And remember that the change of a name is not just a change of the name: it means much. It orients you towards the future instead of the past. The old name belongs to the past, it contains your whole past; it holds your whole past like a thread, running through all the events and all the memories. That name is almost like a container which contains all, a hold-all. Dropping it is immensely valuable. In the very dropping you disconnect yourself from the past, and through that disconnection you become available to the future.
Energy can only move either towards the past or towards the future. The misery is that man lives in the past and the past is death, the future is life. Life is continuously renewing itself, moving into the unknown, searching, seeking; life is adventurous. And one cannot really live in the past, one can only pretend, because the past is no more. But we go on looking back, we go on hiding in memories behind memories. They give us a kind of protection but that protection is poisonous: it destroys your capacity to be available to the future, to the new. So the new name is just an indication that you disconnect yourself from the past, that from this moment you are born again, this is a rebirth.
Jesus says: Unless a man is born again, he will not see my kingdom of god; this is exactly what he means. Sannyas is a way of dying to the past, a way of being reborn. And the rebirth that is starting this moment has not to stop anywhere. It is not an event, it is a process. It will continue: you will be born again and again and again. A really alive person is continuously changing, moving, is continuously dropping the past, dying to the past. Real life is a constant rebirth.
Vitrago is the highest form of love. The lowest form of love is called raga; raga means attachment, possessiveness, lust. Vitrago means going beyond possessiveness, going beyond domination. The lowest form of love reduces the other person to a thing it kills, it is murderous - and naturally when you reduce the other person to a thing, he takes revenge: he reduces you to a thing. That is the conflict that goes on amongst all kinds of couples: husband and wife, friends, fathers and sons,
mothers and daughters, all kinds of couples. The whole struggle is to see who is to be the dominant one. But remember that even the dominant one is reduced into a thing through that relationship. You can only reduce the other by reducing yourself to the same status. So people have become things, they are no more people.
The highest form of love transforms even things into persons. It gives freedom, it is respectful, it has the quality of reverence Parents love their children but they don't have any reverence for them.
That's how they destroy their children. Husbands love their wives but they don't have any reverence for them, and so on, so forth. Unless love is full of reverence it is going to be murderous. It is poison, pure poison; it destroys behind beautiful names. Only the labels are beautiful, the reality is something else; it is jealousy, possessiveness, conflict, nagging, struggle; it is an ego trip.
Vitrago means going beyond the ego, going beyond domination, going beyond possessiveness, going into freedom and reverence for life. Love, but never reduce the other to a thing. Love so deeply that slowly slowly, the other is transformed into a god or a goddess.
[A sannyasin mother and daughter are leaving for the west. The mother says that up to now she's been working as a pharmacist... she has to give medicine which may harm people rather than help them. Some of it is healing but she is not entirely happy about the whole of it.]
I understand... but nobody is constantly happy in any kind of work. It is not concerned with the work as such; it is more concerned with our mind, with our attitudes, with our moods, with our lows and highs. So nobody is always happy, and by changing the work, nothing will be changed: you have to change yourself. That is a very easy thing to do, to change the work. People start doing that, then they start moving from one kind of work to another. But every kind of work will be frustrating unless your mind changes.
So a few things: whenever you feel that you are not in a good mood and you don't feel good in the work, before starting work just exhale deeply for five minutes. Feel with the exhalation that you are throwing your dark mood out. And you will be surprised: within five minutes you will suddenly be back to normal, the low will have disappeared, the darkness will be there no more.
I can understand your problem, but life is complicated; one never knows what is going to help and what is going to harm. It is not only with allopathic medicine; it is so with everything. One never knows what is going to help and what is going to harm. All that we can hope is that we don't do any intentional harm, that's all; and that you are not doing.
If we start thinking in that way - that we should do only that which is absolutely certain to be beneficial - then nothing can be done at all, nothing can be done at all, and that will be more harmful. For example, if you give medicine to a hundred patients and to ten, it is harmful and because of them you stop giving the medicine to a hundred, then it will be harmful to one hundred percent of people. So we have to choose the lesser evil; the lesser evil is this.
And sometimes it happens... for example, in homeopathy, the medicine doesn't harm but it doesn't help either. It is just your gullibility that helps, not the medicine at all. A medicine which is not harmful at all cannot be helpful. Only a medicine that can help, can harm, because it has power. So one can go on distributing homeopathic medicine and can feel very good, but then too one is harming in a very indirect way.
For example a patient with cancer comes to you and you give him homeopathic medicine. It is not going to harm him but he could have taken some other medicine which could have helped him, and now he will depend on homeopathy; if he dies, you will be responsible. You have harmed him - not by homeopathic medicine but by delaying. So it is complicated. If you start getting into this, you will go mad. Simply relax. Just don't do intentional harm, that's all.
In the East we have thought very much about these things because we got into it too much and became almost crazy. Now there is a sect of Jainas in India which don't eat in the night because some insects may fall in the food and may die and they may be responsible. They don't drink water in the night. But they are torturing their body, and in that very torture many cells will die inside. So they are killing those cells.
Now Jaina monks go on fasting for long periods of time, thirty days, and they think it is very auspicious and very virtuous because in not taking any food for thirty days you have not harmed anybody. Mm? by taking food you harm something or other, even if it is vegetarian: so many plants have been cut for you, those plants have died; you are responsible for their life. They would have lived; now you have eaten them.
They fast. But then you are eating your own flesh; that's why about two pounds is lost in weight each day. Where has it gone? Then rather than being a vegetarian you have become a non-vegetarian,:
you have eaten your own meat!
These are complicated problems and one can try to go on avoiding them but one cannot avoid them absolutely. All that we can do is not to do intentional harm... the least, that's all, but don't try to be perfect. So just be in your work, help. And you know about it, you have had twenty years' experience; do whatsoever you can do.
Drop these problems and these worries, otherwise you will become more and more tense. Leave everything to god, mm? That's the beauty of being a sannyasin: you can leave everything to god.
Now it is his problem: whether to save this man or to kill him. Finally he is responsible, nobody else.
[A sannyasin, returning to the west, says: I always feel as if I'm in a dream, as if I'm not really here.
Osho checks her energy.]
Nothing to be worried or disturbed about. It is not actually a dream: you have a very very deep quality of being a visionary, and visionaries always feel like that. It is something beautiful which can be used in your spiritual growth; you can see many things which others can't see. So rather than getting disturbed about it, feel happy about it and use it. You can develop great qualities of seeing into the future, seeing into possibilities. It can become an extra-sensory perception; you can develop e.s.p. very easily, you can become telepathic too.
These are qualities which humanity has forgotten, and they need to be revived again. You can-read somebody else's thoughts very easily, just a little knack has to be learned. If you don't learn how to become a true visionary these visions will look like dreams and you will feel you are living in some hazy kind of existence where nothing seems to be clear-cut. Everything seems to be vague, ambiguous, and everything fades into everything else.
So rather than trying to get out of it, try to get into it, and start being creative about it. You will be surprised that you will discover a treasure within yourself. And I will help you. So the first thing is:
accept it deeply with gratitude; it is a gift. Just as poetry is a gift and there are born poets, so to be a visionary is a great gift. There are born visionaries, you are a born visionary.
But you will be in difficulty; if you don't understand it you will always feel strange. You live with people who have forgotten this language, who know calculation, logic, mathematics, who deal with concepts and words, and you deal with pictures; that is the difference.
There are two types of people: the word-oriented and the picture-oriented. The picture-oriented is a different type. If somebody says 'mango', the word-oriented person will never visualise the mango.
He will simply listen to the word 'mango'; he will hear the word 'mango' but no picture will arise in him. But in you immediately an image of the mango will arise - not only that: you will start feeling the taste of it, the texture of it. One feels that this should not be so but really this should be so.
People are missing much, they are missing great depths of being.
So when you come next, remind me, mm? - I will give you a few methods to work out. But accept it from this moment, and that very acceptance will help many things. Just start playing around with the faculty. Sitting silently, try to penetrate the wall and see what is in the next room, then go and see. Soon you will be surprised.... Somebody is going to say something - just try to find out what he is going to say and you will be surprised. You are sitting in your room; go on trying to guess who is at the door. You will be able to see that a man has knocked.
Slowly slowly, confidence will arise, and then things will start working. All you need is a little confidence in it, a little trust in it. And when you are here next, remind me, then I will give you a few methods to work it out. It will be easier to work it out here.
[Osho had previously told a sannyasin that he'd been at Jesus crucifixion, that one day this memory would surface, the recall would transform him. To help, Osho suggested he make a meditation of feeling crucified, of getting into rapport with Jesus.
Tonight the sannyasin says: I haven't found the key to the method you gave me in meditation.]
Don't be worried about it, just forget about it right now, drop it. You have worked. What happens many times is that it is as if you see a man: you remember that you know him, you know that you know his name, you feel it is almost on the tip of your tongue, but the more you try, the more difficult it becomes. Tired, exhausted, you forget about it, and then suddenly the name pops up.
So you have worked; just drop it now. Suddenly it will pop up, any day. Leave it, mm? - just become unconcerned about it, your very concern may be preventing it.
[A sannyasin says: I'm terrified lately. There's something I haven't reached in the groups. It's a deep sadness that I'm experiencing. I'm desperate now.
Osho checks her energy.]
Come a little closer. Just look at my hand. Raise your hands and go on looking without blinking. If something starts happening in the body, allow it. I would like to see the energy moving.
Good! Mm mm, so this is the method that you have to do; start gibberish again. It will bring up all that is lying at the bottom of the heart. That is the right method for you. It is your natural method and the one which will change you completely. Groups can help, I can give you a few more groups, you can go into them, but this you have to continue. This is so natural to you that it can transform you totally. This glossolalia is your method.
So at least once a day go into it for a sixty-minute period; go wildly into it. It will throw out all that is there. It will relax you, relieve you of all the burdens. It is there, you are right: the sadness is there.
That is because of your past, mm? You have lived as a Christian nun for so long that the sadness has settled in you. It has to be broken; it has almost become frozen ice but it is melting. Almost ninety percent is gone but the ten percent is there and it has to be removed completely, otherwise the ten percent can again gather and you can again fall into the trap.
So it has to be uprooted totally, it has to be destroyed totally; not even a fragment has to be left there. Even a small fragment will become a crystallizing force and it will bring everything else up again. These things are like cancer: you have to remove the whole canceric growth. Even if a cell remains inside, that cell will multiply and soon the thing will be back again.
So start glossolalia, gibberish, for one hour every day. And you have been going so beautifully. I am tremendously happy with you.
[Another sannyasin tells Osho he is feeling weird, something's happening. He begins to fall to one side.
Go into it, allow it, Osho says.]
It is not weird; it is beautiful, mm? it is just far out! You are going into a new space, one in which you have never been, so it feels weird. But you have come in contact with something very deep in your being; you have moved inwards. The energy is perfectly good. But that's how it feels when energy really starts moving. Then you are no more normal. It looks as if you are becoming abnormal, crazy or something. It is perfectly good. Soon you will become a paramahansa... just wait!
Just continue as things are, mm? And you have to absorb this energy; don't express it. People won't understand and there is no need to express. Just absorb it. Soon it will settle in a great centering in yourself.
It will become great meditation.
[The sannyasin then says that when he is making love, for the first time he is unable to climax. He has been doing the Kundalini meditation regularly but feels sick after it.]
Stop Kundalini... just stop it for a few days. I will see later but just stop it for a few days. And while making love do Kundalini!
The Kundalini must be doing something to your energy now. Its work is finished it seems, Kundalini won't suit you any more. I will give you some other method but for three, four weeks simply stop it, mm? - and just live a normal life. Forget about meditation. Let your love come to a natural state then tell me, then I will give you a new method.
[A sannyasin, with Osho's encouragement, goes into catharsis. There is a block in her belly.]
Mm, it is there - I can see it - but it will go. Do you have a box with you? Good. So tonight just put the box where you feel the energy is concentrated, mm? It will help, it will relax things. But it is good:
energy has come up from the sex centre, it has started moving upwards. It is too concentrated there so you are becoming a little worried. You are pregnant with energy!
It happens to women more than to men. They have more space there because of the womb so energy can accumulate more. With men it ordinarily never happens, it never accumulates there.
It accumulates in different places, it can accumulate in the throat with man, but with women it can accumulate there in the belly. And it becomes heavy, it can really give you a big belly. It can almost make you feel that you are pregnant. You can start walking like a pregnant woman... but don't be worried: you are not pregnant or anything!
It will go, mm? - every night for five minutes put the box there... just enjoy this energy!