Swanirodha. Swa means self, ego, nirodha means cessation - cessation of the self. And the only problem is the self; all other problems are by-products of it. People go on becoming too concerned about other problems. They try to solve them, but they cannot be solved because they are not the real problems... just by-products, shadows. There is anger and there is greed and there is ambition:
they are only symptoms, the disease is the ego. Anger arises because of the ego, so does greed, so does ambition. Unless the base is destroyed those problems will continue in one form or another.
You can close one door, another will open immediately. You can throw the problem outside from one door, and as you turn you will find it has entered again from the back door. There are not problems, there is only one problem: that is the false idea of 'I am.' You are not, god is. Dissolve the I and all problems simply disappear as if they have never existed. That is the meaning of... Swanirodha.
And that is the whole work here: to help you to dissolve, to persuade you to melt. It really needs great persuasion, because that is the most dangerous thing a man can ever think of. To cease means to commit suicide. Sannyas is suicide... literally, not metaphorically. The ordinary suicide is nothing compared to it. In the ordinary suicide you only change the body like the clothes or the house, but you remain the same. In sannyas you disappear, and when you disappear, there is great benediction.
[A sannyasin says: I can't say anything.]
And there is no need to say anything - I understand what the problem is; it is not really a problem.
Sometimes we make problems out of things which are not problems. Just a different approach is needed and the problem is no more thought of as a problem. Sometimes we look at a mystery as a problem; then we are on the wrong track. We start trying to solve it, finding ways and means... and it cannot be solved, it is a mystery! You can live it, you cannot solve it. The problems of the head
can be solved, they are problems, but the problem of the heart cannot be solved. It is not a problem in the first place, it is a mystery to be lived.
Your hands went right to the place where you are feeling. It is a question of feeling and being, mm?
- that is why it is very difficult to express it. Feelings are nude, dumb, non-assertive. They are there, one can feel them, but they cannot be expressed. That is their beauty really, that they can't be expressed. Anything that can be expressed is bound to be superficial. Anything that can be expressed is worthless; just because it has been expressed it becomes worthless.
Lao Tzu says, 'That which can be said is no more true. The tao that can be talked about is not the real tao.' The real tao cannot be talked about. You cannot make a problem of it, you cannot find a solution for it. You can only go into it and disappear into it. The question is never solved but the questioner disappears. And that's my work on you here: I am here not to dissolve your questions but to dissolve you. And that is going to happen... that is already on the way.
[A visitor reminds Osho of the letter she wrote him in which she asked: What of the elder son? (in the story of the Prodigal Son).] Mm mm. I remember your question and I waited for today to answer it.
The story has immense significance, and your question is very very relevant. It very rarely arises in people's mind to ask about the elder son. The whole story moves around the younger son - the one who went astray, the one who lost everything and came back home. The story says nothing about the elder son who remained at home. But the question is very significant and Christians have been avoiding that question. I have never come across a commentary about the elder son; they are afraid to talk about it. The reality is that the elder son is not yet born, because you cannot be born if you have not gone astray. The elder son exists not, he is fictitious. To be, one has to rebel; that is the way of being.
Each child has to leave the mother's womb. If somebody asks, 'What about that child who never left the mother's womb?'... The child will be dead: nothing can be said about him. Not only will he be dead, he will kill the mother too. Those elder sons are killing god himself. They are there:
they always remain in the womb, they never leave it. They are very orthodox and conventional; they never rebel.
God wants you to rebel, to go against him; god wants you to go astray - to explore, search, be lost.
Only when you have gone so far away that the thirst to be close to god arises again in you, when you feel a great hunger to return, then only will you find god, otherwise you won't.
That is the meaning of the original sin. It had to happen, Adam had to leave. And my own interpretation is that god arranged it perfectly well that he should leave, but he managed it in such an indirect way that Adam never came to know that it had been arranged. If he had known it was arranged it would not have happened, that is certain. Adam is not allowed to know about it; the planning has to remain hidden. If he knows that god is sending him away he will not go at all.
That's why the prohibition not to eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. That is a provocation, not a prohibition; rightly understood it is a provocation, it is a challenge, it is a seduction. It creates great attraction towards the tree.
Since that time Adam must have dreamt about the tree continuously, must have thought about it continuously, must have gone many times to the tree, must have looked and thought, 'Why? Why am I not allowed to eat from this tree?' And the temptation must have become bigger and bigger and bigger. It was not the snake or the devil; it was god!
In fact in the East the snake has always represented god, never the devil. In the East we think too that inside each of us there is a coiled serpent, just at the base of our spine; we call it kundalini.
That serpent power arises, and when it reaches the highest peak in your consciousness you become enlightened. You become enlightened through the serpent.
God pushed Adam to go away in such an indirect way because he loved him and he knew that Adam could only understand things when he had lost all. Adam could become Christ only if he went astray.
The original meaning of the word 'sin' is separation, nothing else. Sin and the English word 'asunder' come from the same root: to make separate, to divide, to cut. Sin simply means that man went away from god, he cut himself off from god; he started searching on his own, living on his own. That is the meaning of the parable, that the younger son leaves.
And why does the younger leave? - that too is significant - because only youth, only a mind which is young, can rebel.
The elder is a conformist, but the elder is not born yet. He can never be welcomed home because he never went away. He is not a grown-up person; he may be the elder but he is not a grown-up person. The younger is the grown-up person, the younger is mature. He paid; he suffered and he attained to a kind of wisdom that comes only through suffering. One has to pay for it through many sufferings. The younger is not the same person who left home; in those ten or fifteen years that he was away he learned a lot, he saw a lot. The elder didn't learn anything, he had not seen anything.
He had not been in the world; he had lived protected. He simply vegetated.
So to me, the elder son is fictitious; he is not yet born. Jesus has not explained it because he was more concerned with the younger son; the parable moves around the younger. But I liked your question, because the elder also should be thought about; then the parable becomes more complete.
When you see that sin is a must - by sin, again I mean the separation - then coming home has a totally different quality. It is not the same home because you are not the same person any more:
now you have eyes to see what the home is.
It is said that unless you have seen many countries you will not understand your own motherland.
How can you? - you don't have any comparison. The son went away, went against the father; now he has experienced what it means. He became a beggar, he suffered, he was in pain. Now he knows the beauties of the home, the comfort, the security, the love, the warmth, now he will understand. Now he can compare and contrast.
Christ is possible only if you become an Adam.
... You have to go into many things which you have been avoiding. You are afraid of life and you will miss if you are afraid. Life has to be lived. It is painful, certainly painful, it brings many anguishes, but those anguishes create you; you can't be created in any other way. They are like birth pains.
I am saying only this, to try to experience as many things in life as possible. Don't be afraid; an afraid person can never know god, he will become the elder son. One has be courageous and one has to try! Naturally there are many errors possible: when you do things you commit mistakes. Don't commit the same mistakes again and again; create new mistakes. But don't be afraid of mistakes, because it is through them that you will learn and will become more mature. Then coming home is really beautiful... it is just fantastic. Otherwise you can remain in the home; you are in the womb.
You are afraid here also because it is a totally different experience that is available here. You are avoiding it, you are just standing outside; you are afraid of taking any jump into it. And you know that you can take the jump. You know also that the jump will give you great experiences, but you are afraid: 'Who knows? Why leave the known and the familiar territory? Why jump into the ocean?
Cling to the shore.' But that attitude is suicidal. You will miss many things in life. The world exists only for the courageous.
There is no point in being afraid because this body will go, this mind will go. One day we will die; everything is going down the drain already, so why not live it? Tomorrow we die so why not live today and why not risk? It is simply foolish not to risk, because the elder son will die, just as the younger will, but the younger will die with a great understanding and the elder will simply die like a fool.
Ordinarily the elder looks wise and the younger looks foolish, but deep down the elder remains foolish, naive, childish, and the younger has become a grown-up person. He will die with a contented heart: he has known all that was available, he lived all dimensions. Be rich!... and richness comes only through living new experiences.
This is a totally new experience available here. Don't protect yourself; you have nothing to lose and all to gain. But your whole life pattern has been of fear. You are holding yourself; it is time to drop that. Once you drop it, life will start flowing. And you will be surprised later on at how you have been holding back for so long and why and for what. Don't miss the opportunity that is available here.
[One of the ashram therapists] was also worried about you, that's why he has sent you here. But you are keeping aloof; you have even been afraid to come to me! He has sent you for a specific reason:
he wanted you to be more close to me, to be closer to this work that is going on here. This is what Christ was doing in his own time! It is the same work, because the principle, the basic principle, always remains the same. You call it Christian, you call it Hindu - you call it anything, it doesn't make much difference. What you call it is just your preference, but the basic principle remains the same: man has to be helped to go beyond conventions. That was the rebellion that Christ brought to the world: man has to be helped to be rebellious. That's what he died for. He was one of the most rebellious men.
So think of sannyas, become a sannyasin and take the plunge! There is no need to avoid. Will you have to think about it or would you like to take the jump today, mm? Today?...
I can help you jump... I can push you! That I know: left alone to yourself you will not jump. Somebody has to love you so much that he can push you. Once you have jumped you will always feel thankful, but somebody has to do the thankless job first! I am ready to push you. Just come close and close your eyes and I will help you jump.
You have been holding back long enough. mm? Relax! You may not find this opportunity again in your life. What should I do? Should I push you or leave you to yourself, mm?
Prem means love, suparno literally means the eagle; metaphorically it means wide-winged - wide- winged love, an eagle of love. And two things have to be remembered.... Instead of fear, live love; they are the polar opposites. People ordinarily think that love and hate are opposites; that's wrong, they are not. Love and hate are the same energy, love-hate is one energy. Love can become hate, hate can become love; they are convertible. So they are not opposite, they are complementary. In fact we love and we hate the same person; they are always together. They are not enemies, they are friends. The real opposition is between love and fear. They are never together; if you become attached too much to fear, love disappears. Fear cannot be converted into love, love cannot be converted into fear; they are not convertible.
You have lived basically through fear, so this is my message: start living through love, not through fear. Only love makes one rich. Fear cripples, paralyzes, and the more paralyzed you become, the more afraid, so it is a vicious circle. Love gives you wings, it helps you relax into life, it gives you courage to experience life in different ways. It allows you the whole span of life, it is multi- dimensional. It is the whole rainbow, all the colours of life. So the first thing: drop fear and imbibe love more and more; replace fear by love.
And the second thing: think of the sky, the vast, think of freedom, infinity. Don't think of small things, trivia. Fear always thinks of small things, love never thinks of small things. Love is ready to sacrifice all; love only thinks of the vast. It is an eagle on the winds, it goes in search of the unknown.
So these two things: instead of fear, love, and instead of small things - security, comfort, convenience, safety, familiarity - think of exploration, new experiences of the unknown, adventures.
These two things will bring you closer and closer to god.
[A sannyasin says: I'm separating from a man I've been with. I feel a lot of different things: I keep expecting to feel sad... and I don't!... But I feel I ought to feel sad.]
No, no, you need not feel sad; that is just a wrong habit and wrong expectation. One should always feel good when one separates, because one is moving into new freedom; one bondage is broken.
When one relationship is gone, one prison is gone. One should feel really happy, and in reality happiness comes. But because you have been taught to feel sad and cry about it, if you don't feel sad you start feeling guilty that you are doing something wrong. You aren't; you are just becoming natural. This is how it should be.
Why should one not feel happy when one misery has disappeared? It is perfectly good. Be happy at least for a few days till you create another misery.
Don't miss this chance because sooner or later some other karma will come up and you will have to go through some other experience, mm?...
So meanwhile enjoy as much as you can; don't feel guilty. The human mind has been conditioned to feel guilty about many things for which naturally it doesn't feel guilty. Listen to nature.
If the relationship were good it would have continued. It came to a point where it was too heavy, not worth keeping; that's why it has broken. You are free, the other is free: celebrate freedom! Feel grateful to the other person because he has helped you to learn many things. He helped you to go through many experiences - good and bad, ugly and beautiful, sweet dreams and nightmares; feel thankful for all that. There is no need to feel sad. And if you don't feel sad, don't feel guilty; that is far worse. Sadness is bitter but guilt is going even one step deeper into hell. But no need for guilt, no need for sadness; just enjoy the open sky again.
When one is unrelated, when one is alone... and it happens only when one relationship is finished, for a few days you can be alone and you can really enjoy the aloneness. You have been longing and longing for this aloneness but the other was there constantly crippling you, interfering and constantly encroaching upon you. Now you can enjoy! This will only last for a few days because wisdom does not last long! Again you will start hankering for relationship and the joys of being together. Soon you will start feeling that this is loneliness and what are you doing sitting here? Such a beautiful girl; what are you doing unrelated? Everybody is moving in couples and everybody is suffering so much; what are you doing? The problem will arise and soon you will get into some trip again. Before that happens, enjoy this aloneness; this is precious.
There is a rhythm: sometimes enjoy relationship, sometimes enjoy aloneness. Enjoying both again and again, one day you will come to the understanding that there is no need to be in relationship and there is no need to be alone. You can be in relationship and alone and you can be alone and in relationship. Then you have become wise. Then they are not two opposites. You are not to choose, both are there; one remains in relationship and yet remains alone. One knows one's aloneness is eternal, it cannot be broken; still one shares one's joys with the other but one doesn't feel related in any way.
When two alonenesses exist together in deep love without creating any imprisonment for the other, then something immensely valuable has happened. But before that happens you will have to go through these two stages again and again; one learns only by experience. But see how the human mind is foolish: when you were in relationship, you must have been hankering to be alone and free.
Now you are alone and free you are thinking that you should be sad, you should feel miserable.
Again you will be in relationship and again you will think you should be alone and happy; how beautiful it was!
We go on missing the point and we go on thinking of something else which was not the case; this is how the foolish mind functions. Enjoy the moment, and whatsoever the moment makes available to you, be enriched by. This time, be alone; this is the season for you to be alone. Bloom in your aloneness: dance and sing before it is lost. Then dance and sing together before that is lost! And it will come and go many times. It is just like seasons: summer comes and the rains and the winter and it goes on moving. But one day that ultimate also happens; it always happens only through experience. Don't feel sad and never feel guilty. Never allow guilt to enter into your being for any reason at all.
If sadness is coming naturally, that's okay; I allow it. Enjoy it. But if it is not coming don't feel guilty.
Enjoy the natural and avoid the artificial. Good!
[Another sannyasin says that he lacks authenticity because he is unable to express his emotions:
This is the result of having ended a relationship. It frightens me that I can't express my needs or I've never been able to. I cover them over with manners and rationalisations and generalisations. I feel good about it, as if something new is about to happen, but it's.... ]
Mm mm. Feelings cannot be expressed, so if you live in the head you will feel you are authentic, because the head can express itself easily. All the ways of expression are invented by the head; they are head ways. When you start feeling something, this problem will arise automatically; you will feel inauthentic because whatsoever you will express will not be the thing that you are feeling, and what you are feeling will not be expressed. So you will feel that there is some inauthenticity. It is nothing, not inauthenticity. You have to recognise the fact that feelings cannot be expressed; all expression is very very inadequate for feelings.
So no need to be sad about it, no need to be worried about it. Just remember that the feelings cannot be expressed the way thinking, thoughts, can. Language is made by the thoughts, for the thoughts, so it is perfectly okay with thoughts. Feelings are a different world altogether. So remember that feelings cannot be expressed adequately, but there is no need to be worried about it; it is not that you are inauthentic.
For the first time in many years you have felt feelings, hence the problem. It is not that you are inauthentic, it is just that you have remained in the head. For the first time the heart is opening, a new world is opening for which you have no language so you feel almost uneducated, illiterate. That happens to everybody because all literacy is in the head; when the heart opens, you suddenly feel illiterate. But by and by the heart will find its own way.
It will never be as adequate as the head, never be as clear, as skilful, as the head, it will never be as efficient either but it will find its own ways. That's how you love a person: you just hold her hand because whatsoever you can say looks so stupid. Now you are trying to say something through body language. Or you hug the person. You are saying, 'I cannot say it - I can only be it'; a hug is a way of being. Or you cry and the tears come down from your eyes; you are so full of joy that words are inadequate. Or you dance, you sing a song.... But these are all indirect ways.
They will come by and by; don't be worried. You will just have to learn a new language, a new grammar, a new semantics. You cannot do anything about it: you just have to go deeper into it, you have to become more foolish, that's all. The mind will say that you are getting more and more foolish; but you have to become a little madder! And the heart finds its own ways; they are utterly different from the head.
Right now your heart is opening for the first time so you will feel this difference: your head is developed, intelligent, skilful; your heart is absolutely new. The disparity will create the feeling that you are inauthentic; you are not!
Just enjoy the heart and its feelings. Be more in the body and say things through the body, through acts. And small things are so expressive, mm? You may not be able to say something to your woman but you can give her a flower, or just the way you look at her, the way you are charmed by her, the way your eyes have a glint, is enough. Women are very very understanding about that.
In fact, if you talk too much, that is all junk. A woman doesn't see what you are saying: she sees what you are feeling. That is one of the problems: the man thinks, 'I am talking about such beautiful things, I am being so loving, I am saying such great things', and the woman is simply uninterested!
She knows that you are talking but your heart is not in it. Sometimes you are silent and the woman understands. In the way you look at her or you hold her hand or just sit in simple silence where not a single word is uttered, something is communicated.
The woman is still intuitive. She is still more animal than man, wilder than man; that's her beauty.
And that is the hope for humanity, that at least half of humanity is still wild, uncivilized. There is hope that the other half will also fall back into uncivilization, will become uncultured again.
But I don't think there is any problem.
[Another sannyasin said he doesn't know any more what's the point of being here... suddenly he felt like being very far away from Osho and he just felt very hopeless and helpless.]
In fact there is no point in being here. You are coming closer to the right thing, to the truth. And if I can take all your hopes from you, I have helped you. If you can become hopeless that means you will never be frustrated again, because it is through hope that frustration comes in. If you are here with some business in mind, you are not here. Unless you are purposelessly here, you are not here at all.
So something beautiful is happening. You cannot understand it right now, that's true. You look bewildered; but I am happy....
[Osho checks his energy.]
Good! You are just on the brink of explosion. Something really great is possible at this moment. Just accept it and enjoy!