Darshan 7 March 1978
Premmurti. It means image of love. Open your heart more, think less. Get down from the head to the heart, feel more. Through feeling more one gets to the being; through thinking more one gets away from the being. Thinking creates distance from yourself; feeling destroys the distance.
The ultimate in thinking is schizophrenia, you become two; the distance is so much that it becomes unbridgeable. And the ultimate in feeling is when only you are left, nothing else is there; you attain to a tremendous oneness, aloneness, all-one-ness.
So get more and more in tune with love. Love more and you will be more.
[The new sannyasin says that in the West: I was working as an electrical supervisor.]
Mm mm, continue working and start meditating. The world has not to be renounced: the world has to be loved and lived. The way to god is through the world. Don't become an escapist; that escapism is very deep in the Indian consciousness. The Indian consciousness gets very weary and tired and wants to escape; that is suicidal. Live the world in all its dimensionality, in its intensity. Love the world, because it is god's world: he is hidden behind it. Somewhere, going deeper into life, you will find him. You will not find him in the Himalayas. If you cannot find him in the marketplace, you will not find him anywhere else. The marketplace is the most suitable situation to find him.
So continue to work... start meditating!
[A sannyasin, who is leaving for the West, says: When feelings and emotions come up out of me they don't seem like just one thing; it is a confusion inside. I don't know which emotion it is: it's half of one thing and half of another. I don't know if it's something to be concerned about.]
No, no need to be concerned... no need to be concerned. Simply go on living. Live your confusion; don't try to get out of it. If you try to get out of it you create more confusion. A confused mind cannot
get out of confusion. If the mind tries to get out of confusion it will be like pulling yourself up by your shoelaces: it will create more confusion.
The only way is to accept it. Everybody is confused, otherwise all would have been Buddhas! The whole world is confused. Confusion is intrinsic to the human mind. The confusion has a very fundamental reason, there is an ontology to confusion. Man comes from the animals and man has to become god, that is the confusion. Half belongs to the world of the animals, the unconscious part, and the other half is trying to become conscious, absolutely conscious, hence the tension. Both go on trying to manipulate you, and you are never sure who you are - whether to go this way or to go that way. In being pulled between these two the confusion arises.
Don't try to escape from it; live it. This is life; love it! Get deeper into it, and by getting deeper into it you will be surprised: your eyes are becoming more and more clear. As you look deeper into your confusion, it starts sorting itself out.
If one goes deeply into any problem one arrives at its solution. The solution is hidden in the problem; it is never outside. The problem is simply an indication that the solution is within you and you are not looking for it. So go into your confusion; allow it, watch it, see it. And don't be in a hurry to get out of it, because whenever one is in a hurry to get out, one stops understanding. What is the point of understanding something which you want to drop? And you cannot drop it unless you have understood it; that's the dichotomy. Try to understand it; in that very understanding, confusion disappears.
Clarity comes out of understanding your confusions and answers come by going deeper into your problems. Certainly one day it happens: all confusion is gone, all problems disappear, and you are left alone. The beauty of that aloneness is nirvana, is enlightenment. All remains as it is; only now between you and reality there are no more any clouds. Everything is the same - you are the same, the world is the same - it is just the something between the two, the confusion, that cloud, is no more there.
Look deep into your confusion. Don't be worried about it, don't be concerned about it, because concern means that you are getting ready to escape from it. Hence people create devices; they repress it, they avoid it, they don't look at it or they start distracting their mind through some other channels. But all these things are not going to help, they will make you more and more confused. If you want to avoid one confusion you will create another; to avoid that you will create another. Don't avoid the first one: go into it, watch it, let it be your meditation. If it is there, there must be some significance, because nothing exists without any significance.
By and by you will feel thankful for it, because looking into it you will become clear, more meditative, more alert, more aware. Then finally you will thank your confusion, that it helped you, that it was an opportunity to grow into awareness. It was just an opportunity knocking on your door to help you to grow into awareness.
[A sannyasin, returning to the west, says: I've found out who I am... I experience that there's no place else to be, that I'm the centre of it. I don't even know what my relationship with you is now... I don't even see why I need to come here.]
If you don't feel any relationship with me then there is no point in asking anything, because I am not interested in people who are not related with me; I am not interested even in answering them. Why waste time?...
[The sannyasin answers: There's something I don't understand about it yet.]
It is nothing - just an ego trip. You are an egoist and nothing else but you go on justifying your ego in different ways. You can't accept the idea that you need somebody; that hurts your ego. And you do need someone, so you go on coming and still you go on saying that you don't need to and you don't know why you come. You know perfectly well why you come, but the ego can't accept the idea that you need me. The ego can't accept the idea that you have to relate.
You are trying to become a master rather than a disciple, and that you enjoy. Nothing is wrong - you can go on enjoying it - but deep down you will remain in ignorance, and the people you think you are helping, you will be harming finally. How can you help? - you still need help. But you feel good, that is true. The ego always feels good whenever it is in a position, a high position. So when somebody comes to you and you advise them and help them and you become a therapist and a guru, you feel very good; in those moments you are perfectly happy. But when you are left alone you don't know who you are. You always need somebody there to make you feel that you are a therapist, you are a guru, you are this and that. When there is nobody, then you are in a difficulty. That's why when you come here you feel a little difficulty because here you are not a master and nobody will bother to listen to you.
The whole problem is that rather than working on your own inner self you have started working on others. But that is happening to many people in the West, you are not alone in that trip; thousands of people are moving in that trip. And one day you will be very much frustrated through all that. One day you will find that you have missed something.
It is up to you: if you think that you know and you can help people, then you don't need any help from me; go on helping. Come only when you feel that now you need my help, otherwise don't come. I already have so many people who really need help and who are ready to accept the help. Let me work on those people, nobody else should take up any time because that is a wastage.
You really want to hear from me, '... you have become enlightened, you are a perfect master now.
Go and help people.' That's what you really want to hear deep down. And I can say it, if you want I can say it, but that will not be of any help; it will be very harmful.
So get down from your ego trip. In this month try to be a disciple, become more passive. The first thing has to happen to you.
That's why you are feeling 'I am the centre of my world', and this and... all nonsense!
You become the centre of yourself only when you are not, not before that. When you disappear, only then are you the centre of your world. When there is no centre, then only are you the centre of your world. While the centre exists it goes on claiming, 'I am the centre of my world.' That claim you will have to look deep down into; that claiming is your problem, and the sooner you drop it the better.
I am not saying that you will not be able to help; if you drop it you will be able to help many people.
Right now you are only pretending to help, because those same problems are your problems and you have not solved them yet, so whatsoever suggestions you give to others are just knowledgeable suggestions. They don't come out of your own knowing and experience; they come from your studies, they come from your learning, they come from your memory.
Be a little more humble. And even if somebody comes and wants your help, give it to him with humility. Tell him that you don't know but you will try; tell him, 'I am in the same boat as you are.
I cannot talk from a peak - I am in the same valley - but maybe I can make available to you my expertise. It has not helped me; maybe it can help you.' If you help with this humbleness then somebody can be helped, and at least one thing will be certain: nobody will be harmed.
Stop pretending! The first work has to be done on yourself, and much has to be done there. If you start doing it... you are capable of doing it, but your whole energy is moving in an extrovert direction:
you are more interested in others, in how to help them. You are like a Christian missionary who knows nothing but goes on helping people. You can become a dangerous do-gooder. It is good to pull yourself out of it. It will not feel very good in the beginning because you will not enjoy the trip, but if you put your total energy into your own work something is possible, you can bloom! And if you bloom, all these problems will disappear. Then you will not feel that you are not related with me. You will not feel that you don't need to come here.
When the need has disappeared you will come out of sheer gratitude. The coming will not stop, in fact only then will the real coming start. Then you don't come in any need; you just come to say, 'Thank you.' And that has a different quality in it: it is not a mere formality, your whole being says thank you.
This looks like a paradox: when you need, the ego goes on saying, 'You don't need anybody'; when you really don't need you become so humble that you don't have any idea that you don't need. When you need, it is very difficult to bow down because it feels as if you are becoming inferior.
Somebody has just today written a question to me saying that he feels very inferior when he asks a question. He asks: 'Osho, when will I be so capable that I need not ask a question?' Even in asking a question he feels inferior! He wants to immediately reach a point where he need not even ask a question. You have also written a question: 'There I feel very good helping people, and here just listening to you I don't feel that good.' That is because listening is a passive thing. In listening you are not asked to do anything, you have to be just there listening; and that is difficult for you. If something is given to you to do you will feel perfectly good; with the doer the ego is satisfied.
And that's why I go on talking every day, morning, evening: it is just an indication to you to be passive. At least for the ninety minutes with me just be utterly passive, just be ears, just taking in - not doing anything, simply letting it in. It is not very important what I say: much more important is that for ninety minutes you are just a receiving end, just a receptivity. What I am saying is just an excuse to create that receptivity. But it is difficult, and I understand - it must be difficult for you. In talking you will feel better than in listening, because in talking you are higher, in listening you feel you are lower.
In this one month just be passive and drop all these nonsensical ideas. Dance, sing, meditate and enjoy! And when you go back start helping people with this humbleness, of saying you don't know.
All your advice should start with, 'I don't know. I am also seeking and searching. I have got a few fragments from here and there; they have not helped me but maybe they can help you. I can make available my expertise. You need not follow it and there is no guarantee that if you follow it something will happen. I simply share whatsoever I have accumulated. If you feel like trying, you can try hypothetically.
You will be of a greater help because the other person will not see the authority in it, although I know that then ninety percent of your clients will disappear, because they seek authority. They don't want really to be helped; they want somebody to lean on. They will disappear. That's why even people who don't know anything go on claiming that they know, because only if they claim they know do people cling to them. If the people, if your disciples, come to know that [you yourself are] yet unenlightened, they will disappear. They will find somebody else who can claim that he is enlightened. So out of sheer necessity you have to go on pretending that you know, that you have arrived, that this has helped you and this is going to help them.
They are not going to be helped; they will simply ding to you, they will lean upon you, and sooner or later they will be angry with you. They will never forgive you, remember, because sooner or later they will find out that nothing is happening. And how long can you go on pretending that it has happened to you when it has not happened? Mm? they will poke their noses in and they will find out. They will become curious about you, and they will catch you red-handed many times in the same problem in which they are. They will say, 'What are you doing?' - and they will be angry with you.
Just be humble. Make available whatsoever you have accumulated but don't waste your whole time in it; give a few hours to yourself. The thing has yet to happen.
If you feel related to me, only then can I work on you. If you don't feel related then it becomes very difficult to work on you, because a certain bridge is needed. Unless you are there to receive it I can go on throwing my energy towards you but it will rebound, it will be a wastage.
So relax for this one month, relax utterly. Have a holiday from your ego for one month and let us see what happens.
[A sannyas says: I seem to have more energy or more feelings than I can handle... that's what makes the knots in my back. I've gone to massage for a long time; it was of no help. I think the feelings are one of the things that make me create so well in my business.
Osho checks his energy.]
I can see that it will be difficult for you to manage but there is no need to manage. Leave yourself to this energy, surrender to this energy. This energy is bigger than you; you cannot hold it. If you try to hold it, it will drive you nuts.
Relax with it, go with it. It is like a flood. You cannot swim against the current, swim with it. This one month will do much. Just swim with the current, let the sadness come. Yes, it is there, a sadness of thousands of lives. Tears will come, laughter will come and all kinds of feelings will come. And they will be almost paradoxical: tears and laughter and crying and smiling - they will all come together.
Sadness and joy both, will erupt in you. People go on repressing all - both the positive and the negative. And you have repressed enough so the dam is breaking. It is perfectly good, it has to break so the river starts flowing again.
In this month simply go with the energies. Small things will trigger it off and you will feel you cannot control it, but there is no need to. Just go into it, trust it.
Omesh means god of the primordial sound. Om is the sound out of which the whole existence has arisen. In the East existence is thought to be a sound vibration. The universe is an orchestra, god is a master musician. The world starts with his sound and ends in the same sound, disappears into the same sound. That sound is called om.
This word 'om' exists in English in many forms: it exists in omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient; they come from the word 'om'. Omnipresent means present as universally as the sound is. Omnipotent means as potential, as powerful, as the primordial sound. Omniscient means one who has seen and heard the universal sound. Omesh means the god of that sound.
Start listening to sounds, let music be your meditation. Listen to the sounds, all kinds of sounds.
They are all divine - even the market noise, even the sounds that are created in the traffic. This aeroplane, that train, all sounds have to be listened to so attentively and silently and lovingly... as if you are listening to music. And you will be surprised: you can transform all sounds into music; they are music. All that is needed is our attitude: if we are resistant, the sound becomes noise; if we are receptive, loving, the sound becomes music. The same thing can be noise to somebody and to somebody else, music.
If you have not heard Indian classical music it will be just noise. If you love it and you have sympathy for it, it is just out of this world, it is of the beyond. People in the East who are not acquainted with the Western music think this is just crazy noise. Whenever you don't fall in tune with something it becomes noise; when you fall in tune with it, when you start vibrating with it, when there is a harmony between you and it, it becomes music. And great is the joy when you can convert all sounds into music. Then your whole life starts becoming a rhythm.
I am giving you this name because I can see the possibility that sound can become the door for you to God.