The question was important.
I never postpone a question because one never knows what is going to happen tomorrow.
I may be here to answer it or not. You may be here to listen to it or not.
But I had to postpone, because the question was important, and the time was already
I never want to do an imperfect job, so I took the risk. I hoped for the best -- that tomorrow we will be meeting -- and by chance it has come true.
The questioner said that within his personality, the buddha and the zorba are in constant conflict.
My whole philosophy is to bring a harmonious unity between the zorba and the buddha within every human being. But the questioner is asking only from the mind. In reality, in actual experience, zorba and buddha can never be in conflict. This has to be underlined -- because in reality the zorba is completely asleep, he does not know anything about the buddha, and you cannot fight with something you know nothing about. The zorba is not even suspicious that there is anything more in life than to eat, drink and be merry. That is his whole philosophy of life, there is nothing beyond it. How can he be in conflict with the buddha? Both have to be present simultaneously to be in conflict. This is very simple arithmetic.
If the buddha has arisen in you, if that awakening has happened in you, zorba disappears.
It is just like you were asleep, and now you are awake. When you are awake, sleep is no more. Zorba is the name of your spiritual sleep. They cannot co-exist. The moment you are conscious, alert, aware, the darkness of the unconscious disappears. Either there is zorba, and buddha is dormant.... Buddha is just a seed as far as zorba is concerned, it is non-existential. When buddha has blossomed, zorba disappears, just as darkness disappears when you bring the light in.
You cannot have light and darkness together.
I have always loved an ancient story.
God made the world, and from that very day the sun went running after darkness. And darkness could not understand: it has not harmed the sun, it has not even talked with the sun, it has not even met the sun, yet the sun is continuously harassing her.
After millions of years of harassment, she finally got tired and went to God and said, "It is ungrateful to complain, but there is a limit to everything. I have been harassed for millions of years, and I cannot conceive of any fault on my part. The sun goes on expelling me from everywhere. It is even difficult to take a rest without anxiety -- the sun may be coming, the sunrise may be close. I have not slept for millions of years -- the anguish would not allow it. The sun has been almost a continuous torture, and without any reason. I simply want to know: what have I done wrong?"
God said, "You should have come earlier. There was no need to wait so long. This is very ungentlemanly on the part of the sun. The sun should be called immediately."
The sun was called. He asked the messenger, "What is the problem? -- because I have never done anything wrong. I simply go on doing the same routine every day. Since God made me, I have not done anything else."
But the messenger said, "God is very angry. You have been hurting, harassing a poor woman -- darkness."
He said, "My God, I have never heard of her. I have never met her. I am not interested in women at all -- I am a born celibate. I am coming, I want to see who this woman is."
And as the sun came to the house of God, darkness disappeared.
God said, "Where has that woman gone?" They searched everywhere; darkness was not found.
Millions of years passed again, and one day the woman appeared and she said, "You have not done anything; it is still continuing, the same torture."
God said, "You are strange. When the sun was here, where did you go?"
She said, "You are behaving like a simpleton. If the sun is here, I cannot be here; if I am here, the sun cannot be here. We cannot stand each other. You will have to hear our story separately and then decide."
God said, "That is not my way. You both have to be present here so I can be certain that nobody is lying."
The woman said, "Then it is better I take my complaint back."
Since then, the woman has not appeared again. Once in a while the sun comes to inquire, "What happened to the woman -- because I want to clear it up, it has become a worry on my head that somebody is being hurt by me, perhaps unknowingly."
God said, "You need not be worried. The problem is such that it cannot be solved. I cannot give any decision unless you are both present in my court together and I have listened to both sides in the presence of each other. But by the very nature of things, you cannot both be present. That woman is your absence. So of course you cannot be present and absent simultaneously. Drop your worry. You are doing perfectly fine, and that woman is not going to report against you again. The file in your case is closed."
Exactly the same is the case with zorba and buddha.
The moment buddha arrives with all his light and beauty, with all his awareness, with all his joy, zorba disappears, dissolves. Conflict is impossible.
Conflict is possible only in your mind.
You have been listening to me so you have made a concept of zorba and a concept of buddha; neither have you lived zorba nor have you lived buddha. These are only words in your mind.
Then conflict is very easy; then you can go on arguing within your mind: "How can zorba and buddha become one? They are antagonistic, they are enemies; harmony is not possible."
Yes, in the mind it is not possible.
That's why I am telling you constantly to go beyond mind, where it is possible -- not only possible, it is already happening.
Beyond mind, zorba is the buddha; there is no dividing line. All that is beautiful in zorba becomes even more beautiful when buddha arrives, everything becomes a thousandfold more glorified. And all that is wrong and ugly in zorba disappears like darkness. That which can be absorbed is absorbed, and that which is not worth absorbing is dissolved.
But don't make it a mental problem.
My approach is not of the mind, it is of meditation. It is an existential approach.
The zorba loves singing, playing on his musical instruments, dancing.
Buddha will make it perfect, absolute. Even silence will become a song, even stones will become sermons, and whatever you touch will become a musical instrument because your hands will now have the magic of the whole existence; they will have the grace, the beauty, the poetry....
Your life will not be a struggle between zorba and buddha, but a love affair -- so deep that two lovers disappear into each other, never to separate again. The union, the harmony, the accordance is going to be eternal.
But avoid the mind.
Mind knows only conflict. Even where there is no conflict, mind creates it; even where there is no problem, mind creates it.
Mind cannot exist without problems; problems are its nourishment. Conflict, fight, disharmony -- and the mind is perfectly at ease and at home. Silence, harmony -- and the mind starts becoming afraid, because harmony, silence and peace are nothing but death to the mind.
So just shift your problem from the mind. Start living. And with me, it is easy; it has never ever in history been so easy, because I am not telling you to disown the zorba, I am telling you to live the zorba to its utmost. There is nothing to be afraid of. Only add one more thing, and that is meditation.
Meditation is the bridge between zorba and buddha. Once the bridge is complete and the buddha descends there will be a tremendous change in your zorba -- all that is ugly will be gone, and all that is beautiful will be beautified tremendously.
The zorba is not going to lose anything. Without buddha, zorba is just a mundane existence. Without zorba, the buddha has no roots -- only flowers. But how long can flowers live without roots?
Roots are ugly; that's why they remain hiding underneath the ground -- but they are the source of life and juice. Those beautiful flowers cannot exist without those ugly roots underneath the ground; those roots are continuously nourishing them, giving their life to the flowers.
And this miracle is happening everywhere. But we are so blind that we cannot see.
When you see a roseflower, you don't see that in that roseflower is hidden the whole philosophy of life -- the leaves are not red, nor are the thorns red nor are the roots red.
Yet out of this green foliage comes a beautiful red rose. It is nourished by everything: by the roots, by the leaves -- because the leaves are breathing constantly; otherwise, the rose would die. Branches are constantly doing a miracle -- bringing juice and water from the depths in the earth upwards, against gravitation. And there is no pumping system.
In the beginning scientists were puzzled at how trees one hundred and fifty feet high managed to keep their leaves green -- lush green, at a hundred and fifty feet high. Water goes against gravitation with no apparent mechanism.
Miracles are all over; one just needs a sensitive heart, a perceptive eye, and you will see matter and spirit dancing together everywhere.
Zorba and buddha are never separate. There is just one possibility: buddha can be asleep; then zorba has to live a mundane life. Or, under the stupid influence of the past, you can disown your body, become destructive of your body and try to achieve the impossible -- living like a buddha without having anything to do with zorba.
Thousands of saints have done that, but you will not find in their life roses flowering; you will not find in their life the lush greenery of existence; you will not find in their life songs and dances. They are almost the living dead.
I am fighting against that whole past.
I want you to be a zorba and a buddha together; then whatever is ugly in zorba will disappear on its own accord -- you are not to renounce it. And whatever is beautiful will be absorbed in the new consciousness, in the new awakening.
But don't make it a mind problem.
Suraj Prakash, learn to snore totally.
This is not right -- that your own snoring wakes you up. Be a real authentic snorer, so that it wakes up everybody but you.
Snoring is an art.
And as far as the platform is concerned, you are not on the platform. You are sleeping on the train. So no need to worry. The train is taking you; that's why you don't hear the whistles of incoming trains.
Snore fully, sleep well; the train is going fast.
This is one of the problems for those who in their life have been achievers -- whatever they wanted, they achieved; whatever the target, whatever the goal, they managed it.
But enlightenment is not a goal.
And God is not an achievement.
God is your very reality. All that you need is to relax completely. That's why I am saying snore perfectly. This getting up again and again and watching whether the train is coming in or not unnecessarily disturbs your sleep, disturbs your relaxation.
My sannyasins are not goal oriented.
My whole approach is that of let-go; it is not of effort. You just relax and enjoy. Even in the discourse sleeping is not prohibited, nor is snoring prohibited.
Just snore a little musically so everybody can enjoy it.
You do not have to do anything -- so don't ask what next. You just have to relax so totally that you can feel your being in its ultimate glory, its blissfulness and benediction.
I am telling you that you are already where you want to be, you are already that which you are thinking to become.
Becoming is a disease.
You are a being. You are not to become anything. But because in your whole life you have been a hard worker, achieving everything that you wanted, it is just the old habit that makes meditation also an effort, enlightenment also a goal, God also somewhere else.
In this wide world, why do so many people go on missing? And why do only so few people realize the truth, the beauty, the bliss? The reason is simple: everybody is thinking in terms of goals. And those who are thinking in terms of goals are going to fail -- because it is not a goal. It is already within you. So the more you run to get it, the farther you go away from it.
Coming to oneself is not a journey; it is just renouncing all effort, all goals, all becoming.
Just start enjoying wherever you are whatever you are. This is the most simple thing but it appears very difficult because we have been trained for goals.
There is nothing that you have to do.
All that is needed is for you to sit silently doing nothing -- the spring comes, and the grass grows by itself.
Naturally, the grass never gives any whistles, it simply grows; it is not a railway station.
And the grass is growing.
But if you see it every day, you will not feel that it is growing.
You are all growing. You will realize it only when the growth has come to such an explosion that you cannot conceive that it is possible without growth. You are growing every day -- from a child you become young, from being young you become old; but you cannot find the point at which you started becoming young, at what point you started becoming old -- because you are so close to your growth and it happens slowly every day.
Being close to me, you are not aware of the fact that you are no more part of the world in which you are living. Superficially you are living in the same world, but deep down you have entered a different world with me -- a world of no effort, a world of non-doing, a world of no goal, a world of isness, of here, of now.
Surabhi, the answer that I gave to Suraj Prakash is also the answer for you.
Only people who want to be somewhere, somebody, have to suffer the sadness of failure.
But a person who never wants to be anybody, never wants to be anywhere else, cannot suffer the sadness of failure -- he is always successful, just like me.
From my very childhood, my parents, my well-wishers, my neighbors, my teachers, everybody was saying that, "You are going to be utterly worthless, a good-for-nothing."
I said, "If that is my destiny, I am perfectly happy. Why should I try to be somebody else? Utterly useless? -- perfectly good! Good for nothing? I don't see anything wrong in it."
And they would say, "Can't you ever talk reasonably?"
I said, "It is just a question of reason. Whatever is going to happen, I am going to be successful.... Because I have not made a criterion that this has to happen, only then will I be successful. Just vice-versa: I am successful. Whatever happens, that does not matter; my successfulness is certain."
One of my professors was so concerned.... He loved me so much that he said, "You could top the university with your left hand, but your behavior is such that even if you manage to get a third class that would be a miracle -- because I never see you reading any textbook."
He used to come to the hostel to check. He never found a textbook in my room. I had never purchased one.
"When the professors are lecturing, you are sleeping. And the professors don't disturb you because when you are awake, you are arguing. It is better that you remain asleep so there is no disturbance."
He was so worried: I may go to the examination hall -- but I may not go. Just before my post-graduate final examination, he came in the evening and said, "Give me a promise."
I said, "I can give you a promise, but I lie. So, it is not of much use."
He said, "You lie?"
I said, "Yes, I lie; whatever suits the purpose, I do it. You want a promise? -- I'll give you a promise. If somebody else comes and asks for a promise, I'll give him a promise also."
He said, "That means you will torture me. Tomorrow morning, be ready at seven; I will pick you up and leave you at the examination hall -- every day."
And it was really a torture for him, because he was a drunkard, a really good man. He never used to get up before one o'clock. To get up at six o'clock and get ready, and....
And he had perhaps the oldest model car -- it would take hours to start it. The whole neighborhood would be pushing it. Somehow he would manage once it had started.
But he would reach there exactly at seven. All these difficulties.... And he would find me sleeping, and he would wake me and say, "This is too much. I never get up before one, I am getting up at six. And you know my car, she is lazier than me. At six o'clock to start it in the cold is so difficult -- the whole neighborhood has to help. And you are sleeping."
I said, "When you told me that you would be coming, I trusted." I said, "Then why bother to get up early? When you come, I will get out of bed and sit in your car."
He said, "You are not going to take a bath or anything?"
I said, "Everything after the examination."
I said, "Who bothers about preparation?"
On the way to the examination hall, he would try to tell me, "Listen, remember a few things: this is your roll number. Don't forget." He would force me to write the roll number on my hand, so that I wouldn't forget it. I would write the roll number on my hand, and he would say, "Write your name; otherwise you will wonder what this is, whose roll number it is."
I said, "You should trust me just a little bit."
He said, "I don't trust you. First you do this examination. You have to top the university."
I said, "Whatever happens, I am happy."
And he would tell the superintendent, "Don't let him out of the hall for three hours."
Three hours was the time -- because he was worried that once he is gone, I may go back to my bed. And the superintendent came to me and said, "Remember, there is no hurry for you to finish the paper. Take your time. You cannot get out of here for three hours.
Your professor has ordered me, and I respect that old man."
I said, "This is strange."
I would finish the paper in two hours or one and a half hours, and I would ask the superintendent, "You can see I have finished the paper. Now don't bother me, because I have not even taken a bath yet. I have to go and wash my mouth, take a bath and change my clothes. I have come directly from bed."
He said, "Directly from bed? But who forced you?"
I said, "The same professor who forced you." And I said, "I will not report against you.
Nobody is going to report it; everybody is so engaged in writing."
He said, "If this is the situation, you can go. But have you answered all the questions?"
"I... You can see!" He saw that I had answered, but he would look. He would say, "This is strange. In a post-graduate examination, your answer to the question is just one page, half a page. Do you hope to pass?
I said, "I never hope anything. This much I enjoyed; more than that.... I never do anything that I don't enjoy."
And by chance it happened that one of the retired professors, Professor Ranade of Allahabad University -- he was a world-famous authority -- he got my examination papers, my answers. So my professor was going completely mad.
He said, "First I did not think that you would even get a third class -- although you deserve to top the university. But now you are in a very dangerous man's hands: it is known for years, he has not given a first class to anybody in his whole life. He is retired now, but he still gets the examination papers. And by chance he is going to examine your papers. You are finished."
I said, "Don't be worried. That makes me happy: I will be staying one more year with you."
He said, "Don't talk nonsense."
I said, "I am not talking nonsense. You will have another chance to take me to the examination hall, to torture me. You should be happy.
But this is what I call... strange things happen: Ranade gave me ninety-nine percent marks, with a special note saying that, "I wanted to give a hundred percent but that might look a little prejudiced. The reason I am giving him ninety-nine percent -- and for the first time in my whole life a first class -- is because I always wanted the answers to be to the point. And I have never seen a man who would answer a whole question in just one paragraph. I loved the boy!"
He had written the note to the vice-chancellor saying, "Tell the boy from me -- show him my note" -- he was very old, seventy-five years -- "that he is the first in my whole life to whom I am giving a first class."
I topped the university. My professor -- who was so anxious -- now could not believe it.
When the results came, he asked me, "What is the matter? There must be some mistake.
You, and topping the university? Just go to the vice-chancellor's office, find out -- there is some mistake in the newspaper."
I said, "Don't bother. If there is some mistake, that is perfectly good."
But he himself was so anxious that I had to push his car, start his car, and take him to the vice-chancellor's office. Till he saw the note, he did not believe it.
And coming out of the office he looked me up and down, and he said, "This is the strangest thing that I have seen in my life, that you have been getting out of bed -- no preparation, nothing -- and now you are the gold medalist. For the first time," he said, "I have started believing in God -- because you could not have managed it. God must be behind you."
I said, "That is absolutely clear. That's why I was so relaxed. You were unnecessarily worried. God is just exactly behind me the way I am behind your car to start it. He starts me, and once I am started everything goes well."
Surabhi, there is no failure in life. It all depends how you take things. If you are desiring too much -- you want to reach too high, and you cannot -- then there is frustration and failure. But if you are not desiring anything and you are perfectly happy wherever you are, life is moment-to-moment victory.
Mind is always afraid -- only of one thing, and that is your heart -- because mind is basically meant to be a servant but has managed to become the master.
And the heart -- which was going to be the master -- has not even bothered to interfere, and has allowed the mind to remain the master.
But the mind is aware that if at any moment the heart wants it, his mastery will be gone.
So whenever the heart wants to say something, a fear arises in the mind.
Mind is very much afraid of love.
Mind is very much afraid of trust.
Mind is very much afraid of anything that has to do with the heart. Because the mind's mastery is not part of nature. Heart is naturally the master.
But this is the problem: Because the heart feels its mastery so definitely, with such a certainty, it never asserts itself -- there is no need. It is an intrinsic knowing in the heart that the mind can be pushed aside at any moment. And the mind knows perfectly well that he is just a servant. Because the master is so gentlemanly, he has allowed even the servant to pretend to be the master.
But a servant is a servant.
So whenever your heart wants to say something, the mind starts feeling shaky -- it wants the heart to remain completely dead, it wants man to become completely heartless. And it has succeeded all over the world in making people heartless.
But once in a while a few people escape from the slavery of the mind and start asserting the rights of their heart. This is the greatest revolution there is, the revolution of the heart against the mind.
I call it the essential sannyas.
To have a mission and to be a missionary are two different things.
The missionary is functioning from the mind.
And to have a mission is the overflowing experience of the heart.
The distinction is difficult, but not impossible. The missionary is trying to convince people about something of which he himself is not convinced -- because the things that he wants people to be convinced of are not things that he has experienced. A missionary is simply a computer transferring knowledge from one generation to another generation.
But to have a mission is a totally different thing.
Jesus is not a missionary.
Pope the polack is.
Jesus has a mission.
Gautam Buddha has a mission.
To have a mission means you have experienced something, and it is against human compassion and love not to share it. It is not a question of converting anybody; it is a question of sharing. So there is no harm. If it is your experience, shout it from the housetops. If it is coming from your heart, then don't prevent it -- because the more you spread it, the deeper will go its roots. It is just like a tree; the tree goes on spreading its branches far and wide in the sky, and underneath the earth the roots go on spreading.
If you have an experience that you feel is capable of quenching the thirst of many, then take every risk -- shout it, sing it, dance it, do whatever you can do. Even if the whole world thinks you are insane, don't be worried. The more you share your experience, the deeper it will go into your own heart, and the stronger it will become; your individuality will become a tremendous force.
Never become a missionary.
A missionary is a servant, a poor servant -- just like any other servant. He gets a certain salary to spread the message of the BIBLE. He is not a bit concerned about the message; his whole concern is about his salary. If somebody else is ready to give him double his salary, he would be ready to speak against the BIBLE.
I have heard that in a church.... A bishop was very much worried because one of the eldest and the richest members of the church used to sleep, just like Suraj Prakash -- but it was not a place like this, where even snoring is allowed, as long as you are a little musical. And the old man used to snore. The bishop was very much disturbed as the man was always sitting right in front of him.
Finally, the bishop found a way -- because the old man would always come with a small boy, his great grandson. The bishop caught hold of the great grandson one day, took him to a corner and told him, "Can you do one thing for me? I will give you fifty cents every Sunday."
The boy said, "Done. What do you want?"
He said, "You don't have to do much. Whenever your old man starts snoring, you just nudge him, wake him. His sleeping is not a problem; the problem is that when he snores, he wakes up the whole congregation. And I don't have many sermons -- only three. So I don't want people to be awake, otherwise they will start getting bored."
The boy said, "Advance me!"
The bishop said, "Advance? You are something! Don't you believe me?"
The boy said, "Business is business. It is not a question of belief -- it is not religion. You just give me fifty cents and then you will see my performance next Sunday."
And the boy performed well. He did not allow the old man to sleep at all. Whenever he snored the boy would start hitting him. He looked many times at the boy: "What has happened to you?"
But the boy would not look at him; he would listen to the sermon so religiously, unconcerned with what was happening.
Outside, the old man said, "You rascal, why were you...? The whole night I cannot sleep because of my old age and this is the only time in the week that I have a good sleep, and you disturb me. What happened? What went wrong in your mind? And you looked so religious, listening as if you understood what was being said."
He said, "It is not a question of religion. I get fifty cents for my performance. The bishop gave me an advance for today. And I am going to the bishop to get an advance for next Sunday."
The old man said, "Wait. I will give you a dollar -- but don't disturb me!"
He said, "Perfectly okay. Advance me!"
Next Sunday, the bishop was very puzzled. Many times he inquired of the boy, but the boy looked everywhere else, but never at the bishop. "What happened to the boy?
Perhaps I have not given him the advance after all so he is not bothering."
He tried somehow, hoping that nobody would understand what he was trying to do... he made gestures. But the boy said, "What is the matter?"
After the meeting he got hold of the boy saying, "What is the matter? Can't you even trust me for fifty cents? Here is fifty cents."
He said, "It is not a question of your fifty cents. My old man is giving me a dollar not to disturb him. Now, if you want.... It is up to you."
The bishop said, "I am a poor man. If I go on giving to you in this way, and your old man goes on doubling it.... He is a rich man."
The boy said, "Business is business. If you cannot go beyond a dollar, then not only will my grandfather snore, I am going to snore too; and then you will see real chaos. Then not only will you have to pay for my old man, you will have to pay for me -- separately: fifty cents for me and a dollar and a half for the old man. Only two dollars. But it will change every Sunday; it all depends on how business goes."
A missionary is a poor servant. Christianity pays him; he believes in Christianity. If somebody else pays him more, he is ready for it.
But a man of mission is a totally different thing -- you cannot change him. You can crucify him, but you cannot change him.
Do you think three years is so long?
What is your criterion? Time is eternal.
Three years are not even equal to three seconds.
If you can understand the message to celebrate, to rejoice, even in three lives, it is early, it is not late.
You are fortunate that in three years you got it.
How much time you take depends on you. You could have got it the very moment I gave it to you. You took three years -- postponing for tomorrow because so many other things have to be done, postponing for other reasons. Because, celebrating when the whole world is in misery? -- you will look insane -- "What are you doing? The world is facing a nuclear disaster and you are celebrating?"
You have found many reasons to remain miserable, to remain sad, to remain serious; but you managed to come out of them in three years.
If you ask me, you have come home quite early. It is not a long time.
In fact, whenever you understand it, it is always early -- because thousands of times, for thousands of lives you have heard it and you did not get it. You went on postponing, you went on forgetting.
I was refering in a talk to a beautiful book, WAITING FOR GODOT. The author certainly means waiting for God; but not to hurt anybody, he manages to create a fictitious name `Godot'. But reading the whole story -- and it is a small piece....
Two persons are sitting underneath a tree, and they are saying, "He has not come, this is the time; he should have reached here by now." They are getting worried and they are talking, and.... And nobody says who this Godot is. Or when this Godot promised to come, or who has ever met him -- nobody touches any sensitive points. It is taken for granted that Godot is coming. It is good when you have nothing to do, at least to wait -- something is going to happen!
I thought perhaps Godot may be the German word for God, so I asked my oldest German sannyasin Haridas, "Haridas, is Godot a German word for God?"
Haridas said, "No."
I said, "What is German for God?"
He said, "The German word is gott!"
And I said, "That is really German? Gott!?"
There is no question of getting it. In three years you got it!