Let Sannyas Happen

Question 1:

Swami Prem Vardan, capitalism is not an "ism" at all; just don't get too obsessed by the word. Sometimes words become too important to us and we tend to forget the reality.

Capitalism is not an ideology; it is not imposed on the society, it is a natural growth. It is not like communism, or fascism, or socialism -- these are ideologies; they have to be imposed. Capitalism has come on its own. In fact, the word "capitalism" has been given by the anticapitalist thinkers: the communists, the socialists and others. Capitalism is a state of freedom; that's exactly why I am in support of it. It allows you all kinds of freedoms. Communism will not allow you all kinds of freedoms; communism will give you only one ideology to believe in -- there is no question of choice.

I am reminded of Henry Ford....

When he made his first model, those cars were only made in one color -- black. And he himself used to take the customers round his showroom; he would go around with them and show them the cars. He used to say to people, "You are free to choose any color, provided it is black!"

That's exactly the attitude of communism: you are free to choose any ideology, any philosophy, any religion, provided it is communism. In a communist society there is no hope for a multidimensional humanity to grow; it can allow only a certain type to grow: it is linear. You cannot conceive that in a communist pattern even Karl Marx would be possible; he would not be allowed. You cannot conceive a Jesus, a Buddha, a Krishna, or a Lao Tzu being born in a communist society; they would be destroyed at the very beginning.

Before the Russian revolution, Russia produced the greatest novelists in the world.

Before the revolution, Russia passed through an immense period of creativity; it was almost an explosion. Nowhere else, in no other time, were so many great artists born together: Leo Tolstoy, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Anton Chekhov, Maxim Gorky, Turgenev, and many more. What happened to all that creativity after the Russian revolution? Not a single Tolstoy, not a single Dostoevsky, not a single Maxim Gorky has appeared. It is impossible, because the government directs you about what to write, what not to write.

The bureaucracy dictates everything. You cannot paint according to your own heart, you cannot sing the song that you want to sing; you have to dance to the tune that the government plays. Naturally, only mediocre people have been happy in Russia.

Untalented people will find it very good, but talented people, who are the salt of the earth, will be retarded.

Only one outlet is there, to go into politics, and that too is not easy. Once you are in power it is very difficult for anybody else to replace you. Joseph Stalin remained in power longer than any other person, and he was hated by the people from their very guts, but nobody was able to say anything. He killed more people than Genghis Khan, Tamerlane, Nadirshah; even Adolf Hitler comes second to him. And he killed very methodically. It is estimated that he must have killed several million people at least, with no guilt.

The day he died and Krushchev came into power, Krushchev started saying things against him. Even his dead body was removed from the Kremlin, from the place where it had been ceremoniously placed. It was dragged from the grave in a very insulting way and removed to a faraway place which nobody visits.

Krushchev had always served Stalin as a servant, and when he started saying things against him.... In one of the meetings of communist workers he was talking against Stalin, and a worker shouted from the back row, "Where were you when he was alive?

Why didn't you say these things when he was alive?"

For a moment there was a very uneasy silence. Even Krushchev could not find any words. Then he asked, "Can I ask one thing, sir? Can you stand up, comrade? Who has asked this question?" And Krushchev laughed and he said, "Now you know! That's my answer!"

Communism is an "ism"; capitalism is not an "ism." Capitalism is simply a natural phenomenon that has come on its own. There are no capitalist philosophers, there is no capitalist party, there is no capitalist economy which has been enforced on people; it is a growth.

But you seem, Vardan, to be too attached to the word. Rather than looking at the reality you have become distracted by the word "capitalism." It simply means a state of LAISSEZ-FAIRE, a state of freedom where one is allowed to be himself. Capitalism is not an "ism" but a natural state of society which is capable of producing capital, which is capable of producing wealth.

Now for sixty years or more communism has existed in Russia. Still, communism existing in Russia has not been able to make it a rich society; it is a poor country. Of course they go on competing as far as war technology is concerned, but the people are poor. America is far richer; in fact, it is the richest society that has ever existed on the earth. Even the poorest man in America is in a far better situation than any Russian, for the simple reason that people are allowed to produce wealth if they choose to. If they choose not to produce wealth, if they want to be painters, poets, they are allowed -- that is their freedom, that is their birthright. In communism you don't have any birthright.

And remember, equality is a very unpsychological idea. People are not equal. Albert Einstein, Karl Marx, Gautam Buddha, Jesus, Mohammed, Ghalib -- can you consider that these people are equal? The society consists of thousands of types; it is beautiful because of the variety. Communism destroys variety. It makes people in a certain pattern, it gives them a certain structure. The whole society becomes like an army: everybody is regimented, everybody is following a certain ideal.

Don't be too obsessed with the simple word "capitalism." But we live in words...the very word, the mention of the word, can create anger in you. That simply shows anger is there.

And it is a natural phenomenon, particularly when you are the disciple of a master -- deep down you are angry at him. There are reasons for it, because surrendering is going against your ego, and the ego is always ready to take revenge -- any excuse will do.

Judas betrayed Jesus. Do you think he simply betrayed Jesus because of thirty silver coins? That is not the case. Judas would not have betrayed him for only thirty silver coins. He had lived for a long time with Jesus, had loved him, worshipped him, was surrendered to him. Then what came over him? And he felt immensely guilty: the day Jesus was crucified...within twenty-four hours Judas committed suicide out of sheer guilt.

What had he done? He could not survive, he could not live -- the guilt was too heavy.

But nobody has looked into the psychology of Judas. So many people have researched deeply into the psychology of Jesus, but nobody has bothered to look into the psychology of Judas, which is worth studying because masters are few and disciples are many, and their psychology should be understood. And it is not the first case....

Gautam Buddha was betrayed by his own cousin-brother who was a disciple; Devadatta was his name. Mahavira was betrayed by his own son-in-law who was his disciple. It is almost an inevitable phenomenon that each master has been betrayed by somebody who was very close. Why? There must be some hidden reason. Don't just condemn Judas; Judas is only one of the examples.

To surrender to a master creates anger. Unwillingly you have to surrender, finding no other way. You have tried every possible way to be on your own, but the more efforts you have made, the deeper you have gone into the mess. So ultimately, as a last resort, you surrender. But the unwillingness is there. You would have been far more happy if there had been no need to surrender. But because there is nothing else to do -- you have done everything and it has all failed -- you need somebody's help and support, you need somebody's guidance. And in spiritual matters, guidance is possible only if you trust, if you surrender, if you put your ego aside. So you put it aside, but very unwillingly, reluctantly, and it waits for its own time to take revenge. So any small excuse becomes a very big thing.

Now the word "capitalism" is torturing you. If you understand me, what you are saying is exactly what I mean by capitalism.

You say: "Why can't we live a creative life in wealth and freedom without any `isms'?"

That's exactly what capitalism is! Drop the word "ism," find something else. I am not much concerned with words. I am not a linguist, not a grammarian.

Noah Webster, the lexicographer, was in his office making love to his secretary, when Mrs. Webster walked in.

"Noah!" she gasped. "I am surprised!"

Quickly pulling his trousers up, he replied, "Not so, my dear. You are shocked, I am surprised!"

The grammarian, the lexicographer, the linguist, is continuously thinking of words. He is right! He says, "No, you are shocked -- you are using the wrong word -- I am surprised!"

But it is not a question of words at all.

Don't get too obsessed with words; otherwise you will be getting angry again and again.

If you want to be angry, that's another matter; then you can find any excuse. And you will find a thousand and one -- I can provide you with as many excuses as possible!

"You say sannyas means to get rid of all conditioning...." Yes, and it includes the obsession with words too. And you say, "to escape out of every cage...." True.

Capitalism is the only state where you are not forced to live in a cage, you are free. But capitalism is in a very dangerous state, for the simple reason that there are only a few people who are capable of creating wealth, and they create great jealousy in others. Those who cannot create wealth become jealous -- and there are more of them.

Just think: if society were ruled by poets, people would be angry at poetry, because only a few people are capable of creating poetry -- a Shakespeare, a Milton, a Kalidas, a Rabindranath.... Only very few people are able to create poetry, and they would be the rulers. What about the ninety-nine point nine percent of people who are absolutely unpoetic? They would become very angry. Or if the society were ruled by musicians, then what about those who cannot produce music, who are not creative in that dimension? Then Beethoven, Mozart, Wagner...a few people would be able to dominate; they would be at the top. And what about the others? The millions would feel angry. The same is true with capitalism: very few people are capable of creating wealth; it is a dimension of creativity. Not everybody is a Ford or a Morgan or a Rockefeller. This is bound to be so.

But to understand your jealousy and to get rid of it is sannyas. To understand your jealousy will help you tremendously to find your dimension of creativity. Everybody is born with a certain potential, but it is not the same and it is good that it is not the same.

If everybody was a Shakespeare, literature would lose all joy. If everybody was a Jesus, carrying his own cross, the whole scene would look very crazy! And those Jesuses would go on carrying their crosses, and who would crucify them? They would not find anyone to crucify them! It would be a very very long and tedious journey to nowhere. They would die natural deaths, carrying their crosses unnecessarily. It is good that everybody is not a Jesus, not a Buddha....

Everybody has to be himself, and capitalism simply gives you the possibility to be yourself. Certainly you will have to prove your mettle, you will have to work; you will have to create, you will have to bring your total energy to a focus. But only then will you be able to shine forth.

Capitalism is basically individualism, it is not a social structure. It is more than that; it is just democracy and freedom. But when you allow everybody to be himself, certainly you will feel very jealous, because you can only be one thing and there will be many people who can be many other things. Somebody will be a poet, somebody will be a sculptor, somebody will be a novelist, somebody will be a musician, a dancer, an architect, a scientist...and maybe you are just a boxer. But there is no need to be worried -- you can be the greatest boxer in the world! One has to look within oneself and discover one's potential.

Capitalism gives you the freedom to be yourself; that's why I support it. My support has reasons behind it. I am not supporting it as an economical phenomenon; there is much more involved in my support. And to my understanding, capitalism will bring a socialism of its own kind as a by-product, because when people have created too much wealth, what are they going to do with it? What will you do with the wealth when you have created it?

Albert Einstein discovers the theory of relativity, the secret of atomic energy; then it becomes part of the whole society, then sooner or later everybody is going to be benefited by it. A few people will create wealth, but they will reveal the secrets of how to create wealth. Sooner or later this whole society will be benefited by it.

A real socialism will come out of capitalism as a by-product. When too much wealth is created, people will not be so greedy; the greed arises only because the wealth is very scarce. And you can see it very clearly -- you can see it here. The poor person is very greedy, the rich person is not so greedy. The people who are coming from the West are less greedy than the people who are living in India. The Indians TALK about no-greed, greedlessness, but they are the most greedy people in the world. They have to be -- they are so poor, they have to cling.

It happens almost every day: some Western sannyasin will turn up at the office and will say, "I would like to donate ten lakh rupees, but I don't want my name to be mentioned because this is not such a big thing." But no Indian turns up even with ten rupees! If you want ten rupees from Indians you have to go to them and persuade them. Then too it will be very difficult for them. They will give you ten rupees only if you convince them: "You will be getting a thousandfold more in the other world." Then they will give; otherwise not. Unless they are convinced and you prove through the scriptures that they will get a thousandfold, exactly a thousandfold more; unless it is a business proposal.... And it is a really good business! You give ten rupees here, and you get a thousandfold more there!

Where can you get that much interest? It is almost like winning a lottery! Then it is worth risking ten rupees.

I had to stop Indians completely. I have told my office people, "Don't accept from Indians, because we don't want money with any conditions." They bring their conditions also -- they are donating ten rupees, but they will bring their conditions. And these conditions have to be fulfilled: "Osho should not say this; Osho should say this." Just because they are donating ten rupees they want to control everything -- how sannyasins should behave, how they should move around in the society. Just because of their ten rupees all the sannyasins have to follow a certain moral code decided by them.

You can see it easily: the West has created enough wealth; the greed is disappearing. But in the East, the greed has gone on increasing more and more. In fact, because there is so much greed, people talk about greedlessness. The saints go on teaching people, "Don't be greedy," because they know they are greedy; otherwise, why would they teach that? It would be stupid to talk that way.

I have seen the most ancient scriptures. They all talk about greedlessness, nonattachment; they all talk about nonviolence, no stealing, no adultery. Look on everybody's wife as your mother or sister or daughter, as the case may be...the most ancient scriptures! All these rules of conduct prove only one thing: that man has always been just the opposite; otherwise, why so much fuss about committing adultery? The most ancient scriptures talk about it: "Don't commit adultery." People must have been committing adultery! Either the people were committing adultery or these people who were writing the scriptures were crazy!

People must have been very greedy, because all the Jaina scriptures, almost on every page, talk about greedlessness, as if that was the only obsession of the people.

"Renounce," they all say; "gold is dust." If gold is dust, why renounce it? Nobody renounces dust! Even those scriptures don't say, "Renounce dust because dust is just gold and nothing else, so renounce it. Don't touch dust because it is just gold." But they all talk about renouncing gold, and in the same breath they go on saying it is dust. They are contradicting themselves. And the people they are talking to must have been very greedy, must have been clutching at gold.

And the people who are talking, at the same time as they say to people, "Renounce gold," they say, "Donate gold to the temples." Donate dust to the temples...? Donate the dust of the whole world to the temples -- will that make any sense? But, "Donate gold...." And that too, Jaina monks in their scriptures say, "Donate only to Jaina temples." Donating dust only to Jaina temples? Why not to Hindu temples too? Why not to Buddhist temples too? And the Buddhists go on saying the same: "Donate only to the Buddhist temples, because they are TRUE temples." What difference does it make whether the temple is true or untrue? You are only donating dust! Even if you donate to the untrue temple, what is wrong with it?

Brahmins say, "Only donate to the brahmins." Jainas say, "Only donate to the Jaina monks." And Buddhists say, "Only donate to the Buddhist monks." All others are charlatans; THEY are the true people. That shows their real intention.

Remember, a society is possible which will not be greedy, but that is possible not through socialism; it is possible only through the growth of capitalism, through the growth of freedom. Talented people have to be given absolute freedom to create whatsoever they can -- poetry, wealth, music. Whatsoever they can create let them create, and their creativity will raise the society to higher levels.

Capitalism is pure freedom. Of course, everybody is not capable of creating wealth, hence it creates jealousy. But we should not be dominated by jealousy, we should not be dominated by those who are uncreative. If we are dominated by the uncreative, by the jealous, then we will destroy all the talented people. And they are the real people, they are the people who raise humanity to higher levels.

Humanity owes all its growth to very few people, not to the masses -- not at all. The masses have been the hindrance; they are like rocks preventing the growth of society.

Society has been benefited only by a few scientists, a few mystics, a few creators; the others have been just hindering in every possible way. And these others constitute the majority, and of course they are jealous. But nobody says directly, "I am jealous." They will talk about equality, socialism, communism...beautiful words to hide something ugly.

Prem Vardan, whenever I say something, meditate over it. Being angry is not going to help. Anger simply shows that something in you is hurt, some wound is there. Maybe you have come believing in socialism, communism, and all that kind of nonsense. There are many sannyasins who have belonged to political ideologies in their past. When they come to me it becomes difficult for them to drop all their rubbish -- but you have to drop all your rubbish.

It is easy for you when I say, "Don't be a Christian," because in fact you are not a Christian at all. When I say, "Don't be a Mohammedan or a Hindu," who is a Mohammedan, who is a Hindu? These are only formalities. But when I say, "Don't be a communist or a socialist," then it hurts more, because particularly the new generation is very much addicted to the communist ideology.

Capitalism is not an ideology at all, that's why I prefer it.

The second question:

Question 2:

Prakash Chandra Sethia, I think you should wait a little more! Let death come first, then I can initiate you into sannyas...because when death has already happened, there will be no hesitation: you will not be there at all. Seventy-five years old and still hesitating? One leg is already in the grave! Ninety-nine percent is almost dead. Only one percent can become a sannyasin now, and even then you are hesitating. It almost always happens with old people.

The people who followed Jesus were all young, almost all of them his own age. The people who followed Buddha were his age or nearabout. The same was true with Mahavira. The older a person becomes, the more cautious he becomes, and one can understand why. He has lived in the world with so many deceptive people all around. He has been deceived again and again, he has been cheated, so he becomes very cautious, hesitant. He clings to the familiar and becomes afraid of the unknown.

But sometimes it happens that your very cautiousness can be the most destructive thing in your life, because to be very cautious means to die before your death. It is a well-known psychological fact that people die nearabout thirty years of age. Of course, they live on afterwards, and they actually die nearabout seventy or eighty. So what are these fifty years? It is a kind of posthumous existence.

The gay couple were strolling down a Paris street. One kept saying to the other, "Watch out, dearie, don't step in the doggie-doo! Watch out dearie, don't step in the doggie-doo.

Oh shit! I just stepped in the doggie-doo!"

Making the other cautious, he has forgotten completely about himself!

You are becoming too wary, too cautious, and soon you will fall in the doggie-doo! And then it will be too late -- it is already late. It is evening time, the sun is setting. Don't waste time.

An old man of ninety-seven and his wife of ninety-two were appearing before the judge because they wanted a divorce.

The judge was very surprised. "You're so old," he said. "Why do you want to separate now, after all these years of being together?"

The old man did not answer. But after some minutes his wife said very shyly, "Your honor, we wanted to wait till all our children died."

Now, Prakash Chandra Sethia, what are you waiting for -- all the children to die first?

Now, what is the point of waiting? You have waited enough! And remember, death will not ask you, it will not even inform you, it will not even knock on your doors. It simply comes, and before you have recognized it you are finished.

Before death happens, let sannyas happen, because sannyas in fact has two functions. For you now it can fulfill only one function. It has two functions: the first is the art of life and the second is the art of dying. The first you have missed -- next time you are around don't miss it! But the second is still possible; you can learn the art of dying. You can die peacefully, silently, blissfully, surrendered to God. And in fact, the second part is far more important than the first part, because the first ultimately leads to the second. The art of life is only a preparation for the art of death.

If one can dance, sing and celebrate one's own death, if one can die in deep consciousness, with no complaint, with no grudge, but in immense gratitude towards God, one has fulfilled one's mission in life.

The third question:

Question 3:

Narayano, yes, all desires are insane. Desire as such is insane because desire means living in the future, and the future does not exist at all. What exists is the present.

To live in the present is the only sanity there is, but to live in the present you have to drop all desiring. Desire takes you away from now and here. Desire means fantasizing about the tomorrow. Desire means: "If this happens, if I can manage this, then I will live." You are sacrificing the present for the future, and the present is and the future is not.

Sacrificing that which is, for that which is not, is insanity, sheer insanity.

A high-pressure salesman for a milking-machine company seemed unable to convince a farmer to buy his appliance.

"There's no use talking," persisted the farmer, "I've only got one cow to milk."

"But this machine will save you time in milking even one cow," he insisted. "Look! It is just about milking time now. Let's go to the barn and I'll show you."

In the barn the salesman set up his machine and began the demonstration, carrying on meanwhile his persuasive flow of talk. The old man began to take a keen interest in the proceedings as he beheld the wondrous efficiency of the milker.

"Well, mister," the farmer conceded at last, "I admit it's wonderful. I'd like mighty well to have it, but I've got no money and no way of borrowing any."

He paused and looked longingly at the shining machine. "I tell you, though, what I'm willing to do," he went on, "I'll let you take the cow as the first payment."

That's what you all are doing -- sacrificing the present for the future, sacrificing that which you have for that which you have not yet and may not have ever. The tomorrow never comes. All that comes is always today, and you can become addicted to sacrificing the today for the tomorrow. Then you will go on doing the same thing your whole life -- always sacrificing the now for something which is not.

This is how people are living. That's why their life remains a desert with no oasis; nothing flowers, nothing blossoms, no fragrance, no festivity. People look so sad, with such long faces. The whole earth seems to have suddenly turned very religious.

Everybody looks like a saint -- so dead, so serious, so sad, that if the old saints come back to the earth they will be very much puzzled: "What has happened? Has the whole world become saintly?" Of course, they will find a few exceptions -- my sannyasins! And they will think that my sannyasins are crazy. That's what the whole world thinks about my sannyasins because they are still enjoying, living, loving, dancing, singing.

Just the other day I received a letter from an old woman -- I loved her letter. Her son was a sannyasin and he died just two weeks ago in a car accident. She writes to me: "I am grateful to you, because just before he died he came to see me after many many days, and he was so happy. I have never seen him so happy -- he was almost dancing. And he was so loving to me...I have never seen him so loving. There has never been such a communion between me and him. There was always something like a wall separating us, but the day he came to see me, all barriers dropped. Although he died and I will never be able to see him again, I am immensely happy and grateful to you that you had made him laugh and sing and enjoy and you had helped him to drop his seriousness. He died joyously."

It is from a mother. It is very difficult for a mother to accept the death of her son. But she could accept even the death, although she knows nothing of sannyas and she has never been here. But the one thing she understood was that something very essential had changed in the life of her son. She is not at all sad about his death. She is happy that before he died he had attained something; he had not lived in vain.

Desires are crazy. They make you sad in two ways: if they are not fulfilled you will be sad, frustrated; if they are fulfilled you will be sad and frustrated -- in fact, more so, because when your desires are fulfilled, then you suddenly recognize that you have been chasing shadows, illusions. You have been trying to catch hold of a rainbow, and all that you find is that your hands are wet, that's all!

People go on asking for the impossible; in fact, the more impossible a thing is, the more attractive it appears because it gives a challenge to your ego. The ego is not interested in the easy, it is interested in the difficult, and if it is impossible it is immensely interested.

The ego exists only through the difficult and the impossible. That's why the ego is not interested in God, because God is the most simple phenomenon in the world. You don't have to do anything to achieve God, because he is already inside. You don't have to do a thing. You have just to sit silently and watch and look in, and you will find him. It is so easy; that's why the ego is not interested in it at all. The ego is interested in climbing Everest. And what are you going to find there? What did Edmund Hillary find on Everest? Nobody asks him; there was nothing to find.

I have just heard one story....

When he reached the peak of Everest, Edmund Hillary was feeling very great to be the first man to reach there. Then he suddenly saw an Indian monk squatting on the ground.

He was very shocked -- somebody had already reached there before him! He was so shocked he could not even say, "Hi! How are you?"

Before he could say anything, the Indian monk said, "How much for the watch?"

And people are going to the moon! And what do you think there is on the moon? Nothing at all! They go on bringing back a few rocks. You could have gathered those rocks here, anywhere; there was no need to go so far away!

One story I have heard....

When the Americans reached the moon for the first time they were very puzzled, because from the other side of the moon there was such a noise. So they went to see what was happening, and there were at least ten thousand Chinese talking and talking. And when the Chinese talk, "Ching, ching, chang, ching...."

The Americans were very puzzled. They said, "What is going on? How did you manage to get here? We didn't think you had the technology yet."

And the Chinese said, "What technology are you talking about? There is no need for any technology. We simply went on standing upon each other and we reached! What technology? Our population is enough that we can reach any planet we decide to -- and we have only come for a holiday, a picnic!"

People are more interested in reaching Everest, the moon, Mars, than in reaching their own innermost self, because that is no challenge to the ego.

God is so obvious; that's why he is missed. Truth is so easily available; that's why nobody is interested in it. Nirvana is now, and the mind is not interested in now at all, it is always somewhere else.

A long time ago in China, a mandarin had three beautiful daughters. He wished to marry them off to nobles of wealth and status. In those days a man's position in society was indicated by the number of dragons embroidered on the front of his robe.

The mandarin called his daughters, announced his intentions and asked the eldest what kind of man she wished to marry.

"Oh, Daddy," she said, "I'd like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest!"

"Very good," replied the father, "I will arrange it." Then turning to the second daughter he asked, "What kind of man would YOU like?"

"Oh, Daddy, get me a man with two dragons on his chest!"

The father was very pleased, and turning to the youngest daughter said, "I suppose you want to marry a man with one dragon on his chest?"

In a voice charged with emotion she replied, "Oh no, Daddy, I want a man with one draggin' on the floor!"

All desires are insane!

The only sanity is to be desireless.

The only sanity is to be herenow.

This moment is more than enough.

And the last question:

Question 4:

Mary, certainly! I am here just to destroy monks and nuns; that's my very purpose for hanging around. It is to sabotage the old idea of monks and nuns, it is to bring a new kind of sannyasin into the world. The monks and nuns of all the religions -- Catholic, Protestant, Hindu, Mohammedan, Jaina, Buddhist -- have all been escapists. They are people who are basically afraid of life.

I teach you fearlessness.

Live as totally and passionately as possible, because it is through intense living that you will find God. God is nothing but life lived at the optimum, with total abandon, a dance danced so totally that the dancer disappears; only the dance remains. Then you have found and you have come home.

Mary, if you are a Catholic nun, then be quick! There is no time to waste, because it will take time for me to uncondition you. The Catholics condition people in a very scientific way, in a far more scientific way than Hindus and Mohammedans and Buddhists can do, because the West knows the latest methods, techniques, strategies to condition people.

Buddhist strategies are twenty-five centuries old; Jaina strategies are even older, perhaps fifty centuries old. Christianity has been learning continuously whatsoever becomes available through psychological research, and has been trying to use all the modern methods of conditioning which have been developed by Pavlov, Skinner, Delgado and others.

So it will take a little longer for me to help you get rid of your nunhood. But I am also aware of the latest -- not only the latest, I am also aware of many other techniques which have not yet been developed. I have come a little ahead of my time, at least one hundred years before, so all those things can be sabotaged. I can dynamite....

You are welcome. Don't hesitate at all.

The saints were really bored, so they sent Mary, The Holy Virgin, to Poona to see what was going on and make a daily telephone report back to them.

The first call was answered by Peter. "Hello, Peter, this is Mary, The Holy Virgin. Today I dyed all my clothes orange. What do you think about it?"

"That's okay," said Peter, "if everybody does it."

The next call came: "Hello, Peter, this is Mary, The Holy Virgin. Today I did Dynamic Meditation, what do you think about that?"

"Well," responded Peter, "if everybody does it, it's all right."

On the third day the call came: "Hey, Peetsey Weetsey, this is Veet Mary, the Holy...um...er.... Ciao, bello!"

Mary, don't waste time!

Malcolm and Eddie were out joyriding when they smashed into a brick wall. When they arrived at the gates of Heaven, Saint Peter said to Malcolm, "Since you were a good boy and didn't sin very much we're going to give you this new Buick to get around in up here."

Peter turned to Eddie and said, "You were not so good, my son, so you drive this Volkswagen."

Just as the boys were about to get into their new cars, a big Lincoln Continental pulled up. Inside, a fat guy smoking a big cigar sat behind the wheel. He smiled and drove on.

"Who was that?" Malcolm asked.

"Oh," said St. Peter, "that was the last pope John!"

Malcolm and Eddie drove off in their new cars, out to tour Heaven. Later that day Malcolm saw Eddie's Volkswagen parked along the side of the road. Eddie was a little way away, rolling on the grass, laughing hysterically.

"What's so funny, Eddie?"

"You won't believe this!" Eddie roared. "I just saw Jesus coming down the road on roller skates!"

Enough for today.

Come, Come, Yet Again Come