can play with those words very easily.
They are not fixed, they are liquid.
When I give you a name, in that moment I have a certain feeling about you... but you go on changing!
If after three or six months you ask me again the meaning of your name, then you create trouble for me. By that time I have forgotten! By that time I have forgotten in what space you were when I gave the name to you. And you are no more in that space. Six months and the Ganges has flown by so much... so much water has gone down, it is no more the same Ganges. You are not the same [person] to whom I had given the initiation; now you are in a different space. If I was going to give you a name today I would give you another name. Your whole aura is different.
So when I give you a name, listen well, if you really want to know what it means.
[She tells him she is returning to Germany.]
So we have a centre there, mm? - help my people! Become a tree for them too... a shelter and a shade. My sannyasins need many shelters and much shade. And germany is going to become one of the greatest sannyas lands, so just help people, mm? Good!
[A sannyasin says that though part of him wants to here, resident in the ashram, he feels he's got some unfinished karmas with the world. Maybe it's got something to do with having to prove himself.
He has the the idea of returning to the west but working for the ashram. In this way, he'd be still closely related to the ashram but in the world. Osho checks his energy.]
These are the rationalisations that you are trying to find because you cannot figure out what it is. So sometimes you think it is a karma that you have to fulfill, that it is something you have to go through, that it is something to prove, to achieve. No, it is not that. You just have energy that needs to get involved. It is very active, it needs expression.
So the idea is perfectly good: start doing my work in the west. And don't go doing it in a worried tense state of mind, thinking 'Why am I doing it? - I could have relaxed and surrendered.' That day will come... soon. But this too is my work. I need many people to be here and I need many more people to go into the world. So you be the second type. Both will be my people and both will be doing my work.
Just go very easily and happily and don't create any conflict. Otherwise if you go with a conflict then there you will continuously think, 'Why am I doing this? It is useless - I should go and be part of the ashram.' You are part of the ashram.
The ashram will have two kinds of people: the residents and the wanderers. It will have a fixed community and it will have a liquid community, moving all over the world; we will need many people.
Otherwise who is going to bring new people to me? You have to go. Start working for me, mm?
[A sannyasin, newly returned, had hoped to bring his family with him, but had a six-month fight and came back alone.]
Mm mm... one chapter is closed - that's very good. Now something new can start.
And don't be worried about the past; it is no more. Don't keep that hangover. There is no need, mm? You have come clean out of a situation, now start doing something new and become new.
And it is very difficult to drop misery, that I know. It is very difficult to drop confusion, that I know.
One tends to cling to misery and to confusion, because it gives one such a feeling, such an identity, such a definition, that blissfulness never gives.
Misery always defines you. Bliss takes away all definitions, hence people decide to be miserable. It feels very good to be miserable. One feels one is... maybe miserable, but one is.
When you are really happy you are not. In happiness you disappear; in misery you are. Misery creates the ego, and happiness takes it away... and forever!
You have lived enough in misery - now come out of it. And it is only a question of deciding that you want to come out of it; then nothing can hold you back.
So start meditating, do a few groups as a cleansing.
[The sannyasin says he misses his daughter very much.]
Don't be worried. There is no need to leave anybody. Just first get clean yourself; then everything remains possible. The daughter can be with you, the wife can also be again with you; don't be worried about that.
Right now if you create such problems - which cannot be solved... For example, nothing can be done about the daughter right now. There are three types of problems....
One is where something can be done: then do something. Another kind of problem is where nothing can be done right now: then don't be worried right now. And there is a third kind of problem: nothing can be done ever; then why bother about it ? That's not a problem at all. These are the three kinds of problems. Start from the first.
Right now I would like you to clean your mind. The second thing: we will think about the relationship with your wife, with your children. But that will be the second thing.
Right now if you start thinking in a confused state you will be getting unnecessarily tense, anxious, and that is not going to help. That will not bring your daughter back to you, so it is pointless.
First, for three months, forget everything. For three months just clean yourself. Go through all the processes possible so you have a clarity, and then we will think out of that clarity, what you want.
Maybe you decide that it is good that the child remains with the mother; out of that clarity nobody knows. Or you may decide that the child is needed with you or you decide that you need the mother and the child both. But that will be after three months. For three months we will not tackle that problem. And nothing is going to change - the daughter will be there, the wife will be there - so there is no hurry. The problem can wait for three months.
Always remember that the problem has to be solved by you. So first you become clear, unclouded.
And that will be my work here: for three months to just wipe out all the dust from your mind so you have a mirror. And then you can see, and things will be different.
[A sannyasin says: I used to believe that women were very important to me - the most important things. I'm not sure any more... but that was my only certainty.]
Only? So it is very good - now I will be your certainty! That's very good. It was a false certainty:
you were just believing in an illusion. And I am not saying not to love women - but don't depend on them. And if you depend, you cannot love, and if you love you cannot depend. Only independent people can love.
That idea of yours - that women were a kind of security, a safety, a shelter - was a childish idea. You were projecting your mother onto other women. It is good - you are becoming mature. You have to come to your own. Love women, but don't depend on them; love women and don't let them depend on you. Love is always favourable to independence, freedom.
And don't feel confused. I can understand, mm ? Something to which you were holding tight and that you were thinking was very valuable, has disappeared. It was not valuable in the first place and because of it you could not have grown.
The group really did something valuable to you. And I know there will be confusion for a few days, but don't try to get into that clarity - that you call clarity - again. It was not clarity, it was just unawareness.
Don't try to get into it again and don't try to replace it with something else! Don't miss this opportunity of being yourself....
That's what one starts with - nothing! If you can live with this nothing, soon you will start feeling who you are. But if you don't live with this nothing you will never know who you are. You can go on clinging to the apron strings of any woman; you will remain a child.
And no woman will love you. They can patronise you, they will say, 'This is a childish man.' They will become your mother. That's not right.
[The sannyasin says he is booked for the tantra group. Now he is afraid of it but before he wanted to do it.]
Because of those women! But now... mm! Now it will be a real tantra! That would not have been tantra; you would have found some mummy! Now it will be real tantra. You do it! Don't be worried.
[The sannyasin then says he is afraid of the encounter group because he sees he has much violence.
When he felt like hitting someone, he hit the wall, but really he wanted to hurt someone.]
That was not right. The real thing is that you wanted to throw the anger so you have thrown it on the wall, and that is very very good. That is very gentlemanly!