[A sannyasin asks:
How is it possible always to remain centred? There is a tendency to go astray...]
Don't create any conflict about going astray and being centred. Float. If you create a conflict, if you become afraid of going astray, then there is more possibility that you will go astray - because whatsoever you try to suppress becomes very significant. Whatsoever you try to deny becomes very attractive. So don't create any condemnation of going astray. In fact go with it. If it is happening, allow it to happen; there is nothing wrong in it. There must be something in it, and that's why it is happening. Sometimes even going astray is good.
A man who really wants to remain centred should not be worried about centring. If you worry about it, the very worry itself will never allow you to be centred, because worrying can never be centred - you need a non-worried mind, an unworried mind. So going astray is good, there is nothing wrong in it.
Stop fighting with existence. Stop all conflict and the idea of conquering - surrender. And when one surrenders, what can one do? If the mind goes astray, you go; if it doesn't go, that too is okay.
Sometimes you will be centred, and sometimes you will not. But deep down you will always remain centred because there is no worry. You follow me? Otherwise everything can become a worry. Then going astray becomes just like a sin one is not to commit - then the problem is created again.
If Adam was allowed to eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge there would have been no problem, but the jewish god wouldn't allow it. It was a small thing, mm? and children are to be forgiven. It was just curiosity - and God Himself was responsible for the curiosity; He created it in the first place.
The moment He said, 'Don't eat from this tree,' He helped Adam to go astray. And when he fell a victim he was thrown out.
Never create any duality within you. If you decide to always be true, then there will be an attraction to be untrue. If you decide to be non-violent, then violence will become the sin. If you decide to be celibate, then sex will become the sin. If you try to be centred, going astray will become a sin - that's how all religions have become stupidities.
Accept, go astray - there is nothing wrong in it.
[The sannyasin answers:
No, I was not thinking of something wrong in it. In fact what I do - you know, I do the neti-neti'
- neither this nor that path is right.]
That too can be a subtle denial. That too is trying to keep yourself aloof; not going with the river and still fighting, saying neither this nor that - neti-neti. But both are good: this too and that too - both are good, go with them.
Simply relax, be in a let-go, and centring will be a consequence. One can never make it a result, it is a consequence. On a person who is relaxed, centring falls like a shadow. When I say relaxed, I am not saying make relaxation your goal, otherwise you will never be relaxed. If you try to relax you will become tense.
Accept everything. All that happens to you, accept and welcome it. Nothing is wrong, nothing can be wrong - that should be the basic attitude. Everything is holy - going astray too. Just float, and centring will come by itself, on its own accord. Don't make any effort. No effort is needed, or only no-effort is needed...
And everything is going well.
[A sannyasin says:
... there's a lot of fear .and insecurity since the last Primal Therapy group... in relation to importance and being needed, and my security founded in the ashram... and just not feeling any.]
There is none, and there is no security anywhere. Life is insecure, and there is no ground to it - it is groundless.
In the very asking, you create the problem: when you ask for security, you become insecure. The more you ask, the more insecure you will be, because insecurity is the very nature of life. If you don't ask for security then you will never be worried by the insecurity. As trees are green, life is insecure.
If you start asking that trees should be white then there are problems. The problem is created by you, not by the trees; they are green. And you ask them to be white They cannot do it, they cannot perform in that way.
Life is insecure, love is insecure. We are in emptiness, in tremendous nothingness. And it is good that it is so, otherwise we would be dead. Life can be a security only if you are dead; then everything can be certain.
Underneath a rock there is ground. Underneath a flower there is none; the flower is insecure. A small breeze and the flower may disperse, the petals may fall and disappear. It is a miracle that the flower is there. Life is a miracle - because there is no reason for it to be. It is simply a miracle that you are, otherwise there is every reason for you not to be.
Maturity comes to you only when you accept this. And not only accept; you start rejoicing in it.
Life is insecure - that means life is free If there is security then there will be bondage; if everything is certain then there will be no freedom. If tomorrow is fixed then there can be security, but you have no freedom. Then you are just like a robot. You have to fulfill certain things that are already predestined.
But tomorrow is beautiful because tomorrow is total freedom. Nobody knows what is going to happen; whether you will be breathing, whether you will be alive at all - nobody knows. Hence there is beauty, because everything is in a chaos, a challenge, and everything is existing as a possibility.
Don't ask for consolations. If you go on asking, you will remain insecure. Accept insecurity. Then insecurity disappears and you are no longer insecure. It is not a paradox - it is a simple truth; paradoxical, but absolutely true. Up to now you have existed, so why be worried about tomorrow? If you could exist today, if you could exist yesterday, tomorrow will take care of itself too.
Don't think of the morrow, and move freely.
Just having the understanding, immediately you feel at ease. But that ease is not that of security, that ease is not that of death, that ease is not of the grave. That ease has tremendous chaos in it, but it is still ease, because you are not asking for more so there is no tension. A chaos at ease - that's how a man should be. When you carry a revolution within you, every moment brings a new world, a new life... every moment becomes a new birth.
You are unnecessarily creating trouble for yourself. You can go on creating it if you like, but one day or other you will have to realise the fact that it is you who is creating the trouble, not life.
Just try not to ask for security. For three weeks live in total insecurity - and enjoy it. Your worries and your demands about security and certainty are creating barriers so that you cannot have contact, you cannot flow. So drop all that, and for three weeks try a life of insecurity.
[A sannyasin says:
I'm blocked in all my relationships with women. There was one time when I was blocked with her, (his girlfriend) and I wanted to leave, to go out.
Today I felt a prisoner in this relationship. I wanted to go out...
But at the same time I want to work with her, to be with her - there is a contradiction.]
No, if you want to go, go, and escape as far as you can - run, mm? And when the second idea comes, come back.
There is a need to withdraw and then to come together again; it is a rhythm. It is not a problem at all. You cannot be with a person for twenty-four hours in the same mood. No, when the need is not there, be separate.
A marriage is not something which is against divorce. It is something which is more than divorce.
Many divorces happen in a marriage - every day there are many divorces - but the marriage survives. It is something more than divorce; it is not against. If you love her, you will overcome
the moments when you want to withdraw and go away. They come to everybody, they are natural, so don't create a problem about them. When you don't feel like being together and close, just go away. Because in being close you will feel like a prisoner.
She is not making a prisoner of you - you are making a prisoner of yourself. When you feel like going away just tell her to excuse you, and go away. She will understand because she has the same problem too. Everybody has the same problem, and we have to be understanding.
Sometimes one feels angry, and sometimes one doesn't feel like loving. There is no problem - these are simple human moods. You are not super-human... you are trying, but you are not yet, mm? Be human and accept all that is human; in absolute humanity, accept it. You would like to transcend it, but you cannot just jump out of it; it has to be worked out slowly. Maturity will come by and by, through many crises, many conflicts, tensions and nightmares, through many times of going astray.
By and by one matures. Life is a crucible.
Live a true and authentic life, mm? So from this moment, she is going to be insecure for three weeks, and you are going to be true. If you really want to touch her, touch, otherwise don't - because when you don't want to touch, you touch is poisonous. It poisons you, it poisons her. It loses all meaning, and it becomes so dull that it is ugly, nauseous. And the trouble is, if you go on touching her when you don't want to, then even in those rare moments when you want to, your hand will lose the quality of touch. And those moments have to be preserved, they are the salt of life, and for those few moments one lives, so don't destroy them.
When the idea comes to be close to her, to be near her, then be really close. Then you will not feel like a prisoner. You will feel a communion, a beautiful dance, a singing together, an ecstasy. Share your beautiful moments, but there is no need to harass each other by your ugly moments.
Love is one of the most difficult things to attain - and people think that it is simply available to everyone. It is difficult - more difficult than meditation, because you can do meditation alone. For love, two are needed. Difficulties are multiplied. She has her difficulties, you have yours, and when you meet they multiply, they criss-cross, and the whole thing becomes a confusion. But one has to grow out of it. Don't be afraid, be brave.... And don't make any problem - there is none.
Accept the rhythm of life. It is just like night and day: in the day you work, in the night you rest. If you are with her for one or two hours you enjoy it, but then you want to get away because the hunger is gone; one feels satisfied. It is just like you are sitting down at the table, and you go on eating and eating and eating. The food is nourishing up to a point, to a certain limit, but then it creates nausea; if you go on it will make you vomit. The same food which would have become energy, becomes illness.
Remember, the same is true with a human relationship. The love which can become nourishment will become nauseous. When the rhythm is broken, be alert - leave each other. Remain alone so that you can attain to a certain appetite to be together - a constant divorce and marriage.